***IMPORTANT*** Please see A/N below about future updates.
Songs:
"To Be Loved," Adele
"Yours," Ella Henderson
Chapter 15
Garrett huffs over the line. "You could have called sooner. Before I talked to Jake, I was about to drive over there and make sure you were all still alive."
"Isn't that a tad dramatic?"
"Well, what was I supposed to think?"
"Oh, I don't know, that I was sick and couldn't get to the phone? I was managing this mess on my own."
"Hey, I didn't even know you were sick!"
I bite back yet another unnecessary, snarky retort and close my eyes, counting to five before I reply. "I know. And I would've called you, but by then, I'd misplaced my phone."
"Yeah, that's what Jake said." He clears his throat. "Are you doing okay now?"
"I am. I'm a lot better."
"Jake said that Edward guy came over. I'm not sure how I feel about him being in the house, Bella."
"That Edward guy is a saint. He took care of the boys so I could sleep. He took care of me. You should be thanking him because I'm not sure how I would have managed without his help the last few days."
He grunts. "Still, if he's going to be around the kids, I think I should meet him."
"Like I got to meet Kate?" Even I can hear the challenge in my voice. "I'm pretty sure it was close to six months before I had the privilege of meeting her."
"That was different."
"How was that different?"
Another exasperated sigh. "Look, I just want to meet the guy."
"Well, depending on what time you come to get the boys, he may or may not still be here."
"I told Jake I'd come by at the usual time, but maybe I'll try to get over there earlier. Does five work for you?"
"I'll see you then."
After giving him a reminder to make sure the boys get their missed homework from last week done while he has them, Garrett says a quick goodbye, ending the call. With a tired sigh and slumped shoulders, I toss the phone onto my bed. I'm still weak, and one simple conversation with my ex has zapped almost all my mental energy. The desire to burrow into my nest of blankets and go back to sleep is strong, but with Garrett planning to be here for the kids in a matter of hours, I have things to do.
I find Jake in his room, making his bed.
"Do I need to change your sheets?"
He shakes his head. "No. Edward helped me put new ones on."
I take a few steps into their room, sitting on the rarely used desk chair. "That was nice of him."
He nods but doesn't say anything.
I see his backpack laying on the floor, packed and ready to go. "Do you have everything you need for the week?"
Jacob looks up from straightening his pillow. "I think so."
Once Jake's bed is made, I move to sit on it, patting the spot beside me. "Sit for a minute. I think you and I need to talk."
He does as I ask, and when he rests his head on my shoulder, I know he must not be feeling completely back to normal. I press my lips to his forehead. "Are you feeling okay? I feel like I left you hanging when I started feeling sick."
"Still a little tired. And it's okay. I knew you felt bad when you couldn't get out of bed. Edward helped me with stuff while you slept."
"How did you feel about him coming over to help?"
He shrugs. "Okay, I guess."
"It was pretty nice of him to come and take care of us, wasn't it?"
He nods.
"I was happy to see you and your brother getting along with him."
He looks up then with a puzzled look on his face. "Why wouldn't we get along with him? We like him, Mom."
I take a deep breath, deciding to broach a subject I've so far been able to avoid. "What do you think about him being around more?"
"Like for dinner and stuff?"
I nod slowly. "That, too. But how would you feel if he spent evenings with us? If we did things with him on the weekends or spent time out with him or at his house?"
"Like on your dates?"
His directness catches me off guard and I stutter a laugh. "Our dates?"
He rolls his eyes. "I'm not a baby. I see stuff. I know he's your boyfriend."
There's no sense in denying it because he's right. As much as I'd like to think differently, Jacob's not a baby. He's already watched one of his parents start a relationship with someone, so I'm not surprised he's figured out my relationship with Edward on his own.
"How do you feel about that?" I ask softly.
He shrugs. "It's okay, Mom. Me and Seth like him."
"You do, huh?"
"Yeah. We talked about it, and we decided it's okay if you want to date him."
I smile against the top of his head. "That's good to know."
From my spot on the sofa, I watch as Edward answers the door. If a still-tender stomach wasn't enough, anxiety now churns in my gut, too, as Garrett lays eyes on him for the first time.
"Hey," he says gruffly. "I'm here for my boys."
"Hey, man. Edward Cullen." He thrusts his hand out to Garrett.
Reluctantly, my ex shakes it. "Garrett McCarty."
"The boys are just about ready." Edward holds the door open for a moment, but Garrett doesn't make a move to come inside. Edward shoots me a wide-eyed, raised-brow expression, as if to say "I tried," before he goes to the stairs to call for Jake and Seth, letting them know their dad is here.
Tension fills the air when I meet Garrett's stare through the open door. It doesn't last long, though, because the kids make their appearance moments later.
"Bye, Mommy," Seth says, walking over to me with open arms.
"Have a good week with your dad." I squeeze him tightly and kiss his cheek. "I love you."
"Love you, too." After one more squeeze he releases me and walks toward the door, stopping along the way to sling his arms around Edward's waist. "Bye, Edward. Thanks for playing video games with me."
Surprise lights Edward's face, but he quickly shakes it off, returning Seth's hug. "You're welcome, bud. We'll have a rematch next time."
Seth smiles up at him with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "I bet I can still beat you."
Edward chuckles, grinning in return. "You can try. But I know all your secrets now." He nudges him toward the door. "Go on. Your dad is waiting for you."
Jacob's goodbye is a little less enthusiastic, but I treasure it all the same. "Bye, Mom."
"Bye, kiddo." I pull back from his hug and cup his cheek. "I love you."
He walks away, stopping to give Edward a side hug. "Will you come to my game Sunday?"
"Um." Edward looks my way, and when I give him a slight nod, he turns back to Jacob. "Yeah, if nothing comes up at work, I'll be there."
Both the kids are out the door, but Garrett hasn't left.
There's an uncomfortable tension, and I don't like it. "Seth is pretty much back to normal, but Jake said he was still tired. Maybe keep an eye on him, and if he's still not feeling like himself, keep him home tomorrow?"
"Yeah, sure." Instead of stepping off my porch and taking the boys to his place, he stays planted where he is.
"Was there anything else?" I ask him.
My ex-husband hesitates, his gaze shifting from me to Edward and back again. Finally, he shakes his head. "No. I guess not."
When he's finally off my porch, Edward closes the door. "That went a little better than I expected."
"I'm sorry if it was awkward."
He settles into the space beside me, pulling me closer to his side so I can lay my head on his shoulder. "It wasn't awkward for me. Was it weird for you?"
"A little."
"Hopefully, next time it won't be."
I look up at him. "Next time?"
"I'm not planning on going anywhere, so he better get used to seeing me."
"I hate leaving you here by yourself." With his duffel bag in hand, he lingers at the door. "I can stay if you want me to. I can—"
I reach for his hand, squeezing it. "Go. I'll be fine. It's late. I'm probably going to crawl into bed, and sleep until noon tomorrow."
"If you're sure."
"I'm sure. And you said you were coming back tomorrow, right?"
"If you still want me to."
I offer him a small smile. "I do."
With a nod and a smile of his own, he says, "Okay. I have wing stand-up at 7:30, but once that's done and I hand things over to Button, I can head back here." He cups my cheek. "Then we can talk."
I place my hand over his. "Then we can talk."
"Call me if you need me tonight?"
"I will."
With a kiss to my forehead, he leaves me standing at the door, watching him walk to his SUV. More than once, he looks over his shoulder, and I get the feeling he wants me to ask him to stay. But as much as I'd love spending the night in his arms, I'm secretly happy for the space. We have so much to talk about, and I need time to organize my thoughts.
I've loved having him here. I know I wouldn't have survived the past few days without him. And he's shown me, once again, that he's all in with me and my children. Having him so close has been profound in a way I wasn't expecting. It makes my decision to finally and completely give whatever this is between us a fighting chance that much easier.
A good night's sleep does wonders for me. For the first time in nearly a week, I feel rested when I wake. The vestiges of the flu have all but disappeared. Aside from a residual sore throat, I'm feeling better; the aches and pains are nearly gone, but most importantly, my head is clearer.
I dress in fresh sweats and make my bed. I even manage to brush my hair and twist it up into a messy bun. When I check my reflection in the bathroom mirror, there's a little more color in my cheeks and my eyes are less dull than they have been. I finally feel and, more importantly, look human again.
As I amble toward the kitchen, my cell phone buzzes with a text.
Something came up at work. I'll be there closer to lunch. Maybe 11? — E
Knowing the inevitable conversation has been pushed back a little lifts some of the pressure from my shoulders. With some newfound time on my hands, I switch on the TV to one of the morning news programs, catching the last few segments. Missing the headlines is for the best anyway. The last thing I want to dwell on is news of the turmoil in the Middle East.
My eyes feel heavy, and before I know it, they drift closed. It isn't until I hear the familiar sounds of The Price is Right that I wake up. Instead of risking falling asleep again, I get up and make a cup of tea. It's warm and soothing on my throat and leads me to think of what's waiting for me in the fridge.
As I put my teacup in the sink, my thoughts center on heating up a bowl of the soup Edward made for us. But before I get it out, there's a knock on my door. I look toward my front windows and see a familiar shock of bronze hair.
I take a deep, calming breath, but it's hardly enough to slow my racing heart. Opening the door, I smile up at him. "Hey."
"Hey," he says as he steps inside. "Sorry I'm a little later than I told you I'd be. We had a maintenance issue I had to take care of myself."
I close the door behind him. "It's fine. Have you eaten? I was just about to heat up some of the soup that's left."
"No, I'm good." He stutters a laugh. "I'm probably a little too nervous to eat anything, honestly."
His comment makes me frown. "I'm sorry." I reach for his hand, my fingertips brushing against his. "It's my fault you feel that way at all, and you shouldn't be. If anyone should be nervous, it's me. I'm the one who put us here, Edward."
"Regardless, I'm still nervous." His face pinches a little. "And that isn't something I'm used to feeling."
"Would it make you feel better to know I'm nervous, too?"
"A little." He smirks, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing my knuckles. "How about we go sit on the couch where it's more comfortable?"
He leads me to the living room, sitting in the corner of the couch and guiding me to sit beside him. We're close but not touching, and as much as I want to touch him—want him to touch me—the distance is probably a good thing.
"So …"
"So," he parrots, smiling. "Where do you want to start?"
"I guess I'll just jump in at the beginning if that's okay?" At his nod, I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly, along with the last of my defenses. My voice starts off soft, the words of remorse difficult to say. "I know what happened at the restaurant was a misunderstanding, but it was more than that. I jumped to conclusions and made assumptions when there was never a good reason to. I made you feel like you did something wrong when that was never the case. Every insecurity I have bubbled to the surface, and I panicked. I know you're nothing like Garrett. You've proven that time and time again. And I know I've already apologized, but I feel like I need to say it again; I'm sorry. For everything."
He's thoughtful as he looks down at my hand, reaching for it and idly tracing my fingers with his. "I understand. Really, I do. But I feel like part of it was my fault, too."
I open my mouth to rebut him, to tell him it wasn't his fault, only to snap it closed. My first instinct is to dismiss his part in what went wrong. I did it more times than I care to admit when I was married to Garrett just to keep the peace, and it would be so easy to fall back into that old habit. But I hold back because I know Edward and I both played a role in what happened.
He shakes his head once as if to clear it and looks up at me. "Looking back on what happened that night, I know how it looked. And I know I instantly got defensive—and I'm sorry for that—but knowing your history, I should have expected that you'd to react that way."
"But I still shouldn't have—"
He places a finger on my lips. "I let you say what you needed to say, and now it's my turn."
"Sorry," I whisper.
"Don't be sorry, just listen." When I nod, he continues. "I should have expected you to react the way you did. I should have been more forthcoming with the details of who Sam was. I've gone to dinner with female friends in the past more times than I can count, so it didn't even occur to me to tell you Sam was a woman. If I'd just explained my plans a little better, it would have saved us both a lot of heartache. And that's on me." He pauses, looking down at our joined hands as he opens and closes his mouth. I can feel his hesitation.
"But?" I finally ask.
He looks up, his green eyes holding traces of the hurt I saw there over a week ago. "But that doesn't take away from the fact that I feel like you don't trust me."
"I do trust you."
There's a shadow of a smile on his face. "But?"
"There's no but. I do trust you. It's me I don't trust." I scoot a little closer to him, holding his hand in both of mine. I stare into his eyes, and every emotion I've felt since I met him races through me; the happiness, the excitement … the contentment—those and more fill my heart as I look at him. Taking a deep breath, I finally admit what I've been feeling for so long. "I haven't really been honest with myself. I've been lying to myself about what I want … about what kind of future I could have … with you."
He cups my cheek with his free hand and searches my eyes. "Baby, put me out of my misery here. Are you saying what I think you're saying? What do you—"
It's my turn to silence him with a finger pressed to his lips. "I'm sorry I made you question everything about us. I'm sorry I've given you any reason to doubt me." I smile up at him with watery eyes. "I'm still scared. There are so many things I don't know or understand about the life you lead, but I want to know. I want to be a part of it. I want to be the person you call when you're having a bad day. I want to be there for all your good days, too. I want to tell you all my secrets and listen to all of yours." I wipe an errant tear off my cheek. "When we were standing in that hallway, you told me I needed to decide if I was ready to make that leap of faith with you." I smile through my tears, my voice raspy. "If you're ready to catch me, I'm ready to jump."
With the gentleness he always shows me, he cradles my face in his hands. "I'm so ready to catch you."
This kiss is nothing like some of the others we've shared. There's no real heat, there's no urge to climb on top of him and tangle my tongue with his. This one, like his touch, is gentle. And the careful way he holds me, like he's afraid I'll disappear into thin air if he holds me too tightly. The emotion in the kiss settles deep in my bones.
Nothing has ever felt so right.
His thumbs brush across my cheeks as he pulls his lips from mine. But he doesn't go far. He presses his forehead to mine, his eyes falling closed. "Tell me again," he whispers.
"I'm ready."
"You mean it?" His eyes flutter open, and the vulnerability I find there almost steals my breath. "I'm not sure I can handle it if you don't mean it, Bella."
"I mean it." As his eyes search mine, I see a flicker of the emotion I've been denying for far too long. I gather all my courage and utter the words I haven't said to anyone else in so very long. "I'm ready to let myself love you. Because I do. I love you, Edward."
His breath leaves him in a whoosh as his lips crash into mine. This kiss is so much more. More passion, more heat, but behind the fire, there's relief. I feel the loss as soon as he pulls away. "I love you too, baby."
"You love me, too?" I ask, my voice cracking.
"I do." A laugh, free of the weight we've both been carrying, escapes him. "I think I've been in love with you since the first night I took you out."
"You've known that long?"
He nods, grinning. "You were so beautiful. You absolutely captivated me. I think I knew before the main course was served that I was head over heels for you. But I could tell you were absolutely terrified that night. I hoped that if I gave you time, if I was patient, we'd get here one day."
It's my turn to reach up and cup his face. "I'm so sorry for leaving you in limbo for so long."
He shakes his head before I even finish speaking. "None of that matters now. The only thing that matters is the here and now." He brushes a stray hair from my face, his beaming smile warming me from the inside out. "Together."
"There's still a lot to talk about," I murmur.
He nods, straightening up and pulling me closer. "You're right. And I'm guessing you have questions for me."
"I do. The most pressing of which is what's next?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean if we're doing this—"
"We are."
"Okay, since we're doing this, I need to know what happens when you get your next assignment. Where does that leave us?"
His sigh is heavy, and for a moment I worry that the complicated logistics of us being together will be too great.
"I'd love to say that it won't be an issue, but that would be a lie. And I promise I'll never lie to you, even if what I have to tell you is difficult. I'd love to tell you I'm staying here, that I know what the future brings, but that's not the case. My job is to be ready for whatever is next, to fulfill whatever the needs of the Air Force are. I won't know where I'll be assigned next until it gets closer, but I will say I'm willing to do whatever it takes to hold onto this ... to hold onto you. If my next assignment is stateside, I want you with me." I open my mouth to list the reasons why that might be next to impossible, but he silences me. "I know that's a lot to think about. I know we're not at the point yet where we start making long-term plans, but I'm here in Phoenix for close to another year, so we have time. Honestly, I can't see any kind of future for myself without you in it. I want you in my life, Bella. You and your boys."
"And if it's not stateside?"
"Then I'll have to hope you'll still be waiting for me when I get back."
A lifetime of possibilities flashes before my eyes: all his stories about seeing new places, meeting new people, and having new adventures. It's not quite as frightening as before now that we both know how we feel about each other.
"And what if, one day, I wanted to follow you?"
"Then," he says, smiling as he leans in to kiss me, "one day I'll make sure you're right by my side."
My return to work is met with more than a few curious glances. My lifted spirits and lighthearted mood seem to be noticed by everyone, not the least of whom is Alice.
"Someone's in a good mood," she says, catching my eye over the computer monitor.
I can't contain my smile. "Someone is."
"I guess that means you finally talked to Edward."
"I did. And thank you for sending him over. I was not doing great. He was a lifesaver."
"I thought it might be a good icebreaker."
I stifle a snort. "Nothing says 'I love you' like someone holding the puke bucket for your kid."
She offers a sympathetic laugh. "Aww, poor kids. Poor Edward."
"Yeah, poor Edward. I'm still not sure why he stuck around to deal with all of us, but damn I'm grateful he did."
She clicks out of the program she's using and steps over to my side. "Does this mean you two are back on track?"
"You could say that."
"Well, come on. Spill! What happened?"
"We talked, and I apologized for that huge mess at the restaurant. And … I told him how I feel about him."
Her eyes brighten at the prospect of hearing juicy details. "And what did he say?"
"He said he loves me, too."
Alice squeals so loudly as she hugs me that Riley comes running to make sure we're okay.
"Are you two trying to give me a heart attack?" he asks, holding his hand over his chest.
"We're great, Ri," Alice says, still holding me but looking his way. "Our Bella is in love."
"Well, can you keep it down? Some of the customers are trying to break their necks looking back here." He takes a step away before turning back, looking at me. "Happy is a good look on you, Bella." With a wink, he disappears.
"So, what else did he say? Did you talk out all the things? What about the kids? Are you—"
"Hold up, Alice. One thing at a time. Yes, we talked about a few things. The kids are okay with me dating him. And the rest of it? Well, we're going to take it as it comes. He did invite me to an after-hours party on base this Friday."
"Spend the weekend with me," he whispered.
"What?"
"I want to show you off. We can go out Friday night and you can see some of the wives and girlfriends you met at Button's birthday party. We can have a few drinks, and I can dance with my woman. Then you can stay with me until Jacob's game on Sunday." He leaned in, brushing his nose along mine. "I want to wake up with you in my arms."
I clear my throat, shaking off the overheated feeling that particular memory gives me. "It should be a good time."
Alice raises a brow, smirking in my direction. "Uh huh. Judging by your blazing cheeks, that's not all you discussed. But I'll let you off the hook." She moves to step past me but stops to wrap an arm around my shoulders. "You deserve to bask in the glory that is new love."
"I don't know what to pack, Rose." I groan as I plop down onto my bed, shifting the phone to my other ear. "He said he wanted to take me out tomorrow night, but I don't know if he has plans for Saturday. I have no idea what else we'll be doing."
"I have a pretty good idea what you'll be doing," she sing-songs.
"Stop," I whine. "I'm already nervous enough about that."
"Why in the world are you nervous? You said you both declared your undying love for each other. That's usually the hard part. The rest is easy. You get naked and mount that man like the prize-winning stallion I'm sure he is. Oh, and pack that little blue number you bought last time we went shopping."
I eye the silky slip of fabric folded in the top of my overnight bag. "I'm kind of freaking out, Ro," I admit in barely more than a whisper.
Her tone immediately changes, and the sarcastic sister I've been talking to for the last fifteen minutes disappears. In her place is the older, wiser sister to whom I've confided all my secrets over the years. "Talk to me. What has you so worried?"
"Let's see … I've had two kids, I've only been with one man, and he watched me physically change over the course of more than a decade. Then he left me for someone else. Not to mention, I'm not eighteen anymore. Things jiggle that never did back then. I've got stretch marks. What if he doesn't like what he sees?"
She huffs. "Instead of trying to convince you how ridiculous that is when I know you won't listen, let's look at this from a logical standpoint. He's seen you mostly naked, right? The hot and heavy make-out session a few weeks ago?"
"Yeah, I remember, obviously. But that was different."
"How?"
"The only light in the room was the TV. He didn't actually see anything, really." Then I think back to how clearly I could see him. "Not well, anyway," I grumble.
"I feel like you're making excuses. I'm sure he saw enough. The fact is he's seen you without your clothes on and he still wants you to spend the weekend with him, so you're worried over nothing. You said he told you he wants to wake up with you in his arms. If that doesn't spell out that the man wants you, I'm not sure what does."
"Yeah, you're right. I'm probably overthinking things … again."
"Look, my best advice is to relax and not go in with any expectations—of him or you. If it feels right, enjoy it, Bella. You've already missed out on the first few years of your sexual prime because you were stuck with that worthless ex of yours." She chuckles, like she's privy to some private joke. "Believe me, at this age, once you find that groove, it'll change your life."
Using the key Edward gave me Monday, I let myself into his house. It's unnervingly quiet; the distant ticking of a clock and the soft hum of an empty house are the only sounds. As I walk through the foyer, I'm struck by how strange it is to be here without him. Passing discarded shoes and a haphazardly laid jacket makes me feel like I'm prying into part of his private life. But then I remember what he said when he handed me his key.
"I want you to be able to come and go, whether I'm there or not."
"Are you sure?" I asked, looking down at the seemingly innocuous piece of cut metal.
He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest. "I want you in my space, Bella. This is me sharing a small part of my life with you."
Walking into his bedroom, I'm immediately surrounded by Edward's scent. My eyes fall on his dark bed, and I think about what discoveries this weekend will hold. My overloaded senses make me forget all my previous worries, and my stomach twists in delicious anticipation of what's to come. Arousal rushes through me as I remember the way he made me feel last time we were here alone together. Memories flash through my mind—the way he looked as he hovered over me and brought us both pleasure. It's nearly impossible to ignore the physical reaction, but I somehow manage to compose myself. My ride will be here soon, and I don't really want to climb into Angela's car in the state I'm in.
Intent on leaving my bag and heading back to the foyer to wait for Angela, I step farther into the room. When I do, I notice a bud vase on the bedside table, holding a single, short-stemmed daisy. A folded note is beside it with my name scrawled across the top. I set my bag at my feet and pick up the folded slip of paper.
Bella,
In a perfect world, I'd be there to welcome you into my humble abode. What's mine is yours, so make yourself at home. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to having you all to myself all weekend, not to mention waking up with you tomorrow morning. Now get your sweet ass to the base so I can show you a good time.
I love you,
Edward
Warmth spreads through me, and a sense of certainty settles in my veins. Before I get too lost in my feelings over the thoughtful man I'm spending the weekend with, my phone buzzes with a text.
I'm here when you're ready! - Angela
With a final glance at the welcoming bed and the handwritten note, I leave Edward's bedroom, ready to go back where it all started for us.
A/N: How do you think their talk went? And who's ready for another on-base party? I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
**Updates** Okay, since I'm leaving you in a good place at the end of this chapter, I'm pressing pause here for a little while. Maybe two weeks, maybe longer. One, I haven't finished a chapter in three weeks. The words are being stubborn, and I'm down to having four in the bank. Two, I was just diagnosed with carpal tunnel, and I'm hoping the brace and exercises alleviate some of the pain. Typing seems to aggravate it. We're also going on a week-long motorcycle trip in a couple of weeks, which will cut out an entire week of writing … or attempting to. Lol. Buuuut … when I post the next chapter, it'll be well worth the wait, I think. It weighs in at over 7k words, so it's a meaty one full of some delicious stuff. ;) Thanks so much for hanging in there with me!
You're almost out of time to register for TFMU 2022, Cleveland! The window to sign up closes on June 10! I, along with many others I know, will be there! Will you? For more details, go to tfmutwificmeetup dot wixsite dot com. There's also a Facebook group, TFMU TwiFic Meetup. I hope to see you there!
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I hope to "see" you in two weeks!
Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.
Lots of love
~Sunshine
