"For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction."

-Lord Byron

Chapter 5

Encounters of the Unusual Kind

Naruto Uzumaki was in trouble. And he knew it.

"Damn... my neck..." the blonde complained quietly, rubbing his neck and wincing. His vision was starting to blur, his neck was stiff and moving his head even a little sent a jolt of agony through his system, and he was fairly sure the searing pains in his chest weren't helping.

All he really needed was some time to let his unnaturally quick healing take place, but frankly, after the incident with that "Blue Thunder" guy, Naruto was hesitant to just lie down anywhere.

Unfortunately, the spots in his vision were beginning to grow larger and larger, while his breath became shallower and shallower.

Something- the Kyubi, stirred in the back of his mind, but Naruto refused to allow it to awaken this time. There was no need of that power.

"Getting... dizzy..." Naruto murmured quietly. He took another step-

And a fierce, roaring world of pain enveloped him, and everything faded to black.

---

Kakashi was back in the Hokage Tower today, even though everyone, including himself (for the Yondaime had drilled self-awareness into his mind) was very aware of his fragile state.

He notices it, of course. The other jounin all have their teams all well and alive, intact and whole, those teams who had members going out to find his team. Kurenai shoots him the odd pitying glance as she goes off, silently to train her genin cell. Asuma is subtle, avoiding Kakashi's cycloptic stare as he hides behind a veil of smoke. Gai refrains from boasting about Lee or Neji in his presence.

He despises the pity, yet welcomes their silent comfort all the same.

"This is your mission." Tsunade's voice is sharp and brittle like broken glass, and, if Kakashi had to guess, he had to say she had been crying only a few hours ago. He won't though.

"There is a band on missing-nin from the Hidden Mist trying to pass through Fire Country and possibly take refuge within Rice Field Country... more specifically, with the Hidden Sound." The Godaime explained, handing over a folder filled with pictures, technique descriptions, and possible paths the missing nin might take.

"You believe Orochimaru is welcoming missing-nin into the Hidden Sound?" Kakashi asked, carefully keeping his voice neutral and stable.

Tsunade nodded, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Orochimaru knows that the Hidden Sound has to grow very fast, and adding a variety of missing-nin to his forces will certainly boost his power. He's very persuasive." The Hokage's voice turned quiet as the grave. "Kakashi. Your mission is to eliminate these missing-nin before they come into contact with the Hidden Sound."

"What about the Hidden Mist hunter-nin?" Kakashi asked, and tried very hard not to remember a fake hunter-nin, a child who died at his hands while protecting a devil. "Won't they get involved?"

The Hokage shook her head, her blonde locks moving to and fro. "The Mizukage has been informed of our intent. I've struck a deal with them- that's why this mission is an assassination mission, and not a capture." She steepled her hands together, leaning forward slightly, a soft sigh escaping her lips. "You are not, under any circumstances, to bring them into Konoha. They cannot be questioned."

"This sounds more like an Anbu mission than something a normal jounin like me should be involved in." Kakashi said lightly, his tone betraying his interest as he moved a hand into his pocket.

"The Anbu are spread thin, Kakashi." Tsunade said thinly, her voice a low warning. "And don't pretend you're a normal jounin, Copy Ninja." Her voice had become dangerous and cold, like a sudden, fierce blizzard.

Kakashi remained unaffected. "Alright, Hokage-sama. I'll leave right away." He said briskly, noting that his stay had been too long.

As the Copy Ninja turned to leave, Tsunade called out. "Wait, Kakashi." Her voice sounded dark and unamused. "I had a genin approach me earlier today, asking to become my apprentice. Quite strange, considering she already has a jounin instructor."

Sakura. Kakashi let the pang of guilt complete itself in his gut. "Are you saying I have failed my students, Hokage-sama?" he asked airily, but there was a tone of resentment in his voice, like a child being chastised.

"I am saying that perhaps you have followed in the footsteps of the Sandaime." Tsunade replied in a darker, heavier tone. "I loved Naruto like I would my little brother. And now he's gone, along with your prodigy."

Kakashi stiffened at the insult. "So you're saying that I favored Sasuke by trying to give him strength outside of the curse seal? That I failed to give Naruto what he needed to combat Sasuke, so he had to rely on others? That I failed Sakura in the same manner?" his voice was dark as shadows in the night, the same voice that had seen the deaths of many an enemy ninja.

But Tsunade was of the Legendary Sannin, and was not to be intimidated by a man half her age. "I am saying, Kakashi," she said coldly, with eyes narrowed and her entire body tensed as though she expected a fight, "That if Naruto turns up dead with a Chidori inflicted wound, it will be on your conscience."

Kakashi swallowed, and wanted to turn and scream at the Hokage, tell her that she had no right to tell him how badly he screwed up, no business telling him that the three people whom he had allowed himself to become fond of were scattered and hurting.

He took a step outside the door. "Good day, Hokage-sama." The Copy Ninja said quietly, and gave a curt nod.

"Shut the door on your way out." Tsunade said coldly, her tone enough to put out the most powerful Fire Jutsu.

Moments after Kakashi left the room, the pig tailed Hokage scowled, wishing Shizune hadn't hidden away her office stash of sake. "Come on out, Jiraiya. You know as well as I do that you can't hide from me."

A small chuckle welcomed the massive, bear-like form of her fellow Sannin, Jiraiya the Toad Hermit, into the room. His long, spiked white mane, unusual forehead protector, and garb were still the same as ever. The only change was the serious look on his face, noticeable even behind the mask of that same cheerful arrogance.

"You were pretty harsh on him, you know." Jiraiya said lightly, careful to be out of range of Tsunade's mighty fist. "Do you resent old ape face for the same crimes as Kakashi?"

"Shut up." The Godaime replied tiredly, rubbing her eyes. "Sensei made a mistake. Kakashi did too. And people like you and me, Naruto, and the Hidden Leaf have to pay for them."

"Perhaps we should have dealt with the problem early on." Jiraiya agreed darkly. If he had resolved to kill Orochimaru in the past, perhaps none of this would have had to come to pass.

"Enough." Tsunade whispered quietly, her voice exhausted, drained and spent. "We need to discuss things we should do, not what's been done." I've spent far too much time on the past as is.

Jiraiya nodded, crossing his large arms over the other, leaning backwards so that just his shoulder blades were brushing the wall. He seemed to be waiting for her to speak first; something Jiraiya did not do very often.

"Jiraiya..." Tsunade loathed having to ask favors of her perverted old friend. "Would you-"

"Give you a back rub? Take your senses to places they've never been before?" Jiraiya said lecherously, smirking. "Why of course, princess..." he drawled slowly.

Tsunade's eyebrow twitched. "Be serious damnit!" she snarled, slamming her fist against the wooden desk. It buckled and crumbled in moments, leaving behind a small storm of dust and a small pile of wreckage.

There was silence in the office as the Godaime stood above what was once her rather expensive and sturdy desk, as well as the scattered papers that were lying about everywhere like the victims of a natural disaster.

Jiraiya laughed nervously, backing up slowly, holding his hands up defensively. "Now, now, calm down Tsunade..." he said placatingly.

"Look what you made me do you IDIOT!" Tsunade roared, and delivered a mighty blow to Jiraiya's cheek, sending the Toad Sannin flying backwards, crashing through the doors of the Hokage's office, and into the far wall with a tumultuous crash.

Passing genin fell to the floor, wondering if an earthquake had hit the building. Others, more used to their Hokage's destructive power, merely sighed, knowing Jiraiya was back in town.

"Shizune." Tsunade said in a clipped, brisk tone as she stepped outside of her office. "When that idiot wakes up, tell him that I've got a favor to ask." As she finished speaking, she stalked off, down the hallway like a furious lioness.

"Where are you going, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked quietly, briefly wondering if she should move Jiraiya to the hospital, and then thought better of it.

Without looking back, Tsunade replied simply, "I need a new desk."

---

Temari was bored. Bored out of her mind in a foreign country, since a lot of people still held a degree of resentment and distrust toward the Hidden Sand, and she was in no mood for heated glares everywhere she went.

However, Gaara had stated that they would stay in the Hidden Leaf for another day or so, and, despite his recent turnaround in attitude, neither Temari nor Kankurou wanted to disagree with their little brother.

Another contribution to her boredom was the fact that the only Leaf genin Temari really felt she could talk to, Shikamaru, was busy for the day.

"I'm bored..."

Temari scowled. Which left her alone with Kankurou, since there was little chance of her trusting her brother not to do anything to provoke a Leaf ninja.

"Bored, bored, bored..."

Her eyebrow twitched. Of course, babysitting her brother increased the chances of Kankurou provoking her into a blind, homicidal frenzy that Gaara would be jealous of.

"Bored- Holy Hell, is that... Gaara? With a girl?" Kankurou gasped, and rubbed his eyes, literally unable to believe what his retinas were feeding to his cerebrum. "That can't be right."

Temari did a double take, blinking wildly. There was no way. No way that her anti-social, formerly homicidal and sociopathic little brother was with a girl.

But he was.

Shakily, Kankurou turned towards Temari, eyes wide and quivering with fear. "Sis... before we all die in the apocalypse, I want you to know that I really do love you." He said quietly, seriously.

"We're not going to die, you melodramatic idiot." Temari scowled, rolling her eyes in annoyance. "I think it's cute... Gaara got himself a little girlfriend." Suddenly, her redheaded brother seemed more human, more like a boy than a ninja.

"She looks familiar... I think Gaara tried to kill her before." Kankurou said nonchalantly. Temari didn't bat an eye. Gaara tried to kill a lot of people, and usually succeeded unless someone with serious power intervened.

"Yeah... she's that Uzumaki brat's teammate. Sa... Sa something." The puppet wielder continued, struggling to remember the name. Finally, he gave up, and watched along with Temari.

"I can't believe that a girl would willingly talk to Gaara." Kankurou muttered irritably, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms, as though somehow offended.

Temari grinned. "You're just jealous that Gaara got a girlfriend before you." She teased, sticking her tongue out at her brother.

"Aw, shut up." Kankurou scowled, watching Gaara continue to talk with the pink haired girl. "This has to be a dream. Or a sign of the apocalypse."

They both watched as Gaara continued to talk with the pink haired girl, Kankurou idly muttering prayers to various religions, Temari smiling in a big sister sort of way.

Across the street, someone else spotted the two talking together.

"Oh my God..." Ino Yamanaka whispered softly, eyes wide with indescribable shock, as though Chouji had declared himself on a diet and Shikamaru did an honest day's work. "Sakura..."

The poor girl's on the rebound and trying to get over Sasuke by going out with Gaara of the Desert!

This kind of news just couldn't stay hidden.

---

Ranma Saotome was bored.

Of course, this was a natural state for him, and many of his peers.

After all, he's in school.

Idly, he tapped his pen against the plain wooden desk in a quick, rapid beat, rolling his eyes. Akane turned her head slightly and glared at him.

He stopped. But it was not because he was afraid of Akane, or anything like that.

Certainly not.

So he tried his hand at thinking about other things. Like that weird "Kage something or other" technique that blonde kid used. It looked pretty impressive, but could it do more than simply make clones?

Ranma felt the subtle thrill of a challenge coming on. And for once, he thought happily, it didn't have the unwelcome companion of someone trying to kill him or marry him.

Of course, that could only mean something worse or more dangerous was on the horizon-

But Ranma Saotome was never considered one of the world's greatest thinkers.

---

Sasuke, unable to leave his hospital bed just yet, did what he had done the last time he had been in a hospital- he brooded and stewed in his own dark thoughts.

His curse seal was a source of insane, incredible power, so much so that it was too dangerous for Sasuke to use continuously. He still remembered the brief flash of some foreign mind, some alien thought pressing against his own will, trying to dominate him.

It had only been a whisper... for now.

It must have been Orochimaru. Sasuke thought to himself. Orochimaru, who wanted his Sharingan eyes, and in exchange, would hand over even more power.

He was confident that with the curse seal's power, he could defeat Naruto and come before Orochimaru, and learn once and for all, how to overcome Itachi.

The only variable in this otherwise perfect plan was Naruto's own special power. That red chakra that his Sharingan could not predict, that regenerated a Chidori inflicted wound, that stretched and fought on its own.

It hurt Naruto to use it... but it was no less dangerous than activating the curse seal and risking a loss of identity. So in the end, the fight was still on equal ground.

"Naruto... I will have that power, even if I must eat the Devil's fruit." Sasuke vowed quietly, in the silence of the room. "Neither you, nor our bond of friendship will stop me."

The doctor stepped inside, looking at him concernedly. "Did you say something?" the older man asked.

Sasuke merely shook his head silently, and allowed the doctor to leave the room once again.

His body ached and his left arm was most likely incapacitated for a while longer, but Sasuke didn't care.

As soon as he could, he would seek out and fight Naruto again.

And this time... he would win.

---

The first thing Naruto realized when he awoke was that he was awake.

It's an important fact, really.

The second thing he realized that he was not, in fact, lying somewhere in the street on the cold, unforgiving ground, but instead covered by a gentle, warm blanket on a nice futon.

Quite a pleasant surprise, to be sure.

"Oh, you're awake."

A nice, gentle, motherly- yet young- voice greeting him when he awoke. Even better... and unlikely.

Now Naruto was beginning to wonder if he had ended up dying when he passed out and this was some nice paradise he had ended up in.

Which would have been really pathetic, dying to a guy calling himself "Blue Thunder" and waving around a stick.

Sasuke would never, ever let him live that down.

So to speak, of course.

"Am I dead?" Naruto asked aloud, before he could stop himself.

There was a slight giggle, a definitely feminine giggle. "No, I'm afraid. You're at the Tendo Dojo." The voice explained patiently, and was most likely smiling.

Naruto opened his eyes, and saw a demure, chestnut brown haired young woman smiling down on him, wearing a white apron over a yellow blouse and long pink skirt. She had a motherly air about her, despite her youth.

"I'm Kasumi Tendo. And who might you be?" she asked sweetly, still smiling

"Naruto Uzumaki." The blonde replied, blushing slightly at the attentions of an attractive older woman as he sat up. Nervously, he scratched the back of his spiked blonde hair, laughing awkwardly. "Uh... thanks for helping me out."

"No trouble at all." Kasumi replied quickly, without hesitation.

As he felt a small breeze whisper by, Naruto realized he was only clad in an unfamiliar white shirt and shorts that were so big that they felt almost like pants.

"Did-did you change me?" Naruto asked, slightly afraid of the answer.

Kasumi nodded, and Naruto blushed hotly. No one, especially not a girl, had ever undressed and changed his clothes before.

"Where's my jacket and pants?" the blonde asked, hoping that the redness in his cheeks was not visible.

"Your jacket had a hole in it, so I'll have to go out later and patch it up with some more orange fabric. And I've put your pants in the wash. They were very dirty." Kasumi replied, seemingly oblivious to the blonde's embarrassment.

"Would you like anything to eat, or drink?"

Suddenly, Naruto's stomach rumbled, and his throat felt parched and dry, like paper. "Yes please!" he said cheerily.

"Well alright then!" Kasumi said happily. "I'll bring you something right away."

As she left, Naruto let himself have a small grin.

He wasn't dead, but he was certainly in a better place.

---

Sakura grunted with exertion, sweat rolling down her face and drenching her pink hair, her hand coming out in a sweeping motion, moving back through several academy lessons on Taijutsu.

As for the reason why, it was on the Godaime's instructions.

"Before we even start on the medical jutsu, I want you to go through all the basics, especially Taijutsu. Most people don't expect a kunoichi to be good at Taijutsu- but for what I'm going to teach you, you'll need to be in top shape."

Tsunade-sama's face was dead serious as she spoke, as though knowing that she was preparing the young girl to race toward the level of her teammates.

"Don't expect to learn any new jutsus from me until I decide you're ready. You've got to crawl before you walk."

Her leg swung out once, twice, and then she spun, striking out with a backfisted movement.

The training exercise finished, Sakura panted harshly, grabbing a bottle of water from the bench and downing the slightly cool liquid, taking in one rapid gulp after another.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're hard at work, Sakura." Kakashi's voice was cheery as always, and he waved at her. However, his normally ever-present Icha Icha Paradise book was not in his hands.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura said, smiling.

"So, the Godaime Tsunade, the kunoichi of the Legendary Sannin has taken you on as an apprentice. I'm very impressed, Sakura." Kakashi said, smiling still as he bent forward to look her in the eyes in his usual manner. He even ruffled her hair a little, scattering the sweat soaked pink locks as he coaxed them to move under his rough, gloved fingers that had seen the deaths of many of the Hidden Leaf's enemies.

Briefly, as his hand retreated, Sakura wondered if he was upset that she had gone to the Hokage and not him for training. "Kakashi-sensei... you're not... mad that I'm training with Tsunade-sama, are you?" she asked hesitantly.

Kakashi shook his head and smiled, and somehow, Sakura could tell it was genuine this time, from how sad and broken it looked, like an unwanted child abandoned in the street. "No, no Sakura. I've already failed in training Sasuke, and Naruto's trained under a Sannin as well. I suppose it's no surprise that you would seek out another sensei as well." He said, radiating false cheer.

"Naruto trained under a Sannin?" Sakura blinked, confused. She didn't want to think about Kakashi-sensei being depressed or sad- he was too strong for that. She needed him to be strong.

So instead she tried to think about who Naruto had trained under. It couldn't have been Orochimaru... and he did seem to know the Godaime awfully well-

"Jiraiya, the Toad Hermit." Kakashi explained, scratching the back of his head to remove a rather persistent itch.

Jiraiya... Jiraiya... Sakura just knew she had heard that name before. He was... one of the Sannin... and...

"Or, as I like to think of him, Jiraiya, the wonderful author of the most superb Icha Icha series!"

Sakura choked and stared at her sensei with complete, mind boggled shock. "Wha-what? Naruto trained with the pervert of all perverts!"

Kakashi seemed to be almost gleeful now, and was probably in a state of mind where other people might be burst into a random jig in the street. "Ah, but Sakura, how could you not love the Icha Icha series. The wonderful plot, the stirring cast, the-"

"THE PERVERSION!" Sakura shouted, frowning down upon her sensei with a particularly nasty scowl.

"Ah, ah. True, but you are still a cute little pupil. I would hardly expect you to understand..." Kakashi said wisely, nodding his head.

Sakura sighed, rubbing her forehead. Why are all the best ninja in the Hidden Leaf perverts? She asked herself, briefly wondering if power corrupted you into a perverted lunatic.

"Ah, well, I'd best be going now, Sakura." Kakashi said cheerily, and turned around, placing one hand in his pocket casually, easily. His other hand was in the air, and swished just once, in a farewell.

"You're going on another mission already?" Sakura asked quietly, her voice a chord of melancholy, and the Copy Ninja gave pause for his last student.

"I'm sorry, Sakura. But I'll be back soon enough, don't you worry. And I'm sure Naruto will bring Sasuke back too." Kakashi assured her gently, and turned his head so that his uncovered eye could look at her.

He was still smiling.

Sakura said nothing, and could only watch as the last remaining member of her team walk away, leaving her behind, once again.

---

And elsewhere in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, trouble of an unusual sort was brewing.

"WHAT! SAKURA-CHAN IS DATING GAARA OF THE DESERT! THIS CANNOT BE! I MUST BE THE ONE TO PROTECT HER AND HOLD HER IN THE SPRING OF HER YOUTH!"

As TenTen and Neji watched their thickbrowed teammate rush off and out of the hospital room, into the distance, running like a jealous man in love (or, as Neji was inclined to think, a blind idiot running towards a giant flaming wall of doom), they looked at each other.

"Should we go after him?" TenTen asked, concerned.

"We should watch. It might be entertaining." Neji said, and actually smiled a little, lying in his hospital bed. Though he was still sore and weakened from his previous battle, he was finding himself ready to leave and go after Lee, which was surprising, to be sure (considering he'd had a hole punched in his shoulder only a few days ago).

Then again, it was at the thought of his annoyingly loud teammate being beaten to a pulp by Gaara of the Desert. It was natural for even the Hyuuga prodigy to smile at that.

"I mean should we help him? I mean... if Gaara is dating Sakura, then wouldn't that mean that Gaara would be inclined to beat up Lee over her? Or maybe even kill him?" TenTen questioned hesitantly.

Neji simply continued to smile, and, though the weapons kunoichi was sure her eyes deceived her, she thought he actually smiled a little wider, and even showed teeth.

She decided to play her ace in the hole. "If he ends up in the hospital again, you know Gai-sensei will force you to visit him." TenTen reminded her prodigy of a teammate, who sometimes was as thick as a brick wall.

Hook, line, and sinker. Neji shivered and flinched at the thought, and sighed deeply.

Pity. He really did want to see Lee beaten up.

Neji swung his legs out of bed, feeling a bit unsteady from having been unconscious for so long. The world did a small movement in front of him, and the Hyuuga prodigy blinked to get himself focused.

TenTen looked at him worriedly. "Are you sure you're ready? I mean, you were just healed yesterday. I could go after him alone, you know."

Neji gave her his "I'm-Neji-Hyuuga-And-I'm-A-Genius-So-I'm-Better" look. "TenTen. No offense to your skills, but do you really think you could handle Gaara of the Desert on your own?"

The weapons kunoichi scowled and huffed, looking away, feeling a bit insulted, even though it was true. "And you, someone who just got out of the hospital, can handle him?" she asked tersely.

Neji shrugged. "Who said I was going to?" he said lightly, and pulled himself to his feet.

And promptly fell back down on his ass.

"Right... my skills may not be as great as yours, but at least I can stand up." TenTen drawled scathingly, with a superior grin on her face.

"Just hand me some crutches. I'll limp my way there." Neji replied flatly, refusing to give his female teammate the dignity of a verbal sparring match.

Still smiling with superiority, TenTen nodded, handing him two crutches that were lying next to the bedside. Somehow, the kunoichi thought, someone had figured out that the Hyuuga pride would never allow Neji to be in the hospital for too long.

Neji, gripping the crutches tightly, hauled himself to his feet with a resigned look on his face.

"Alright. Let's go after that idiot."


Author's Notes

Neji leaving the hospital so soon was an issue I kept moving back and forth on, since there were a lot of stories where they continue to go on about how long Neji and Chouji were in the hospital. In the end, I came to a realization when I was watching the anime scene when Shizune repairs Neji's shoulder, a la Naruto healing the Chidori wound. Aside from the blood loss, I reasoned, he's fine. Chouji might take a little longer, considering Tsunade says she only stopped the cell destruction- not healed it.

I really wanted to include a scene with Team 8, but the only one I can think of now is another hospital bedside scene. And that's already been done in this story, I'm afraid. Don't worry, Hinata, Shino, and Kiba will get their turn, along with Anko and the other jounin.

The other issue I had with this chapter was the severe lack of Naruto and Sasuke, but I suppose this was more of a filler chapter. Don't worry though- the both of them will be back in the spotlight before you know it.