A/N: Wow. You know how hard I had to resist putting in random notes towards the end of this chapter? Anyway, to the real point of even HAVING an author's note this chapter, I'd like to point out that I'm changing the rating. It's not worth the risk of having FFN take down my story because of the one mature element I am currently planning on including. When it gets to that point, I'll link it for my readers, but not now. If the rating ever deserves being changed back, I will do it. After all, knowing my desire to angst everything out, you really never know.
I loved Sora and Riku being back. Races were one of our many activities. We often went to the island to explore the areas we played in as kids. Sometimes, I really think we thought we were still kids. When we ran out of areas to explore, we sat on the beach and talked.
Every afternoon was exquisite. Well, until Mr. Helms reminded us that we had two weeks until our projects were due.
The realization shocked me and I looked back at Zidane. He looked utterly serene compared to my look of utter panic. There was so much for me to still research, and he didn't look the least bit worried. Mr. Helms sneered at the class. He must have felt so triumphant. I didn't want to think of all the time I was going to be spending on a computer that night.
The bell rang and I stood up. My knuckles were white from the grip I had on my notebook. I hadn't wanted to talk to Zidane, but I could hear the conversation coming before he was even standing. He smiled at me and I laughed weakly.
As he passed me, he said, "Don't worry. I know you'll get all the information we need. After all, we do have two weeks left."
"At the rate we're going, we may as well have two days left," I insisted pointedly.
He shrugged. "I was trying to be encouraging," he whispered with a sly grin. He turned and headed towards his second period class. I was thunderstruck He really must not care about his grade. This project, as Mr. Helms had gleefully told us several times, would be our pass or fail.
I planned my afternoon to the tee. I would get at least most of the research out of the way that night, and then I would figure out what information we truly needed, and what could be ignored. I had all the factors worked out, and there was no chance that I would get distracted. That was what I told myself until the end of the day.
But I had forgotten one factor: Sora.
When I walked outside, he was there waiting on me. His tie was halfway undone, and he looked relaxed. His blue eyes were lazily scanning the campus. He yawned and turned to look at me, a smile creeping onto his face. I smiled back and felt a familiar pang in my chest. We approached each other and he spoke first.
"Riku said he had to go home early today." The din around us seemed to fade into nothingness. I couldn't look away from his eyes. My plans suddenly felt like a dirty secret, and I had to force myself to think of them and not Sora. It was so hard now that he was standing in front of me.
I sighed sadly at the inevitable. "Actually Sora, I do too."
"Oh." The smile vanished from his face almost instantly and he looked away from me. He no longer looked relaxed.
"Oh, Sora." I looked down at the ground and closed my eyes. I couldn't do it. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to spend the entire afternoon with him. I looked back at him. "You can come home with me too, okay? Just, please don't frown like that."
He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and shook his head with a sad smile. "Alright."
We looked towards the path and began walking towards the center of town, where I lived with my adoptive mother. The breeze that blew against us felt heavy and damp. I looked up at the sky. Dark gray clouds crowded on the edge of the horizon. The thunder could just barely be heard in the distance. When I looked at Sora, I could see the reflection of the sky in his eyes.
We walked in silence. I felt rather guilty for wanting to spend the whole day with Sora. Riku's absence was noticeable and I wanted to ignore it. If he were there, though, I would probably have felt just as guilty. That's what I told myself as I forced my thoughts towards the research.
The sand shifted underneath our feet and the rocks scratched against each other. Sunlight danced across Sora's hair. The light winked before being swallowed up by a cloud. Sounds of waves drifted away as we walked towards town and further away from the beach. Sora's face looked grave and pale. My face probably looked the same.
As we neared my home, I wanted to tell him to go home. There seemed to be nothing to gain from him looking as serious as he did. He looked at me and smiled widely, though I think it was because he knew I was studying his expression.
"Aw, don't look like that, Kairi."
I looked away and busied myself with finding my house key. "And how am I supposed to look?" I asked with a laugh. "I think I lost my house key," I lied. I didn't want him to know that I had really been thinking about telling him to go away. I'd rather him think that I was preoccupied with my house key.
After a few moments, we were inside. Had it been sunny, the rooms would have been illuminated with light from the many windows surrounding the main entrance. But they were shadowed and I turned on the light. I placed my bag on the couch and Sora stood awkwardly off to the side. There were traces of a blush on his face.
I went to get my laptop and brought it back into the living room, where Sora had not moved an inch. He was staring at all of my mother's paintings as if they actually interested them. Though, who was I to say that they didn't? He had changed so much, perhaps they really did. I sat on the couch and motioned for him to sit next to me. He moved slowly, hesitating every few seconds and he never quite sat down. He sat perched on the edge of his seat, waiting.
"What are you writing, Kairi?" He asked, though it looked like he asked the laptop, because he was staring at that now. I wanted him to look at me.
"Nothing. I'm trying to find some information on trebuchets," I explained and focused on the laptop. The laptop clicked silently as I pressed the keys. I wondered if Sora were expecting something. I imagine he hadn't expected to come to my house so he could sit on the couch and watch me study. I looked back at him.
"Sora, you look kind of uncomfortable." I pushed the laptop to the side and moved closer to him.
"It feels weird being here without your mom or dad around," he said apologetically. He looked at me, finally. I smoothed my skirt and looked away. I should have sent him home. There was nothing in my plans that would keep his interest, so I really should have sent him home, for his sake.
But for mine, I invited him to come home with me. "That's alright. They know you, Sora."
"But I still feel weird." When I looked back at him, he wasn't looking at me anymore. Was this how best friends should act, I asked myself, all pomp and circumstance and never quite able to look each other in the eye?
"So, what's a trebuchet?"
"It's like a catapult," I answered automatically. I looked at the laptop and noticed that the screen had shut off. I told myself to send him home, but when I looked back at him I couldn't do it. "You know, I found some pictures from ages ago. Do you wanna see them?"
Sora nodded and I ran to my room. From the pit of my stomach, I could feel the nervousness welling up. I wasn't going to manage any research. At least, not until Sora left. I searched for the album with the photos. I didn't find them and returned to Sora, my shoulders were slumped from defeat. "Ok, I guess I don't have the pictures."
He was slightly more relaxed now. He didn't look like he was about to run at any moment anymore. I sat down next to him. In fact, I probably sat too close. But I wanted to lean against him like I had after the first day of school. His eyes were no longer looking at me.
"Sora, what's wrong?" I asked insistently.
"Wrong? Nothing. I'm just thinking, really."
"About what?" I turned towards him. Our knees touched and I could feel his body heat.
"About… I'm not sure. I guess about how weird it is to be here again." I felt like I was only being told half of the story, but that much made me hopeful about the other half that was yet to be said for both of us.
"Yeah. To go from being the keyblade master to a ninth grader? It's enough to make anyone's head spin."
He looked at me and shook his head. I was missing the point, I realized. I fell silent and stared at him. "My head's not spinning, I'm not confused. I'm not even bored like Riku. I keep expecting to hear from Donald and Goofy, or even King Mickey. After everything we did, I kind of expected everything to be different. It is in some ways, but not like I hoped. I promised a lot of people I'd see them again, and now it's like something is missing. I feel kind of—"
"Sora, it does sound like you're bored and if you are, what's to feel bad about?"
He pressed his lips together in frustration and I knew that I'd missed the point for the second time. "Kairi, I thought about you and Riku a lot while we were traveling. I thought we would never be together again and now that we are," he trailed off and looked at my skirt.
Was he feeling guilty because there were still heartless around? Because there had to be heartless if there were still so many different worlds? I was scared to try and soothe him again. What if he gave me another frustrated, 'were you even listening' look? I stared at his hair. But then, it occurred to me that perhaps Sora didn't want my understanding.
He just wanted support. I leaned forward and hugged him. His shoulders stiffened and relaxed. I could almost hear him smile. His smell, that familiar mix of his mom's laundry detergent and him, surrounded me. He hugged me back and I'd never felt so close to him. Nor had I ever felt quite so alone at that point.
He pulled away from my hug and I noticed that he looked sad and confused. I had invited him to my house because I couldn't stand to see him look sad, and now my entire plan had backfired on me. I couldn't let him go. His words from before drifted back to me. I thought about you. He turned to get up and I pulled him back down and held him close to me.
He didn't struggle against my show of affection. The rain started to pour and the thunder acted as a siren for the suddenly dark day. Eventually, Sora leaned his head against my bosom. I stroked his hair and we both took comfort in each other's presence. Sometime that night, the laptop fell on the floor and I leaned against the armrest. Sleep eventually overcame Sora.
Even looking at his peaceful figure resting against mine, I still couldn't tell how I really felt.
