Izzie
I have something to tell you. Something that I wish was different. Another reason why it's killing me that you left. I don't believe in heaven. I never have. And I hate myself for it. It means I won't ever see you again. There isn't an afterlife. There is no 'white light'. No 'pearly gates'. No 'city of clouds'. There's just death. Death and a rotting corpse. I'm a doctor. I'm trained to believe in science, logic, not fairytales. I wish I did. I wish I thought I'd be with you again. But I don't. And I hate myself for it. Because I'm never going to see your face again. Or hear your laugh. Feel your touch. You're gone. Sometimes I hate you so much. I hate you so much for making me fall in love with you! For leaving me. Why did it have to end like this, Denny? Why did you have to die? You didn't deserve to. It wasn't fair. It wasn't your time. You were too young. You had too much ahead of you. But you have to stop haunting my thoughts. I have to move on. I can't live like this. It's not fair to me. Or anyone else for that matter. I don't want to be a burden to them. And I don't want to see the pity in their eyes when they look at me. Pity won't bring you back.
I know what you came for
And
I know when you'll leave
You
came for my heart
And
it's lost to me
For I
won't stop you
I will
open my door
My
heart is here waiting
I don't
need it no more
I know
why you're leaving
And
I'll just let it be
I am
left with nothing
And now
you're lost to me
For I
can't stop you
I will
open my door
My
heart is here waiting
I don't need it no more
For love makes a fool of me
For
love makes a part of us
You
know it's worthless
As
worthless can be
Meredith
I sit here waiting. Waiting for the moment that will change my life forever. The edge of the bat is cold and uncomfortable, digging into my body. I stare at the stick sitting on the bench. The ominous piece of plastic that could ruin everything I've worked for. That could affect more people than just me. What if it is positive? What am I supposed to do? What would I tell Derek? What would I tell Finn? What would I tell Addison? This is ridiculous. I couldn't have a baby. I can't be a mother. I cannot be responsible for a human life. I can't even look after myself. I'm a train wreck. It wouldn't be fair to it. I don't know the first thing about being a mother. My own mother was never around. I don't know what a real mother does. I never imagined becoming one. I don't want to be one. Three minutes feels more like three hours. Time feels as though it has frozen. I look around the room desperately trying to find a distraction. Something to make the time go faster. I notice there's four toothbrushes in the holder. The blue one is Derek's. I forgot to throw it out. My thoughts drift back to when he used to stay overnight. To when my life felt perfect. Like a fairytale. But happy endings are only for stories that haven't finished yet. The beep of the alarm on my watch pulls me back to reality. Time's up. I take a deep breath and look at the stick. Blue.
It's
not the time, it's not the place I am afraid
They
keep telling me, I'm not alone
They're
all standing by me, but I am not my own
This
thing is growing like a cancer I must kill
I am so
confused, I don't know what I feel
I
refuse to believe this is a child
It's
not a person yet it takes quite a while
And
guilt is great on my shoulders tonight
Could
someone please tell me what is wrong and what is right
What is
wrong and what is right, what is wrong and what is right
But
I know it's life, I can't deny that it's life
Oh is it life? Can I deny this its life? I am afraid
Cristina
He's acting like nothing happened. Like nothings changed. He's strutting around the apartment making jokes and small talk. The only time he mentioned the shooting is the day he came home. It's as though he's erased it from his memory. If only it was as easy for me to do. It killed me watching him lie in bed, day after day. It wasn't Burke. He wasn't the sexy, confident man I fell in love with. He was broken Burke. I still loved him as much as I ever had but it hurt me so much to see him like that. I let him know I was there for him. I broke down my barriers. I gave into my emotions. And for what? So he could pretend like everything was okay? That nothing happened? This is what I get for becoming weak. This is what I get for losing my edge. A boyfriend who won't even acknowledge that for the first time ever I wore my heart on my sleeve. That I allowed myself to be vulnerable. It was all for nothing.
Now I
was once a fool, it's true
I
played the game by all the rules
But now
my world's a deeper blue
I'm
sadder, but I'm wiser too
I swore
I'd never love again
I swore
my heart would never mend
Said
love wasn't worth the pain
But
then I hear it call my name
The
trouble with love is
It can
tear you up inside
Make
your heart believe a lie
It's
stronger than your pride
The
trouble with love is
It
doesn't care how fast you fall
And you
can't refuse the call
See,
you got no say at all
Every
time I turn around
I think
I've got it all figured out
My
heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'
Over
and over again
This
sad story always ends the same
Me
standin' in the pourin' rain
It
seems no matter what I do
It
tears my heart in two
The
trouble with love is
It can
tear you up inside
Make
your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
