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Chapter Twenty-One

Crashing Down On Yop Of You

Haley

"Okay Nathan, you've got exactly two minutes. Go."

Uh, what was that? I sound like some sort of game show hostess with a big cheesy grin and a grey centre-parting. I silently cringe but keep the same look on my face. The 'I'm-pissed-at-you-and-never-ever-want-you-to-speak-to-me-after-these-two-minutes-are-up' look.

Nathan pulls himself up until he towers over me. I liked it so much better when he was sitting down and I had the upper hand, now I feel like I'll be the one to grovel if he asks me too. His hair is wet from the rain that I'm guessing has just stopped, and drops of water are hanging from his black lashes.

But I don't care. I don't. He's a jerk and I have spent way too much time crying over him. In fact, I'd only just stopped when he started throwing his stupid stones on my window.

No, I don't care a bit!

God I'm a lousy liar.

"Okay," Nathan says, seeming to have arranged some kind of speech in his head. I wish I had a watch, I really would time him then. "Okay." He stops again.

"Is that all you have to say?" I ask, trying to keep any sort of emotion out of my voice, even anger. The result is a kind of wispy croak. Ugh!

"I'm sorry Hales."

I wait for more. It doesn't come. He's staring down at me with those puppy dog eyes and a forlorn expression.

Is that it? Where's the speech? Where's the crying, the hysterics, the pleading for me to forgive him? Jeez, this guy can't even apologise properly. Oh wait, no there's more:

"I know that I was a jerk, and… and I can't change what seventeen years of Dan Scott's upbringing has done to me," he breaks off and gives a little smile. I don't smile back. "Right," he continues, looking adorably unsure of himself.

No. Not adorable. Just unsure of himself. Like a jerk.

"Um… I did go after you because you were Lucas's girlfriend, I can't change that."

The mention of his betrayal straight from his mouth while he is in front of me brings more tears to my eyes. I blink furiously, praying that he hasn't noticed. I won't show him how weak I am.

"But, I fell for you Hales, I really did. You're the most amazing girl I've ever met in my life. I mean, it may have started wrong, but I really did want it to end right. I want you."

I want you. That would be even better than 'I love you' if it was from anyone else, but this is Nathan Scott. How could I have been so foolish to think that he was anything other that what he had been for years – is anything other that what he has been for years?

I can't trust him.

And with that thought, I feel like bursting into tears and hugging him, just because he's there and I do have feelings for him, but I repeat the words over and over like a mantra – I can't trust him, I can't trust him, I can't trust him – and that gives me the strength I need.

"Hales?" he asks. I look up at him, meeting him square in the eyes because I don't think he'll take it any other way. I can't trust him, I can't trust him. I lean in close.

"I think your two minutes are up" – I can't trust him – "I think you should go."

I can't trust him.


I reach for what has to be the millionth Kleenex in an hour, Brooke strokes my hair and keeps saying something in a soothing whisper, but I don't catch a word of it because I am literally bawling.

"Even if you're the one who's done the break-up, it's still hard to cope with. You just cry all you want Tutor Girl," she says, loud enough for me to hear because all of a sudden I'm whimpering.

Oh yeah, a break-up. That's why I'm crying.

As soon as Nathan left, after throwing yet more stones at my window, I burst out crying again, and have been ever since. At nine O'clock I got up the courage to ring Peyton, figuring I really needed a friend. She didn't answer.

Luckily, Brooke did, and she called over almost straight away with what she called 'the-break-up-kit', filled with three boxes of industrial strength Kleenex, a small fluffy teddy-bear, a small copper pot and a box of matches to 'burn everything ex-related' as Brooke put it, and a little sign to put up by the phone saying: DO NOT RING THE EX!

It cheered me up for about two seconds, until I remembered it's not the ex I need to be restrained from calling, it's the ex's brother.

"Haley, I know this is a bad moment to ask, but I feel morally obligated to do so," Brooke says, putting a hand on my cheek. I sniff long and loud and try to control the volume of my whimpering.

"Wh-wh-what?" I ask.

"I am fully prepared to be the rebound girl for Lucas if I have your permission."

I burst out laughing through my tears. It may not be appropriate, but it's totally Brooke.

"Entirely as a favour to you, you see. So you don't have to put up with drunken phone calls begging you back and irritating bimbo's who you don't even know being paraded around on his arm."

I laugh again.

"And of course, may I suggest, as a rebound for you, one Nathan Scott?"

I burst out crying. Again.

Of course Brooke doesn't know the full story. All she knows is that me and Lucas broke up because we don't love each other anymore (not that I'm sure we ever did), and I kind of left out the whole Nathan part of the story. Brooke looks worried.

"It was a joke, I'm not really going to go after Lucas, not until the mourning period is sufficiently over anyway."

"I-I-I love…" I break up and blow my nose.

"What? You love me? Well that's sweet Haley… Oh! Is that why you broke up? Do you have lesbian urges?"

"Nathan. I love Nathan." I manage. For about a second all that can be heard are my pathetic sniffs.

And then, like a shot has been fired, Brooke explodes. "Oh my God! That's why you broke up isn't it? Because of Nathan! Wow, I did not see that one coming. I mean, I know Nathan has feelings for you but I thought you were too into Lucas – always kind of bummed me out but – Oh my God! I just, I can't believe it. So are you going to tell him, now that you're officially single?"

"Brooke, just… just don't, okay?"

Brooke looks hurt. "Why? Oh, I get it. You want to wait a sufficient amount of time because of Lucas."

"No, I want to wait until the twelfth of never because Nathan is an asshole!"

Brooke sits on my bed, looking confused. "Well, yeah," she says simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, "but you can't help who you love Hales."

I grab the tiny teddy out of the break-up-kit and hold it to me. "I found out that the only reason he went after me is because he wanted to sleep with me, just to get at Lucas."

Brooke looks suitably disgusted.

"I mean, this person who I've fell in love with over the past couple of days, it's not even the real Nathan. He was playing a game Brooke and I was the prize. How can I trust him after that?"

"Oh Haley," Brooke soothes, rubbing my back. "I never knew. If I'd known I would never have told you to go into that music room with him.

Oh, not the memories. I close my eyes tight shut and think of anything that doesn't involve Nathan. Cars – Nathan has a car. The rain – Nathan got caught in the rain. Teddy bears – Brooke bought me this teddy bear to comfort me over Nathan.

God! I just cannot escape him.

"But, the way he was after you'd drowned. That can't have been an act. Lucas froze and Nathan went into complete control mode. He gave you CPR and…"

"Brooke, I really can't hear this, okay?" I say in the strongest voice I can manage between the tears. Brooke nods.

"Okay tutor girl, just get it all out, okay?"

I'll certainly try.