Thank you so much for the comments and thoughts.
Cue up Just Breathe by Pearl Jam if you wish. It might be nice to play it once or twice when indicated.
This chapter is a long one. Get Comfy. An epilogue will most likely be coming.
Thanks so much for entertaining this journey.❤️
CC may have had a small momentary breakdown where her eyes may or may not have leaked, not that she would never let herself admit it. All she knew for sure was that she carried that punched in the gut feeling up to her room with her. She was so frustrated with Niles that it physically hurt.
She should have expected something like this. It wasn't like they thought this through before they jumped into a physical relationship. The thought that they acted hastily made her laugh because they'd spent years stalling it off and finally acting on it had done nothing to temper it.
The real problem was that since DD's accident, she'd taken a lot of time off, but now she was back to work: co-producer. And now who she was seemed to conflict with the path she was on with Niles and Sophie.
It was impossible to split herself. But she knew she could suck this up, just like she'd done before, and then they would just go back to their lives again.
There was a soft knock on the door. "Babcock?"
CC looked up at the closed door and forced her voice out. "Yeah, hazel?"
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I overreacted."
She felt something in her chest and went to the door slowly. "It's ok, Niles. You were right…" She took a deep breath. "You can go back to the Sheffield's tonight, and- "
She hesitated before forcing herself. "I can stay with Sophie until I leave for California…. we can switch off taking care of her when I get back."
There was a long silence before he answered, "Ok, Babs." There was another long pause. "I just wanted to say, that I didn't mean to hinder you in what you need to do."
She leaned sideways on the door letting the side of her head rest on it.
Maybe It was always going to end up this way. And if Niles wanted to avoid all the turmoil, she'd just let him go too. "Maybe you were right, we've been dealing with Sophie and things here for a long time. We might need a break."
She put a fist silently on the door. Something inside of her was nagging at her that it shouldn't end like this, and maybe there was another way, but she pushed on despite it. "Nanny fine can help hand Sophie off."
His voice was low and strained. "All right, CC. Whatever you want." There was a long pause, and she couldn't see it, but he'd rested his head slowly on the door. "Goodnight."
She flattened her hand on the door next to her head. "Goodnight."
It felt like 30 seconds went by before she heard him leave her and she turned leaning her back against the door and shut her eyes. The object of her attention, her comfort, her support, her rock, her shiny new toy… was gone.
The next day CC hit the ground running as fast as she could. She moved up her California trip, then she called Chandler and told him that she and Niles had decided to take a break from parenting together.
Chandler apologized for his unreasonable ultimatum and his jealous behavior, and they not so unexpectedly, developed a new connection, albeit a formal one.
It was all fine. Why wouldn't it be? Her life was just going back to everything she had originally planned.
All except; she couldn't eat, she could hardly breathe, and she had to use all of her energy to keep her head up and force a big smile that she felt even less than usual.
She unbuttoned the brand-new Dolce and Gabbana jacket that she was wearing as she hung up the phone. It was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.
She wondered how the dust buster snapped back so quickly. He must have sought out his effervescent on again and off again, cheerleader, ex-girlfriend. It wasn't really his style. She was the only one that could and would move on so easily.
Even if it was unlikely, the very idea of Niles touching Shay- after all the things that she and Niles shared, and all the things that they'd left unfinished— it made her face feel hot.
She took a deep breath and took off her suit jacket because she felt crushed by it now and she no longer cared how attractive it made her look.
Before leaving for her trip, she sat in DD's living room with Nanny Fine and Sophie. CC picked up Sophie and held her in front of her sitting on the couch. "Now Sophie, listen. I'm going to be back next week for three days, and then we're going to take walks to the zoo, and eat scrambled eggs, and watch all The Wiggles you want. Okay?" She could hear her voice cracking.
Sophie leaned forward smiling and then snuggled into CC's lap sideways. "And while I'm gone, Niles is going to take good care of you. And Nanny Fine is going to help when he's busy. Ok?"
Sophie took the binkie out of her mouth and held it out to her. "Ma-ma ma mum-."
CC looked around shocked. "No Sophie." She pointed to herself. "I'm CC."
Sophie laughed. "Ma-um. Mom-ee."
It wasn't pronounced perfectly, but it was unmistakable, and the huge weight of her guilt grew. "Ok, Sophie…mommy it is." She blinked feeling a little numb and looked at Nanny Fine who was overcome and teary eyed.
Nanny Fine managed to hold back. "Sophie let's let …uh, mommy, get to her plane."
Fran looked at CC using her softest voice. "CC, I'll take good care of her until I get her to Niles." Then she looked back at the baby. "Right, little girl?"
CC's heart was flipping. She knew the Nanny was trying to help her so she could leave, but she felt stuck.
Nanny Fine reached out her hands and the kind look was not lost on her. "It's, ok. I promise."
CC looked down kissing Sophie on the head before handing her over. "This is going to be the longest week of my life."
Fran smiled reassuringly. "You know he'll take good care of her, sweetie."
CC nodded, at least she was thankful for that. She also never thought she could appreciate the nanny so much.
She stood and walked to the door as Fran turned the baby to face her shoulder.
CC grabbed her roller suitcase and headed out the door.
Once the door shut, she sat in the limo wishing like hell it was Niles who was driving her even though she was upset with that stubborn old man. Though at this point, she blamed them both. She and Niles were both stubborn as hell, or none of this would have happened this way.
She flipped her hair over her shoulder and sat up straight trying to control her breathing. Babcock's don't break down.
The limo pulled into the hanger and stopped in front of Chandler's jet.
The driver arrived outside of her door and opened it for her, immediately giving her another pang.
She slid out of the car, and he handed off her bag to the attendant who would be helping them on their flight.
She stood up straight taking a deep breath and pushed her hair behind her ears.
As she approached the jet, music wafted from inside, and Chandler met her at the bottom of the jet stairs.
"CC." He reached for her hand smiling. "You look beautiful."
"Hello, Chandler." She smiled as best she could as the attendant loaded her bag.
He held both of her hands. "I've missed you."
She was sure something like a sympathetic look crossed her face for the first time.
He looked down at the ring on her finger. "This is a sight for sore eyes."
She smiled, happy to have the soft place to land…but.
She just needed time to adjust back to the idea of having her life "in order" again, the way it was supposed to be.
"Shall we?" He led her up the jet stairs in front of him.
She found one of the comfortable front seats on the right side of the jet and put her bag next to her.
Chandler sat in the next seat and put his brief case down on the coffee table in front of them.
He adjusted his jacket before leaning close to her. "CC, I apologize again for any problems I may have caused the other night. My behavior was childish."
"It's ok, Chandler." She put a hand on his arm and looked out of the jet window as the crew began closing the door and prepared to depart.
Just breathe began playing on the jet's sound system.
She looked out of the jet window and shut her eyes. The audible locking of the door made her stomach lurch.
CC pushed her shoulder length hair behind her shoulder and stared into the reflection in the window. The sheen of her cream silk shirt made her red lipstick and augmented thick lashes pop in the reflection.
Everywhere she looked there was gold or diamonds, her wrists, neck, ears… the huge diamond engagement ring flashed at her in the reflection.
She sucked her teeth slightly to make sure there was no trace of lipstick on her teeth. Perfect. Everything was perfect, just like her life.
So, why did this scene in the window cause so much pain?
She could see Chandler in profile behind her adjusting his seat and then appearing to relax. And there they were, together again, embarking on their perfect life.
It was what she'd wanted. She'd asked for this. Reverting to this familiar life was easy…and predictable.
Unlike life with Niles, which was fraught with countless unknown ups and downs between them.
Her eyes began to tear, and she could spot it in the reflection. She took a deep breath. Why in the hell would the pain not wave off this time?
Then the lyric in the song played. "Stay with me. Let's just breathe."
Niles. Her eyes were filling with tears that were threatening to spill.
"CC?"
She turned around to see the concerned look on Chandler's face.
CC put a hand on his and looked back at him. "Chandler, before we were even engaged, I wanted to be with you more than anything. You do know that?"
Chandler swallowed and sighed. "I always pictured us in seersuckers, sitting in the Hamptons making phone calls while the nanny ushered the children to the pool."
She smiled and a tear dropped. "I've never wanted anything more in my life."
"Except for the children, you certainly worked hard enough for it." He smiled and put his arm around her as she collapsed in his arms.
Niles stood restlessly watching Sophie sit in her living room playpen and fumble with a few blocks.
If CC wanted to go, he had to let her go. He needed to force himself to find a way to deal with it. He had Sophie's jacket in his hand and sat on the couch slightly slumping for a moment.
But he couldn't. He sat up quickly. "Sophie, It's awfully quiet around here without her. Isn't it? -No one to yell at us about me giving you sugar, or letting you lick the spoon."
He thought back to their recent argument in the kitchen. "Niles don't let her eat that."
"What?"
"She shouldn't have sugar." CC began to take the spoon away and Sophie yelled loudly holding it tighter. Her little brows went red.
"Now look what you've done, servant!" CC put her hands on her hips and glared at him with her eyes flashing.
He smirked. "Now I see the family resemblance."
He snapped out of his thought. He stood up and went to the playpen "Sophie, should we?"
Sophie threw a toy against the playpen netting and used her new word. "Mom."
"Good enough." He scooped her up and began putting the coat on her.
The smell of Chandler's trademark aftershave invoked memories of her entire life of social clubs, cotillions, sororities, country club parties, and weddings. It was nostalgic, but no longer as important as they once were.
For the first time, she understood what the hell DD was trying to get into her head that entire last year of her life. It was so simple, none of it would matter if she didn't have what she really wanted underneath it all.
She breathed Chandler in again. The entire time she was trying to figure things out, the entire time she was not sure how invested she was, and even all through her longing for Niles, Chandler waited patiently, confident he was the better catch, the beautiful match of her dreams.
But neither of them could have predicted what happened since. Now there was Sophie…and it brought her Niles.
She'd lost him the first time over the engagement to Chandler, but this time was so much worse. Now she'd seen a glimpse of the other side, and of what her life could always be, and she couldn't shake the feel of it.
She pictured Niles sitting on the jet next to her as he'd done so many times before on their trips with Maxwell, and her soul yearned.
She rested her head on Chandler's chest now as the solid stream of tears protested her attempted escape of day-to-day domesticity.
The escape meant seeing Sophie's smiling baby face only once a week and not every day. And seeing Niles the way she'd seen him recently? Never again.
She made another attempt to clear her head. She was fine, she could work it all out later. Later after her trip.
The images began despite herself, Niles kissing her and another time dancing with her in the Sheffield living room.
Niles upset about her engagement to Chandler. Emotionally leaving her until he held her in the hospital bringing her back from the brink. "Whatever you want Babcock. Just breathe."
She and Niles staying up all night trying to get Sophie to sleep the first few days.
The first time she tried to change a messy diaper and nearly lost her lunch. Niles stood next to her laughing, and they tried to cover their faces. They both ended up laughing so hard, she forgot how disturbing the diaper was.
She and Niles participating in a mini food fight after Sophie threw food at the two them. Sophie laughed at them uproariously.
The way Sophie crinkled her nose and snorted at their barbs back and forth even though CC didn't think she could understand them.
The night she and Niles sat exhausted on the couch at the end of the day in a living room full of toys while Sophie sat in her pajamas wide awake and crawling between them.
Finally, Sophie sitting on her lap today. She and Sophie sat on the couch without Niles. For the first time they were missing a huge piece of them.
She finally shook her head, back in the moment. "Chandler, I know you think you want to marry me. And I really want to marry you, more than you'll ever know. But-" She began to cry. "I'm sorry, Chandler."
He hugged her to his chest and then kissed the top of her head. "I know, darling. You have to go."
She picked her head up to look at him. "What?"
He gave her his wide smile with a touch of regret. "I've done my best, but I've finally noticed a few things."
She felt the gushing behind her eyes, and she put a hand on his arm shaking her head. "-Chandler."
She'd tried to do what she was "supposed to" do. But she just couldn't figure out who that was benefiting anymore.
"Go, sweetheart."
It was the first time she felt as if he really saw her and if she weren't so mixed up over Niles, she may have found new feelings for him.
She took off her heavy ring and put it in his hand. "I loved wearing this."
He smiled. "I can handle California while you figure things out. We'll talk later this week?"
Chandler had never been denied a thing in his life and she was surprised that he was out of fight.
He squeezed her lightly with the arm around her again, "I thought I could win you, but not like this." He shook his head. "I chose not to see it, but you've loved that miserable son of a bitch the entire time."
She laughed as a tear fell and she leaned over to grab a tissue on the table next to them. "I didn't want to."
He smiled at her, kissed her head again and held her until she calmed.
She looked up at him. "I love you differently, Chandler."
He kissed her hand and nodded, then opened his hand and looked at the ring again. "I know. And god damn it, I don't want to say this…" He paused for a moment as if he might stop himself. "But it was obvious, you were the happiest and most beautiful when you were in love with him."
He looked up from the ring at her. "I see it clearly now."
His hand closed around the ring tightly and he put it in his shirt pocket. "Now go, before I change my mind and take my theatre back again."
She kissed him on the cheek, and then got up and called to the attendant. "Get my bag. I'm going home."
The door of the plane opened, and the stairs came down. CC ran down the stairs and stopped as her bag was brought out, she grabbed the handle and then looked up realizing that the car to take her home was already approaching.
It came to a stand still and Niles got out. His hair was disheveled, the top few buttons of his white shirt were open, and his sleeves were rolled up.
CC stood stunned for a moment watching him. He was hurrying to the jet until he saw her standing there. He met her eyes and stopped and pushed up his sleeves.
Her heart dropped as she let go of her bag handle and started walking quickly to the car and he picked up the pace to walk to her.
She ran the last few steps and tackled him before he had time to get his bearings. "Rochester!"
He pivoted as he caught her.
Her arms were wrapped around his neck. "What are you doing here?"
"Saving you" His deep voice vibrated into her own chest.
CC smirked. "From?"
"Yourself." An eyebrow quirked above his sparkling eyes.
She gave him a look, but then her hands squeezed his biceps. "I don't want to go."
He smiled. "Thank god because I don't want you to."
Their heads bent, their lips met, and they fell into a kiss so deep she had no idea how long it lasted.
She picked her head up. 'Don't you want to know why?"
"I don't care why." He joked and tried to kiss her again.
She stopped him. "Niles, I'm sorry that I said that you wanted this more than I did. I… I didn't know that I couldn't go back to the way things were before, or that I was going to miss the three of us so much.
She squeezed his jacket lapels. "And damn it, butler. If you ever try to move out of the house again, I'll kill you."
"I thought it was what you wanted, brunette." His soft blue eyes shown under the heavy eyelids as he looked down at her with his tightest smile and his eyes began to mist.
She shook her head. The jet behind them had started its engine again.
He put his finger under her chin. "I was a bloody idiot. Do what you need to do. Sophie and I can go with you, or we'll be here when you get back. I only know that I don't want to lose the two of you. I should have swallowed my pride and admitted it in the first place."
She bit her lip slightly to keep from crying.
He shook his head. "Babcock, I love you. I've probably always loved you. Since the first day your snooty little self sauntered into the office. But now there's the three of us, and I can't go back either.
She took a deep breath. "I love you. Always have. I was…"
"Pig headed. I know."
"Niles!" She slapped his shoulder.
He laughed and gave her a gentle kiss.
"I wanted to tell you that night after I broke up with Chandler."
He smiled and whispered down to her mimicking her from that night. "I -I -I remember."
She shot him a teary glare trying to hold back her small smile.
The jet began to make its way to the taxi and their heads tuned to see it roll away.
Niles pushed her hair behind her ears. "I meant it, brunette. I want you to go if you want."
"I want you." CC bent her index finger and ran it down his cheek and then under his strong jaw nodding slowly. "I want you and Sophie and for all of us to be together."
She slid deeper into his safe arms, putting her head on his warm chest, and shutting her eyes tightly as he hugged her back.
She'd bit the bullet, there was no way around it. She was in love with the butler, and he loved her back and she was never letting him go again. Like it or not, she had a child and the three of them made a family of her own.
Now she understood this moment was always unavoidable. "Why have we been wasting so much time?"
"It's not wasted. We were just warming up."
"For?"
Niles cocked an eyebrow and ran his thumb across her cheek. "The rest of our lives?"
She nodded and closed her eyes. The sex had been amazing, mind-blowing and everything she secretly knew it would be. But this…even better.
She sighed. "You know what would make this perfect?"
"Hm?" He looked down and she could hear the reverberation in his chest.
"If Sophie was here."
He turned her around and there was a smiling and tear-streaked Mrs. Greene standing at the car holding Sophie. He smirked. "She did say visits were anytime day or night."
CC stood smiling in the kitchen leaning against the island with Sophie on her hip as Niles finished putting dinner in the oven.
Maxwell and Fran stood on the other side of the island trying the hors'd oevers that Niles put out as the Nanny recalled the story of what had happened earlier with Mrs Greene calling and looking for Niles.
Niles finished setting the oven and then picked up a small bowl and spoon began to feed Sophie who was still in CC's arms.
CC blanched. "What's that?"
"It's a gourmet favorite. Mac and cheese." He answered her cheekily.
"Niles, you cannot give her that. It has coloring and preservatives in it."
"Don't worry, Brunette. I bought the organic brand."
He picked up another spoon and put it in the same bowl and put it to her lips. She hesitated before she tried it and he smiled. "See?"
She Rolled her eyes and swallowed hard. "Ick, I need wine to wash this down."
He put Sophie's food down, brought CC her wine glass and gave her a peck on the lips before he handed her the glass. "Mmm. Tastes fine to me."
He leaned back on the counter and continued to feed Sophie as CC side eyed him while still holding the baby.
Maxwell looked completely shocked. "Uh, CC? Where's your ring?"
CC gave him her widest smile. "So, funny thing, Maxwell. I gave it back."
"Oh god." Maxwell put both of his hands on the counter letting his head fall.
"Max! She broke up with Chandler, once and for all." Fran elbowed him.
"What about our theatre?"
Fan shook her head muttering. "So selfish."
"We still have it." CC smiled wide. "I told you I'd fix it."
Sophie turned her head refusing the last bit of mac and cheese. Niles put the bowl down wiping his hands. "Sir, I'm surprised at you. We all know how adept Miss Boobcock is at business, if Times Square advertisements are any indication." He slid his arm around her back.
"But I guess you won't find out tonight because you'll still be sleeping in the guest room, lover." She cooed softly with a glare.
"I don't know if I can get used to this." Maxwell took a long uncomfortable drink of his wine. "When did all of this happen?"
"Oh about 4 hours ago. But if you want to get technical, probably about the last 5 years?" CC looked at Niles.
His hand squeezed her waist. "Something like that."
Fran raised her voice looking at Maxwell, "Ok, Max. Let's review. CC secured the theatre. She and Niles love each other-"
Fran turned to them. "-You do love each other, right?"
CC and Niles each gave a slow nod forward.
"Aww. That's so wonderful." Nanny Fine gushed and then went back to her business-like voice. "And CC, Niles and Sophie are going to check on your project for a few weeks in Cali, then they'll be back here moving into their own house. Got it?"
"Yes, it's quite clear." Maxwell nodded and then raised his glass. "Cheers to that." They all raised their glasses in a toast, and Maxwell put his other arm around Fran.
"We just need to make the house our own now." CC glanced at Niles.
"I have a few ideas of how that could be done." Niles whispered deviously.
"On that note-" Maxwell and Fran downed the rest of their wine. "We'll show ourselves out. Come on, Fran."
Fran hugged them "Good-bye you three. I'll see you tomorrow."
They nodded and listened to Fran complain down the hall. "You're so obsessed with that ring. You're always mentioning it, yet my finger is curiously ring free."
"Fran." Maxwell was obviously holding his temple.
"Yes, Maxwell."
"Let's go home."
The front door closed, and Niles and CC leaned back on the counter and looked at each other with the silliest grins on their faces.
CC bit the side of her bottom lip and Niles smiled. "Let's say I put the kid in bed and then meet you upstairs?"
She winked at him and began to hand him the baby. "What took you so long?"
Sophie turned to CC and put her hand on her cheek, and for the first time, CC decided to see what would happen if she didn't dodge the little hand.
Sophie put her clean little hand on CC's cheek. Then she leaned her head forward and so did CC. Sophie looked her in the eyes, forehead to forehead. "Mommy."
CC had to bite the bullet with Sophie too. She'd taken this responsibility and she had to start thinking of Sophie as her daughter and not like her niece.
CC responded quietly. "Yes, Sophie. I'm your mommy." She misted up and Sophie held her other hand out for Niles.
He leaned in and let Sophie touch his face too. He joked, "And that would make me…?"
"An old maid?" CC laughed.
He growled and Sophie screeched her amusement.
CC giggled "Sophie let's run!" CC turned toward the hall as the baby laughed.
Sophie and CC laughed harder as he put his arms around her before she made it to the hall. "Oh no, you two are never getting away from me again."
CC sat on the king bed in the master bedroom and ran her hand across the sheets. They were so soft she let herself glide back onto the pillows. DD always did have amazing taste that was almost as good as her own.
"Well, the kid has knocked out." Niles walked into the room and then stopped, looking at her sprawled out on the pillows.
She laughed. "Listen, Butler, this isn't what it looks like."
He raised his eyebrows. "Please. Tell me what it looks like."
She made a face, took off her robe, dropped it on the nightstand and slipped under the sheets.
"Babcock, no wonder your maid is paid twice the normal rate." He picked her robe up off the nightstand and then hung it on a hanger hanging in the dressing area
CC sat up. "What? I'm very neat."
He walked up to her side of the bed. "Yes, I remember thinking that exact thing as I cleaned the champaign flutes and dirty plates out of my laundry hamper."
She laughed and shook her head shutting her eyes. "You told me you didn't care where I put them." She continued laughing and couldn't stop laughing while envisioning him finding the champaign flutes and plates in his hamper.
"Oh, you think that's funny, huh?" He sat at the edge of the bed in front of her and leaned over her.
She nodded her head laughing and he slowly crawled on top of her. "Laugh it up Babcock." He held himself over her. "But I know how to make you stop."
"Oh really?"
He bent over kissing her neck. "Mm hm."
Her eyes shut slightly as her waves of laughter slowed and he worked his way down her neck until she picked her head up and pulled him toward her until their mouths met. After indulging for a moment, she slowed the kiss and pushed him back gently before turning on her side.
He looked at her waiting for her explanation.
She smiled and closed her eyes. "I can't let you get too cocky."
He smiled and propped himself up on one elbow and studied her as he ran his finger gently above her ear and tucked a strand of hair behind it.
It reminded her of the day of the baptism when he did the same thing while she held Sophie, which sent DD into a fit of delight. It did every time they slipped up and let their true feelings show for each other.
CC smirked. "This would have made DD happy."
He nodded and Niles rested his warm hand on her waist and continued to look at her quietly. "I've missed you for a long time."
Her voice was almost a whisper. "Then why did you leave me?"
He dropped his hand from her waist and found her hand, interlacing their fingers. "You were engaged. I didn't know what else to do. It hurt to look at you, knowing all hope was gone if I wanted to honor you wishes."
"But you completely took yourself away. We were together every day for years and then suddenly you had nothing to do with me." She could feel her eyes trying to betray her again.
"I had too much to do with you. It didn't just go away. I had to control it. Damn it up so it wouldn't flow out and not allow myself to indulge. It left a big hole." He smiled. "Thus, all the women."
"So, did it work?" She smirked knowing the answer.
"Why do you think there were so many women?" His voice deepened.
"I just wanted to stop kissing you, Niles. But-" She looked to the side. "-I still kinda, sorta, maybe, may have needed you in my life."
He laughed. "Brunette, how was that going to happen? Our banter is practically public indecency."
"Well, you've got me there." Her deep laugh burbled.
"Do I?" His eyes became serious.
She nodded softly. "Yes," Then she hardened up. "But don't push it."
CC leaned over and let their lips come together slowly without all the fury of it not being fast enough or discreet enough or without the fear that it would end too soon, or that it would be the last time.
They were free to be together. He gradually pushed her nightgown up and she slowly unbuttoned his shirt from top to bottom and then moved to his belt sliding it free.
He pulled her night gown off over her head gently and then leaned over her looking down.
She pulled him closer, their lips meeting tenderly and losing track of where he ended, and she began.
They were going to indulge slowly, and for the first time they knew where they stood. In love and stuck together for a long time. CC wanted to tell him about the double entendre but instead she bit her lip and whispered, "Welcome home."
And her favorite deep rich baritone voice whispered back "Welcome home, Baby."
