Daddy I Love You
Chapter 8
Summary: 6 years ago, Matt was brought into their lives. But she ran from their life and Draco was left to raise their baby all on his own. Now, she's regretting her decision, but when she spots them one day heading home from work, she freaks out. She had put so much room between them. No way could they be here. Not now, not when she was just returning to normal. Will this send her back to a time she wishes to forget? Will she try to fix her mistake? And if she does, will Draco let her? Or will she just keep running?
Its now Matt's first year at Hogwarts. The hat informs him that his mother was in Gryffindor and that he had met her before. Puzzled, will Matt just leave it all to fate or will he go in search of the mother that abandoned them so long ago? And here's Rae, the best teacher in Hogwarts. She's the go to girl for all teens in trouble at the school, be it male or female. Everyone recognizes something about her, but no one will believe what their hearts are telling them and their heads convince them otherwise. And Draco, what's going on in his head this whole time?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot and characters that obviously don't come from the books.
&&&
Previously:
Matt stared up at the ceiling, trying not to think of the potions essay that Snape had assigned. They had until after Christmas to complete it, giving them time to learn and research. Also, the option was open as to whether they wanted to work with one other person or all by themselves, on the potions topic of their choice. In other words, take the length instructions and run with the assignment. Just learn something new.
Matt was built with the "get it done and out of the way early, so the rest of the time is free" personality. So he chose to work alone, and do an assignment on image changes. He'd watch his grandmother go through many of these over the years, especially when she was going away to another country, trying to disguise herself. It had fascinated him for years how she did that, and now was the perfect opportunity to figure it out.
The second thing on his to-do list: find a yearbook from the year his father graduated. There had to be one around the school somewhere. He'd ripped apart his entire house, but nothing had shown up, so he assumed his father had gotten rid of it. This was Hogwarts, which had books centuries old, meaning they had to have one from only eleven years ago, right?
The point of this mission: to find out what his mother really looked like, how she acted, and maybe get a little start into finding out her side of the story as to why she left him and his father. His dad had told him for years that they didn't need her, she had made a choice to leave and they were going to respect it.
His dad had, however, always assured Matt that his mother was a good person who had just ran away when times got tough for them. Matt was to know that his mother was smart and beautiful, and full of life. She had just made some horrible decisions. Draco had never shared her name or picture with his son though.
Matt wanted to get to know his mother somehow. Find a way to find out who she was and what she was like all through school. And he was willing to go to all lengths to find her.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Matt walked up to Rae after class the following day, determined to get a foot in the door on his mission.
"Rae, can I talk to you?"
Rae looked down at Matt, her hand pausing as she erased the board. She took a slow breath before putting the eraser down. Sure, she could do this magically, but she couldn't see the fun in that. There seemed to be no point in relying on magic to do absolutely everything in life.
"Sure" she replied, sitting down at her desk so that she was eye level with him. "What can I do for you?"
Matt stared at her for a moment, trying to decide what he should tell her. Trying to decide how much information he could trust her with. Finally, he spoke. "I'm looking for a year book from 11 years ago. I've been trying to look into my fathers school days, but I cant seem to find anything in our house. I was just wondering if you would have any idea where I could find one."
He went over everything he had just said in his brain, hoping that it had made more sense to her than it had to him.
"I. . .I'm sorry Matt, I don't know if I can help you. I don't know where to find anything like that". She was, of course, lying to him. She knew exactly where to find any year book from when she was in school. There was a stash of them in her room, hidden from the view of any visitor, but there nonetheless.
Matt sighed. "Ok, thank you anyway. I'll just try and find another way, I suppose." He thanked her one last time as he turned and walked out the door of the classroom. He had seen her hesitate slightly in her answer, and that suggested to him that she was lying. How could he prove that though?
He shook his head and headed to the great hall for lunch, pushing all thoughts from his mind. He was eleven years old, he didn't really need to be worrying about anything of the sort. So why was this all so important to him?
&&&&
Draco stared down at his yearbook. It lay open to the first page, the page which was the reason for him to hide it.
-----Flashback-------
It was seventh year and his yearbook had seemingly disappeared. No magic he could think of would bring it back to him. He was taking his seat at the Slytherin table, Matt cradled in his arms, Dumbledore having just presented Head Boy and Girl with awards of honors for their part in the helping the school throughout the year.
According to the students of Hogwarts, the pair of them had organized so many events that it was the most unforgettable year of their lives. Dances, parties, trips, games, and even training for the war had been organized, and sometimes provided by the two.
Hermione had chosen not to attend that feast, leaving Draco alone to make a final speech of thanks and welcome to the student body. She had attended the actual Graduation, not able to forfeit everything that she had earned. She had even given her speech in a clear, strong voice, a small smile on her face. Not once, however, had she been able to meet Draco's eye throughout the entire thing. Almost as if a single look would shatter everything she had managed to build up in the past few weeks.
The yearbook was on his plate when he sat down. He threw glances around at his fellow housemates, but they simply shrugged, seemingly as perplexed by it's appearance as he was.
Matt was happily blowing spit bubbles as Draco held him, gazing up at his daddy with eyes full of love and innocence. Draco couldn't decide whether or not to open it, for he did not know what was inside. Yet, something pulled in his chest as he went to shove it off to the side. It was almost as if, if he didn't look now, he would never pluck up the courage to do so.
He nudged Blaise in the ribs, and his friend took the baby, making faces at him. Uncle Blaise was a suck when it came to that little boy, he truly was. Draco reached for the yearbook, he hands shaking slightly, almost scared of what would be there. He lifted it so that the spine rested on the edge of the table and cracked it open. There were tiny, purple letters scrawled across the first page of the book, and instantly he knew she had been the one who had taken it.
Draco,
I'm sorry I stole this, but it was the only way I would ever have been able to say this. I know you wouldn't listen to me if I just walked up to you in the corridors, and the only other time would've been during my speech. I wasn't about to let personal feelings towards you affect me too much on that day though, for it would be the final day I would have for any inkling of true happiness for a long time.
I'm sorry, I'm getting off topic. By the time this is returned to you, I will be long gone, just like it was meant to be. Draco, no matter what we did, you and I would never have worked. You were unable to fully accept me, and I was never able to completely accept you.
Yes, I do love you. I love you so much that it actually hurts. I hate not being able to walk up to you and put my arms around you, or having you kiss away my tears. I miss your comforting touch, as well as the sensation the would run through my veins just at the smell of your cologne. The tone of your voice as you said good-night to me while you were half asleep, and your smile. Hell, Draco, I just miss you.
That little baby in your arms is a part of both of us. I would like nothing more than to come up to you and scoop him out of your arms, but I know you would never allow that. Not after what I've done. I want to watch him grow up to be just like his father, strong, stubborn, brilliant and handsome. I wish I could hold him and love with. Shower him with kisses and gifts. I know, though, that I've screwed up and nothing I can do now will come even close to fixing it.
I'm leaving Draco, and if I have anything to say about it, you'll never find me again. I wont tell you where I'm going, nor will anyone else find out. I know where I'm headed now, and I know what I want to do, but I also know that I don't wish for you to find me. Not that you would want to in the first place.
Draco, I do ask a favour of you though. I ask that you will one day tell that darling baby boy, our creation, all about me. About the good times you and I had together, even if we ended badly. Even though I left because I was scared of the commitment keeping him would require. I want you to tell him everything. From the fights we had in first year, to the ones we had in seventh. From the first date, to the last. Right down to he proposal which I never accepted and the night you received that.
I know that that may be a lot to ask, but I'm asking you for it anyway. I'm asking for it only because I want him to know something of his mother. I wish for him to hear the good, the bad and even the ugly.
Draco, I'm so sorry for what I did to you and our child. I'm sorry for just leaving. I love you so much, and I'm missing you so much. You were the final piece to the puzzle that is my heart, and I cant believe I let you go.
With Love
Hermione
Draco read it over and over again, not sure whether to be angry, sad or glad. Should he be angry that she was just giving up completely? Should he be sad that he was losing the love of his life? Or, should be glad that she was doing what he asked, and leaving him and his son alone?
His gaze rose to his son, would was happily propped against Blaise's abdomen, sucking on his right pointer finger. Three single tears ran down his cheek as he closed the yearbook, determined to hide it forever from his son. He wasn't sure why he didn't want to share it with him, but he didn't feel that Matt needed to see it. Maybe he would regret it later, but for now, it seemed the best decision.
----End Flashback-----
Draco shoved the book away from him, resisting the urge to chuck it across the room. What on earth had possessed him to take it out again? Why would he put himself through that? He had never truly let go of Hermione, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he had. Hermione was the love of his life, and she would always be a part of him and his life, especially with Matt around. Draco couldn't look at his son without a reminder of her.
Draco rolled his shoulders. Coming back to Hogwarts seemed to have opened up his old world to him again. Maybe he should step in and explore it, see where it takes him.
He got up from his chair and headed for the portrait, deciding to take a walk down to the Quidditch pitch, as he hadn't been there since his return. Maybe that would clear his mind a bit.
Something caught Draco out of the corner of his eye and he looked down at the floor. There, written on a piece of old parchment were the words:
"You're closer than you think to what you once lost and found, and what you search for as it yells at you to recognize it"
&&&&&&&&&&&&&
AHAHAHAHAHAH! LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK! The writers block…it's GONE! Vamoose…good bye. I love it! This is the unedited version. I figured I'd just post it now, edit later. It's only been since April….(insert sheepish look here) I'm sorry you guys. It just got so that my sole focus was Crimson Rain Drops, and than as soon as that was posted, the writers block set in. My baby was done…and my creative juice was gone. But, as I say in Biology today, an idea hit me and I started writing right there and than (love me for this…I have hours of homework now. But this was more important)
I LOVE YOU ALL FOR YOUR PATIENCE! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU ALL!
(edited version to come)
Til Next Time, (which will
hopefully be much sooner)
Pure Mudblood
