Who do you look up to more than anybody else? Everybody has a role model - take a few minutes to pay tribute to yours.
When I was naive enough not to know the kind of man my father really was I always looked up to him. I wanted to be the kind of surgeon he was and I wanted to be the kind of man he was. He always had a drink in his hand but it never occurred to me that he was never the kind of man he could have been. Somewhere along the line my feelings developed into being the kind of man he wasn't. I still wanted to be a surgeon but I wanted to be better than him, not pulled down by the weight of his addiction. I wanted to show him that the man he wanted me to be existed but I don't know if I wanted that for me or for him.
Now, I look back on my life and wonder who I admire enough to be a role model. I barely thought about it, I never really had time but I guess I'd have to say Amy. She was a patient, eight years old if I remember correctly and she has to be the bravest person I've ever met in my life.
I've never had much of a bedside manner, as if that's not obvious enough to most people, so telling an eight year old that her chances of never walking again were slim was probably one of the hardest conversations I've ever had as a doctor. Instead of crying she just smiled at me and said "You'll do your best though Dr. Jack, I know it," I assumed she didn't understand exactly what was going on but she spoke with the kind of conviction I've never heard in anyone before or since.
I wish I could say I was able to fix Amy but I couldn't, the damage to her spine was irreversible. I went to check on her after the operation and she just smiled at me again and said, "Thank you for trying Dr. Jack, but wheels aren't so bad. I bet I could race Jimmy Miller and win now."
It was the simplicity of her reaction and the feeling that maybe not fixing her hadn't been failing her that made her an unforgettable patient. If I could ever want to be like anyone I know it would be Amy Richmond, fearless and optimistic in a way that I've never known.
