Scott Summers stood at the window of the room he shared with Jean Grey, staring at the grounds of the mansion without looking at them. His usual pair of ruby-quartz wraparound sunglasses had been replaced by his battle visor. In truth, he had not removed it in a week or so. His mind was blank, numb with grief. It was three days since the dam rupture at Alkali Lake, and he was still in shock. He couldn't wrap his mind round the fact that Jean wasn't coming home.
Somewhere nearby, a piano started playing a slow, mournful tune. It was soon joined by a guitar. A voice lifted in song, carrying the melody seemingly throughout the mansion.
Why,
tell me the reasons why
Try, still I don't understand
What had possessed her to suddenly take off out of the Blackbird like that? The jet was built to withstand that kind of beating. After all, it flew at ten times the speed that the water was travelling, and was able to move underwater.
Will I ever feel this again?
He doubted it. He and Jean had something special. He didn't think that he could ever love someone as closely and as fully as he had Jean.
Blue
sky, I'll meet you in the end
Free them, free the memories of
you
Free me, and rest 'til I'm with you
A
day like today
My whole world has been changed
Nothing you
say
Will help ease my pain
He had had so many people try and talk to him. Professor Xavier, Ororo, Logan, and the new X-Men who had been in the jet at the time, Bobby, Rogue, and Kurt. He had shrugged them all off and muttered excuses about needing to go somewhere. He had gone for a long walk through the back woods that bordered on the property, always aware of Logan following him, although Scott had never seen him. The fall leaves, an explosion of reds, browns and golds, seemed to mock him as he walked.
Turn, I'll turn this slowly round
Burn, burn to feel
alive again
He couldn't even cry. If he took his visor off for even a moment, his optic blasts would lance out, destroying anything they came in contact with. He wished that he could feel alive, but some part of him had died at the same moment that Jean had been swept away by the inexorable onrush of water. Scott felt a moment of true, bone-crushing, heart-wrenching despair.
She,
she'd want me to move on
See me, this place I still belong
He found himself at the edge of the grounds, following the path he had taken the day before. A tiny, still-rational part of his mind started nagging him that he was in big trouble if he couldn't remember a short walk.
But she wouldn't want to see me moping around, he thought to himself. I just feel so lost and alone without her here to hug. He missed being able to hold her, pull her close, smell her hair that always smelt of coconut from the shampoo she used. He had a sudden flashback to the museum trip, just before the cafeteria incident. She was having trouble controlling her telepathy since Liberty Island, and he had noticed. When the screens started playing up, he knew that she was having another attack. He had held her close, and her telepathy settled down. It had been causing the screens to go haywire, but one embrace, and they both felt safe and secure.
Give
chase, to find more than I have found
And face, this time now on
my own
Days disappear
And my world keeps changing
I feel
you here
And it keeps me sane
It was true. He could feel her here. Not as a ghost or anything stupid like that, but her presence, carried by him in his memories, hundreds of memories, of brighter days past, the pair of them being the first two students of Xavier's all those years ago. Both staying on to become teachers of the next generation of mutant kids, trying to instill in them the same values Xavier had instilled in them. His faced contorted, as a fond smile warred with the impulse to scream at the heavens for an elusive answer to an unspoken question.
So
I'm moving on
I'll never forget
As you lay there and watched me
Another flashback, this time different. The morning of the museum trip. They had woken up at the alarm, and just lain there, staring into each others eyes for at least fifteen minutes, taking silent comfort in their close proximity, their unspoken affection and the psychic bond between them.
Accepting
the end
I knew you were scared
Hobbling out of the Blackbird, telekinetically stopping Kurt from reaching her and dragging her back. Holding the ramp in place to prevent another rescue.
You
were strong I was trying
I gave you my hand
She spoke to him, even as she used her power to bring the engines back online and start the vertical thrusters. Through Xavier, just so that all the kids in the back could know how much love she had for him, and how hard this was for her to do.
I
said it's okay letting go time to leave here
And I'll carry on
The
best that I can without you here beside me
The others needed him. He needed to be there for them. He realized at this point that he wasn't the only one hurting. Ororo had lost her best friend, Xavier the daughter he never had. He needed to comfort them, as well as let them comfort him. This was no time to be alone.
Let him come take you home.
Jean seemed to whisper to him. On cue, Wolverine appeared from behind a tree, his ever-present leather jacket slung casually over his shoulder. "How ya doin', bub?" he asked gruffly.
"Better," said Scott, bravely attempting a smile. "I just needed some time. Come on, the kids need Danger Room practice." He stood up from the fallen tree he had been sitting on, and fished in his jacket pocket. Pulling out a pair of red-tinted sunglasses, he closed his eyes, removed the visor, and put the glasses on. Turning in the direction they had come from, they started their silent walk home.
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Author's Note: This song is Disappear, again by Dream Theater. I own nothing from either Dream Theater or Marvel. Poor student here, please don't sue! But please give me a review.
