"You're sure about this?" My mother asked for what felt like the hundredth time, I pulled her into a tight hug.
"Yes mother, it's a good school. The best in the verse."
"So far from home though," mom sniffed, pulling away and wiping her nose with a hanky, as she pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. "My little girl."
"Mom," I rolled my eyes. "I'm not so little anymore."
"You'll always be little to me."
"You'll always been a brat to me," Simon added as he set my trunks down on the platform, wiping his forehead from the exertion.
"Bee-jway," I punched him in the arm, he grasped it mocking pain. "You're off being a big doctor in Capitol City anyway, couldn't be bothered at home anymore."
"As good as any a reason to leave?" He grinned, hugging me tightly. "Be safe, mei mei." I nodded into his chest, knowing I would miss his support.
"Show up all the other wanna be doctors for me?" I asked with a grin, holding back tears.
"Only if you're head of the class at this gifted school of yours," he promised with a nod.
"Like our little girl could be anything less," my father, wrapped his arms around my mother, smiling down at me. "Not everyone gets into a government funded school, only the best, and River's the best of the best. Aren't you dear?"
"Sure," I nodded. Inside I wondered if that was true. I was smart, head of my class, but the other kids at this school had probably been head of their class too.
"You will be," Father added as if he could read my mind. He stepped up to hug me as the first faint whistle of the train could be heard. Mother stepped up next, holding me just as tightly as before. Then Simon, my older brother, my rock, he held me at arms length for a moment, taking me in as I took in him. It could be years before we would meet again at this station, the school was across the verse. When I could stand it no longer I pulled him to me, hugging tightly.
"Write me?" He asked.
"Everyday," I nodded, wiping away tears as I hugged mother again, then father. The whistles were growing louder, cracking the fragile stillness of the day, the sun shining down, as people hurried past us to catch their own trains, have their own tearful goodbyes. Mother and Father backed away as I stepped closer to the edge, Simon next to me, hands in his pockets, foot dragging a line in the dust of the platform.
"Excited?" He asked over the loud whistle, I could see the train now.
"Scared," I admitted.
"You should be," he nodded. "I'll be lost without you, mei mei. I have to go."
"Simon wait," He was backing up. "Wait for the train."
"Can't, I have to meet the train."
"What?" I frowned, confused. "What train," I yelled the sound of the train deafening.
"Your train. Love you, mei mei." He stepped backward off the platform; the train didn't slow down, just rushed over him, the noise unbearable.
"Simon!" I screamed, falling to my knees, tears streaming down my face. People pushed past me, climbing onto the train, laughing, waving goodbye to friends. I couldn't move, couldn't breath, just kept screaming.
I woke up screaming, always wake up screaming. Ever since I got here, nightmares every night. I always wake up screaming.
"River?" Nevva was on my bed, pulling me up to sit, hugging me tightly. "It's just another dream River, shhh, just a dream." I clung to her letting her rocking motion bring be back from the dream. Back to reality, or what passed for reality here.
"Nevva," I cried her name.
"Shh, was it Simon again," she whispered. I nodded.
"He never writes back. I write him and he never writes back. I write, the codes, he knows, but he never writes back." I know I make little sense to Nevva. I know. I try to bring sense back into my sentence structure. I laugh a little and I am sure that doesn't make her feel better about my sanity. Sense in my sentences? I would have to have sense in my thoughts first. Not fractured thoughts of broken dreams, and this strange school. Why does Nevva still make so much sense?
"You okay?" She asked, pulling back a bit.
"Yes," I nod, wiping away the last tears. I am okay. For now. "Sorry, Nevva."
"It's okay," she smiles. "We all have bad dreams." We do all of us, thirty-two girls in this dorm. Five in this room. All of us have nightmares. None of us get letters from home anymore.
"Lights on, Thursday, seven-thirty am," the lights come on with the announcement. Around us the other girls are starting to get out of bed as the announcement repeats in Chinese, none of them look at us. They've been here longer, they never talk to us. They rarely wake up screaming.
"Come on, you'll feel better with breakfast," Nevva pulls me off the bed, leading me to the dresser, and pulling out clothes for me like I'm a child.
"I can dress myself," I snap, I know it comes out a little sharp, but Nevva just nods and turns to dress herself.
We file down the hallway in a line, Nevva in front of me, both of us following the other three. Breakfast is always quiet. Thirty-two girls and forty boys file into the cafeteria we share. We line up, and choose from cereal, and fruit, and eggs, sometimes we have bacon, sometimes bagels. They feed us well here at least. I eat quietly and quickly, then sit watching as everyone else finishes. We sit with the other girls from our room; we are assigned to the same table, Beth, Gia, and Lee. They never talk to us. Actually no one ever talks to us anymore, except Tommy and Thein. Twins, they two guys who entered this program when we did. Everyone else has been here longer, no one talks anymore. Some of them used to talk to me, but now, now they just focus on the work, but none of them even seem to care if they are doing well anymore.
First class is physics. Advanced physics, all the classes here are advanced. It used to be fun, people used to be excited about class, used to compete for the best score. I sometimes wonder how long it will be till I stop talking. This day is like the past ones, at least like the last one hundred and fifteen days. The last class today is history, the only class Nevva and I sit next to each other in. It passes slowly, quiet except for the teachers drone, until something different happens, something I wasn't expecting.
"This is all crap!" Khia Thompson stands toppling her desk. "You act like any of what you're teaching us matters, like our grades are even being recorded. Their not. All of you," she turned to the class then. I watched taken up in her rant. "All of you, this is hell, you are in hell. They are playing God with our brains. The tests the dreams it's all part of their own manufactured hell." Nevva and I exchanged looks. So it wasn't just our dorm that had the dreams. "Talk, god damn you all I know its hard, but talk to each other."
The door slammed open, security streamed in towards Khia; she deftly twisted around and past the two big men. Talking all the while. "Together you can get out, I swear just talk, tell each other what they're doing to you, it's not right," she moved to dodge one of the guards, but the other caught her off guard. "Stay together!" She yelled as they dragged her thrashing towards the door, she clung to the door frame focusing all her energy on clinging to it. Quickly one of the guards pulled out a gun, jamming it into her neck he pulled the trigger, there was a soft hum, and he body spasmed, then hung lifeless. They pulled her out; the teacher shut the door, and began to lecture again.
"Is she dead?" I cried.
"River," Nevva held up a hand, but I pushed it away, standing and looking around. Everyone else was focused on their work.
"They just shot her, and none of you are going to react?" I was yelling, I shouldn't yell.
"River!" Nevva stood, pulling me hard so I was looking at her. "This wont do anything, you need to calm down and shut up unless you want to end up like Khia." She whispered it quickly, and I realized that was true, but for a moment I didn't care, then I glanced to the back of the room, and caught the look of Lee, she held my eye contact, and gave a short nod. I sat back down, and began taking notes as the teacher restarted the lecture.
