#61 - Unusual
Perspectives
Segment Notes: Belle is my OC from the Over the Nexus game. She shows up every now and then. Some of her feelings are based on things people have told me about idolizing love interests, such as my mom and Azalea542. Kalin seems the sort who might get a bit confused while trying to find himself, especially after all he's been through, so I have him questioning things as I sometimes do about some of my choices and thoughts. I've always been fascinated by the idea of non-romantic relationships that are as fulfilling and enduring as romances, which is how I love to portray these guys. But since it's not usual, Kalin puzzles a bit.
Klaus's granddaughter Belle lived in the City as a successful Turbo Duelist, but she came to visit whenever she could. When she did, she loved to see Radley as well as her family. On one such occasion, she shared in a party at the diner and lingered to help everyone clean up.
Kalin caught her watching Radley head to the kitchen with a stack of empty plates. "You still love him, don't you?" he commented. She had developed an innocent crush on Radley from the first time she had met him at age 14. She was a couple of years younger than Kalin and was certainly old enough now that something could be instigated between herself and Radley, but they had mutually decided against it, recognizing her feelings were still a child's crush. Kalin wasn't so sure, although he knew he had no experience in that area.
Belle smiled. "I will love him till the day I die," she said. "But . . . it's not the kind of love you have for someone who's in your reach. He's always been unattainable, a god to put on a pedestal and revere from afar. That's why it wouldn't work between us. I practically worship Radley and I don't see his faults."
Kalin grunted. "I've heard that at least some romantic couples do pretty much worship each other, but you do what you feel is best."
"We both want Radley to be happy, and I don't think he'd be happy in a relationship like that," Belle said. "He wants companionship and someone to be his equal. Haven't you ever figured out that's why he gravitated to you?"
Kalin blinked in surprise. "I thought it was because he didn't want to burden the Bunch with his sorrows."
"That too," Belle said. "He wants to let them keep the image of him happy and strong and encouraging, because that helps them and gives them hope. They all idolize him to the nth degree, like I do. But with you, he always wanted you to be his confidante because he saw that you would see him as he is."
"Did he tell you all of this?" Kalin asked.
"Of course not! He doesn't confide in me, silly," Belle smiled. "But I watch him all the time and that's what I see."
Kalin still looked skeptical. "Really."
She peered at Kalin. "How do you see him?"
Kalin hesitated. "It used to be all I could see were his faults. When my mind was finally clear and I could see the good, I was able to start to come to really get to know him and appreciate him. He's my brother, my best friend, and yet that still doesn't fully capture how much he means to me. We consider each other soulmates. I know that's an overdone trope and it probably sounds cheesy and corny, but . . ."
"I think it's amazing!" Belle gushed. "It's always special when it's real. You guys, you have something so powerful!" She smiled. "That must also be why he gravitated to you; it was just meant to be."
". . . I do believe in Fate," Kalin admitted. "We met once as children. It is unusual that we met again as adults. I want to believe that means something."
"Of course it does!" Belle exclaimed. "And I will always be happy to love Radley from afar, because I see how happy he is with you. It was never romance that he wanted, necessarily; he just wanted someone to love him unconditionally."
Radley had definitely told Kalin the same thing, and Kalin looked thoughtful as he gazed off into space. "Yes," he said. "I know."
After Belle left, Kalin went into the kitchen to help with washing the last of the dishes. Radley smiled at him when he came in. "So what were you and Belle talking about?" he wondered. They had never associated that much, so it had surprised Radley when he had caught a glimpse of them together.
"Mostly you," Kalin admitted. He washed his hands and took a rinsed dish to dry. "She said that you gravitated to me because you wanted someone who would see you as an equal instead of putting you on a pedestal."
Radley blinked in surprise. "How would she know that?"
"So that's true then?" Kalin asked.
Radley smiled a bit. "Honestly, Kalin, there wasn't just one reason for it. Yeah, that was one of them. But the biggest reason was that I knew you were something special. I just . . . I felt like you were my friend. I couldn't understand why I felt like that after you rejected me so many times, and yet I still did. Then when we realized we'd met as kids, it all clicked. I didn't consciously know it was you, but I guess my heart and soul did."
Kalin pondered that. "I guess so. I'm glad. I only wish I'd had the same feelings."
"I'll bet you would have, if you'd been in your right mind," Radley said softly. "But that's all past. We care about each other now, and that's the most important thing."
Kalin nodded. "Yes. . . . And that you're alive to be here sharing this with me."
"That too," Radley said. "Because you gave me the will to live again when I'd lost it."
Kalin looked thoughtful. "Maybe we helped each other to that end. The truth is, when I found you dead in the mines, I felt so horrible that I wanted to die myself. I knew I had to stay alive, as I had finally recognized that there are people who love me and want me here, but I doubted I would ever be able to be fully happy after what I'd done to you. I was crushed to see you laying dead and to realize how I'd failed you, and realizing that you'd wanted me for a friend and I'd rejected you so viciously when I actually did care about you was too much. But you came back to life, and you even forgave me. That brought me back to life too."
"I'm glad," Radley said softly.
". . . Do you think you'll ever be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, with Belle or anyone else?" Kalin curiously wondered.
"I can't say it's completely out of the question, but it's not a huge priority," Radley said. "I have the happiness I always longed for, and it's more than enough to fulfill me. You and I . . . we have that something special that I always thought real love would be like—unconditional, comfortable, unconcerned with physical appearances, just happy to always be together, no matter what we're doing. . . ." He handed Kalin another dish.
"I've never really even understood the difference between romantic love and other love," Kalin admitted. "I don't know if this is true, but to me it always seemed like the only real difference was that romantic love tended to come with sexual feelings."
"You know, I don't really know either," Radley chuckled. "But I've heard there are romantic couples who are more about companionship than sex, and companionship was always what I wanted myself, so . . ." He shrugged. "I guess neither of us really understand."
"It's complicated and confusing," Kalin remarked. He set the dried dish with the others.
"It doesn't really matter, though," Radley said. "They are what they are, and we are what we are."
"Only after hearing so many people talk, sometimes I wonder what we are," Kalin said. "I'm asexual and aromantic and you're heterosexual unless you've decided you're asexual too, and our closeness is often considered romantic by the townspeople. But I've never thought of us that way, and I don't think you have either."
"I haven't," Radley agreed. "I still don't. But we both know we're unconventional in any case. And we knew people would talk because of that."
Kalin nodded. "Neither of us have ever really had normal friendships or romances, I guess. I haven't had any romances, in my case. We've always done things that aren't typical of platonic relationships and that never bothered me. It still doesn't. But . . . I am puzzled, and I guess part of me would like to make sense of it. I've never really questioned it before, but . . ." He sighed and shrugged. "I guess now I'm wondering for certain what our relationship really is. I've heard that some people who identify as asexual or aromantic change their minds later down the line if they start seeming to have sexual or romantic feelings for someone. I doubt I'd recognize romantic feelings in myself if I ever started to have them."
"Well . . ." Radley gave Kalin the last dish and turned off the water. He turned to face his friend, resting his hands behind himself against the edge of the counter. "We never really felt we needed a label, did we? None of the ones we've heard really seem to fit how we think of what we are. That's why I usually self-describe it as 'friends for life.' We took that vow to always be together, just not as a romantic couple. But if I had to pick another existing term for us, I think 'soulmates' fits us best. No matter what popular opinion says, soulmates can be anything, romantic or platonic, and either way, it expresses something that's really deep. Deep, true love—that's what we've found together."
Kalin started to smile. "Yes, that's true," he said. He paused. "'Soulmates' is how I described us to Belle too."
"Really?" Radley smiled too. "Well, we're on the same page then. Does this make you feel any better?"
"Some," Kalin said. "You're right that we never needed or wanted a label. I'm happy with that. I guess it's just that I suddenly wondered if I really understand what we have and I want to understand that. Now I think I understand more again and my confidence is renewed. What we have is deep and true. That's the most important thing about it. And we both feel the same way. That's the other most important thing."
"Yeah," Radley smiled. "We know how we feel about each other, and even though we also know a lot of people will never understand, that's okay. Hey, it used to be that asexuality wasn't understood or accepted at all, and things are a little better with that these days. Maybe someday we'll have the same thing with our kind of relationship and more people who feel like we do will start coming out too. I know we're not the only ones."
Kalin nodded. "Lector and Nesbitt seem to have a similar relationship," he mused.
Radley looked pleased. "They do. So let's finish cleaning up and go home, shall we?"
Kalin nodded. "Let's."
They draped their arms around each other's shoulders and went out to join their other friends.
