Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent material. All characters from the Divergent story belong to Veronica Roth.

Warning: Material in the story will be rated M. Anyone of a lower age should not read the material featured in this story. You have been warned. Mentions of Sexual Assault, Sex, Violence, and possible trigger warnings.

Chapter 5: Breaking Points

These last couple of days have been rough on my body. Firstly, I haven't lost a single fight against any of the transfers. My first fight against Reid seemed to add to all the tension between the males and me. They're throwing punches at me that seem rather focused on damage and lethalness rather than incapacitation. The look on their faces as I dodge their hits increases in frustration each passing day. I've managed to keep Ella near me when I'm doing things but even in the dorms, the threat still lingers in the air.

I've mentioned it to Ella who told me to keep an eye out and make sure I'm never by myself. So, since I've been up early due to my nightmares, I've been waking Ella up to go to the showers with me. She's been taking it in stride and has joined me in several sparring matches afterwards, so it doesn't seem to bug her to much. Elliot also joins us for sparring which gives us another sparring partner. He's strong and quick but he seems to undermine himself when sparring. I've seen that he's held back a couple of punches which has resulted in two of his fights being knocked out by weaker opponents. I've mentioned it to him, and he says he's not doing it purposely but I'm not sure if I believe him.

Both their aiming and shooting skills have gotten a lot better. They are not anywhere close to where I am but they're easily the second and third best of the transfers in gun training. Overall, their progress has been nice to see and I'm happy for my friends.

Eric has pushed us hard these last four days, running gun drills that leave most people exhausted after a couple of hours. We just did another stamina test yesterday, myself in the front behind Eric while everyone else fell behind. There's been a lot of improvement there but not enough for Eric to be satisfied.

He hasn't said anything to me since the night on the roof and I don't really mind. I'm not sure what happened that night but there's a shift between the two of us. I'm not sure if it's good or not though. I don't sense any anger from him towards me, but I know he's been purposely avoiding me.

The night I got back from the roof, before I went to dinner, I put some of the bruise balm onto my neck. Eric wasn't lying when he said it would heal the bruising faster. By the next day, the bruise was light, and you wouldn't be able to tell there was a bruise there in the first place unless you went looking for it. I've kept it in my chest, hidden from the rest of the transfers. I've only had to use it one other time when Nevin decided to try and pick a fight with me in the dorms, which was last night. Let's just say that didn't end well for him, given that he walked away with a nasty black eye.

Today's training is a bit different than others. We're back in the training room, waiting for Eric to arrive. It's strange because Eric has never been late to class before and Four isn't here either, so I'm not sure what's going on. It's not long until Eric busts through the doors, obviously unamused, with Four right behind him.

I can already tell it's going to be a long day.

He walks towards our group, his intense gaze running through everyone's faces before he goes back over to our fighting board and runs his fingers across the board. The instant sound of it makes my ears ring. I cover my ears, watching as everyone else does the same.

It's not long until he drops his hand from the board and turns to our class, fuming with anger.

"I've tried to be patient, but I see that that's not going to work anymore. I want everyone over near that wall of targets save for Ella, Elliot, Reid and Amity. You four stay right there."

Everyone rushes towards the target area, tripping over others that try to stand up. I look at Ella, confused as to what's happening. She doesn't seem to know what's going on, same with Elliot. Even Reid looks confused. Whatever's happening, it can't be good for us. They reach the wall, some trying not to face Eric's angry scowl before he walks over to them. It's then that I see there's knives on a table near the area and Eric heads right for it, Four right behind him. He stops in front of it, taking in the sight of the knives before he grabs one and hurls it straight into a target in front of him, bullseye.

He turns his attention back on the transfers before speaking up. "Seeing as how almost all of you can't manage to get it together in gun training, we're moving on to knives. However, you will not be learning how to throw them today expect for the four sitting over there. Instead, each and everyone of you will stand in front of the target and Four here will throw knives at you until you don't flinch. When you stop flinching, then you can learn how to throw knives."

I stare at the group, feeling somewhat bad for them. Ella seems to share my sentiment but refuses to speak up on the matter. I watch as the group of transfers go from shocked faces to immediate fear. Nevin speaks up, obviously trying to deescalate some tension evidently in the room right now.

"Sir, how are we going to learn to be Dauntless soldier if you won't allow us the same training methods that those guys over there have? I think it's a bit unfair of you to put us in front of targets, putting us further behind in training while those over there get a free pass on it. They should be standing with us."

I can give him credit; he's brave enough to say something like that to our trainer. Especially since our trainer is one of the leaders of Dauntless.

Unfortunately for him, I don't think Eric shares his frustrations because the next thing I know, Eric has Nevin by the arm before throwing him in front of the target. Nevin stumbles, landing on his knees. He takes a moment before getting back up and facing the group of transfers and Eric before Eric speaks up again.

"You know, I'm surprised you're from Erudite instead of Candor. You're a mouthy little bastard that needs to know his place. They," he says, looking and pointing to my group before turning back towards everyone else "…don't need to stand here because they've shown competency with a gun. They can aim, fire, and hit their targets efficiently, especially Vi. I don't need to reprimand them for something they're doing well in. It seems everyone else, on the other hand, needs to be reminded what's at stake here if you don't do well. So, to learn that lesson, you will be the first person to stand in front of this target until you learn not to flinch. I don't care if it will take 3 or 4 hours for you alone. You will stand still and let Four throw knives until you don't flinch. The first time you don't flinch, you can go to training with myself and the other four."

Nevin looks angry but refuses to speak up after his last outburst. I personally feel it was the right call. Eric looks at him before turning towards the rest of the transfers.

"As for the rest of you, you will sit here on the floor until Four calls your name to step up. When you're done acting like cowards, you may join the rest of those that are capable of being Dauntless soldiers. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir," says the group.

"Get to work. You wouldn't want to lose out on training because of someone throwing knives at you," he says before walking away, coming back towards our small group. We sit completely silent, waiting to see what Eric's instructions were going to be. He stands in front of us, completely silent until motions for all of us to stand up.

"You four will be working on knife throwing today. It's not a hard concept to grasp, so if you start to struggle, you can join that group over there until you feel that you can manage to throw better. I'm done playing games with you people. I'm training soldiers, not weaklings who somehow managed to slip into our faction. If you want to be Dauntless, fucking start acting like it, is that clear initiates?"

We all nod our heads to acknowledge him before he turns back around and storms toward the targets near the other transfers. We all follow behind him, watching as he stops in front of a table loaded with packs of knives.

"Each of you, grab a pack. I don't care which one, they're all the same," he says, watching as each of us grab a pack off the table.

There are around 6 knives in each pack, all the same size and weight it seems. They're silver in color with small handles for us to grab. I touch the end of one, fascinated by the way it feels.

I pull it out, observing the metal in my hand. It's not very heavy but I can tell it's not flimsy. The handle has a large hole on the end, making me think you can spin it around your finger. My thoughts are cut short when Eric starts to speak again.

"These are the knives you will be training with today. We're going to be testing how well you can stick the knives into these targets. I expect that since all of you had high scores on your shooting, knife throwing wouldn't be any different. Watch and learn because I'm only showing you once," he says before grabbing a pack of his own. He clips it around his waist before reaching in to grab his first knife.

I watch his stance, seeing that it's like the fighting stance they've taught us except it's less arm work and more of the footwork. I can see what he means by having a good stance around here.

The first knife in his hand seems to show me he's relaxed in throwing them. I watch as he stares at the target, gripping onto the handle of the knife before throwing it at the target, hitting it in the center. He proceeds to throw another one and I see that his wrist bends a little to allow some spin to the blade. It's not long until all his knives are thrown and sitting in the target, perfectly in the center. He turns back to us before saying "What are you waiting for? Start."

I decide not to throw my knife first, seeing as I want to practice the stance I saw Eric in. Everyone else seems to have gone straight in to throwing. It's not long until I realize why they aren't hitting. They all have the wrong approach to hitting the target.

Ella has a decent stance but her body is tense, meaning her throws are inaccurate. Elliot's stance is by far the worst of the bunch. A couple of his knives have gone wild from the target and instead wondered over to the other transfers, luckily not hitting anyone. Reid has gotten the closest but he's going for power instead of accuracy. His throws are nice, but his knives haven't even touched close to the target, meaning he's thinking to much into how he's throwing rather than where he's throwing.

I turn and see that Eric is watching our group intently, obviously not happy that no one has hit the target yet. I turn back, forcing myself into a good stance until I take a couple of practice throws without a knife in my hand, seeing how comfortable it is for me. I find my hand going towards one of the knives and I pull it out of the pouch. I attempt several more times practicing my throw with a knife in my hand before I feel I'm comfortable enough to start throwing at the target.

I get into my stance, making sure I'm comfortable in where I'm standing. I turn towards the target, looking at the center since that's where I want to hit. I grip the handle of the knife I'm holding, take a deep breath and throw my first knife.

It misses the center by about 5 inches towards the left, but it sticks on the board. Everyone else who had been throwing turns towards me, staring. I try not to think about it and take another knife out of my pouch until I set up like I had before, this time, looking a little left before I release my second knife. This one hits and sticks in the center. I turn to look around me and find that not only are my friends looking at me in amazement but even Eric looks surprised.

I don't say anything and proceed to throw the rest of my knives into the target. Almost all of them are bullseyes and it's not long until I have to go up to the board to retrieve my knives. I grab my knives, trying to get out of the way so everyone else can continue to practice and I see Eric make his way towards our group. I scurry over to them, worried as to what he has to say,

"You guys are pathetic. Not one of you, besides Ms. Sunshine over here, can hit the target. I told you to pay attention but it's obvious that you refuse to do that. I want you three over in Four's line until you think over how to get better at this because it's obvious that my tactics aren't working."

I stare at him, angered at how he's forcing them over to the Transfer line. I watch as Ella's face turns white, knowing she's about to have knives thrown at her. Elliot goes to comfort her and even Reid looks uncomfortable.

I can't tell you why I did what I did next. You can say it was pure rage or even just a simple act of rebellion, but I refused for my friends to go sit in a line and wait to have knives thrown at their heads. I turn my eyes towards Eric, my face heating up and before I know it, I'm standing in front of Eric yelling at him.

"You expect them to wait to have knives thrown at them? To expect the inevitable when they're trying their hardest to stay here! What Dauntless morals are you teaching them when it comes to that? That when things are too hard and you're trying your hardest to succeed, fuck you because that's not the results I want. How is that making them Dauntless?"

I listen as the room goes silent and I know I've fucked up royally. Even Four looks astonished at my outburst. I watch as Eric grabs my arm, tightly before he silently brings me out of the training room. I try to pry my arm out of his, but I know it's no use. He doesn't say anything, walking us somewhere in the compound. It's a few minutes until he walks towards a small bridge area and while we're over it, he pushes me off. I gasp at the sensation and grasp my hand onto the side of the bridge. He ungrasps my other hand, letting it drop to where I also grip that one onto the bridge. I feel myself dangling and the sense off not wanting to fall hits itself into high gear.

Eric stands there for a moment until he stares at me, looking at me with cold, calculating, angry eyes. "Since you find that knife training was easy for you, you're going to hang here until one of your friends from earlier hits the target. I don't care how long it takes. If you fall, you die. If you give up, your factionless. I'm not going to tolerate such disrespect from an initiate who used to pick flowers and braid other people's hair. I'm going back to the room to explain the situation and to make sure you're going to follow my instructions, I texted someone to come over and watch you hang until you either give up, fall, or someone else hits that target. I don't care which one it is at this point."

I don't dare say anything to him. Instead, I opt to feel the immense tension I feel on my arms, trying to maintain a good grip. I try to think about good times which are far and few in between and watch as another person comes up behind Eric. Eric turns around and begins to address the person and it's then that I realize, he texted my brother.

"Alright Calvin, this is the initiate I was talking about. She's going to hang there until I come back and tell her someone else hit the target board with their knife. Until then, make sure she doesn't get up from the bridge. If she does, she's kicked out. Understood?'

I watch as Calvin's eyes find mine and I see a sense of panic and anger flash across his face until he turns back towards Eric, trying to remain stoic. "Is that really necessary Eric? They might take awhile to hit the target. She could fall into the chasm."

"I don't care at this point. This Amity brat is going to learn respect and if this is the only way to get her to respect me, then so be it. If she falls and dies, I'm not going to lose sleep over it."

I watch as Calvin's jaw tightens, and I know he's trying to keep his temper in check. I don't try and say anything, seeing as my mouth has gotten me in enough trouble. I hear Calvin slowly exhale before he looks back at Eric. "Fine, I'll watch her. Just make sure they can hit the target; I'd rather not clean a body from the chasm this early."

I watch as Eric walks away, clearly still angry, and now I'm left with a very angry and confused brother. I look into his eyes and it seems to have opened his flood gate because the next thing I know, he's yelling at me.

"Jesus Christ Vi, are you trying to fucking die here? You really think angering Eric is the way to get through initiation? I haven't seen you in two years and this is how I get to see you. Did you even think about the consequences?"

I feel my eyes watering and before I can try and stop them, a sob breaks through my body. I feel absolutely devastated. I didn't want my older brother to see me like this. I didn't like when he was angry with me and I know I've really done it this time. I drop my head down, feeling my tears blur my vision. I let out about two years of bullshit and pain, bringing my head back up to stare back at my brother, watching as he looks absolutely gutted.

"Fuck, Vi. I didn't mean to make you cry," he says, moving his hands towards my face, wiping my tears away. I try and take a couple of deep breaths but ultimately fail to do so. "Please calm down, I promise nothing's going to happen to you. I'm just scared Violet. You know, seeing your sibling hanging over a chasm with one of the biggest pricks in Dauntless standing over them isn't a fun sight," he says, sighing with his face in his hands before he straightens up. "I wasn't expecting you to come here but I'm glad you're here. Just not like this."

I attempt to calm myself down again, forcing air to reach my lungs. It takes me a few minutes until I'm able to calmly breath, focusing on my grip still. "That's better Vi. I know it's not easy hanging there but I'm sure your friends are going to hit the target soon. I would bring you up but there's a camera across and Eric would more than likely see that later. Just hang in there Vi, your big brother is here now."

I focus on his words, trying to make sure I don't lose any grip on the bridge. To pass the time, I look for a distraction and ask my brother how life here has been for him.

"It's been nice honestly. I feel strong here and the food is a lot better here than in Amity. Speaking of which, how's mom doing?"

"She's okay. She's been busy these last couple years working with the daycare school, but she seemed to be enjoying it."

"That sounds good. What about dad?"

I freeze, knowing that Calvin knows nothing about what has happened these last 4 years without him in Amity. I decide to tread lightly.

"He's fine. Same old father."

He gives me a look for that one before continuing with his questioning. "That's not a good sign Vi. What was he been doing to you? I know before I left, things got violent, and you ended up with a nasty scar on your leg. Has he done anything else like that to you since I left?"

I know if I looked at my brother, he'd see through any lies I wanted to tell him. However, I know I can't really lie about my father's abuse towards my brother. I decide to mention a few incidents that had happened after he left.

"He used his belt to whip me on my back but…"

"He fucking what?!" he yells, clenching his fist. His eyes flash with immediate anger and it reminds me of my father. I think Cal senses this because he forces himself to calm down before turning back to me "Are there scars Vi?"

I don't really want to answer that but I know he won't take silence for an answer. I opt to nod my head slowly, watching as his face turns to per rage.

"I'll fucking kill him next time I see him. How many on your back?"

"I don't remember, I just know there are some scars there. They were never fully cleaned properly. I almost died form an infection once after a severe whipping, but he found me and cleaned the wounds before taking me to Erudite. He told them I was found in the woods like that and asked them to please help me. They gave me antibiotics for the infection. I went home the next day."

I watch as Calvin tries not to get angrier at that information and instead tells me that we're going to the infirmary after Eric gets back.

"Why are we…"

"Because I want to know everything he did to you when it comes to physical harm. I want it documented with the infirmary and I want to see if you have any injuries that never fully healed. If there are, we're fixing that right away. I'm telling Eric not to let you fight today, I refuse for you to get hurt because of old injuries made by our father."

"I don't think that's necessary Cal, I've won the rest of my fights against the transfers, and I haven't hurt myself at all."

"Yet Violet. What if there's internal damage that I don't know about. You could be putting yourself up towards danger. Please Vi, just listen to me. I want to make sure you're okay," he says, looking at me with puppy dog eyes.

"Okay, I'll go," I say, feeling my hand getting a little tired. I force my hand around the bridge tightly again before letting myself relax.

"Thank you Vi."

After the talk about our father, he decides to change the subject to a lighter tone. He stands there beginning to talk about what he really likes about Dauntless. It seems he's not a big fan of Eric. I don't think it helps that he stuck me over the edge of the chasm. I listen to his stories, amused at some and sad at others.

I feel a piece of my heart slowly coming back to life. My brother was one of my biggest fans growing up and when he left, it left a giant hole in me. He stands here now, huge and built but still the same lovable doofus I grew up with.

I feel my arms starting to get tired and I slip, feeling my right-hand release itself from the bridge. I panic and shoot my hand back onto the platform. It's then I realize how tired this has made me. My arms are starting to get tired and my hands are hurting from how hard I'm gripping the bridge. I think Cal senses how tired I've become because he starts to get irritated.

"It doesn't take people this long to fucking hit a target. What the fuck is taking Eric so long to have them hit a damn target. You've been hanging there for about 25 minutes. This is ridiculous."

I try to calm him down but it's hard to find words to speak right now. My breathing has started to increase and there's a bit of haze in my eyes that begins to slowly fog my vision. I feel my right hand start to let go again so I tighten it again, forcing myself to hang there.

It seems there's a couple more minutes that go by until I hear footsteps heading our way. By now, Calvin is beyond irritated, and I start to see dark spots in my vision. However, I refuse to let up, so I continue to hang there until the footsteps come to a stop in front of Cal. I can make out some of what's begin said since my hearing seems to have gone out a bit.

"Time…hit the target finally… Amity…get up."

I try to force myself up and find that I can't do it. I try to inform my brother, but nothing seems to be coming out. I attempt again to get back on the bridge and I know I can't get back up. I feel my hand loosen and before I black out, I hear someone scream my name.


I know I'm in the infirmary based on the constant beeping noises I've been hearing for the last ten minutes. I can't open my eyes but I feel aware of my surroundings.

I'm not sure as to what happened before I blacked out, I just remember someone shouting me name. There's no one in the room with me right now, not even a nurse. I'd heard one come in to check on my vitals before they left after a few minutes, leaving the room silent again.

I find myself wanting my brother. I hated Eric and I hated how much he reminded me of my dad. I just wanted Calvin here.

It seems my prayers are answered because the next thing I knew, someone was walking into my room before sitting next to me, grabbing my hand.

"I'm so sorry about this Vi. I swear, once you're better, I'm killing Eric. I should have fought harder for you so you didn't have to hang over the chasm like that. I swear, I'll do better next time," he says, squeezing my hand.

I hated to hear how sad he was over this. I attempt to force myself to move but I feel there's a ton of bricks on my chest. I then attempt to squeeze his hand which seems to work because I hear a slight gasp.

"You can hear me? Can you squeeze my hand again if you can hear me?"

I squeeze it again, feeling my brother squeeze back.

"I swear Vi, no one else will touch you again. If you have trouble with Eric, come to me. I promise, I'll protect you better from now on."

I try forcing myself to wake up and find that it's not going to happen right now. It seems Calvin knows too because he squeezes my hand before he tells me to go back to sleep. I fall asleep listening to the sound of the beeping machines around me.


When I wake up finally, Calvin is gone from the room. The machines continue to beep away and I see that there's some ice chips next to me. I reach out, feeling how sore my muscles were before I grab the cup, bringing it back towards my bed before I begin to munch on them. I can tell I'm hungry and I wonder how long I've been out for. I don't have to wait long until a nurse pops in, stopping to see that I'm awake and alert.

"I see you're finally up, that's a good sign. I see you also found your ice chips. I'll bring you some food in a minute. You've been out for the last 6 hours."

I stare at her, my mouth falling open at the mention of being in the infirmary for 6 hours. She seems to take note of it before offering a small smile.

"I know it seems like awhile, but I can promise you haven't missed much. Calvin just stepped out about 20 minutes ago. He said he needed to go grab something and that he'd be right back. Until then, how are you feeling dear?"

"Tired. My arms hurt and my chest feels heavy. What happened?"

"You brother carried you in here, screaming at someone to help. You blood pressure was low and from the bags under your eyes, I'm guessing you haven't been sleeping well either."

I nod my head. I'm also surprised she knew he was my brother, but I try not to interrupt her as she continues to talk with me.

"I'm going to be running some tests on you. You brother mentioned something about your father."

I stare at her, waiting for her judgement. I find myself shaking under her friendly gaze. She seems to want a response out of me, so I offer a little.

"My father wasn't a good man…I have scars on my back and he's worried I might have previous wounds that never fully healed. I'm not sure if I do or not…"

I see her face look at me with pity and I turn away. I didn't want anyone's pity and it seems she caught my stare because she addresses me. "That was not a look of pity for you. You seem like a strong girl, you just have a lot of demons you're hanging onto. It doesn't make you weak, Violet, it makes you a survivor," she says to me.

I don't try to disregard her words, but I know within my heart, I'm not as strong as everyone else wants me to be. I will always be the Amity girl who ran away from her problems. The girl who ran away from her father because I wasn't strong enough to face him.

"Thank you Nurse…" pausing as I don't know her name. She seems to know this because the next moment, she smiles and answers my unasked question.

"My name is Nurse Sylvia; you can just call me Sylvia if it's easier for you."

"I'll call you Sylvia. Thank you for taking care of me while I've been passed out."

"It's not an issue Violet. Now, to begin your exam, I'm going to start off with a medical questionnaire. I want you to be honest with your answers."

I nod, waiting for her to continue.

"What's your full name and what faction where you born in?"

"Violet Lina Videll. I was born in Amity."

"Excellent. Second, how old are you?"

"16. I'll be 17 in October."

The questions continue, such as how tall I was, when was the last time I slept peacefully, etc. For the most part, the questions are easy, and I find them to be simple enough to answer.

It's not until she asks the last question that I find myself freezing under her gaze.

"Has anyone ever forced or tried to force you into unwanted sexual activities?"

I go silent, wondering if I should tell her the extent of what's been done to me. I don't choose to answer her and instead, continue to look at her.

"I need you to be honest Violet. No one can look at these results unless they're needed for a trial. As of right now, this is just to help you in your recovery."

I feel tears prick my eyes before I nod my head slightly. I watch as her eyes tighten, seemingly angry before she finishes the questions.

"That's the end of the questions. Thank you for your honesty with all of it. I know it wasn't easy," she starts off saying before continuing on.

"Now Violet, I understand going through something like that is an ordeal, so I'd like to recommend you counseling here. If you'd like, I can find you a counselor here if that would make you more comfortable."

I nod my head again, trying not to cry in front of her.

"I won't say anything to your brother but Max, the head of Dauntless will become aware of your situation. If you ever feel unsafe with anyone here in Dauntless, please come see me or Max. I can promise you that the situation will be taken care of. Just come here and ask for me by name and I'll see what I can do, okay?"

"Okay," I say quietly. I wait for the judgement to begin but instead, she places her hand on my shoulder, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

"I know it's not easy to admit to people and I can assume you've been through a lot but don't ever feel as though you can't talk to me. I'm under my Hippocratic Oath. Anything you tell me will be confidential."

I nod, feeling a little better.

"Now, we're going to begin some physical testing on you since we just did the mental testing. Just follow my orders and you'll be out of here in no time."

The testing overall isn't a great experience but far better than the hospital experience in Erudite. My blood is drawn, I'm given multiple x-rays and she also looks at my back for the scars that my father gave me.

The scars were the worst part because I knew it was bad from her reaction she gave. Her intake of breath and the way her fingers skating along my back gave me an idea at how bad it was. Before she did anything, she took pictures of them showing them to me and I can see why she reacted the way she did. There were at least over a hundred lines inflicted across my back.

She rubbed some scar ointment on them, telling me that it doesn't fully heal scars, but this should lighten a lot of them up for me, making my back less unappealing. I'm grateful to hear that my back won't have to look like what it did, but it still saddens me that they could never fully heal. She mentions to me that these are proof that I'm Dauntless. I find myself smiling before she allows me to dress myself again.

It's after her examination is done when my brother walks back in.

"Vi, you're okay. How are you feeling?" he says, bringing me towards him. I find myself hugging him, relieved to see him again.

"I'm okay Cal, the nurse was just finished patching me up. I have a fractured rib that's never fully healed, so she rebroke it so it can heal properly. Other than that, there's nothing else to worry about."

He looks happy that I'm not in pain and continues to hug me.

"Thanks doc for keeping her company. I'm sure she's a bit of a handful."

I send him a glare for that comment while he laughs. It seems she finds it funny as well before she accepts the thanks.

"It's not an issue. However, I will need your help, Calvin. I know this won't be easy for you, but your sister has a lot of scars on her back and she can't rub this ointment onto her back fully. I was wondering if you'd be able to help her for the next two weeks until they start to lighten up more."

His happy face drops and is replaced by pure anger. I can tell he hates that I have them but he replaces his anger with sadness. He looks down at me before turning back to Sylvia.

"I can do it."

"Excellent. Just apply it every night before bed for the next two weeks and then your back will look a lot better."

"Thank you Sylvia, I appreciate it," I say

"It's not an issue. Also, before you leave, I have to mention that your blood work will come in about 2 to 3 days. Once they do, I'd like you back here to discuss those results and the results of your mental examination as well."

"I can do that. Do I need to bring Calvin with me for that?"

"You can if you want to but that is completely up to you. Until then, take it easy on training. I know you're just an initiate but even they deserve to take it easy if they aren't feeling well. No running, fighting, or gun shooting for the time being. Throwing knives are okay as long as it doesn't affect your health. Other than that, you're free to go."

She leaves the room, leaving my brother and I there before he backs away from me.

"I'm so sorry you had to deal with dad Vi. I would never have left if I knew it was going to get that bad for you," he says, staring at the floor. I know he feels guilty for leaving me but I have to make him understand that I'm not angry with him.

"Cal, I'm okay. Besides, I would never have wanted you to do that. You would have been miserable in Amity. I saw how you looked at Dauntless kids at school. You were made for here, not Amity."

He stares at me after that, a slight smile growing on his face. "You know, I feel that you're the one who needs reassurance here, not me. You don't have to be strong all the time Vi, you know that right," he says.

"I know. I'm just glad I have you back"

"Me too sis."

We walk out of the infirmary, walking towards the training room. I look towards my brother who gives me a look before he informs me that fights are going on right now. "You heard the doctor, no fighting, shooting, or running until your rib heals up a lot more. I'm not risking you having another injury. If Eric wants to pick a fight, it's going to be with me. Just practice your knife skills. I heard from the grapevine that you have excellent aim."

I blush at his comment, feeling embarrassed he knows that.

"It's just something I'm apparently good at. I have no idea why, but I've been picking up training surprisingly fast."

"Maybe it's because you knew you weren't going to be Amity and Dauntless suited you more."

I guess his idea makes sense, but I'm not convinced totally. It's not long until we're in front of the training room doors that I find my pulse racing. I don't want to see Eric, especially since I almost died a couple of hours ago. Cal seems to see my hesitance because he pulls me in for a quick hug.

"You're okay Vi. I told you, no one's going to hurt you again. That includes Eric."

I calm down immediately after he says that and straighten myself up. Cal releases me before we walk into the room. Everyone's eyes land on me, making me feel uncomfortable. I see that Ella is fighting someone and she and her opponent stop what they're doing when they hear me enter.

I find myself moving forward towards my class until Cal steers us straight towards Eric and Four. Four seems surprised to see me here and Eric look the same as always. His eyes trail my body until they land on my own gaze. I feel myself panic until I remember that Cal was right next to me. I turn away, forcing my stare on the floor and soon, we're standing in front of both of them. Cal speaks first.

"She's been released from the infirmary. However, because they found a broken rib, she's not allowed to fight, shoot, or run until it heals for a bit. Until then, she can practice on the punching bags or train with her knives."

None of them make a notion to talk first until I hear Eric address my brother.

"So, she's basically getting a free pass while everyone else here works to be a member. She needs to continue on her training, or I will be forced to kick her out," he snaps.

I feel my brother tense up and I know he's trying hard not to snap Eric's neck. I don't try and say anything as Cal snaps back at Eric.

"It's doctor's orders Eric. If you kick her out, you lose your job. You can't kick her out if she's still working to be a member. I've heard her shooting skills are way above average, her stamina when running is great and she's won all her fights since being here. There's no reason to kick her out except for you hating her and that's discrimination. If I hear that she's been kicked from Dauntless because she's slacking, I'll understand but if she's kicked for following doctors' orders and working hard, I will bring that issue to Max."

I feel the tension in the room increase, looking up to see everyone in the room completely frozen. Four looks like he's about to jump into the middle of my brother and Eric but Eric breaks his stare from Cal and directs it to me. I gulp as he reaches out to touch me.

I tense immediately and stare at Cal, knowing I'm going to freak out here soon. Cal moves me behind him, forcing Eric to stare at him.

"Don't fucking touch her. You've done enough to her already today. That's enough."

I try not to tremble against my brother as I feel the tension worsen. I hear someone sigh before Eric starts to talk.

"Fine. She can practice knives tomorrow. For right now, she's going to watch fights and see how everyone else is doing."

"Good. Vi," Cal turns to me. "If something happens, remember what I told you."

I nod before Cal walks away towards the training doors. He throws me one last glance before he opens them and leaves the room.

"Alright Amity, go sit down. You're going to watch the rest of the fights and to make sure you're doing something training related, you're going to tell me what they're doing wrong," Eric says, clearly annoyed.

I scurry over to the other initiates and sit down on the floor. I refuse to look anywhere close to Eric. Instead, I opt to watch as Ella's fight resumes.

Her stance is stronger than what it was when we got here but her punching is still sloppy. She hits better with her right hand, but she relies too much on her punches and not enough on her leg work. The other girl is sloppy all around. Her stance isn't the strongest and her punches have no weight behind them. To me, it's clear that Ella will take her down and I'm proven right when Ella throws a nasty punch into the other girl's forehead a few minutes later.

"Winner, Ella" Eric states while Four circles her name on the chalk board.

Ella walks off the mat, clearly proud of herself when she spots me. She sits down next to me and offers a kind smile. I send a small one back, hoping that I don't look as distressed as I was earlier. It seems to not have worked because I see her eyes narrow a little before a look of sadness crosses her face. I know then that I will have to tell her what happened. Before anything else, Eric speaks up again.

"Alright Amity, what did they do wrong in their fight?"

I take a second before I respond. "Ella relies on her punches more and leaves herself open to an attack targeted at her legs. Her punches are strong at times, but her stance gives her a disadvantage when she strikes. The other girl has overall sloppy work. Her stance is still bad and her punches had no power to them. Ella was clearly going to win that fight."

I feel Ella staring at me, seeing that I was paying close attention to what was happening. I try not to squirm under Eric's scrutinizing gaze. It's not long until he lets out a short scoff before continuing.

"I agree. Ella, work on your footwork before it gets you killed. And you," he says, turning towards the other girl, "You're this close to failing initiation. I'm done trying to fix your stance and punches. If you can't get it together, you can just leave now."

The other girl looks completely terrified and I watch as she tries not to cry. He turns back towards our group and announces who is fighting next.

It's another 2 hours until the fights are over. Elliot managed to beat his opponent today, which caused me to smirk. His stance has improved tremendously, and he rarely leaves his stomach open anymore. I'm glad to see both of my friends doing well here and I'm hoping that it continues this way as well.

Eric seems to be in a better mood after the fights are over because he announces that we have the rest of the day off. I watch as all the transfers run out of the room. I stand from my seat on the floor, stretching my arms out as Ella stands next to me. As we both turn towards the door, Eric speaks to both of us.

"Ella, leave. I want to talk to Amity here alone."

My blood runs cold and I feel that I can't breathe. I try not to show Ella how uncomfortable I am with Eric but it seems she doesn't want to leave me alone with him.

"I'm sorry to say sir but I'm not sure how I feel about you talking with her. You left her dangling from a bridge today and barely got to her in time before she almost fell to her death. I don't want her to get hurt."

I find my eyes watering just a bit. I can appreciate the sentiment behind her words. I also know Eric won't take kindly to what she just told him. I watch as his eyes narrow before barking back at her, clearly trying to intimidate her.

"I don't care how you feel if I talk to her, she's my initiate and my responsibility. I can talk to her however I want to. Leave before I decide you also need to learn a lesson on the bridge."

I turn back towards her, trying to stay calm as I can before I start speaking.

"I'll be okay El, I'll be right back at the dorms after this okay. Don't worry about me."

I see the struggle in her eyes. She wants to stay so badly but I know that she knows how serious Eric's threat is. I watch as she slowly walks back towards the training doors before she glances back at me. I send her a slight nod and a wave before she disappears out of the room, leaving just Eric and I in its wake.

I drop my gaze to the floor, not daring to see the man that almost got me killed earlier. I listen as his boots come closer to me until I see that they stop right in front of my shoes. I don't move, afraid of what will happen. It's not long until Eric speaks.

"Look at me Amity."

I don't want too but I know it's a direct order. I breathe in slowly before I exhale and force my eyes towards his own. I don't see any hostility that I had earlier but his gaze is still unnerving. I force myself to stand strong and stare back, not wanting to give him any satisfaction of scaring or frightening me even though he does. His eyes never leave mine and I'm unsure of what he wants to talk to me about until he speaks again.

"I don't understand how you can come from Amity. You're hotheaded and don't have any sense of filter. You disobey my orders and yet, even knowing those consequences, you do it anyways. You don't make any sense."

I don't say anything to him, keeping my gaze on him as he continues his observations. It's not long until he continues.

"This mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble. And I don't want any more trouble during initiation. That's including our best transfer student. Is that clear initiate?"

I nod my head a little, giving him a soft-spoken statement of "Yes sir." I watch as he steps back before he crosses his arms and sighs before speaking again.

"Leave. We're working on throwing knives tomorrow. I expect your target to be filled with knives. I want no slacking in that area since we can no longer test your fighting area. Is that clear?"

I nod again before turning back towards the door. I quietly make my way over to the door, hoping he doesn't call me back towards him. When he doesn't, I take a deep breath and grab the door handle. It's here that Eric speaks up again.

"Also, about the bridge…"

I turn, slightly confused as to why he's bringing it up. Perhaps to laugh at my failure or express his sadness that I didn't fall into the chasm. I watch as he looks uncomfortable under my gaze and it's not long until I get my answer of what he wanted to say.

"I didn't expect your classmates to take that long to learn how to throw a knife. Not a single knife hit the target for 30 minutes. I finally gave up and told them I was going to grab you since they couldn't get their shit together. It was when I was leaving that Ella managed to puncture the target first. After that, I hurried over to the bridge to relieve you of hanging over the chasm. Calvin tried to tell you to get back up, but it seemed you were too far gone from hearing what he had to say. I noticed immediately and saw just as I went to grab you, that your grip loosened, and I grabbed your arm before you fell into the chasm. I gave you to Calvin before I came back here."

I stare at him, wondering why he would save me from falling. He seems to look just as confused as I am and before I can ask him anything, he continues.

"My job is to push people to their breaking points and break them down before they can start to build themselves back up. However, leaving you there on that bridge was more than just a breaking point, it was almost costly and for that, I take back the actions that I did on the bridge."

I guess I seemed surprised because the next moment, Eric's confused and softer gaze is gone and is instead replaced with anger.

"I didn't save your life because I was sorry. I saved it because cleaning a body from the chasm isn't a fun task. I'm not going to risk other's lives because you couldn't handle the pressure of dangling there. Your life here means nothing but there are others who have families here in Dauntless and I refuse to send them down in the chasm to find something as worthless as you."

I try not to feel as though he just stabbed me right in the heart. His words hold some truth to it in the sense that I'm worthless. However, I refuse to give him the satisfaction that his words hurt so much. Instead, I open my mouth to give him a small reply.

"I already know how worthless I am Eric. I don't need you to remind me of all the others before you that figured that out long ago. My life may mean nothing to you or towards myself but I will keep fighting because I have others that think my life does mean something. Goodbye Eric."

I leave the room, listening as I hear faint curses disappear behind the door as it closes.


The night comes quicker than expected. After leaving the training room, I had walked back towards the dorms. Ella immediately came over to ask if I was okay and if Eric did anything to me. I tried to reassure her that nothing happened to me and that I was okay. She seemed to calm down considerably, but I could tell that she was still shaken up with the idea of me hanging over a bridge. I can't say I blamed her. Elliot was also shaken up about the whole ordeal, but I made sure to tell them that it was my own fault, and I would do it all over again so they wouldn't have knives thrown at them.

That made them smile some, but I could tell they still felt awful over what happened. So, during dinner, I made sure to throw in some stories about Amity and how I once had a cow come up and start chewing on my hair like it was hay. Needless to say, Ella found that quite amusing.

"You should not have told me that. I'm gonna have to start calling you cow food Vi. Either that or I'll start saying that you're a whole snack to a whole different species."

I laughed at the joke before telling her that was gross. Elliot seemed to agree but now I guess my secret nickname for Ella now was "Hay"ley. I didn't mind and it seemed to lighten the mood tenfold. Dinner was over in a flash and I walked back towards the dorms with Ella and Elliot going on about Bailey Vi and how I needed a tattoo of a cow on me. I ignored the banter and looked around before deciding to head off to try and find my brother's apartment.

It seemed they didn't notice I broke off and I found myself heading towards the stores of Dauntless. I wished I asked my brother where he lived but I got frazzled from earlier and completely forgot to ask him. So, I take my time to wonder around, seeing if I can find where any leaders of Dauntless may be located. Unfortunately for myself, I didn't see anyone that may have been helpful and find myself now in the middle of Dauntless housing. Looking around, I see that there's a lot of life here that I've never seen from Amity.

There's a sense of pride that Dauntless present rather than just dealing with a rowdy crowd. The children I saw ran with glee and enthusiasm. The amount of people with colored hair and openness towards their partners was something beautiful to witness.

Here, standing in front of myself, was a place that felt like home. No sense of trying to work in the fields, no children being forced to work alongside their fathers, no women who were treated as housewives. It brought the idea of peace more than Amity had ever done for me.

I wasn't sure how long I stood there until I felt someone behind me. I turn to try and catch them off guard, expecting them to attack, but I see its only Eric. I can't say I'm surprised to see him walking around but I'm not sure why he's so fixated on trying to interact with me. I half wonder if the man gets off on torturing his initiates, specifically those he deems as weak and spineless. I refuse to answer or acknowledge his existence and I hear him stand next to me.

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes, and I debate just leaving him there when he finally turns to look at me. He looks tired. I can see the darkness under his eyes. His body also looks on edge, never fully relaxed around me. It doesn't take long until he's speaking to me.

"Thinking about jumping there Amity?"

His question takes me off guard. I guess what I said earlier doesn't help his suspicions, but I thought I made it clear I wouldn't do that to myself. I find myself shaking my head before turning back to the scene in front of me. Here, I felt more at peace than I ever did in Amity. I don't offer any other sort of answer to him and I can tell he wants me to talk because his gaze hasn't left from me. I turn to look him in the eye.

"No Eric, I was not. I just found the scene to be relaxing."

He seems surprised by my answer but doesn't remark on it. Instead, he continues to stare at me and I find myself feeling like he's trying to see past my eyes. I don't think he can pick up on half the things done to me but I can tell he sees something in me that shouldn't be there. It's not long until he speaks up again.

"Why are you out here right now? It's almost lights out for initiates."

There's no sense of anger or malice behind his words. I can tell he's generally curious as to why but I'm not sure how to tell him. It takes me a few seconds to collect my thoughts before I decide to answer his question truthfully.

"I'm looking for Calvin. I need his help."

The reaction I get from Eric wasn't one I was expecting. His eyes turn a darker shade of blue and I think I see one of his fist clenches before he takes a deep breathe to try to relax himself. His body becomes more tense, and I can tell my answer doesn't satisfy him.

"Why do you need his help? I'm sure he's got better things to deal with rather than an initiate who has a crush on him."

I look Eric in the eye, irritated that he jumped to that conclusion. I take a second to answer him.

"First of all, I don't have a crush on him, he's my brother. That's just fucking gross. Second, I need his help with putting medication on my back because the nurse from earlier said I needed someone's help with putting it on. Does that answer satisfy you sir?" I say, watching as Eric seems surprised by my answer.

I half considered laughing at his reaction but choose to instead try and walk past him. Unfortunately, he grabs my arm before I'm able to leave.

"Let go Eric," I say through clenched teeth. I feel my anger rising and I know it's not long until I try and punch him. Instead of letting me go, his grip tightens.

"Why do you need medication on your back Amity?" he says. I freeze and attempt to pull his hand off my arm. He doesn't let go.

"None of your fucking business. Let me go Eric," I say, trying to pry his hand off my arm to no avail.

"It is my business Amity. If it's one of the initiates that did it, I need to know. They need to be punished."

"It isn't from anyone here okay. I don't need to tell you anything. Now for the last time, let me go," I say, squirming under his tightening grip.

"Tell me who did it Vi."

I turn to him, astonished that he used my actual name. I can tell he's getting angry but I refuse to show him any weakness. I refused to show him that I was weak even though I knew I was. I yang on my arm again.

"It's not your fucking business Eric. Just tell me where to find my brother and let me go," I say, feeling sudden tears prick my eyes. I blink, trying to get rid of them before Eric can see them.

"As your leader, you either tell me or I will kick you out of Dauntless!" he screams at me. It's here that I can't hold it in anymore and let out a small sob.

"I have scars okay. My back is littered with them and the medicine is suppose to help lighten them. I guess you can say Amity isn't so fucking peachy and happy go lucky that you make it out to be. Does that make you feel better?" I scream at Eric before I drop to floor, sobs escaping my throat.

I don't even try to force them back down. I don't even care that I'm crying in front of Eric because I'm too tired to care about it. I feel his grip on me loosen and I'm left on the floor, crying out all the pain I've had to suffer these last couple of years. I half hope the floor eats me alive because I can tell that I'm tired. I'm tired of living, I'm tired of the pain my father has put me through.

I'm not sure how long I continue to cry for, but I know Eric hasn't left. He stands a couple inches away from me, his boots near my head. I take a second to stare up at him and find that his eyes are angry. I expect him to yell at me but to my surprise, he lifts me up in his arms. To make myself somewhat more stable, I wrap my arms around his neck which doesn't warrant any threats from him to my surprise. I continue to cry as he walks off towards housing and it's not long until we're in front of what seems to be an apartment. I find myself staring as Eric manages to pull key out from his pocket before he pushes them into the door.

It takes a few seconds, but he manages to turn his key and the door opens. Eric steps inside and walks over to what I think is the living room of the place. He gently places me down, which greatly confuses me, before he goes back over to the door to grab his keys and close the door before coming back over to me. I don't try and stare at him and instead decide to stare at my feet.

The tears start to subside and I find myself looking around my surroundings. My guess is that we were in Eric's apartment, but I wasn't sure as to why. I finally look at Eric and decide to try and ask him why we're here.

"Why…why did you bring me here?" I say, watching as he sits next to me before turning to look at me. I watch as a long sigh overtakes him, breathing slowly in before releasing a breath. I don't wait long for him to answer me.

"I'll put the medicine on your back. Calvin is working late tonight, and I want you to get some rest for tomorrow's training."

I stare at him, half expecting him to say he's joking but one look in his eyes and I know he's being serious. I fight back the sadness and pain I feel and instead replace it with anger.

"I didn't ask for your help. I want my brother here. He said he could help me."

"I know you didn't. Calvin is working late tonight in the control room and will not be allowed to leave his post. I'm offering my help here."

I bite back a snarl and instead offer a glare towards Eric.

"Yeah right. I think you just want to see how bad it is so you can make fun of me. What was it you taught me earlier? Exploit weaknesses of others because it can give you the advantage you need. Is that what you're trying to do here? Because I can say that I refuse to play that fucking game. Now if you'll excuse me," I say, trying to stand up from his couch before he grabs my arm once again. It's not tight but it's enough where I have to struggle to shake him off. I turn to look at him, about to go off when he cuts me off.

"I'm not trying to exploit anything here Vi, I'm trying to help you. This right now isn't a game. I'm not as heartless as I seem in training you know."

"I highly doubt that. After all, who'd want to help someone as fucking worthless as I am?" I snap back. Eric seems to cringe at the mention of it, running his hands through his already messy hair. I can also tell he's trying to keep his temper in check. For what reason, I'm not sure of.

"Listen Vi, I was angry earlier. And when I'm angry, I say some dumb shit. It wasn't my intention on hurting you like that," he says, looking over at me. I try to pick out any indication of lies but find it hard to find any clues as to him being untruthful. I look back at him, watching his eyes turn a dark shade of blue. He looks younger in a way, in the sense that he doesn't seem invincible like he does in training. He almost seems…human.

"It's fine. I'm used to hearing it anyways," brushing him off, refusing to allow myself open up to him. This answer doesn't seem to bode well with him because the next thing I know, he has me pinned beneath him on the couch.

"By who?" he asks.

I look away, feeling some sort of overwhelming force slam into me. I felt trapped beneath Eric, feeling his hot breath brush against my face. He's not moving his hands, which somehow landed beside both sides of my head. I begin to feel like a 100lb weight is being sat on my chest and I feel myself begging to be released from whatever was happening. My breathing begins to pick up, I can feel a decent amount of sweat form on my face, and I don't realize that I'm shaking until Eric speaks again.

"What's wrong Vi? Why are you shaking so bad?"

I can't seem to find the words. My mouth feels dry and I feel slightly nauseous. The room feels like it's spinning and I can't seem to do anything to calm down. I just shake my head at Eric, hoping that he gets off of me. To my luck, he pushes himself off the couch, looking as though he burnt himself.

I try and catch my breath, hoping to calm my nerves before I look over at Eric. He's standing a good distance away from the couch now, watching me on his couch. I watch as he steps back before he retreats into another room, leaving me by myself. I continue to lay on the couch, seeing if I hear anything but I don't hear Eric anymore.

I move my legs back to the floor before I stand from the couch. My footing isn't solid and I find myself on Eric's floor, feeling my legs shake uncontrollably. I decide to look around the apartment, seeing if I could find anything that could help me stand but I find nothing. I spot a bookshelf close to the couch, filled to the brim with books. I can also see a very much used coffee table right in front of me, indicated by the years of coffee stains that were never fully lifted from the wood. It brings a sense of how much Eric seems to love his coffee and even with some small coffee stains, the table is in great condition.

I continue to look about, noting that Eric seems to be a bit of a neat freak. The books on the shelf seem to be alphabetized. There was no paperwork scattered about his living room. Even his coffee table had no trace of anything besides the stains. I can only imagine what the rest of the apartment must look like. Then again, I wouldn't know because I was still sitting on the floor.

It's then that I attempt to stand again but am met with the same fate. Thankfully, Eric comes back in after the fact of me busting my ass on his carpet and not being able to get back up. I'm not sure how long he's been gone but I can tell he's not in the best of moods now.

"Why are you on my floor Amity?"

I stare at him, embarrassed to have been seen on his floor like this. I drop my gaze, hoping that it hides my reddening face. I listen to Eric move across the room and I find his shoes right in front of my face. I'm not sure what he's doing until he's grabbing my arms, forcing me to my legs. My grip tightens, knowing my legs still aren't in working order and Eric seems to sense this. He moves his hand under my legs and places his other hand on my back, effectively carrying me.

I have yet to look at him and I know my ears are beginning to turn red as well. Eric sets me down on the couch again before sitting next to me. I cast a glance at him and find him staring at me.

"Why were you on the floor?"

It takes me a couple of seconds to process his question before I start to answer him.

"I wanted to say hi to the carpet," hoping it gets him to crack a smile. Unfortunately, he seems unamused with that answer. I sigh before telling him my legs were shaking a bit. His shoots his gaze onto my legs which are still shaking.

I'm not sure what he's thinking but his frown from earlier deepens. I watch as he moves his hand towards my leg; I don't try to stop him. It finds its way onto the middle of my thigh, and it seems he's avoiding my questioning stare. His hand feels warm and I let out an involuntary shiver which I'm sure he feels. I'm not sure what's going through Eric's head.

He seems lost in thought and he's now absentmindedly rubbing his thumb across my thigh. I feel like this is wrong and I should slap his hand away, but the touch feels nice. It's light and gentle and everything I have never felt before. Before thinking about it, my left hand finds its way on top of Eric's hand and he finally seems to notice what he's been doing.

The movements stop but his hand still lingers below mine. I look at him and see that he's staring right back at me. His eyes are questioning and calculating but I find myself lost in them. His eyes are beautiful, reminding me of a summer's eve storm cloud. He seems to have relaxed a bit and I find my thumb tracing across his hand. He turns my hand, effectively grabbing it with his own.

The room temperature seems to have increased and I don't try to move away from him. His drops his hand from my own and I instantly miss the contact. However, it finds its way behind my ear, moving a piece of my hair that had apparently fallen. I flush red, not sure what to do. His gaze remains on my own and I see that he begins to move closer.

Rather than freak out, I find myself moving towards him as well. My heartbeat seems to be going crazy and I'm sure he can hear it. My eyes begin to close a little bit and I feel the distance between us close further.

"Eric," I mumble.

With that one utterance, the spell between us is broken and his hand leaves my hair. I open my eyes and find that he's moved away. I feel slightly disappointed with the result and move to stand up, hoping my legs won't give out on me.

To my surprise, they're working, and I make to move towards the door but I find that Eric stops me, grabbing my hand again.

"Don't leave," he says.

Instead of answering him, I move back onto the couch but put some distance between the two of us. I'm not sure what's going on in his head, but I've just found out a couple things just by being here.

One, Eric is a strange and unpredictable human being. One moment it's being nice to me, like giving me a bruising balm or head starts on the rest of the class, and the next is pushing me away or trying to kill me, like the bridge incident or trying to kick me out of Dauntless for dumb reasons.

Two, I find myself thinking his request to stay with him to be strange. Most of the time, he tells me to leave him alone, especially during moments like this where he seems a bit vulnerable. It's not the normal Eric that I know and have come to know and I'm sure if I tried to tell anyone, they'd never believe me.

Three, I know I'm very attracted to him and because of that, I know I've royally screwed myself.

I know he's a bad human being. This is the same man who threw me over a bridge before leaving for 30 minutes and almost watched me die on his watch. This is the same person who punished my friends because they didn't live up to his standards. This is the same man who has belittled me at every possible turn.

This is the same man that I'm starting to feel for, and I find myself nauseous at the thought. I could never fully love someone who has hurt me time and time again because I've already been exposed to that by my father. Someone like that doesn't deserve forgiveness and I should tell him to fuck off and leave me alone.

With those thoughts, I turn to look and Eric and attempt to tell him off but instead find a different word coming out instead.

"Okay."

I take back the screwed part from earlier, I'm royally fucked now.