Song:
"Can I Get It," Adele
***Fiddling was had. All mistakes are mine.
Chapter 9
"I don't understand why you're so nervous, Bella. You've been out with him a few times already. You should be over the nervous thing by now."
"This is different, Rose. I'm going to his house. This is a whole new stage, right? Like, the I-should-have-gone-underwear-shopping stage."
My sister, the brat that she is, laughs. "Well, I did mention you should have done that already. But that's beside the point. Yes, going to his house is a big deal, but it doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be."
"Is he … I mean, is he going to expect sex? I don't know if—"
"If he expects it, then I expect you to leave. But from everything you've told me about him, I can't imagine he would. Now, if things were to develop and you get the opportunity—and it feels right to you—then by all means, get it, girl!"
I groan. "You're not helping." I glance toward my open closet. "And I don't have a clue about what I should wear."
"What are you talking about? It's just dinner."
"At his house, Rose."
"Yes, but you spent time with Garrett at his place when you were dating, and you never freaked out like this."
"When I dated Garrett, he had roommates. There were always other people around, and when we ate there, it was always takeout or delivery with whoever happened to be home. Hell, I even cooked for him back then more times than I could count. As you've pointed out on numerous occasions, he was a boy. Edward, who you've reminded me more than once, is a man … a man who lives alone and is going to cook for me."
"Wait. He's cooking for you? You didn't tell me that part."
I blow out a breath. "Yeah. He apparently picked up a kick-ass Bolognese recipe when he was stationed in Italy, and he says it's his specialty."
"Seriously, sis, you need to marry this man."
"Would you stop? Please?" Her responding laughter is enough to answer my plea. "Fine, don't help me."
"No, no. I'm sorry. I'll be good."
"Now, will you please help me figure out what I'm wearing?"
"Okay, okay. What are the options again?"
Not five minutes after I've left home, I'm already regretting my wardrobe decision. The dress I chose is pretty. It's comfortable and a little sexy, and most importantly, I feel pretty in it. But it's on the shorter side with thin straps and a low neckline, and combined with my nerves, I feel exposed and a little vulnerable, neither of which I need to be feeling tonight.
"It's time to kick it up a notch, Bella," Rose had said. "Show that man what you've got."
I know she's right. He's been nothing but patient and respectful while I've stumbled over my own insecurities. It's time to put myself out there a little more and get out of my comfort zone.
But I still grabbed a sweater before I left my house.
With more confidence than I thought I had, I push away all thoughts of going home to change and press on the accelerator.
I follow the GPS, and most of the route is familiar. It guides me up Estrella mountain, past where I turn off to go to Alice and Jasper's, to another neighborhood. These houses are a bit smaller, but they're every bit as nice as the larger homes near the Whitlocks'.
I snake my way through the neighborhood until finally, the robotic voice of my GPS tells me, "You have arrived at your destination," when I reach the modest ranch-style home.
I pull into the driveway and kill the engine. With its warmly lit windows and the cheerful wreath on the door, the house looks charming, and I know the man inside is every bit as warm and inviting. I just need to pull myself together to walk to his door and ring the bell.
I close my eyes and give myself a pep talk. "You can do this. It's just dinner." My lashes flutter open and I look toward the front door. "Dinner with an insanely handsome man who I wouldn't mind having for dessert," I mutter.
Unable to stall any longer, I snatch my bag off the front seat and get out of my car. My heart thunders in my chest as I walk the path to the front door, but I swallow my nerves, take a deep breath, and reach for the doorbell. And as I stand there waiting, I nervously smooth out my dress and fidget with my hair. But when his door cracks open and I'm met with his smiling face, a little bit of the anxiety I've been feeling slips away.
"Hello, Bella."
"Hey, Edward."
"Come in." He steps back and holds the door open, waving me inside. "You look lovely tonight."
"Thank you." I step past him, self-consciously running a hand over the skirt of my dress. Immediately, I'm overwhelmed by a mouth-watering aroma. "It smells amazing in here."
"That's good to know." He places his hand at my lower back, gently guiding me through the foyer. "The sauce has been simmering all afternoon."
"Well, if it tastes even half as good as it smells, I'm sure it'll be wonderful."
We walk through the doorway and into his kitchen. He directs me to a stool on the other side of the breakfast bar separating the kitchen from the dining room. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"Please."
"A glass of wine?"
"I'd love that."
He pulls a glass from a cabinet and places it on the counter, glancing my way as he fills it. "I hope red is okay. It pairs really well with the sauce."
"I'm sure it'll be great."
He hands it over. "For you, my lady."
A smile plays on my lips as I hold them to the rim of my glass. "Thanks." I inhale deeply, letting the rich, fruity notes of the wine precede the sip I take. I hum in appreciation once I swallow.
He picks up his own glass. "Good, right?"
"Very. What is it?"
"Brunello di Montalcino."
The way the words roll off his tongue makes me wish there wasn't a counter between us. Then again, maybe it's for the best. I clear my throat, scrambling to think of something to say that isn't, "Come ravish me while you whisper sweet nothings in Italian in my ear."
"A new one to add to my list, I suppose."
He raises a brow. "You might have some trouble finding that label. I had to call around to several places, so when I found it, I snatched up a few bottles." He grins. "I was just waiting for a good reason to open one."
When I have no reply other than a shy smile, he grins and takes a sip, turning back to the cutting board on the counter. "I hope simple is okay tonight. Pasta and salad are my go-to when I'm cooking for myself."
"It's perfect, actually."
He nods once, picking up the knife and reaching for a tomato. "So, tell me about your week. How have you been?"
Conversation with him is effortless, but it always is. There's an easy back and forth as I fill him in on some of the more interesting stories from my work week and he tells me about night flights and training exercises.
Once the food is served, I'm completely spellbound by the masterpiece on my plate.
"This is incredible, Edward."
"Thanks. I took a risk smuggling the recipe into the country," he says with a wink.
"Totally worth the risk." I load my fork with another bite of the pasta and meaty sauce and bring it to my lips. "But seriously, if time spent in Italy is responsible for this, I just might need to make the trip myself."
"It's an enchanting country, and the food and wine are only two reasons to visit. I highly recommend seeing it at least once in your life. If you ever decide to go, I'd love to be the one to show you around."
My mind wanders to what it would be like to vacation in a place like Italy with a man like Edward, and my entire body flushes. I can feel my cheeks warming. Hopefully, he thinks it's from the wine and not from the thoughts swirling in my head.
"I think I'd like that," I say softly.
His smile is victorious. "It's settled then. I'll be your personal tour guide if you ever get a chance to go."
"Then it's officially on my bucket list."
"As it should be."
"What else is on your bucket list?"
We dive into the things we still want to do and the places we want to go, and one of mine—visiting Disney with my kids—prompts him to ask about them.
"So, how have the boys been?"
"They've been good. Jacob is pretty excited about soccer starting up again next week for the spring season."
"Maybe I can try to catch a game one day."
I may be raking my fork through the remnants of food on my plate, but internally, I'm frozen. It's moments like this when I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a major decision, but my hesitation holds me back from making the wrong move. So, instead of making the wrong choice, I give him a non-committal answer. "Yeah, maybe."
"So, what does his playing mean for you?"
I laugh. "It means carting him around for games on weekends. But Jacob loves playing, so I don't mind doing it."
"What about their dad? Doesn't he do his part to make sure Jacob's there?"
"Oh, he does when he has the boys. More often than not, we're both there, no matter whose weekend it is, especially when it's an important game. But it's not so bad. It's a few hours most weekends, unless we have to travel farther away." I look up and meet his eyes. "I guess it makes things that much more complicated to see each other, doesn't it?"
"I'm willing to work around it, Bella."
"So you keep saying." I glance up at him. "Do you ever feel like …"
"Like what?"
"Like I'm too much trouble?"
There's absolutely zero hesitation when he replies. "Never. If that thought ever crossed my mind, it's completely disappeared by now. Every time I talk to you, every time I've been lucky enough to spend time with you, I just want more. So, no, Bella, you're not too much trouble. In fact, I have something for you and the boys, but now that you've said that, I'm worried you'll think it's too soon."
"What is it?"
"The base is hosting the annual air show next month, and I have VIP passes for the three of you. Well, for Jasper and his crew, too, but I'm really hoping you'll think about coming out with the kids. I checked the calendar, and I think it's your weekend with them."
"And you think I'll think it's too soon for them to meet you."
"Which I totally understand. It may be too soon to introduce me as …"
I raise a brow. "As?"
He sets his glass down and reaches across the table, taking my hand.
"We're dating, right?"
My heart thrums in my chest as he stares so intently at me. "Yeah."
He tilts his head a little, his gaze sharpening. "I think you need to know I haven't spent time with anyone else since I took you out that first time, nor do I want to. As far as I'm concerned, whatever this is between us is exclusive. You're the only woman I have any interest in spending time with."
"You're the only person I have any interest in spending time with, too," I say softly.
"I know you want to be cautious with your kids. I want to be cautious with your kids. They've been through a lot with the divorce and splitting their time between you and their dad, and the last thing I want to do is confuse them. I wouldn't disrupt your boys' lives if I didn't see myself sticking around. But you already mean a lot to me. In the few months I've known you, I've really grown to care about you. So, I'm willing to do this at your pace. I'm fine with you introducing me as a friend. I would completely understand that. There's no reason to overwhelm them or make them uncomfortable, especially in a public setting like that. It's also kind of neutral ground. The boys can come and see some cool airplanes, get the VIP treatment, and I'll get to meet these awesome little men you're raising."
The fact that he's thought of all the reasons to keep things casual with the boys means more than he could ever know.
"You've really thought all this through, haven't you?"
"The Air Force is a huge part of my life, and I want to share that with you, Bella. And I think your boys would really enjoy it, too."
"I'd like that."
He brings my knuckles to his lips. "Good. I was hoping you'd say that."
After dinner is cleared away, he suggests we move to the living room.
"How does dessert sound?"
I grin up at him as I sit on the sofa. "As long as it's not a plate full of deep-fried bananas and ice cream, I'd love that."
The corner of his mouth turns up in a lopsided grin. "Admit it. You loved the dinner split."
"Love is a strong word."
"Well, I'm sorry if you're disappointed, but it's not deep-fried bananas. I'll be right back." And with a wink, he disappears back into the kitchen.
I'm honestly thankful for the moment to myself. He hasn't even made any effort to make a move or get physical, but his mere proximity is making me question my own willpower. Even knowing it might only compound my problem, I reach for my wine glass and swallow down the last of it.
When Edward returns, he's not empty-handed. In one hand is a smaller bottle of wine—an unopened bottle of something different—and in the other is a tray carrying two fresh glasses and plates of tiramisu.
"If you tell me you made this, I'm going to be beyond impressed," I say as he sits beside me on the couch.
He puffs out his chest a little as he smiles. "As a matter of fact, I did."
"Then consider me impressed."
"Then my job is done," he says as he opens the bottle and sets it aside.
"That's different from what we had with dinner."
"It is. It's Vin Santo, a dessert wine you have to try at least once in your life." He looks my way. "It's another splurge I saved for tonight."
While the bottle breathes, I sample the delectable confection he's created for us. It's so good that for a minute I'm worried he's going to see my "O" face over dessert. Once the wine is poured, though, it takes the experience to a whole new level. The sweetness of the wine and the richness of the tiramisu are delectable together, and I have to wonder what other hidden talents he has besides mind-blowing wine pairings.
Watching him lick his spoon makes those thoughts drift into dangerous territory.
"So, who taught you how to cook like this?"
His smile is soft as he reaches for his glass. "Actually, it was a woman I was dating at the time. She was a local and an excellent cook. Her family owned one of the restaurants near where I was stationed in Aviano."
I offer a small smile of my own. "That had to have been an amazing experience."
"It was."
That little voice in the back of my head asking more questions grows louder, but I attempt to tamp it down.
Unfortunately, he must be able to read it all over my face.
"You can ask me anything, you know."
I swallow and reach for my glass, taking a swig before placing it back on the table. A little liquid courage, perhaps. "Okay then. How long were you with her?"
His eyes don't leave mine as he speaks. "We dated casually for few months. We went out a handful of times, but ultimately, we didn't fit."
"Do you do that a lot?"
"Do what?"
"Date women where you're stationed?"
The corner of his mouth turns up. "Well, it would be difficult to date someone who didn't live where I was stationed. But in answer to your question, yes, I've dated. But there was never a real spark with anyone. I haven't been seriously interested in anyone … until now."
The weight of his words settles over me, and it's not entirely uncomfortable. A wave of contentment washes over me, but at the same time, so does a flicker of trepidation.
The way he's looking at me, like he can see into my soul, is enough to make me quietly admit, "I'm scared."
Reaching over, he places his empty wine glass on the coffee table. And then with slow movements, almost like he doesn't want to spook me, he inches closer, laying his arm over the back of the sofa, behind my shoulders. His fingers are a hairsbreadth away from the bare skin of my neck, and my body thrums with the desire for him to touch me. "About what? Tell me."
"Of being hurt again. I'm afraid I'm already feeling too much. And I'm not sure I could handle having my heart broken again."
He nods and reaches for my hand, placing it on his chest and covering it with his own. "And you think I could do that?"
I look up into his earnest eyes and, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can bare my soul to someone. "I don't think you would mean to, but yeah, I think you could." I swallow down my nerves and peel away another layer of my self-doubt. "You already know Garrett was the only man I've been with. And when he left me for someone else, I think it broke something inside me. I have all these voices in my head screaming at me that there's something wrong with me. That there's a reason he left me for someone younger, prettier."
He breathes deeply, and his chest expands under my palm. "I don't know your ex. I have no idea what his reasons are for what he did, but I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's an idiot. I've only known you for a few months, but I already know you're someone special. Not only are you gorgeous on the outside, but you have a beautiful heart, too. You put your family first, and there's a light in you that I feel lucky to bask in."
He releases my hand, leaving it there over his thudding heart, and cradles my cheek in his palm. "I'm in this, Bella. Whatever it is about you, I can't seem to get enough. Every time we're together, it only makes me want more. When I look at you, I can see things for my life I've never seen before. I see possibilities I've only dreamt of. Please don't let your doubts keep you from exploring what we could have together."
My heart pounds in my chest. So many emotions are coursing through me—excitement, desire, hope—and for once, I decide to throw caution to the wind. With a trembling hand, I reach up and brush my hand over his jaw, bringing his mouth closer to mine.
"I want that, too," I whisper against his lips just before they touch mine.
With a gentleness I didn't know he possessed, he kisses me in a way no one has ever kissed me before, slowly, deeply, savoring me like the wine we've shared tonight. His kiss is tender, almost reverent, and it makes me a little dizzy. The wine might be partly to blame for that, though.
He tests and tastes, the hints of sweetness from dessert lingering on his tongue as it dances with mine, and the smell that's uniquely Edward completely overwhelms my senses.
The hand that had been lying on the back of the sofa comes to rest low on my back. Slowly, it dances up my spine, the brush of his fingertips against the bare skin sending shockwaves through me, until finally, he cradles my head in his hand. With his other hand inching its way up my leg and his body now hovering over mine, I feel surrounded.
I expect to feel panicked, to feel caged in by him, but it's the very last thing I feel. Desire I haven't felt in ages builds inside me until it's almost a separate entity all its own. It's been so long since anyone's been this close to me, and it's setting my body on fire.
"Is this okay?"
His murmured words are deep and full of the same longing I'm feeling, and the only thing I can do is nod my head and press my mouth to his. It's enough to encourage him, and I soon feel the softness of the sofa at my back and the weight of his body over mine.
"Tell me if it's too much," he pants between kisses.
His concern only makes me want him more. My legs fall open, and when he settles between them, his hardness pushing against me, there's very little left to the imagination. He's hot and hard, straining against his button-fly, and the feel of him makes my head spin and everything inside me clench. The hem of my dress is barely hanging on at my hips, so the thin material of my underwear is the only thing between me and what he's packing in his jeans. The heat coursing through my veins makes me bold, and I rock my hips along to the delicious rhythm he's setting with his.
The voices in my head scream at me to slow down, that we're moving too fast, but the heat building between us snuffs them out as he moves against me, the pace and pressure of it making long-dormant feelings pulse through me.
I almost want to laugh. I'm thirty-six years old, and I'm dry-humping my … boyfriend? Whatever he is to me, he's ignited something inside of me, and not for the first time since we met, I consider letting that fire consume me. After all, wouldn't any other woman in my position have already allowed this wonderful man into her bed?
But then I wonder if it's just my hormones making me think that way. It's been so long since I've been touched me like this, it's possible I'm allowing the feel of his hands on me to chase away all rational thought.
His lips move to my neck, and I'm finally able to come up for air. It's a good thing, too, because his kisses, the way he nips and tastes the delicate skin there, and the weight of his solid body between my legs make me gasp.
He pulls the thin strap of my dress off my shoulder, along with my bra strap, exposing the top of my breast. His wet kisses move lower while his hand inches up my bare leg, burning a path with his touch.
"I want you so badly," he groans as he thrusts against me. When he pulls back, the desire burning in his bright green eyes is so intense I'm ready to strip off my clothes and let him have me right here in his living room. "I want you in my bed, Bella. I want to bury myself so deep inside you I don't know where I end and you begin." His eyes fall closed as he grinds his erection harder against me. "God, what are you doing to me?"
With my dress pushed up around my waist and so little between us, I can feel everything. My eyes fall closed, and I get lost in the sensations. I tilt my head back, this time a moan falling from my lips as he nudges my dress and bra out of the way, exposing the tight bud as his lips and tongue dance around my nipple.
"Does that feel good, Bella?" he asks, his voice gravelly and deep. "You're wet, aren't you? I can feel how warm you are."
"Oh, god."
"Are you gonna come for me, beautiful?"
I wrap my legs around his waist, holding him closer, and I grasp at the back of his shirt, his hair, holding on for dear life as the pleasure builds. When his lips return to my exposed nipple and his hand sneaks higher up my dress, the tips of his fingers slipping underneath the lacy edge of my panties, it's too much. White light bursts behind my eyelids as wave after wave of pleasure washes over me. My mouth falls open, and the sound that climbs up my throat from deep in my belly is nothing short of feral.
Moments later, Edward stills, pressing his face to the side of my neck, and the deep groan that comes out of him makes my toes curl.
We lie there, both of us breathing heavily, our hearts racing, but neither of us seems to be in any hurry to move. A light sheen of sweat covers my body, and I'm slick and hot in places I haven't been in a long time.
A stuttered chuckle rumbles from his chest as he slowly pulls back. His eyes dance with a mix of mirth and embarrassment as he stares down at me, his ears and cheeks pink. "I, uh … sorry. It's been a while."
"It's been a while for me, too," I admit. "But that was … thank you."
He cups my cheek in his hand as some unnamed emotion fills his eyes. "You're so stunning, but I don't think I've ever seen anything as exquisite as you when you come," he whispers.
Suddenly shy, I turn my head, wishing the couch would swallow me up. But he won't allow it.
Gently, he nudges my chin with his finger until I'm facing him once again. "I mean it, Bella. You're …" He searches my eyes. "You're everything I never knew I was looking for."
He presses his lips to mine, and again I'm lost to him. His kiss is long and languid and absolutely perfect.
"Stay the night," he whispers.
I look up at him, and the hope in his eyes nearly breaks my resolve. But if I stay the night, I'll do things I know I'm not ready for. "I'm sorry," I rasp.
"No, don't do that. Don't apologize. Never apologize for setting your own boundaries." His eyes search mine. "I'm just glad you're willing to share yourself with me at all." He kisses me, murmuring against my lips as he smiles. "And thank you for not laughing when I came in my pants like a horny teenager."
His self-deprecating comment makes me giggle and lifts the heaviness that seems to have fallen over us.
He pecks my lips one more time before pressing his forehead to mine, snorting a laugh and shaking his head. "I can't remember the last time that happened." His eyes once again meet mine. "I guess you just have that effect on me. But now I need to go get cleaned up. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere." With another quick kiss, he pushes off me and lumbers awkwardly down the hallway, disappearing into his bedroom.
I'm thankful for the moment to myself. My heart is still racing, but my entire body feels like it's coming back to life, like a foot that's been asleep for too long and tingles when you try to use it.
It's equal parts exhilarating and frightening.
It's my turn to sit up and try to gather my scattered thoughts. I right my dress and do my best to calm my breathing and still-pounding heart. I'm almost calm when Edward walks back into the room.
But the sight of him in gray sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt has my blood pumping all over again.
"Hey," he says softly as he sits beside me. He opens his arms to me, and I willingly go to him, curling myself against his chest as he wraps his arms around me. "I hope that wasn't too much."
I shake my head, not trusting my voice enough to speak.
"I should call you a cab," he murmurs against the top of my head, his voice barely more than a rumble in his chest. "We've had quite a bit to drink."
Curled against him, warm and surrounded by his scent, I hum. The last thing I remember is the tightening of his arms around me.
A/N: They're ratcheting up the heat! How do you think she's going to feel when she wakes up? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Speaking of your thoughts, y'all rock! Last week I received the single most reviews of any of my stories in a single week! Thank you, thank you, thank you! It's impossible for me to reply to all of them right now, but please know I love and appreciate each and every review.
***A note about some readers' worries regarding the timing of this story. No, I have no plans to turn this story into a political piece or steer it in that direction. I do not personally associate our service members with politics. I also have no wish to go there. Aren't we bombarded with enough of that IRL? The reason for the chosen timeline will become apparent much later in the story. ASPtL is first and foremost a love story. And a friendly reminder: rude or irrelevant soapbox guest reviews will be deleted.
***I may or may not be posting next week. If I can complete another chapter in the next day or two to add to my bank of chapters, I will. If not, look for another update in two weeks. I'd rather be consistent than weekly and risk running out of chapters in a couple of months.
Remember, the best way to stay up to date with what I'm up to, join in the discussion, and to see exclusive weekly teaser pics, check out my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics. I'd love if you all could join us. I'm also on Twitter at CSunshine1220.
"See" you next week!
Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.
Lots of love
~Sunshine
