I swear, I must be in some alternate reality or something. This day has just been completely insane, in almost all the bad kind of ways. I glance down at my cell phone lying haphazardly where I threw it at the foot of my bed. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the conversation I just had with Brooke. I actually hadn't intended on dropping my new load of stress onto her while she's so far away. But she just knows me too damn well. I'm sure she could hear it in my voice. The same way I know something was up with her too. I got the distinct feeling that I was interrupting something. And an even bigger feeling that it wasn't something of the good variety. She was about to do something old Brooke-like, I could just tell. Which has my curiosity more than peaked.

I know it wasn't something with a guy, because she's never been that fast of a mover, let alone this new remarkably virtuous side she's been showing these last few months. Besides the fact that she's completely hung up on Lucas.

The thought of our favorite Scott brother reminds me of the incredibly awkward conversation I've been trying desperately to ignore actually even happened.

Flashback

"You're scared out of your mind, that's why you can't admit it, even to yourself."

"Of what!"

"The fact we're both in love with the same woman."

I scoffed at him, desperately trying to hide the blush that I could feel rapidly rising in my cheeks. "You don't know what in the world you're talking about Luke."

"Don't I?" Oh how I hate that all knowing tone he loves to use when he's so damn sure he's right about something.

I could feel my temper starting to flare, really not wanting to talk about this right now, especially after how Brooke and I left things. Besides the fact he's the last person on the world I should be talking about this with. Not that there's really anything to talk about anyway.

"Listen, I don't care what you THINK you know, but you're the last person that could possibly understand my relationship with Brooke." I hate sounding so bitchy, but he's hitting way too close here.

"Actually Peyton, besides the two of you, I'm probably the most qualified here. What did Brooke call it, the Bermuda Triangle of Drama?" He calmly replies, the daggers I'm shooting him not seeming to phase him in the least.

"Wait, how did you know that?" I remember where we were when she said that, and Lucas was nowhere in the vicinity.

"Can we focus here? Not the point. The point is that I know just what you two mean to each other. If you remember, you repeatedly chose her over me, even when I was pushing non-stop just because I wanted you so much." He lowers his head a bit for the first time since he began his little lecture, and I swear I can see the beginnings of a blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Yeah, and I STILL hurt her." I can feel the guilt clawing it's way back up to the surface again. Brooke may have forgiven me, but I doubt I'll ever grant myself that same gift.

"We're human Peyton, no matter how good our intentions are, it's inevitable that someone gets hurt when it comes to being in love." I can feel his hand gently kneading my shoulder, and it's oddly comforting for a moment.

The moment doesn't last long though, I'm annoyed all over again at his arrogance. "What makes you think I was ever in love with you?"

Again with that all knowing smirk, my mood has taken a complete nosedive into the sand I'm sitting on. "I never said that. You're in love, you have been for a long while now. Just not with me." I'm about to open my mouth to spit back a protest, but he beats me to it. "And not with Jake either." That's enough to make me snap my mouth shut.

Luke props himself up on his knees so that he's facing me, making me give him my undivided attention, as unwilling as I am to do so. "You've got to stop this. You're always miserable, and it doesn't have to be that way. Just let yourself be happy, let yourself feel what you're so scared of feeling. And everything else will fall into place."

I'm silent for a long time, the moist salty taste over my top lip the only indication that I even heard what he said. I know that he's right, I do. But I'm not ready to admit it. If I let myself feel everything he's encouraging me to, I'll never be able to shut it off again. And my friendship with Brooke will be blown to bits, and this is not something that we can recover from, I know that deep in my soul. I get it wrong, and we're all done, no more do-overs or second chances, I lose her forever.

Lucas reaches up and wipes away a silver tear tracking it's way down my cheekbone. "Peyton, trust me, tell her. It will make everything so much better."

I can't deal with this now. I need to come to terms with all of this, and I can't do that with Lucas looking at me so earnestly. If I take his advice, I run the chance of breaking both of our hearts. And with that thought I realize that Brooke really holds all our fates in her hands. And she probably has no clue.

"You can't know that Luke." I stand up, briefly wiping off the knees of my jeans, and head back up the beach to the parking lot, leaving Lucas sitting there gazing after me.

End Flashback

So I'm trying to figure out where that leaves me. I honestly don't have a clue. I'm really trying to suppress the feeling of resentfulness that is rising up in me towards Lucas. He couldn't just let it alone, could he? Then again, I'm the idiot who, against my better judgment, stopped at the beach to begin with. So I guess I only have myself to blame. Maybe if I pretend it never happened, all of this will go away. Brooke's in California for the foreseeable future, and as much as I miss her already, the time apart might give me some perspective. Or maybe these feelings will go away entirely.

Gah, I need some sleep, everything will be clearer in the morning, that's usually how it works, right? And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll wake up and this whole day will have all been a dream. I won't have some nut job impersonating my mother.

And I won't be in love with my best friend.