Chapter Two

My leave of absence was emailed and approved by noon the next day, which was great timing since I found a flight leaving at three. I packed a small carry-on bag, thinking my stay wouldn't be too long. I packed a week's worth of clothes and my necessities into the bag: laptop, toiletries, make-up, and reading material. My hands shook as I slid the zipper closed. I stopped packing and took a breath, willing them to stop, but they didn't listen.

Chahee and Yeri were at the sorority house celebrating the awesome 5k they put on. Instead of participating that morning, I had been busy typing my leave of absence email and talking to Rose about Gram's steady decline. She was now in ICU and in a coma. Rose swore up and down that she was comfortable, but I couldn't imagine Gram being comfortable with tubes down her throat and in her arms. I shivered at the thought of seeing her like that.

Gram was tough as nails. She was raised in Maine, and her family lived in a small cabin that did not have indoor plumbing, a heater, or air conditioning. Her family stayed warm by a fire on cold nights and cooled down at the lake on hot summer days. She always told me stories about growing up in that small cabin.

"All five of us would share a room," she'd explain. "My mother and father had their own room, but us kids had to share. I didn't mind at all. I liked sleeping together with them, especially in the winter. We would snuggle up and stay toasty that way."

Her accent was thick, just like most of the townspeople. Our town was a well-known fishing and harbor town, and most passersbys would remark on how funny we spoke. Gram would tell them that no one talked funny but the flatlanders—her name for all non-Maine folks—and they'd laugh like they knew what she meant.

I took my bag and heaved it over my shoulder. I left a note for the girls and didn't look back at my room. I would be back to see it soon. Gram would recover, and I would come back and finish school. Then my plans would remain. My life was just on pause.

The plane made a soft humming sound when we reached our altitude, and I was thankful for it. The constant engine noise was grating on my nerves. I pulled out a book that Gram had given me, and I held it in my hands caressing the cover. It brought back a memory of reading in Gram's library.

Her building was not alwayss a library. Before Gram bought it, which was years before I was born, it was the home of Mr. Harold Lockhart. Harold was a scientist, and the house was befitting of a man of science. It was built very strangely. The top half was his private home and the bottom his lab and perfume store.

I always thought it was strange that a scientist would also sell perfume, but Gram told me that he sold other things. Then, as a child, I never understood fully what she had meant. But now as a grown woman I knew that Mr. Lockhart would sell medicinal supplies and probably things no doctor would ever prescribe. From what I understood, he was a very profound and admired scientist until his death in the late seventies. It was before his death that he gave Gram the house. At first, she moved in to the top and sold books in the bottom half. Gram had always had a love affair with books. She told me once that she loved books more than my grandpa loved the sea. He owned his own fishing boat, and it was there that he spent a lot of his time. I never met him because the summer of 1987 he died at sea, leaving my dad fatherless and Gram a widow.

She then turned the book store into a library. Times were hard in Bay Ridge and people had a hard time buying books. Gram decided our town needed the written word, so she became the only town librarian. She was needed in our boring town. I grew up there and relied on books as my escape from harsh winters and hot boring summers. I know most of the town relied on her then, and still did.

My eyes began to close, and instead of diving into the pages of my book, I fell asleep.

"Folks, I'd like to let you know we have reached the Bangor airport. It's a cold night out there, so be sure to bundle up," the Captain said, waking me from a dream. I wiped my mouth and felt drool on my chin. I looked around and noticed most people did the same. Oh well, I guess I wasn't the only drooler on this flight. I looked out of the window and noticed the snowy ground below. It sure wasn't great to be back. I left California and it was seventy degrees, and I come here and it's literally freezing. Fabulous.

I departed the plane and found a rental car company that was willing to rent a car to someone my age. The girl behind the desk handed me keys to a small two door car. Was she kidding me?

"I need an SUV; it's snowing outside!" I informed her as she rolled her eyes. I know it had been years since I had driven in the snow, but I could have handled the roads. I just didn't want to drive a small compact car in this crap.

She typed something and informed me there was a bigger car on the lot.

"Great! I'll take it."

As I stood staring at the minivan, I literally ate my words.

"Shit," I said to myself. I climbed in and started up the mommy-van. To my surprise it ran pretty smooth as I made my way onto the interstate. I wouldn't be racing anyone anytime soon, but it took the snowy roads pretty well.

As I watched the snow fall around me and kept an eye out for moose on the road, I was reminded of the day my parents died. The night was so similar. I was tucked into bed while Gram babysat me so my parents could go out on a much needed date.

They hadn't been on one in so long, and I can still remember my mom asking Gram if she wouldn't mind watching me. I brushed my Barbie's hair while Mom did hers in a pretty bun. Her black hair always hung down around her face, so to see her face for once, free of hair, was so amazing.

"Mommy, you're beautiful," I had told her.

She scooped me up and said, "But you are more beautiful and fairer than any in the land." My mom always told me stories of distant lands where princesses lived and waited for their prince. In all of the stories, I was the princess. "Now come on. We have to get you to Gram's."

The roads weren't bad that night, not from my recollection, but the snow was heavy. My mom and dad looked so happy as I watched them get into their car and wave goodbye to me. I waved back, not knowing that I would never see them again. Gram became my mom and dad in one night. She took me in and cared for me after they died, and I'll never forget how she remained so strong. Even after the funeral when I would cry, she'd say, "You're mom and dad are not gone forever. You'll see them again someday. No crying because you must be strong and live this life that they gave you. You are a gift, and they would want you to live each day thankful for what you have and who you will someday be."

I'll never forget her words, and I still didn't. As I made my way to Bay Ridge, I wondered how in the world a strong woman like Gram could leave this world. My Gram was tough, no one else in our town was tougher. I knew she would be just fine and make it out of the hospital and back into the library soon. She just needed to get her heart fixed, that's all.

My phone buzzed at that same moment.

"Rose?" I answered with my freezing hands.

"Where are you, Jennie? The weather is getting kind of rough here," she said.

"I'm about an hour out. How is Gram doing?"

"Jennie, she's not getting any better. She is still in a coma. We're doing all we can to make her comfortable, but she has strict rules for how she wants to spend her last days. I need you to get here so we can discuss them."

Ugh, she was doing that doctor thing again.

"Rose, I know you're trying to prepare me and all, but I have a feeling Gram will be fine."

"Jennie," Rose whispered, "I don't think you understand the severity of the situation. Your gram isn't going to get better. She is declining, and she asked us not to keep her alive on machines. I mean, don't you understand what I'm saying to you?"

Anger coursed through me now as I gripped the steering wheel. I tried really hard not to lose it on Rose, but I didn't think she understood. She had parents still, who she saw every day.

"Rose, I understand. I'm not a child, but I'm trying to stay positive. Do you think this is easy for me? I'm losing the last family member I have left. I'll be…I'll be alone." I pulled the car into a turnout and took heavy breaths as the tears threatened to come. "I need to go. I can't focus on the road while I cry." I hung up on my friend and got back on to the road. I had to get to Gram and make sure she made it through this.