With Valentine's Day around the corner we want you to think about love. Who do you love? What does it do to you? Does it lift you up like a bad cheesy power ballad? Does it destroy you? What does love do to you? What has it done to you in the past?
Love is a funny thing. I was never really sure of it in my life. My parents were anything but the model couple. My father drank scotch for breakfast instead of OJ and after a while my mom drank a little Orange Juice with her Vodka and I'm not sure either of them ever understood the concept of love let alone the emotion itself.
I remember the night before my wedding my father asked me if I loved Sarah. Without hesitation I said 'Absolutely' and then he proceeded to tell me that commitment made me tick but I had a problem letting go. He wasn't wrong but neither was I. I never understood the distinction between loving someone and being in love with someone. When people told me there was I difference I asked how, why. I'm a doctor and looking at things I can't see or touch is always hard for me. Love was always something elusive until I met Sarah, I never had a problem with attachment, sometimes I latch on to people and never want to let go. Only that's not love, I didn't lie on my wedding day when I told Sarah I loved her and I always would; I did and I will.
I'm not sure when the distinction became apparent to me. As a doctor its hard not to care for your patients, their lives are in the palm of your hands and when they look at you and tell you it's ok if you can't fix them? It only makes you want to work that much harder. My father always said I cared too much, I didn't have what it took because I let myself feel too much and when I failed it killed another small piece of me. I guess he was afraid the molded steel he was making me into couldn't stand the weight of failure; failure that was sure to happen. In a way I've loved every patient that's come across my table, yet watching someone I'm close to in pain or danger is something else all together.
Being in love is something different than loving someone. Being in love makes the entire world melt away when that person is near. Being in love is the most terrifying experience on earth. Being that scared is insane, it's the kind of feeling that blinds you and socks you in the gut because you're so afraid. Sometimes people get hung up on what happens if it doesn't work and I think maybe the real problem, maybe for me at least, is what if it does. Being in love makes you crazy and it's the dichotomy of emotions; amazing and horrible all at the same time.
Love.
It's one of those things that no one can really ever understand, even if it's got its claws so deep into you.
