(Scene: A college dorm room. Thenardier, who lives there, is greeting one of his geeky friends.)

Thenardier:
Welcome, Eugene
Sit yourself down
And meet the leet-est
Math nerd in town
As for the rest,
All of 'em posers
Mixing translations,
Transforms and transposes.
Seldom do you see
Geeky guys like me
Memorizing e
And counting bi-na-ry!

Math nerd in the house
Handing out the fun
Ready with a slide rule
And an equation!
Tells a nerdy joke
Makes a snorting stir
Something they appreciate with dumb laughter.
See my graphing calculator
Aren't all the features nice?
With all my custom programs
It would never sell for any price.

Eugene:
Math nerd in the house
Keeper of the zoo
Loves it all from calculus
To two plus two
Lives on chips and Coke
Toothpick-like in weight
Doing sines and cosines
Till he can't see straight!

Everybody's source for laughter
Make fun of his scrawny chest

Thenardier:
But never mind the teases
Jesus! 'Cause at tangents I'm the best!

Thenardier & Eugene:
Math nerd in the house
Glasses on his eyes
Never wants an x or y
To pass him by
Pitying the slow
Worshiping the smart
Genius and philosopher
Who loves his art!
Everybody's source for answers
Cheat off him on every test

Thenardier:
Stupid little wheezers
Jesus! They just know that I'm the best!

(To another nerdy friend)

Thenardier
Otto, come in
What is this book?
Algebra! Cool!
Let's take a look

(Taking his math textbook)
This weighs a ton
Homework's a pain
But it's such fun
For my kind of brain
Here, the ramen is cooked,
Here, equations solved,
No question in this book
Is left unresolved...

Work beyond compare!
Work beyond reproof!
Scribble down some nonsense
And pretend it's a proof!
Zero equals one
Circling the square
Add some contradictions
Over here and there
Derivatives are more than welcome
Integrals I solve with pride
I do all my homework
Plus a little extra on the side

Start with seven lice
Add them to four mice
Divide it all by two and then invert it twice
Circumference of this slice?
Length squared of this cut?
What percent of houses have their windows shut?
When it comes to math equations
There are lots of tricks he knows
His IQ increases
All those bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

Thenardier, Eugene & Otto:
Math nerd in the house
Glasses on his eyes
Never wants an x or y
To pass him by
Pitying the slow
Worshiping the smart
Genius and philosopher
Who loves his art!

Everybody's source for answers
Cheat off him on every test

Thenardier:
Stupid little wheezers
Jesus! They just know that I'm the best!

(Thenardier's Girlfriend enters with a pack of Red Bull. Thenardier and his two friends grab it savagely.)

Thenardier's Girlfriend:
I used to dream
I'd meet a guy with social skills
But God Almighty,
this is what I do for thrills!
Math nerd in the house'
Isn't worth my spit!
'Genius and philosopher'
- and boring twit!

Stupid one-track brain
Likes math more than sex
What weird kind of lover
Thinks of Pi when he necks?
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
Hanging with this bad in the house!

Thenardier, Eugene & Otto:
Math nerd in the house.

Thenardier (distracted by a math problem)
Times that by one half—

Thenardier, Eugene & Otto:
Genius and philosopher

Thenardier's Girlfriend:
Ah, don't make me laugh!

Thenardier, Eugene & Otto:
Pitying the slow
Worshiping the smart

Thenardier's Girlfriend:
Can somebody tell him and a droid apart?

Thenardier, Eugene & Otto:
Everybody bless the geek god!
Let's all bless his future spouse!

Thenardier's Girlfriend:
Yeah, right!

Thenardier
Everybody raise a glass

Thenardier's Girlfriend:
Raise it up the loser's a.

Thenardier, Eugene & Otto (raising their Red Bull cans):
Everybody raise a glass to the math nerd in the house!