"God speed, my lonely angel."
I failed her. I failed her because I loved her. For everyone I have ever loved has gone, in the end. At first I was the one that got left behind, but it hurt so much every time I found myself alone again that I began to push people away, so they had no choice but to leave. I hate myself for that, but it is my choice, and I would rather that than have my two hearts broken again and again as one by one, by choice or by force they leave me, to start life again or to leave it behind forever.
You would think, being a Time Lord that I control time, but in reality it is the one that controls me. It mocks me with the injustice of death, knowing that no matter who it takes from me, I must go on, for I am the only one left, the lonely angel. I can't go back and save her, and I think she understood that, in the end. She was the only one who had ever stepped through the door, and she never even thought to turn back again and run. Despite all she saw, she wanted me, she loved me for what I am, the loneliest creature that ever there was.
I think that I could have loved her, given time, but like I said before, I could not have taken that time even if I had wanted to, for it wasn't mine to take. We all have a destiny, a fate, and hers was ultimately not to be entwined with mine, no matter how much I wished it could have been. But despite the fact that she has left me for good, to face the pain of loss alone again, I know that her brief presence in my unending existence was worth it, for she opened not just a door in my mind, but also in my heart.
I am no one's lonely angel now. I have never, in fact, been an angel. She must have seen the destruction, the loss that I have caused to others, to my own people. I don't think I could ever close the doors tight enough to hide those memories, those scars that stain my immortal soul. But maybe she didn't care. Maybe she understood me, what I did, what it has cost me. If she saw all of that and still looked for me, waited for me, then she must truly have loved me. And if she could love me, then perhaps I won't forever be alone, because maybe, just maybe, someone else would take the risk, take the step through the door, linger there, and leave their own mark on my soul, but this time it would not be a stain, just a mark, just something to let me know that someone, somewhere, cared.
I saw the look on Rose's face before she left with Mickey. I think she was worried about me. No, I know she was. I don't like to see her like that, a smile suits her far better, makes her face glow. She looks beautiful then.
Thinking about it, perhaps I ought to find a doorstop. Make sure that nothing blows the door shut again…..
A/N: So it's short, I know that. And I'm not sure that it's even that good, but I watched GITF this afternoon, and it inspired me to write this. It's my first Doctor Who fic, and I'm not sure whether or not there will be another one, but hopefully the mood will take me again sometime.
Please do take the time to review if you can, feedback can only help to encourage the plot bunnies. No flames though please!
Until next time……
Smileyhalo
