A/N:

Okay, I have finally updated. Is everyone gleefully happy?

Better be…

"Hi folks and welcome to the this week's installment of Yuki's Mind Brand CNN Type News Show! Tonight, we have some interesting news, live coverage I might add, of Momiji. We're interviewing him right here in the studio on his new job, working in the porn industry with Ayame. We also have some updates on Ritsu's life, along with news from Hatori and a new section to the show, 'Hiro's Gossip Corner'. Not only that but we have some coverage of Kagura and Kyo's recent argument and Tohru's big mistake. So, tonight, we will start will our top story"

"Porn industries. Slave houses of sex, corruption and… sex. Are they meant for 15 year old boys with the looks and mind capacity of an 8 year olds? We'll ask Momiji, what he thinks. Momiji?"

"Personally, I think yes. I mean, I would have never made it in the business if I weren't a sexy fiend of… sex. I mean, you have to admit, even the girls at school love me"

"True, true. But, what about Ayame? Was this all his doing?"

"No… it was my idea. I love porn. I want to make girls happy"

"I see. So, what's your porno nickname?"

"Sir Bunnikins and Ayame's is The Slippery Snake"

"Thanks for coming in tonight Momiji. You do look rather sexy. Now, go on! We want to talk about you behind your back. No, only kidding."

"Tohru's big mistake. The girl who is supposed to be perfect has finally slipped up and contributed destruction to the household of Shigure Sohma, by burning down the kitchen with miso soup. It was reported by Kyo that she was, 'too busy concentrating on Kisa playing outside that she slipped and dripped the damn miso!'. Kisa has been put to blame for it all and will have to pay the cost of the damages. Although, people are still skeptical"

"I know it wasn't Kisa! That dumb ass chick should pay more attention!"

"It's very doubtful that a child like Kisa has the ability of burning down a kitchen…"

"So, what do you think? Take a vote and review with your answer. The poll is, obviously, do you think Kisa distracted Tohru SO much, she burnt the kitchen down? We now go to an add break"

During the commercial, advertising Momiji and Ayame's porn, Yuki drank a coffee. He liked coffee, to some extent. It kept him awake.

"Welcome back, folks. Now, Ritsu's life. We all know Ritsu to be a bit crazy. Ok, very crazy, with all his apologizing and yelling. But the cross dressing is what gets people the most, so I have been told by my reliable sources. Although, in a new discovery, it seems Ritsu has taken a shine to wearing men's suits, as he said, 'they keep me warm'. I, myself, am skeptical and believe it's been Akito's order that he stop acting like a freakin' girl and got his act into gear. I wouldn't be surprised, you know… what? Can't I say that? Oh… anyway, here's some news from Hatori. The news in a funny weather form""

"Thankyou, Yuki. It seems that it was raining Shigure's and Kyo's today, with a heavy down pour on to our nice suburban town in Japan…. That's all I got"

"Oh for fuck sakes Hatori! Your to be shamed, you are! Oh, forgive me. I didn't mean to swear at that dumb ass over there. Anyway, here's Hiro with the gossip of the week"

"Thanks, I'm Hiro. This week, a lot of gossip worthy news has happened, including when Akito pissed herself laughing. It seems that Kureno was telling a joke to our God, when she cracked up and fell off her bed, wetting herself in the process. It has been made clear that anyone who brings this up will be locked in the 'cat room' for a week. Crap, I hope Akito isn't watching this right now… anyway, more news including Kisa involves when she attempted to murder… a fly! She was walking through her classroom when she noticed the fly on the floor, and apparently tried to torture it with her spoon. Being unsuccessful, she said, 'fuck this, I hate you all' and walked off in the opposite direction. Surprising. Also involving school, Haru decided to rape a junior yesterday afternoon in the woman's toilets. It has been stated that, 'I was still white, but felt like some sex'. He said that himself, to tell you the truth. The girl has not laid charges, as she said it was the best sex she had ever had, and hopes it will happen again. Back to you, Yuki"

"Thankyou Hiro, I'll be sure to use things like that against people. Now, just to top the night off, I have some news from Kagura and Kyo. I have been told that Kagura went and made some wedding arrangements behind Kyo's back, without asking, and has planned a date and bought her dress. Apparently, Kyo only found out a few days ago as Momiji told him what Kagura had done. Kyo, furious, went over to Kagura's house and caused her to cry, which then resulting in him breaking a leg. She later said, 'I love Kyo too much. The wedding must continue, broken leg or not'. Kyo is now trying to escape the country to go live with an anonymous friend in Australia"

(A/N: What! I needed to say that! It made it sound… good!)

"That's all for tonight folks. See you next week with all the HOT, HOT, HOT gossip!"

Yuki sighed as the camera switched off. His producer turned to him and smiled.

"You're getting the hang of this," He said, "You might even have a job for life, here"

"As if," Yuki replied solemnly, "This is so hard. I can't contain the laughter sometimes"

"You're allowed to laugh, Yuki"

"Oh"

Yuki sighed and walked off stage to head home. Little did he know, every Sohma had watched the show, including Tohru. Momiji and Hatori had watched it backstage.

They were all planning their REVENGE on him and Hiro.

…Hmm.

A/N:

Yesh. The ending was dead.