Commitaphobia
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Harry Potter, and I own nothing.
Summary: Hermione breaks up with her current boyfriend – again. It actually seems to be a bad habit of hers. However, when Fred and she go on a "secret mission," hilarity and romance ensue.
Chapter 5: Go Time
Author's Note: I know. It's been almost an entire year since I last updated this story. Serious writer's block or just laziness. Call it what you will. I'm back, kiddos. No telling when the next chapter will be up, but enjoy this one!
June 12th – In The Garden – 12:30 PM
I'm sitting here, waiting for Fred. And he told me to eat fast. Then again, it's Fred. I should expect him to be late. Though I must admit that lately, I've been seeing a different, more organized side of Fred. True, his organizational skills are only due to the fact that he's trying to bust his brother, but whatever, right?
I haven't even talked to him since yesterday in the bathroom. Unless you count the note he left me. Then I haven't talked to him since 2:15 am this morning.
But oooh my goodness. I did talk to Harry this morning! And I almost spilled about me and Fred's plans. It was so close it scared me.
We were just sitting there talking about his auror training and my plans with the Ministry after this summer and how I don't like peas and he doesn't like Voldemort or whatever, and all of the sudden, I was all, "Do you think Ron really likes Ellen?"
And Harry looked at me kinda surprised and said, "Why, do you think he doesn't?"
And because I'm a horrible liar, my voice got all squeaky when I said, "NO! I mean, no, why would I? They're perfect for each other! Absolutely perfect! So perfect that they're more than perfect. They're, like, perfect to the max."
Yes, that actually came out of my mouth. I just can't lie to Harry.
"Um..." was all that Harry said.
I nodded encouragingly.
"Yeah, I guess so," Harry elaborated. "They seem to like each other well enough."
And that's when I almost said it. It was pushing at the back of my mouth. "Well, you know, Ron is – " I stopped myself from saying cheating just in time " – seems really happy."
Harry smiled and nodded. "Herrmione, are you feeling ok?"
I tried to smile at Harry, but it came out as a grimace, "Just peachy."
"Um... let's go get some food." Harry bounced to his feet and extended his hand, pulling me up from the grass.
And now, here I am again. Sitting in the grass, waiting for Fred. Bogey. Whatever.
It's 12:38 now. He's eight minutes later than he was last time I said he was late. Ugh, I'm so bored. And mad. I shouldn't have to wait for him.
12:39...
What in the world is he doing? I wonder if he's owling Parvati?
12:40...
So what if he is owling Parvati? What do I care whether or not he's with her? Come to think of it, they probably go perfectly together. I mean, she's so flighty, and he's so forgetful. But he doesn't really need somebody flighty. He needs somebody who will understand him. Who will nurture his mischievous needs. Who will see to it that he is challenged as well as kept in line. Who will fully appreciate all the work he has to go through at the store. Who isn't afraid to stand up to him. Who...
June 12th – Still in the Garden – 1:30 PM
Sorry about that. Fred arrived, and I had to stop writing. Especially on account of I was writing about him.
He told me the next step of the plan. He gave me a copy again like last time:
Operation: Ron Is Dead
Status: In Progress
Step 1 – Revisited
Ok, ready? We're going to try this again, Spiff. The procedure will be as follows:
1. You will wake and proceed with your day as usual until 1500 hours.
2. At this time, you will go up to your room and dress in ALL BLACK. This is mandatory. If anyone asks why you are retiring to your room, tell them that you are busy with important Ministry work and are not to be bothered. Hopefully, that will guarantee you about ten minutes of peace.
3. After you are dressed in all black, meet me in my room. Apparate there so you don't meet anyone on your way.
4. Once you are in my room, I will go down to the family and say that you asked me to tell them that you're going out for a job interview, and I'm going to get some supplies for the store (which I really need to do, so we'll be making a pit stop on the way back). I will then return to my room and change into all black clothing as well.
5. Then we wait.
6. I have come across very privileged information that tomorrow, Ron and friends are going out. Not just anywhere, either. They are going to watch a quidditch game at Festering Fern's Quidditch Pitch. I don't know if you're familiar with the place, but it's just outside Diagon Alley. They are going at 1800 hours until who knows how long. It's just a minor league game. Nothing too big.
7. Therefore, we wait until 1700 hours, when we can safely proceed to the pitch.
8. Once we reach Festering Fern's, we hide near the entrance until we see Ron go in. We will carefully note where he is sitting, and then we break out the omnioculars.
9. We watch him. We see who he is meeting, who he's sitting with, etc. He told mum that he was going with "friends," but I have a feeling he's meeting someone else there.
WARNINGS:
If Ron sees you or me, abort mission and report back to base. Apparate as quickly as possible back to my room.
If Ron is with the BWWNE, do not make a scene. We will get pictures and use them to our own advantage later. Not at Festering Fern's
I'm expecting you to be extremely subtle when you tell people you're working on Ministry business. If you hint that anything is out of the ordinary then Ron might not show up with the BWWNE.
We won't be going into the actual stadium. We'll just outside of it, watching the crowd from behind a bush with a pair of omnioculars. So dress comfortably. And the weatherman says it might rain.
Over and out,
Bogey
I guess it's a good idea except that there's a chance that Ron won't even be with the BWWNE. But when I mentioned that to Fred he shrugged and said, "That would suck."
He also told me that we had to work on my lying skills because Ron was sure to know that something was up if I kept turning red and mumbling when I say I have to go up to my room and work for the Ministry.
So he helped me practice. And practice. And practice. He was really nice about it too. I mean, he doesn't have to spend his afternoons teaching me how to lie.
It took almost two hours for him to teach me just how to act. He's such a sweetheart sometimes.
Two hours! And it wasn't even awkward. Not that I expected it to be. Well, actually, there was this one part that was kinda weird, but I had forgotten about it.
Fred was showing me how if I could act then I would be able to lie, so he made me say all of these lines over and over again until I was able to say them with emotion. And I felt really stupid doing it, let me tell you.
But after awhile I kinda got into it. I mean, every time that I did a line well, Fred would start applauding and it was... I don't know... invigorating.
And toward the end, Fred finally stood up and said, "I think you've got it."
But I hadn't been expecting him to stand up and say, "I think you've got it." So I was still going on with the lines that he wanted me to read. So when I turned around to deliver the punch line of my story, I went flying full-swing into Fred, toppling him over. We both landed sprawled haphazardly on the ground.
"Umph," I believe was the distinct sound Fred made as I tried to get up, but sunk my hand deep into his gut.
"Sorry!" I said, quickly removing my hand and landing back on his chest. "Ooph."
I tried once again to get up from his chest... and once again I landed flat on my face.
"Hermione," Fred said grinning cheekily, "it is quite a pleasure to have your exquisite mass on top of me. But as lovely as your bulk is, it is crushing my internal organs as we speak."
Then he carefully stood and helped me up. I could feel my face burning too. I can make such a fool of myself sometimes! But at least he was nice about it. Sort of.
Oh! And I managed to ask about his date with Parvati! I mean, not that I really care or anything. Because I totally don't. I was just wondering.
"So, Fred, how'd your date with Parvati go last night?"
Fred looked at me kinda funny and then said, "Swell. If you count how she kept talking about her exes. There's nothing I hate more than talking about exes. So I don't think we'll be seeing each other again."
And when he said that I got this little flutter in my stomach that I decided to ignore. It's not like I like Fred or anything. But still, when I said, "Oh, that's too bad," it was hard to look like I meant it.
So now, here I am, totally prepared to lie my little heart out tomorrow. I'm kind of looking forward to this stake out. It should be fun.
Hermione Granger
June 13th – In My Room – Noon
I'm starting to get a little nervous. What if I screw something up again? I can just see it now.
June 13th – In My Room – 1:00 PM
Two more hours til complete failure.
June 13th – In My Room – 2:39 PM
It's go time. Wish me luck.
June 13th – Outside of Festering Fern's – Who cares?
I'm cold. My hands are numb. My feet are asleep. My ears are burning. I'm WET. And the omnioculars are getting treated better than me.
Seriously. Fred cast a repellant charm over the omnioculars so that the rain wouldn't impair our ability to see. Unfortunately, he can't cast a bubble or repellant charm around us because it might "interfere with our hiding spot and reveal our location to higher authorities and/or Ron."
That's another thing. Ron hasn't even showed up yet, and we've been sitting in this damn bush for nearly an hour.
An entirely wretched hour too. From the moment we got here, it started pouring down rain. Big, cold, buckets of rain. Who ever said summer rain was nice? This is positively miserable! And it's freezing! Not to mention boring. Fred is concentrating so hard on the people coming in that he's not really talking to me either.
So I broke out this book and cast a water-proof charm on it.
Fred is yelling at me, and he says to stop writing in this book. He says that I should care more about the mission. He's trying to look over my shoulder. I just elbowed him in the gut. Ok, I have to say sorry for that. He says I am not sorry. It made him leave me alone, though.
So anyways, before that rude interruption...
I lied pretty damn good today. Really.
I went downstairs and was all, "I'm going to go to an internship interview at the Ministry."
And nobody even questioned it. Not even Ron.
Then I met Fred and without even saying a word to me, Fred led me here.
AHHHH! THERE'S RON!
June 14th – Downstairs in the Den – 12:05 AM
Well. That was a bust.
Not because Ron wasn't with the BWWNE. He was. But, guess what. She had her hood on. The entire time. I mean, not that I blame her. It is raining. But what the heck! That means we have no pictures of her. Sure, we've got pictures of Ron with his arm around a girl, but as far as we know, that girl could be Ellen. Yeah, so.
Mission failed.
Fred seems pretty chipper, though. I don't get why. He said to leave it up to him and that he'd tell me later. Whatever. I could care less. I'm just starting to dry off. We got home like half an hour ago because, of course, we waited the entire match for the BWWNE to take off her hood at least once. Then we had to wait for them to leave before we could leave so they wouldn't see us. It's ridiculous.
When we finally got here, everyone else was already in bed with the exception of George. He returned to his bed though when Fred and I came into the den together. That was no, however, before George gave me a wink and a thumbs up. Whatever that was about.
So right now Fred's in the kitchen making hot chocolate and heating up some pot roast, which is what we missed for dinner. That's right. This failed mission made me give up Mrs. Weasley's pot roast. He said he's bring it in here when he's done.
Oh, there he is. He says I have to stop writing in this book now.
June 15th – In the Bathroom – 6:00 PM
Why is everyone in this family completely mental? In the past five minutes I think I've been verbally and physically abused three times. First by George, then Ron, then Fred.
Let's start with George, shall we?
As I was sitting on a couch in the downstairs room, George popped into my line of site. "Oi, Hermione!" he exclaimed, almost nervously. "Why're you sitting there?"
"I don't know... It was the first seat that I picked. Why? Do you want me to move?"
"Um... no reason. It's just that normally Ginny sits there. If you feel like moving, go ahead."
Ok, whatever. George is always a little weird. So I go to stand up, and what happens? Something CLAMPS AROUNG MY BOTTOM. That's right. Some sort of THING with an abnormally large mouth managed to fit it's little jaws around my rump.
Of course, a loud howl escaped my mouth. Before I could do anything about it, the thing bit down harder. "I'm going to KILL you, George!" were the only words that could escape my mouth between the screams and my fruitless attempts to dislodge the thing.
All the sudden George cast a spell that removed the bottom-sucking leech, and I turned to him, wand raised, but with a pop, George was gone, and so was the thing that had become fairly intimate with me in a matter of seconds.
Abuse No. 2? After using a spell to repair the hole in my robes and using a few choice expletives, I was walking up to my room, minding my own business, when Ron attacked me in the hallway. Yeah. Attacked. I was happily thinking only of another paper that I have to write for the Ministry when Ron dive tackled me. Ok, no he didn't. But he DID jump out in front of me wielding a bright yellow envelope. "What the hell is this?" he demanded, shaking the envelope in my face. "Is this your idea of a joke, Hermione!"
Obviously, I had nothing to do with the envelope, so I responded with a simple, "Um, excuse me?"
Ron didn't like that answer. He placed his hand on his hip and stamped his foot. He looked oddly like a girl standing in that position, but whatever, right? "You damn well know what I'm talking about."
"Erm. No... I really don't. Unless you tell me what's in that envelope, that is."
Suddenly it looked like someone had unplugged the air from Ron. He seemed to sag over and hung his head. "You really have no idea what's in here?" he asked me, already defeated.
"No?"
He sighed and continued on his rampage down the hall. Not even a "sorry."
Last but not least, Abuse No. 3. From none other than the second twin himself. Fred. Less than a second after Ron left, Fred ran out of the bathroom, looking panicked.
"What did you tell him, Hermione?" he asked me, using his large, large hands to pin my shoulders against the wall so that I couldn't escape his grip. Fred's hair was disheveled, and it looked like he was going for an "electric shock" look.
"Um... who?"
"Ron!" Fred was clearly in a panic.
"About the plan? Nothing..."
"No, Hermione! About those pictures!"
"What pictures?" He's such a weirdo.
"Oh... did he not show them to you?"
"The pictures we took last night?" I asked, but Fred had already disappeared down the other end of the hallway.
Goodness.
Boys.
Hermione Granger
