Well, I have a relatively quick (for me) update today. I'd like to thank the two of you that read it, and without any further ado... here we go!
First though... thanks to reviewers of the last chapter!
TerraNova: Gah! You've come back! XD Hehe... so yeah, Jake and Rose will have some moments together... you reviewed a bit too late for me to get them in this chapter, but... I'll see what I can do next chapter.
Also thanks to DanMat, Lavenderpaw, and writingcat!
Dragon in Paradise 2
YFWE
Ch. 3: FedEx Hates Trailer Parks Like George Bush Hates Black People
"How hard is it to find a spare tire 'round here?" Jake commented as they continued their quest to find their replacement left-center tire around the Harrisburg RV Park. Their group, at this point, consisted of Jake, Trixie, and Spud, because Fu had been stricken with a "medical emergency" (a.k.a., an extended meeting with the public restroom) and Grandpa had decided it would be best he stay with Fu in his dire time of need.
Hehe, that last part sure sounded cheesy.
And then, what about James Earl Jones? Um... I really don't know what happened to him. Something about Oprah Winfrey and a trailer. I'll let you make that call.
So anyway, you'd think that a spare tire in an RV park would be easy to come by. But not at the Harrisburg RV Park. No... according to initial park tenant they encountered, they had been gone for nearly two years.
"We used to have so many spares, it wasn't even funny," the man said. He had claimed that he had lived in the park since its inception in '95, back when they 'won their independence from the British.' They weren't exactly sure what he meant by that, but for the time being, they decided to let it slide.
"So... what happened?" asked Trixie.
The man stood in silence for a few moments, before finally speaking, "FedEx happened."
Awkward silence.
"What about FedEx?"
"It was a dark and stormy night," the man recalled, "and take that to heart, because everything bad happens on a dark and stormy night."
"My fifth wife (now ex) had just settled down for the night, when we heard a loud... BANG!"
He emphasized the word 'bang', which made everyone jump up in surprise.
But then he ceased speaking.
"So... what? What was the bang for?" Jake asked.
"Hm? Oh, I dunno, really. My wife (God rest her soul) thought it was some aliens landing on our roof, but... I honestly don't think the roof could've held that much weight. Personally, I think the bang was just some thunder. It was storming, you know. Remember that?"
"Yes sir! I mean... wait, I'm sorry about your wife...," said Trixie.
"Hm? Aw, no... I killed her."
"Awkward...," Spud chimed in.
"Alright. Now... where was I... oh, right, how Bush fixed the 2004 election..."
"Um... that's not what we were talking about..."
"It wasn't? Hm... well, do you wanna hear about it anyway?"
"Sure!" Spud jumped up with glee.
"Um... no, don't mind him," Jake said, clamping a hand over Spud's mouth, "he doesn't really want to hear about it."
"Then why'd he say he wanted to?"
"Er... he has... turrets!"
"Hey! No I..."
"Whatever," the man sighed. "So... a few minutes after the bang, this guy shined this flashlight into our window."
"Was he from FedEx?" Spud asked.
"Nah. It was Smokey the Bear. Something about saving the trees and preventing forest fires."
"Wow... how many things were YOU smoking that night?" Spud said, eyes wide and mouth curved up into a hysterical smile.
"Obviously, not enough, because I still remember enough to tell y'all the story."
"Now... we waited another five minutes or so, and then I decided I had to use the john. So I walked outside, and guess what I saw?"
"A FedEx guy?" Jake asked.
"A FedEx cargo jet?" Trixie guessed.
"A FedEx guy in a cargo jet with the Kool-Aid Guy and Avril Lavigne in the cockpit?" Spud said. Funny thing is, I think he was serious.
"NO! Well, yes, the little Asian boy is right."
"What up, fools?" Jake raised his arms in triumph.
"There must've been twenty FedEx semis parked in the middle of the road, and employees were all over the place, picking up any and all spare tires and throwing them in the back of the semis. And then they drove off, never to be seen again..."
"What does it all mean?" Spud grabbed his head in agony.
"Well.. we're still not sure why they came, or why they needed the tires, but all we know is that our tires are gone... and they haven't been back since."
"So... like, can't you guys just collect more?" Jake asked.
"Why? They'd just get stolen away again..."
"Eh, whatever. So you're saying there's NONE left?"
"Well... we DO have some tires."
"Really? Where are they?"
"Follow me," sighed the man, leading them to a brown wooden shack a few hundred feet away.
"Look inside there."
"Thanks... uh, what's your name?"
"They call me... Mr. Tibbs."
Awkward silence again.
"Wasn't that from that one old movie..."
"NO!"
"Whatever...," said Jake, as he opened the door of the shack.
The door fell off its hinges.
"Man, I hope they're insured," Spud commented.
The shack itself was very dimly lit. All of the light came from a lone window in the back- and even then, it was dark, considering that it was around seven at night.
"Um... here's the lightswitch," Trixie announced.
And she flipped it on, revealing... well, tires.
However, not just any tires.
"These are big rig tires!"
"Heh, what can I say?" laughed Mr. Tibbs. "We ended up catching the FedEx trucks and stole THEIR tires!"
"I'm even more confused than normal," Spud said. "So... where are the spare tires?"
"Uh... funny story..."
"You know what, never mind," Jake said, sticking his hands under one of the tires, "These'll do."
He tried to lift one.
"Ungh... damn!" he yelled, face rigid and muscles tight, "This is heavy!"
"Yeah... have fun with that...," Mr. Tibbs said, and walked back toward the some of the other RVs.
"Aah!" Jake pulled his hands out from underneath the tire. He turned to Spud and Trixie. "What do we do now?"
"There's NO way that all three of us could carry that!"
"Maybe I should go dragon then...," Jake suggested.
"Hello? Trixie to Jake's common sense! There's all kinds of people outside that could see you! How on earth would you get that tire all the way back to Gramps' RV?"
"Simple. I won't get spotted."
"...whatever, man."
Once again, Jake slipped his hands underneath the closest tire. But this time...
"DRAGON UP!" he yelled, and a brilliant orange flame surrounded him, until the fire diminished, and there stood Jake in his dragon form.
He didn't even have to grunt as he lifted the tire over his head.
What was unfortunate about this was that the tire collided with the top of the shack.
CRASH!
"Jake, you dumbass."
"Everyone get outta here!" Jake yelled.
The trio sped out of the crumbling shack, getting out just in time to see the shack fall on the huge tires. In other words, the shack roof didn't fall very far.
"Smart move, Jake. Now the locals are gonna be after us," Trixie sighed.
"Dude, I SO do not have time for this," Jake growled, flapped his wings once, and took to the sky.
"Jaaakke...," Spud whined, "What do you want us to do?"
"I dunno... think of something," Jake called back. "I've gotta get this tire back."
And so, off he did go, as fast as he possibly could, as they did not wish to be spotted by any locals. But perhaps the shack collapsing would provide some sort of distraction for Jake. Then again, it was only a slight crash- not a big deal.
Soon enough, the tipped RV was in sight. "Damn, we walked pretty far," he commented as he soared tire-first towards the camper.
BAM!
Jake hit the ground, luckily. Not the camper. That would suck. Stranded in a Pennsylvania RV Park. I smell a sitcom.
Jake quickly reverted to human form and prayed that no one had seen him.
Luckily, it appeared no one had. So... what now?
"...yeah, this tire isn't gonna fit on our camper," Jake said to himself lightly, sighing as he leaned his weight up against the tire.
He was almost able to doze off a few moments later... that is, until Grandpa arrived. And we all know that Grandpa plus seeing oversized tire equals Grandpa becoming angry.
Oh, you didn't know that?
Well, you will now.
"Jake? What is this humongous tire doing here? And where is our replacement tire for the RV?"
"Weeeellll... funny thing happened... not sure you'd believe me..."
"Try me."
"Okay. FedEx stole all their spares so all they have is big rig tires."
Silence.
"Told ya you wouldn't believe me," Jake said sheepishly.
"Well, cookies for you, then. What do we do now?" Fu asked.
"What else is there to do," sighed Grandpa. "We must use this tire."
"...how?"
"I have no idea. I guess... Jake, go get a jack and let us go from there."
Muttering indistinctly, Jake walked off toward the main office of the park. He wasn't exactly sure where to look for a jack, so... he thought that the main office would at least be a start.
"Jake! Wait up!"
It was Spud. Apparently, he had been able to escape the evil clutches of the locals.
"Uh... where's Trixie?"
"Well... remember how the author was just saying that I somehow escaped the evil clutches of the locals?" asked Spud.
"Dude, that happened like five seconds ago, so yeah."
"Long story short, Trixie wasn't as lucky."
"Ouch," Jake winced. "So... what do we do about her?"
"No idea. I'll try and think of something. Mind if I tag along?"
Jake shrugged, signifying that it was okay with him.
The two of them found the main office, and walked inside.
"May I help you?" came a low, manly voice as soon as they walked inside.
"Um, yes sir... we were wondering...," Spud paused. "Hey, wait, where are you?"
As the two of them scanned the room, they saw... well, not much, really. There were... a few chairs, a desk, and a woman sitting behind the desk, kind of half-awake. (Or half-asleep. Once again, your call.)
"I said... may I help you?"
"Where are you?" Spud called out.
"I'M RIGHT HERE!"
Jake, as opposed to Spud, stared straight ahead. The voice... it had come from the woman behind the desk. And she was redder than... you know, fill in your own comparison. I'm tired of doing it for you.
"It's a man!" Spud screamed, pointing a finger at the woman.
"Dammit! Security!" she called.
"Wait!" Jake clamped a hand over Spud's mouth. "Don't listen to him. He..."
He paused. What WAS Spud's problem? Well... um, truthfully, you could probably label him as a pot smoker and leave it at that, but that would just be giving him too much credit.
"He- what?" asked the he-she receptionist impatiently.
"Uh... he has turrets."
"FAG!" Spud slapped Jake on the head. Sure brain-cell killer right there. Kinda like paint fumes. Hehe... silent but violent.
"See what I mean?" exclaimed Jake. "It's quite sad, actually. You should've seen him at Bush's Inauguration Speech."
"No... I was yelling those things willingly! I really DID think that he was gonna ruin the nation's economy and that Cheney was gonna shoot one of his friends in a tragic hunting accident! And look what's happened! Maybe I'm psychic..."
"Doubt it. Anyway, ma'am," Jake said warmly, "I came in here to ask if we could use one of the jacks... we need to change a tire outside."
"Then you've come to the right place," the woman boomed. "Hold on; I'll go see if I can steal one from our mechanic... be back soon! Feel free to look around... but PLEASE don't let HIM," she wagged a large, meaty finger at Spud, " get outta your sight."
"Yes sir!" Spud saluted her. "I'll keep Jake under close watch. I'll be so secretive, he won't even know he's being watched!"
"I wasn't talking to you- oh, never mind." She slammed the door on her way out.
Once he was sure that she was gone, Jake said to Spud, "Spud, dude... you gotta calm it down a bit. I mean, I know he... she... was a little questionable in terms of... well, a few things, but you still gotta keep it under control. Okay?"
No answer.
"Spud, where the hell are you?"
"Shh. I am one with the wall. You don't see me."
"Spud... you do know that you're wearing black clothes and are up against a white wall, right? I can see you."
"She-man told me to watch you. I shouldn't keep you outta my sight."
"She was talking to me, dumbass."
"Don't steal my moment of glory!" Spud cried. "Go back to whatever you were doing... just pretend I'm not even here."
"Well, that won't be too much of a stretch for me then, will it?"
So Jake went over and sat down in one of the few chairs that the office actually had (which was, like, two). Meanwhile, Spud continued to stare at Jake from afar.
That is, until she came in.
Who is she?
Well, she had long brown hair... and you know what? I'm not even gonna describe anything else, because we might have younger children reading this. Let me put it this way to you- Spud, and probably any other normal, warm-blooded American was attracted to her because of, um, this feature.
See what I'm getting at here? Cool.
Instantly, Spud leapt from the wall and dashed to the help desk.
"May I help you?" he asked in his best store clerk impression, although it came off more as a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation. Don't ask me how it happened... it just did.
"Um... where's Ms. Mahn?" she asked, a bit confused.
Cue Jake, cracking up at the name in the background.
Apparently, however, Spud didn't notice this. He just noticed... um, there we go again, never mind.
"Hello? You gonna answer?" she said impatiently.
"I'm sorry," Jake stood up from his chair after finally getting over his laughing fit. "He has ADD. He kinda gets that way sometimes."
"I DO NOT have ADD, and I DO NOT have turrets!" Spud screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Sad, isn't it," Jake sighed. "Anyway... Ms... (slight chuckle again) Mahn, I think, went to the mechanic's place. If you wait here, she might come back in a few..."
"Nah, it's okay, I'll come back later. Thanks...," then she paused and smiled at Spud, "You're a very special boy, you know that?"
"Oh yeah," Spud grinned absentmindedly.
She grinned too. Jake couldn't really tell if it was a true smile, or kinda fake, but he knew that it wouldn't have mattered to Spud either way.
"Bye...," she waved, grinning once more as she walked out the door.
"Dude," Spud sighed slowly, "She totally wants me."
"Whatever you say, man."
END CHAPTER
Hehe, so that took a while, didn't it? I actually had most of it done last week, but then we went on vacation. Next chapter should come a lot quicker. Oh, and go see the movie Cars! OMG, it's soooo awesome! Hehe, well, later!
YFWE
