SMILE FOR ME

Written by: Setsuna
Disclaimer: X/1999 belongs to CLAMP. No part of it belongs to me.

Summary: Kamui's point of view. A really short drabble. FuuKam.

I wanted you to laugh and tell me that it was a joke; tell me that you never meant it when you said you didn't care for me any longer. I wanted you to laugh at me and how silly I was to believe it or how funny I looked; anything. As long as it meant this wasn't true.

As much as I hoped, the Fuuma I once knew was no longer there. In his place, however, is a person who claims he is my twin star. But I still believe that somewhere inside him, there were traces of you.

Fuuma, do you remember? When we were younger, I told you and Kotori that I wanted to become a bride when I grew up?

I knew that brides were for girls then, I really did. But it didn't matter, because I wanted to be your bride. If we had to decide who would be donned in a dress on our wedding day, I didn't mind doing it. I didn't mind, because it was for you.

Can you remember that time you told me you were going to protect me? I was exhilarated, but I didn't quite show it. Hearing those words come out from your lips was enough for me, even if you didn't protect me. At least that time, I knew you cared for me. That was enough.

I was happy.

Remember the first time we met? When I was outside the shrine, under the rain? I was sheltering a puppy from the rain, and you told me to bring the puppy home, but I told you that in the end, it would only be lonely, so bringing it back home wouln't make a difference. You picked up the puppy, before offering me your hand. I took it. You told me that gentleness could be cherished, and that whenever you recall that feeling, you wouldn't feel lonely.

You were right. I don't feel that lonely whenever I remember how nice you were to me.

The second time we met was at your house, and your mother was introducing me to you. Then you called out my name; saying that I was your friend. I was so happy, I had to smile.

When I left Tokyo, I missed you a lot. I wanted to come back, but I knew I couldn't. I wanted to your smile, I wanted to hear your voice... I wanted to see you.

I knew that I was being cold to you when I came back, but deep down, I was so happy that you still remembered me and cared for me like you always have; but I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want to get close to you in case you got hurt by the people who were after me.

But in the end, I still did. And it was because of that, you became like this.

And because of me, Kotori died. I was afraid that if you came back, you'd hate me. You'd despise me; because I broke my promise to you.

I was so afraid; but I still wanted you to come back, Fuuma.

Then I learnt of the way to bring you back. If you got rid of me, then there won't be a 'Kamui' left. My twin star would disappear. What would be left is the Fuuma I've always known.

That was okay with me. I didn't mind exchanging my life for that. You are the reason for my existence, Fuuma. Did you know that?

Fuuma, I love you.

Although I can't tell you these words, I wanted you to know. To die in your hands, is truly a blissful thing after all. And with that, I'll fade away from this world. But I hope you will still remember me, and when you do, smile for me.

END.