Chapter Nineteen
Dawn Of A New Day
Haley
Peyton's still staring at me, expecting an answer, an answer that I don't think I can give.
I mean, it can't be true. I can't be in love with Nathan. For God's sake, he's Nathan.
But it is. I know it is. I've never been very good at lying to myself.
And now, I'm stuck for what to do. I had it all planned out, the kiss with Nathan was a mistake, I was going to go back to Lucas and be the best damn girlfriend I could be. That was the plan.
Now what?
"Haley, you're… you're not in love with him, are you?" Peyton goes on. I can't look at her.
"I'll make my own way home," I tell her. I turn on my heel and walk off. Peyton doesn't follow me.
The walk home is a long one, and in my current state the last thing I need is time to myself. All I can think about is where Lucas and Nathan are, whether they're all right, and whether Nathan loves me back.
No scrap the last one. That's not important right now. I'm still with Lucas, and I won't let myself even think about Nathan until I've broken up with him.
Because I've got to, really. I can't stay with Lucas when I have these feelings for Nathan.
"Haley."
Gah!
I look up to see Lucas looking down at me. I barely even realised that I was in front of my house. I've been on autopilot the whole way here, and now, the guy I've been thinking about most (well, second to Nathan, anyway) is right here, looking down at me with this really tender look on his face.
"L-Lucas," I greet, fumbling in my bag for my keys which I promptly drop as soon as I get them out. Lucas reaches down and picks them up for me. Oh please don't be a gentleman Lucas. I can't say what I've got to say if you're a gentleman.
"I've uh… I've got some news for you," Lucas says. I search his face for something, anything, that might suggest what he knows, but he doesn't look angry. Actually, he looks almost… triumphant.
I struggle to put my key in the door. I know my parents are out. They went almost straight from work, giving me a kiss before they went. I really wish they were home now.
"Haley, are you okay?" Lucas asks, looking down at my trembling hand.
"Hmm hmm. Stupid lock," I say, trying to sound light-hearted. Lucas puts his hand out for the key. I consider not giving it to him just out of spite, but he's done nothing wrong. It's all me. All me and my stupid heart. I give him the key and he opens the door in two seconds. I walk in first and Lucas shuts the door behind me. The dark is unsettling me so I turn on all the lights before I go into the living room.
"We found out who drugged you," is the first thing Lucas says. I drop down onto the couch. Whatever I was expecting it wasn't that.
"Oh… We?"
To be honest, with all this inner turmoil I'd almost completely forgotten about being drugged. Oh yeah, I've got all my priorities in order.
"Yeah. You won't believe it but, er… me and Nathan."
My eyes snap up. Him and Nathan working together? Potentially telling each other secrets? Telling each other who they might have kissed?
"Yeah, we got suspended from the basketball game because we had a fight – Nathan was asking for Roofie's – and then he told me about this kid who was selling them, Jesse Holloway…"
"Jesse Holloway?" I ask incredulous. He's one of my tutor pupils. He's always seemed like a nice enough guy.
"Yeah, anyway, long story short – We found out Rob Klein had bought the drugs, Nathan wanted to go and pound him into the basketball court and I told him that was a stupid idea because he was letting his emotions rule his head…" he trails off as he says that, looking at me, probably to see how I respond to Nathan's 'emotions'. I don't move.
"And anyway, we can't find him. He must have realised what we were planning when we were in the locker room, because we couldn't find him anywhere. Whitey said he hadn't shown up."
"So he's got awaywith it?" I ask. The guy was a complete asshole, and this new completely unfamiliar part of me wants to see him get what he deserves, but the other part of me is kind of glad that Nathan and Lucas weren't brought down to his level.
Why, why, WHY am I such a goodie, goodie?
"For now. Nathan is completely pissed, I don't know whether it's because Rob was his friend, or because it was you."
I don't say anything or move again. How can I? What do you say to something like that?
"So uh," I lick my lips, grasping on the first thing that comes into my head, "You have no idea where Rob is?"
"No. But don't worry, we'll find him."
We both look down at our hands. I can't gather up the strength to tell Lucas what I need to, but I can't not tell him.
"You know, Nathan kind of amazed me today," Lucas says, still looking down at his hands.
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I always thought the guy didn't have a heart. Turns out he does."
My own heart is pounding. It's so loud I'm sure that Lucas can hear it.
"And you know, he never even mentioned Peyton?"
"What?"
"The fact that Peyton got drugged too. He just mentioned you. He was so driven and determined and it was because of you."
I swallow. Despite the current situation, a part of me is just singing with happiness. I feel almost giddy. Me, giddy.
"And now, I'm not so sure you don't feel the same way," Lucas goes on. I can't look at him. "I thought he was using you. Trying to get to me or something, but I've never seen him act that way about anyone, and you…" he breaks off.
"Lucas…"
"No, let me say this because… I need to say it Haley. The way you let him call you Hales, the way you laugh at his stupid jokes, the way you can actually stand him all of a sudden. You like him."
I take a deep breath. Lucas stands up. "Wh-where are you going?" I ask.
"You're silence tells me everything Haley, I'm going."
"Lucas, please don't leave like this…" I try. He turns around and looks me square in the eyes.
"Why? Do you actually want me here?"
"I care about you Lucas, I just…"
"Don't love me. See, there's the rub."
He stops, reaching out and holding my cheek. I breathe in. As he leans forward and whispers in my ear. "I still love you."
