Author's Note: Hey guys, I'm not dead, and neither is this story, I promise. Last month was a rather busy one for me, I won't bore you with the details, and to top it all off, I just really lacked the motivation to write, sorry. This is out and I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.


Out of the Frying Pan

"HIT THE DECK!" Lockett screams as the Warthog clears the hill.

"Woohoo!" Grif whoops as the Warthog sails through the air.

"Holy shit! curses Tucker.

"Son of a bitch! Run! Jesus! Run!" Church hysterically shrieks.

The team scatters with Tucker and Church running for the clif while Lockett runs off in the opposite direction.

"The jeep followed me back in time!" Tucker exclaims while they run.

"Get to the cliffs, go!" Lockett screams before he ducks down behind a hill.

Grif and Rowe hop out of the Warthog as Simmons begins firing the gun at the retreating Blues. Tucker and Church danced around as the bullets hit around them sending chunks of dirt and rock into the pair.

"Ow! Git! Ow! Git! Ow, ow!" Church cried as he ran.

Simmons simply put, got very into firing the gun.

"That's right! That's right, I got your ass! Get off your ass and run, you cock bites! Right now! Yeah, not so pretty when you gotta run are you! Yeah, that's right! Stay there! You know where your flag is? We're gonna get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, Blue! Come on, get out there! I've got a whole barrel of love to shoot you with! Come on! Get out now! Yeah, come on out! I know you like this! Come out where I can get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, Blue! Be tough, get out there!"

All that was screamed while Rowe scanned the hills for any other approaching forces.

Donut cries out to them "You know what? I honestly have no idea what's going on. I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane."

"Donut, you alright?" Rowe asks immediately.

"Yeah," Donut breathes, "They didn't hurt me or anything."

"How did you get the flag?" asks Grif.

Donut looks at the flag, then back to Grif and shrugs.

"I don't know, it was the first thing I saw at the store and I grabbed it," Donut replies honestly.

Rowe and Grief share a confused glance before Rowe asks, "Wait, you went to the store to buy some random crap that doesn't exist, and the first thing you thought to grab when you could'nt find it was a flag standing in the middle of the room?"

Donut scratches the back of his head as he, still confused by the whole situation, just nods.

Grif quickly shook his head in disbelief before telling him "Whatever, just get the flag back to base, we'll explain there."

Donut then firmly stamps his foot down and says "Not until someone tells me what the fuck is go-"

"Kid, GO!" Rowe barks and points back at the Red Base like she was directing a dog.

Donut takes off, runs a few feet in the direction Rowe points and then starts heading back to Red Base.

Grif then quickly shouts after him "Back to our base!"

"I know! I know!" Donut shouted back as he ran.


Back at Blue Base, Caboose looked wearily through his binoculars at the Tucker and Church being pinned down by the Warthogs turret while Lockett slowly crept up on the kill behind them.

"Oh man, that's not good," Caboose whimpers, "Oh my god, that jeep has a really big gun."

Caboose lowers the binoculars, he pauses and notices something out of the corner of his eye. He turns and sees the tank, just idly sitting there. While watching, he remembers the warning Lockett had given him earlier.

He contemplatively looks back between the firefight and the tank while muttering "Stay here... Thanks... Stay here... Thanks..."

Caboose inhales deeply and exhales sharply before muttering "Screw it," and then takes off to the tank.


Back, at the firefight, Simmons was still screaming taunts at the pinned blues "Yeah, get going! Take that! I know you like that there! Come out! Come here! Poke your head up! Come on, Blue! Get your head out there!"

Behind the hill, Lockett grabs his radio and calls his squadmates.

"Church, Tucker!" he cries, "You guys hear me?"

"Yeah, we can hear you!" Church cries back.

"You guys hurt?" he asks.

"No, but we're a bit shaken though," he reports, "That gun is also slowly chipping away at our cover."

"Jesus, does that thing ever run out of bullets?!" Tucker incredulously cries.

"Alright, I got a plan," Lockett replies, "I'm going to give you two a window of opportunity."

"What is that?" asks Church.

"I'm going to disable the gun," he replies, "When it happens, I need you guys to move!"

"Where?!" cries Tucker.

"Anywhere but where you are right now!" Lockett shouts back, "Sooner or later they're gonna realize that they can chuck grenades at you to flush you out." He then stands up to a crouch and orders "Alright, get ready to move as soon as I take out a jeep!"


While Lockett gets his preparation underway, Caboose climbs into the tank, closes the driver's canopy and powers it on.

"Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank," a female robotic voice greets, "You may call me Sheila."

"Hello Sheila," Caboose shyly greets while looking around him, not sure if he should look at the camera or the speaker. "Big tank lady."

"Would you like me to run the tutorial program?" Sheila immediately asks.

Seeing the perfect opportunity, Caboose enthusiastically replies "Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you."

"Tutorial program activated," Sheila robotically drones, "This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving."

"Okay," Caboose happily chirps.


Grif and Rowe awkwardly stood there as Simmons laid into the cliffside.

"Grif," she finally spoke up.

"Yeah?" he responds.

"Why are we still here?" she asks.

Grif pondered for a moment.

"We could have gone back to base by now, couldn;t we have?" he asks rhetorically.

Rowe nods and Grif turns to Simmons.

"Simmons," Grif called out.

Simmons didn't hear him.

"SIMMONS!" Grif hollars.

Simmons stopped firing and stepped down from the turret.

"Was he wearing ear-pro?" Rowe asks.

"Did you hear how loud that thing was?" Grif gaufs, "I doubt he would be able to hear us either way."

"...WHAT?" he screams at them, making them both wince..

"Exactly my point," Grif grumbles.


Meanwhile, Lockett watches them from behind the hill with his launcher aimed directly at them.

"Maybe I should give them a warning shot," Lockett suggests to himself.

He was still feeling hesitant about killing fellow soldiers, after all, they had no idea what this whole simulation was in reality. Only a few actually did, these were all people trapped in an incredibly sick social experiment.


"So what's the signal again?" questions Tucker.

"He didn't say, but he sounded like he was planning on shooting at them," Church replies, "He said it would be enough to at least draw their fire."

"And what do we do?" Tucker questions further.

"He said we should pick a direction and run," Church answers back, "Just as long as we don't stay here."

The two are suddenly snapped out of their conversation as they hear the thundering clap and the high pitched whine of a rocket being fired followed immediately by a loud explosion which bounces off the walls of the canyon. The pair look over the rocks and watch as the Reds that previously had them pinned, are now running away in panic.

Tucker quickly spots the hill Lockett was hiding behind, he points and shouts "There he is."

The two watch as their team leader raises the launcher for another time and fires it at the parked Warthog. The rocket hits the vehicle directly in the left front tire, the blasts lifts the front half of the truck a couple feet in the air behind crashing back down to the ground. Lockett immediately drops the empty launcher, brings his rifle to bear and fires at the retreating Reds.

"Alright, this is what we'll do," Church explains, "You're gonna run further up the cliff, see if you can get a better look at the place. We're gonna try and turn the tides here."

"And you?" he asks.

"Though the engine took a hit, the gun on that jeep still looks intact from here," Church observes, "I'm gonna go for it."

"Sounds suicidal dude," Tucker doubted.

"Unless you have a better idea," Church counters, "Go!"

With that, the two took off.


As the three reds retreated into the rocks and out of his sight, Lockett stops firing and lowers his rifle. He then hears the familiar roar of a tank engine, the screech of the metal tracks, and could practically feel the vibrations coming off other machines rumbling towards him. He watches as the tank pulls to a stop right beside him and he sees a familiar soldier in blue armor in the driver's seat.

"Hi Sergeant!" Caboose waves cheerfully.

Lockett climbs onto the tank and calls to him asking "How's it running? I'm guessing you ran the driver's tutorial."

"It's not too bad," he replies honestly, "It was a little rough at first….I got it stuck on a rock. I came to help you!"

"Yeah, good initiative," Lockett smiles, he turns and looks at the Red base and spots the recruit from earlier standing on the roof, still holding the flag. "How do you feel about taking it on a combat test?"

"Okay," Caboose smiles enthusiastically.

"Alright," Lockett then looks up and points in a direction and directs Caboose over the hills. "They're hiding out behind those rocks at the cliff face, we're gonna flush them out and push them back to their base."

"Got it," Caboose reports back.


"Psst, they stopped firing," Simmons whispers.

"I don't see anyone by the jeep," Rowe reports.

"It doesn't look too bad from here," Grif comments, "I think I might be able to get the gun working at least."

"I think you're just just walking into an ambush," Rowe retorts.

"You wanna explain to Sarge how we lost the jeep to the Blues?" Grif asks.

"No," Rowe shrugs, "But we can always just get a new one."

"You don't know Sarge," Simmons comments.

Rowe then posts something and breathes "Holy shit."

They watch in horror as the Blue's tank crests over the hill.

"What in GOD's name is that thing?" cries Simmons.

"Shit, they got a tank," Rowe whistles. She turns to Grif and asks "Still feel like going?"

"Fuck it, I'm going after it," Grif anounces. "Cover me."

Rowe mutters inaudibly under her breath before replying "Alright, on your go!"

"This is a really bad idea," Simmons comments.

Then Grif takes off running.


"Hey Lockett, there's this "Auto-fire" thing," Caboose tells him. "Apparently it let's Sheila take control, should I use it?"

"The tank's name is Sheila?" Lockett blurts out in surprise, he then shakes his head and replies "It's up to you."

He then spots the orange soldier running for the disabled Warthog.

Lockett goes to call it out "Caboose-"

Before he could get the words out, the tank was hit with a cacophony of gunfire and Lockett frantically scrambled off the tank and rolled behind the treads. Thinking quickly, Caboose flicks the "Auto-Fire" switch and the canon comes to life.

"Acquiring target," Sheila announces as the turret begins tracking the running orange soldier.

The turrent's sites stop on the Warthog and she says "Target acquired."

Unbeknownst to both parties, Church was just about to the abandoned Warthog.

"Almost there," whispers Church as he inches closer to the vehicle.

"Target locked."

Back at the rocks, the two reds instantly took notice of the tank's movements.

"Grif!" Rowe screams, "The tank is tracking you!"

"What?!" Grif cries as he stops mid step and looks at the armored vehicle.

He watches in horror as the turret turns towards him and for a brief moment, he sees his life flash before his eyes.

"Firing main cannon."

*BLAM*

Grif blinked once and the warthog behind exploded. At this point, his life had already flashed before his eyes, he had now at this point accepted his death.

Then, a shrill, high-pitched voice screams "SON OF A BITCH!"

This manges to snap Grif out of his daze, and reacting on instinct only, he turns around and immediately starts sprinting back to the others. The others watch as the tank adjust its sights to the rocks where the other reds were hiding,

"Firing main cannon."

"Shit!" Simmons hysterically cries.

"Move!" Rowe barks as she grabs Simmons and shoves both him and herself out from the rocks right before the round landed above where they were last sitting.

Grif at this point had just reached their position and felt the pressure wave as the round passed above him. He immediately threw himself onto the ground right as it hit. Rowe then runs over with Simmons in hand and roughly grabs Grif by the collar and firmly pulls him to his feet.

"Fucking move!" she barks and shoves both of them

Then all three took off in a mad dash to the nearest cover they could find.


"Don't let them get away," Lockett orders, as he climbs back onto the tank.

"On it," Caboose chirps.

"Firing main cannon."

As the tank fires another round, Caboose steps on the accelerator and the tank rumbles after the retreating soldiers.


Church eventually made it back to the rock with Tucker.

"So, how'd it go?" asks Tucker.

"Shut up Tucker," Church growls.


In a mocking tone, Simmons says "Hey, I have a GREAT idea. Let's get out of the jeep and sneak around the back of the rock."

"Shut up, both of you!" Rowe quietly hisses.

All three immidly quieted down and curled up behind the rock. They practically held their breaths as the tank rolled past their position searching for enemies.

"All targets eliminated," Sheila chirps, the turret turns and Sheila says "Acquiring new target."

The tank begins to turn away from the rocks and the three let out a deep sigh of relief.


"Oh shit," gasps Church as he peaks up from behind a rock. "The rookie brought the tank!"

"Seriously?" Tucker incredulously exclaims.

"Yeah look!" he cries, "There's Lockett riding with him right now!"

Church steps out from behind the rocks and waves at the tank below.

"Hey, rookie! Good job, man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?" Church excitedly cried.

"New target acquired," Sheila beeps.

"What?" Lockett blinks.

He watches in horror as the turret slowly turns to where Church was standing.

"That's not a target. That's Church!" Caboose objects.

Anticipating exactly what was going on, Lockett inhales sharply and cires "Church get the fuck down!" He turns to Caboose who is frantically pressing buttons around the cabin, "Caboose turn it off!" he cries.

"I can't, it's locked!" he frantically cries as he shook at the controls, "Nothing is responding."

Lockett pulls at the hatch open and says "Move over!"

The two began struggling to shut the tank down.

"Hey, how are you guys doing?!" Church cries down.

"Target locked," Sheila chirps.

Both Lockett and Caboose heard that and immediately began to move quicker.

"What!? No! Target unlock! Unlock! Please help me, nice lady!" Caboose cries hoping Sheila would respond and follow his requests.

Lockett switches the ignition switch between "DRIVE" and "STANDBY" only for nothing to happen.

"Why isn't this doing anything!" Lockett shrieks.

Caboose peeks his head out and screams "Church run!"

"Firing the main cannon," Sheila announces.

Church slowly realizes what was going on as he stares down the barrel of the tank cannon.

He curses under his breath "Oh, son of a…."

Lockett then turns the ignition switch all the way to "OFF" and the tank shuts down but not before firing off the last round. There was a brief flash from the cannon and then the side of the cliff exploded showering the two with rocks and debris. Caboose slowly climbs out of the tank and he and Lockett share a gaze, still trying to process what had just happened.

It was confirmed as Tucker then runs up to the cliff edge and screams "You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!"

Tucker then runs over to Church and kneals by his side, though the round had not hit him directly, it had riddled him with shrapnel and with the concussive force from the blast and with how close Church was standing to the explosion, he knew that Church wouldn't make it.

"Tucker! ...T-Tucker!" Church gasps.

"Aw fuck man," Tucker cries, "We're gonna get you outa here alright, I'm sure they'll find a way to put you back together."

"No. Ah... I'm na-I'm not gonna make it," Church groans, he then says "Tucker... there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" asks Tucker, he leans in a little closer as Church utters his last words.

"I just want you to know.. I always hated you. I always hated you the most," Church says laughing slightly, the pain making him cough.

Tucker rolls his eyes and asks "Cool, are you dead yet?"

"Just about," he coughs. "Herk!...Blech..."


"Uh, Church is dead," Caboose reports.

Caboose turns and walks back to Lockett who was looking over something on his PDA. At this point, the tank had been completely shut down and both of it's occupants were outside.

"I don't get it," Lockett murmurs. He turns to Caboose and asks "You are sure you didn't touch anything?"

Caboose shook his head and said "No, I only turned it on, turned on the tutorial, and the Auto-Fire thing."

Lockett curses under his breath and tells him "Well, I don't know what I was expecting."

"What is it?" asks Caboose, pointing at the datapad.

"The tank is missing several programs," Lockett replies, "Of these, are the "Blue Force Tracker" and the "IFF Indicator," both of which were disabled before I even got the damn thing. The "Friendly Fire Protocol" was also disabled at some point. This means that not only can we have no way of identifying friendly forces in the operating area and we have no way of identifying friendly or enemy units if we had a group we couldn't clearly make out on our own." He threw his hands up in frustration. "To top this all off, they also set the radar to active meaning that once the Auto-Fire system comes on it will be actively searching for targets, and without the Friendly-Fire Protocol, we're all fair game."

"So what do we do?" Caboose asks.

"Well, we will have to use the tank manually….like everyone else," Lockett tells him.

"Oh, okay," Caboose replies, he then quickly asks "What do we do about Church?"

"Well…." Lockett awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, "We're going to have to recover the body first. I'll call it in, write up a report, and tell them we had an accident." He then lets out a sad sigh, "We don't have any officers so I'll have to write a letter home to any family he might have."

"I'll get the body," Caboose volunteers.

"Thanks Caboose," Lockett nods. "I'll ask around if any of you guys need any psychological counseling or not."

Then, behind the two, the noticeable sound of the tank starting up hit both of their ears. They slowly turn and watch as the tank somehow comes back online despite no one in the operator's seat.

"Scanning for more targets," Sheila announces.

The turret immediately homes in on the Red Base and the tank begins driving away.

"Lockett, the tank is driving off without you," Tucker reports, confirming that the tank was indeed driving itself, "Is it supposed to be doing that?"

Caboose and Lockett share another glance before they both took off in a sprint after the runaway tank.


Author's Note: Thanks for reading everyone, things are really starting to kick off now. Now, I personally am not ready to drive off into an AU, wouldn't really know where to go at this point, for now, everything should at least follow the correct timeline. That being said, what I can do is change up[ the dialogue and perhaps reformat how certain events happen. I think I'll just focus on this story, I am pretty sure my RWBY story is dead, what with basically only one guy who is consistently reviewing it, bless that dude's soul. I like that story a lot, but I see no motivation to continue writing it if no one is really reading it. I can see the view counts and whenever someone follows it, but reviews give me clues on what I should work on and how to better improve my story. I'll be seeing you guys as soon as I can, as always please leave a review if you want to see more or if you have anything you want to comment on, please let me know because they really help. Remember, Big Brother is watching….always.