Falling through pages of Martens on angels
Feeling my heart pull west
I saw the future dressed as a stranger
love in a space-dye vest

Okay, so it was more of a white lab coat than a space-dye vest but still. She was the personification of love. An angel in a white lab coat. Normally, those were enough to put the fear of God in him, even though he didn't believe in God. They still reminded him, subconsciously, of what he was, and who had made him that way. That place and the people in it still haunted his dreams, even after all these years.

Love is an act of blood and I'm bleeding
a pool in the shape of a heart
Beauty projection in the reflection
Always the worst way to start

He remembered the first time he saw her properly. His arm wrapped around her neck after she tried to inject him with something. He had caught her completely by surprise, and remembered the sudden spike in heart rate as she found herself a hostage.

He'd later found out that she was engaged to Scott, the alpha-male of the group. He was the leader, and as befitting a leader he had the best female. Not that Storm wasn't good looking, but for someone who had always seen himself as top dog, this was an unwelcome development. He could almost hear Scott talking to her, warning her off him.

"But he's the sort who can't know
anyone intimately, least of all a
woman. He doesn't know what a woman
is. He wants you for a possession,
something to look at like a painting or an ivory box.
Something to own and to display. He doesn't want you to be real,
or to think or to live. He doesn't love you, but I love you.
I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and
feelings, even when
I hold you in my arms. It's our last chance... It's our
last chance..."

He'd had his chance, and blown it. She'd made her choice, and it hadn't been him. Even though it stung, he had to accept it and move on.

Now that you're gone I'm trying to take it
Learning to swallow the rage
Found a new girl I think we can make it
as long as she stays on the page

Even though outwardly he was fine, and adjusted to the idea of her never coming home, inside he was roaring with the unfairness of it all. He was seeing someone, but whether or not Storm considered theirs a relationship, he didn't know. She was kind of torn up inside as well. Then again, she had just lost her best friend. They had all lost someone who was close to them.

This is not how I want it to end
And I'll never be open again

He'd never been open before. Rogue… Marie… was the only one who had ever gotten through his shields in the fifteen years that he could remember. He couldn't remember anything before Alkali Lake. Whether or not this was a good thing he didn't know. There were too many gaps in his memory, but he had grown accustomed to them, if not entirely comfortable.

There's no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
There's nothing to keep me sane
and it's all the same to you
There's nowhere to set my aim
so I'm everywhere
Never come near me again
do you really think I need you

He'd tried, really he had. But it was the same, again and again. The only one he could fully rely on was himself. Classic lone wolf mentality. He had left the team behind to hunt out his past at the Lake, and failed. But then, he had also made a choice to stay with the team. He wasn't sure what had prompted this, but the thought of that man continuing his experiments was just too hateful to contemplate.

I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.

He met Scott in a hallway. There was a small verbal confrontation. Again, befitting the alpha male, Scott had the last words.

And I'll smile and I'll learn to pretend
And I'll never be open again
And I'll have no more dreams to defend
And I'll never be open again

"Not everyone heals as fast as you do, Logan."