(Scene: A college dorm room. Thenardier, who lives there, is greeting one of his geeky friends.)
Thenardier:
Welcome,
Eugene
Sit yourself down
And meet the leet-est
Math nerd in
town
As for the rest,
All of 'em posers
Mixing translations,
Transforms
and transposes.
Seldom
do you see
Geeky
guys like me
Memorizing
e
And
counting bi-na-ry!
Math
nerd in the house
Handing
out the fun
Ready
with a slide rule
And
an equation!
Tells a nerdy joke
Makes a snorting stir
Something
they appreciate with dumb laughter.
See my graphing
calculator
Aren't all the features nice?
With
all my custom programs
It would never sell for any price.
Eugene:
Math
nerd in the house
Keeper of the zoo
Loves it all
from calculus
To
two plus two
Lives
on chips and Coke
Toothpick-like in weight
Doing
sines and cosines
Till
he can't see straight!
Everybody's
source for laughter
Make fun of his scrawny chest
Thenardier:
But
never mind the teases
Jesus! 'Cause at tangents I'm the
best!
Thenardier & Eugene:
Math nerd in
the house
Glasses
on his eyes
Never wants an x or y
To pass him
by
Pitying the slow
Worshiping
the smart
Genius
and philosopher
Who loves his art!
Everybody's
source for answers
Cheat
off him on every test
Stupid little wheezers
Jesus! They just know that I'm the best!
(To another nerdy friend)
Thenardier
Otto,
come in
What is this book?
Algebra! Cool!
Let's
take a look
(Taking his math textbook)
This
weighs a ton
Homework's a pain
But
it's such fun
For
my kind of brain
Here, the ramen is cooked,
Here,
equations solved,
No question in this book
Is
left unresolved...
Work beyond compare!
Work
beyond reproof!
Scribble
down some nonsense
And
pretend it's a proof!
Zero equals one
Circling
the square
Add
some contradictions
Over
here and there
Derivatives are more than welcome
Integrals
I solve with pride
I
do all my homework
Plus
a little extra on the side
Start
with seven lice
Add them to four mice
Divide
it all by two and then invert it twice
Circumference
of this slice?
Length squared of this cut?
What
percent of houses have their windows shut?
When it comes to
math equations
There are lots of tricks he knows
His IQ
increases
All those bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it
grows!
Thenardier, Eugene & Otto:
Math
nerd in the house
Glasses
on his eyes
Never wants an x or y
To pass him
by
Pitying the slow
Worshiping
the smart
Genius and philosopher
Who loves his art!
Everybody's
source for answers
Cheat
off him on every test
Thenardier:
Stupid little
wheezers
Jesus! They just know that I'm the best!
(Thenardier's Girlfriend enters with a pack of Red Bull. Thenardier and his two friends grab it savagely.)
Thenardier's
Girlfriend:
I used to dream
I'd meet a guy with social
skills
But God Almighty,
this is what I do for thrills!
Math
nerd in the house'
Isn't worth my spit!
'Genius and
philosopher'
- and boring twit!
Stupid one-track brain
Likes
math more than sex
What
weird kind of lover
Thinks
of Pi when he necks?
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed
me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
Hanging
with this bad in the house!
Thenardier, Eugene &
Otto:
Math nerd in the house.
Thenardier (distracted
by a math problem)
Times
that by one half—
Thenardier, Eugene & Otto:
Genius
and philosopher
Thenardier's Girlfriend:
Ah, don't
make me laugh!
Thenardier, Eugene & Otto:
Pitying
the slow
Worshiping
the smart
Thenardier's Girlfriend:
Can somebody
tell him and a droid apart?
Thenardier, Eugene &
Otto:
Everybody bless the geek god!
Let's
all bless his future spouse!
Thenardier's
Girlfriend:
Yeah,
right!
Thenardier
Everybody raise a
glass
Thenardier's Girlfriend:
Raise it up the
loser's a.
Thenardier, Eugene & Otto (raising
their Red Bull cans):
Everybody raise a glass to the math
nerd in the house!
