Treacle Tart anyone?

Day 10

I can't do it anymore. You would think having to spend the night in the same bed and sharing that horrific experience would bring him and I closer. And then I thought after him having to dutifully care for me when I was concussed he would perhaps at least look at me. But instead it has made the large, gaping hole even more larger. How do I do this? Who do I turn to? Who can I trust to make that hole better. At least I was bruise and lump free now. My mum is incredibly worried about me now. She is giving me replenishing potions for energy now. I dunno why, it's as though I'm going to fall down any second now. Oh.. I found out last night that the stupid broom was in the broom cupboard all along.

I know that there is something I should say or do. But I just don't know what it is.

Hermione promised me that she would come upstairs this morning and talk to me. I am a little bit worried, Will she have picked up on my unhappiness. Hermione has just arrived. I'm going now.

Ginny.

Day 11,

I should have written this before but it was too hard.

Hermione came in with the normal casualness. But then she turned serious.

'Gin,' she said gently, 'Talk to me. You aren't the same person you used to be. He.. He.."

I looked at her with tears running down my face. 'Why did he leave me? Why won't he talk to me?' I cried.

Hermione just continued to stare at me kindly, as though waiting for me to say more.

I knew that she was here to help so I began again, 'I'm so confused 'Mione. I thought that he might talk to me after this summer. I.. I thought that he might.. might.. come back after he.. he…' I broke down sobbing. Hermione moved forward and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. She sat there comfortingly not saying a word. I was thankful for her being there. She wasn't judging me but she was listening and understanding me and that was what I needed. I told Hermione everything I had felt ever since he broke up with me.
I told her how I wanted to talk to him but I didn't know how and any other emotion that had built up from Dumbledore's funeral.

Hermione saw my diary lying on my bed and she nodded, 'Gin. Write everything in here. It will do you the world of good. Ginny, I know that if you can move over this problem if you just try Gin.'

She gave me a looked at me curiously and said, 'He told me something and he asked me not to tell another person, but I think that you need ti know. He still cares for you but he is scared. He was distraught the other day. He doesn't know if you'll take him back.'
She gave me a hug before leaving me to my own thoughts.

Anyway, I realised what I needed to say to him. I realised that I hated him. He showed me how good life could be then ripped it from me. But on top of that I loved him. He loved me. He accepted me and he asked no questions. I realised it all. I love him. I love Harry.

Day 12

I feel completely different this morning. All I needed was to admit it. I let out everything last night. And now I feel ready to try and bridge that gap between us. But I still don't know if I can have a relationship with him because he stole everything from me. I think that we did have a chance further in though.

I'm going to go downstairs now. I'm going to talk to Harry normally. I don't have to expect to have a relationship yet but I do want a conversation. A full conversation. One that lasts longer than say ten seconds. And it won't be about my stomach.

Ok. I'm going down.

Ginny.

Later,

Wow. Harry saw me come down and he began to walk away but Ron called him over to offer him something. Harry looked like he was struggling to stay in the same spot and resisting the urge to run away and hide. But I continued down the stairs with confidence. He will have to get used to this. I walked over to the group smiling and I said good morning to them all.

Hermione smiled all through this and I knew she was pleased that I was out here already. She told Ron that she needed to show him something and he and her slid out of view. Harry and I were alone again. I looked at him and said, "Morning!"

He nodded. Ok. This was going to be difficult I thought.

My mind started whirring, the way to a guys heart is through his stomach. Ok. I can do that, I strolled over to the kitchen and grabbed a tin of stuff down. Mum made it a couple of days ago and I've been resisting the urge to snack on it. But now was time for a drastic measure. I opened the tin and let the smell of chocolate chip cookies and treacle tarts waft the air. I smiled, you could almost hear Harry's stomach.

'You want some Harry?' I asked putting a heavy emphasis on his name.

He seemed to notice that I was talking to him and saying his name. So he took a tentative step forward and nodded his head. Boys are useless. Talk to me already will you? I thought. He stood beside the tin and poked his hand in. He was standing right beside me. I almost wanted to turn around and look him directly in the eyes. But he had scuttled back to his original position before I coud blink.

This was going to be slow slow progress. I knew it. So I scooped the tin up and I walked upstairs. Ha! He was going to have to come talk to me before he got more treacle tart.

So I'm waiting up here for him to come for his favourite food. He hasn't come yet and I've had time to wash my hair. I only did that to annoy him more. I know he loved the smell of my flowery shampoo so he will have to notice that too. I knew Hermione was watching my ploy and she will have to force Harry up here.

He he he. I can here her downstairs right now telling Harry to go get her a chocolate biscuit coz she was hungry! Clever girl Hermione. Let's see if he takes the bait. Hermione is pushing him up the stairs now. 'Go. Go. Go. NOW!'

Harry is just mumbling, 'uhh.. Mione' I'm busy.'

He's arrived outside my door. He he he he. I'll tell you all about it in a minute.

Ten minutes later,

He, he , he. He can be so pathetic when he's flustered. I let him in being the smiley person that I am. He looked at me and then quickly averted his eyes. He then began surveying the room hurriedly for the tin. Of course helping Hermione along I had hid it.

'Hey! Are.. are you.. looking for something?' I asked him.

He shook his head. I moved my arm with the broken wrist in front of my stomach. His eyes flicked to it and he asked in a quiet voice, 'Your.. your wrist ok?'

I said, 'Oh… it's ok.'

And that was it he wouldn't look at me or continue with any conversation. I told him that the tin was un my cupboard. He looked pained as he took a few steps towards it. He opened the doors and blushed. My cupboard was full of all my clothes. I wasn't aware of it but my Quidditch robes were hanging at the front. He obviously remembered the first time he kissed me I was in those robes. He brushed them aside and found the tin. He closed the doors and was about to go down the stairs. He couldn't come all the way up here and them barely exchange glances.

'Harry!' I called.

He turned around, 'Yeah…" he said quietly.

'Come back here.'

'I.. I can't.' And with that he walked back downstairs.

I was even more confused than I was when I started. I love him. And Hermione said he wanted me back. Then why wouldn't he talk to me? I broke down. This was to much. I picked up my photo album that I had thrown under the bed when he had left me. I opened it up and looked at his pictures. There were pictures of me and him hugging and dancing. In all of them we were smiling and laughing. There were photo's of us together by the lake and others of us before Dumbledore's death. But then the photo's stopped. There were no photo's from the time he left with Dumbledore in the cave. It was all blank. Small spaces where photo's of him and I should be. My tears landed on those blank holes. They represented the holes in my heart. There should be pictures of Harry and I playing Quidditch. Or pictures of him and I together. And all of us together. Ron and Hermione with us. Or Fred and George. We should all be here happy together. But I know that this is all because of you-know-who. He was the one who did all this. I felt my anger rising. If it wasn't for him I my album would be full of happy memories. But instead I saw blank and cold spaces.

The pain rose in my chest and I sat there and sobbed. Why? Why didn't he love me? I poured my soul into him and he just walks away! I curled up on my doona and cried myself to sleep.