A/N:

As promised, a new random series.

Wont be updated much. Doesn't make any sense.

Just… whatever.

Disclaimer and Warnings: Don't own Fruits Basket. Language and OOC.

Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show.

"Hello there! Welcome to tonight's episode of Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show! Tonight, our main stories are, Whatever happened to Kyo's virginity, Where is Kureno now, What's the time, Mr. Haru and How Hiro was born. Tonight we are proudly sponsored and written by Dukoro-chan and KFC, your taste buds best friend. I'm Yuki Sohma and now it's time for an add break"

Yuki took a deep breath and reached for a piece of cheese under his desk. He ate it quickly before the show became on air again.

"Thankyou, this is Yuki Sohma. Starting with our top story tonight, whatever happened to Kyo's virginity? Many proud sources have stated that Kagura raped him many a time, but others say he still owns it.

"I know for a fact Kyo has his virginity. I am his fostered father, after all"

"He lost it to me! Kagura! Man, he felt good"

"Huh? What about Kyo?"

As you can see, it is a mixed vote weather the Cat child has lost his most precious thing or not. Maybe if we had some DECENT reporters, we would be able to check to see if his foreskin is bent or not"

Yuki quickly chugged down some water, before turning back to the live camera.

"So, we decided to ask him ourselves. He said, 'Yes, of course' and 'Fuck off, you stupid rat"

"How Hiro was born, is a fascinating story of courage, wit and stupidity all rolled into one. Hiro's mummy gave birth to him when he was only 9 months old. His mummy pushed and groaned as her waters broke and he slid out in a bloody heap. Once born, she discovered his awful secret; that he is a snuggly lamb! Growing up is tough, but having an animal counterpart who is an adorable baby lamb is worse! After turning 12, the tables turned for Hiro Sohma, as he became the annoying brat he is. Give it up for, HIRO! We now have an add break, thanks to McKureno Cheese. It's just too good. And ADIDAS, because everyone knows it as "All Day I Dream About Sex"

Three beautiful woman ran up to Yuki to fix his hair and makeup over the add break. He wondered at this point why he took up news reading in the first place.

"Shigure's Mind. What do you think of it? That's our daily poll. Press red on your remote to vote. The stats come in as shows.
Perverted – 3
I would screw him – 90
He should die – 6
Lets eat cheese – 1"

Said Yuki, holding up a chart.

"Now it's time for What's the time, Mr. Haru. It seems Hatsuharu "Haru" Sohma has been doing some community service and juvi work for stabbing and raping to woman in Black mode. After his conviction of 4 months in juvi and community service every Saturday until he was 25, Haru said, "I can't even remember it happening". The judge explained his cocky attitude and those same six words was what bought on the punishment. Although sources say, it's true Haru does not remember anything, after changing back from Black…"

"…Now, to our story on where Kureno is now. Akito stabbed him recently, right in the back. Although there was no serious harm done, nothing has been heard from him since. So, we took a look and what his turkey ass has been doing since. Psst! Cut to the clip, Roger!"

"Hi, I'm Kureno Sohma and I am being paid $2mil to tell you what I have been doing since I was stabbed. As you can see in the background here, I built a tree fort in my back yard. I like it, because I can jump in there. Also in the background, you can see a painted a pretty flower on my tree. Yes, I did. Oh, you wanna see my scar? There you have it. Yummy. Also since I was stabbed, I have to take medication, which keeps my heart from stopping. Hatori gave me that, because Akito takes it too. Thankyou! Bye"

"Very well done, Kureno, very well done. Very heart warming. Now for our side story, Momiji's Wish! As you can see by this here film clip, it has Momiji wishing upon a star for his sister to know about him. If I shutup, you might hear him speaking!"

"Mr. Star… please… I wish on you to let my sister know who I am… Momo Sohma…"

"How sweet. How sweet. Thanks for joining me tonight on Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show. We hope you'll join us next time! Goodbye and Goodnight"

Once the camera's weren't rolling anymore, Yuki pulled a cigar out of his pocket and light it up, walking outside into the cool nights air, where he was mobbed by fan girls.

A/N:

Well, what can I say? Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show, is about it.

Review?