What is the one thing about yourself that you don't want anyone ever to know?
It seems simple enough, we all have secrets. I'm ashamed of the fact that I'm the reason my father was in Sydney, where he died. I hate that I could 'perform miracles' on patients so that they could walk or retain their motor functions, yet I couldn't even make a marriage work. I feel crazy sometimes when I think about how I found the caves in the first place. What is it that Locke said? down the rabbit hole?
Really though what I don't want anyone to know is probably the most obvious thing about me. I don't have any clue what I'm doing. I walk around this island like I have some kind of purpose. I don't, all I know is that I can't let people die. I'm the leader? Is that what it is? I don't want to be the leader or the hero, and yet that's exactly the position everyone puts me in.
If they all knew that I was flying blind what kind of hero would I be to them? I was a disappointment to my wife, my parents, why not to the entire island. I think I fear that more than I fear dying and maybe that should tell me something. Everything would be simpler if I could just accept my place, but I don't want that place; if I embrace it what happens when the truth comes out?
