Chapter Four: A River in Egypt
He kind of wished she would have said something. Anything would have been better than just standing there. He didn't figure how the situation could have gotten any worse.
Nick paused once he made it outside, taking a breath of the cool, early morning air, and locked his fingers behind his head. He tried to tell himself he never would have said those things if he hadn't been provoked…but lately, maybe he would have. Nick sighed. What did I just do? What in the hell is wrong with me?
"What in the hell is wrong with you?"
Nick's head whipped to the left, towards the sound of Catherine's voice. He'd had no idea she and Gris had made it back to the lab yet, hadn't even noticed she'd been among the crowd of onlookers. They'd performed for a full house.
He met Catherine's eyes for the briefest of moments and returned his gaze towards the misty, gray parking lot. At least it'd stopped raining. "You saw that?"
Catherine laughed incredulously. "Of course I saw it, Nick. The whole damned lab saw it!"
The whole damned lab. Nick sucked in a breath and for the first time hoped to God Grissom had been holed away in his office. He tried to figure out in his head how long it would take his boss to find out about the fight, if in fact he hadn't witnessed the exchange firsthand. Sara would surely run to him, she always did. And if she didn't, it was pretty much a given that Catherine now would. Either way, things wouldn't look well for him with the women involved.
Nick could feel Catherine's eyes on him, and he hesitantly looked up to meet them. She looked pissed, to put it lightly, and was apparently expecting some kind of response. When Nick didn't oblige she continued, grasping his forearm firmly. "I stuck up for you, Nick, and this is what you do?"
Nick opened his mouth to protest. This wasn't entirely his fault; there had been two of them fighting in the hall. And he hadn't asked her to go to Grissom. He had never once asked her to play mediator between the two of them. Her next comment, however, stopped him.
"You want to get out there on your own again?"
Nick's eyes widened in response to her harshly spoken question. He supposed that was how this whole thing had started. He slowly nodded.
Catherine's eyes bit into him fiercely. "Then you need to grow up."
Nick was taken aback, and his mouth dropped open. This wasn't what Catherine was supposed to do. Catherine was supposed to be the one on his side. Whether he asked her to or not, she stuck up for him every time he needed it. She was his fallback, always there to help him. And how here she was, ripping into him. "Cath – "
"Sara wasn't trying to be mean – "
Now she was defending Sara. He could count on one hand that number of times that had happened. She'd switched teams on him.
Nick snorted, and Catherine's grip on his forearm increased. She was stronger than he would have thought. He winced and tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him.
"I understand," she said, softer but still with a good amount of frustration, "that you aren't quite yourself yet. And I understand," she continued quickly, before Nick could interject, "that you're still having problems. It's completely okay for you to need time. You went through hell. But you need to understand that we're having trouble, too." Her face softened, and she released his arm.
Nick cocked his head with an odd mixture of consideration and indignation, but he kept any comments to himself. He had a feeling Catherine wasn't finished with him just yet.
"Everyone in there that cares about you…you don't know what we went through, watching you down there. Everyone is dealing with it in their own way. Obviously these methods aren't mixing together well, but we're all trying."
There was another pause, one it seemed to be Nick's job to fill, and he nodded again, not wanting to risk opening his mouth. He wasn't sure what he might find himself saying.
"Now," Catherine said firmly. "Take a minute, take a breath, and then go in there and talk to Sara. I'm not going to let this team fall apart."
Nick nodded, though noncommittally. "I'm sorry, Cath." The words caught in his throat, most likely owing to the fact he wasn't really sure what he was apologizing for, and he swallowed.
She patted his arm, smiling gently, likely thinking he was just getting emotional on her. "Take a minute," she said again. "And don't be sorry, just stop being so…"
Nick looked at her, hoping she would finish the thought and give him some answers. What was he being?
He didn't get an answer. Catherine closed lamely with another small smile. She turned and moved back to the double doors of the lab.
"Catherine," Nick called over his shoulder.
She turned. "Yeah?"
He wanted to tell her to finish her sentence, to give him some insight into what was going on with him. He wanted to tell her that he didn't want to talk to Sara right now. He wanted to tell her that the fight wasn't entirely his fault. He wanted to tell her not to talk to Grissom. He wanted to tell her…anything. He found it hard to form any of these words, though, and ended up doing something he was so practiced in doing, it came almost effortlessly.
"Thanks," he said quietly. He avoided it.
He couldn't avoid it forever. Nick sank onto the curb and took the moment Catherine had suggested. He knew he was going to have to go back inside eventually, pretend he hadn't seen everyone bear witness to his outburst, and find Sara.
After a few reflective moments he came to the conclusion he hadn't meant to blow up at her like he had. He was tired, stressed, and still in a bad mood from the previous night. It hadn't been his intention to start a fight and especially not to say the things he'd ended up saying. He only hoped she could say the same.
Nick felt he'd done a pretty good job playing it off with Catherine, but Sara's words had hurt. More than he thought. If he wanted an answer to his earlier wondering, if he'd messed up the team dynamic…he guessed he had his answer. He and Sara had gotten into spats before, but never to that extent. He did want to apologize. He just wanted to hear her apologize more.
The sun started peeking over the tops of the trees and a sky that had been deep gray only moments before suddenly leaked shades of orange, pink, and blue like a watercolor painting. It was beautiful, drawing Nick from his thoughts, and it struck him how long it'd been since he'd taken the time to appreciate something like it. The simple things in life were slipping by him unnoticed every day. One would assume it would be the other way around, that he would be soaking in every detail of every day, since he'd come so close to losing it all, but that wasn't the way things were happening. It was like Nick had blinders on, moving through life with tunnel vision. He focused on one thing at a time, accomplished the task at hand, and once it had been put safely behind him, he moved on to the next.
The task at hand… Nick's thoughts refocused. He needed to talk to Sara. Really soon, too, before the things he said had time to sink in. He couldn't risk any permanent dents in their friendship brought on by his own thoughtless words. As for the damage caused by her words…well, he had plenty of dents already.
With one last lingering look at the rising sun Nick pulled himself up off of the curb and turned to the doors. He was reaching for the handle when the door burst open and Sara appeared in front of him. She stopped abruptly, eyes wide and mouth formed a surprised 'o.'
She recovered quickly, those eyes no longer hurt and lined with tears but dry as a bone and dark, angry once more. "I thought you'd left," she said bluntly.
Nick took a step back, not wanting Sara to think he was trying to push her. He attempted an easy smile but it felt more like a grimace. This wasn't easy. "Nah, I hung around for a bit."
It was obvious Sara wanted to stay mad at him, and in all honesty, part of Nick wanted to stay mad at her, too. The things she'd said had really gotten under his skin. You mope around here like…
The two stared at each other uncomfortably. After a moment, Sara sighed. She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows, as if to say 'go ahead,' as if she were waiting for an apology. Which, sure, Nick had started the fight, allowing Sara to fall at the scene, and he'd done more than argue. He'd insulted. But she'd provoked it from him.
Sara pursed her lips and shook her head, a small, humorless laugh escaping.
Nick frowned. He must have been taking longer than she wanted. Again. "What?"
Sara sighed. "Nothing." She shifted her weight, glancing down at her muddy, ruined clothes, and jerked her head towards the parking lot. "I'm gonna get going."
"Yeah," Nick said, nodding slowly. "You wanna…"
"Shower, sleep," Sara said, and became instantly fascinated with her shoelaces.
They stood that way for another long moment, Sara staring down at the ground, Nick staring out at the parking lot.
"Well," Sara said. She adjusted the strap of the bag on her shoulder, and started in the direction of her car without another word.
"Yeah," Nick muttered, watching her go. 'Well."
After her car had pulled out of the lot, Nick threw his head back in frustration and kicked at the curb. He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. Catherine was not going to be happy. He was surprised to realize he didn't care as much as he thought he would.
It wouldn't be difficult for one to assume Gil Grissom actually lived in the crime lab. It was a bit unclear the workday hours he set for himself. He was in the lab before swing shift ended, and usually stayed over well into the day shift's hours. Some of the lab techs wondered loudly if he ever slept.
So no one was surprised to pass Grissom's office at four the next afternoon and see him sitting at his desk. No one was surprised, and Sara Sidle was counting on it.
She leaned on the doorframe and watched her boss for a moment. Grissom was absently chewing on the earpiece of his glasses, flipping through a case file, presumably from the case he and Catherine had worked the night before. He appeared deep in thought, his brow creased with a handsome frown, and Sara cocked her head as she watched him think.
Grissom's frown deepened, having sensed someone in the room, and he slowly raised his head to face the door. He had his mouth open to speak, but shut it when he saw Sara there. His frown lessened, but didn't disappear completely; there was a different look on his face, one that always seemed to be there when she was around. Uneasiness? Discomfort? Fascination? He had no need to worry; she wasn't there to talk about them.
Grissom leaned back slightly in his chair, glancing at his watch. "You're in early."
Sara's lips twisted in a playful smile. "You're one to talk."
His eyebrows rose in acknowledgment. He seemed slightly more at ease, but still fiddled uncomfortably with his glasses.
Sara took a breath, smiled wider, and stepped into the office, shutting the door behind her. "Do you maybe have a minute?"
As soon as Warrick Brown walked into the lab that night, he felt as though he'd missed something.
Take one night off and it's a whole new lab, he thought, passing Hodges' work station without the usual snide comment or sarcastic aside. The lab tech simply raised his eyebrows in an almost-greeting.
Warrick raised a hand in acknowledgment, a confused expression on his face.
Hodges laughed at Warrick's obvious uneasiness. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not going to say anything mean, although I would love to tell you what I think of that shirt."
Warrick looked down at his wardrobe selection, frowning. "I paid good money for this, man."
The other man suppressed a grin. "Wouldn't doubt it. There's a sucker born every minute."
"I thought you weren't going to say anything mean."
Hodges shrugged. "I tried." He sat down in his chair. "Everyone just feels like they should be a little nicer to each other today."
"Why?"
Hodges' eyes widened in disbelief. "You didn't hear? Man, and I thought you and Nick were tight." He smiled venomously.
"We are," Warrick said, glaring down at the lab tech. His expression was steely but in reality, he was growing worried; Nick hadn't said a word to him about anything big going down. Or anything at all, now that he thought about it. "Now, what didn't I hear?"
Hodges leaned forward, looking right and left to see if anyone was within earshot. Satisfied, he looked back to Warrick. "Sara and Nick are working a DB at the university. When they got back from the scene last night, they got into it here at the lab," he said in a conspiratorial tone.
Warrick clicked his tongue and waved his hand dismissively at the gossip. "Oh, those two are always buttin' heads." Besides, if it had been serious, Nick would have called him about it.
Hodges shook his head. "Not like this."
Something about the man's somber tone made Warrick pause. "You're serious?"
Hodges nodded.
Warrick leaned against the table, growing concerned. "But they're cool now, right?" Another shake of the head, and Warrick frowned. "Thanks. I'll talk to you later, Hodges." But only if I have to.
Warrick continued down the hall. He wanted to find Nick, or Sara, and find out just what had gone on, and why he hadn't heard anything about it until now.
When he made his way into the break room, Warrick was relieved to at least see his two friends in the same room together, and talking, at that. He figured at first Hodges must have been overreacting; then he heard what was being said.
"I didn't tell him to do this."
"It's fine."
"Nick – "
"It's fine."
Both voices were cold and laced with anger, an air of finality in Nick's, and Warrick was stunned by its iciness. It was very uncharacteristic of his friend. Sara appeared stunned, as well, looking at the ground and fidgeting uncomfortably. Warrick felt now was as good a time as any to make his presence known.
"Hey, guys," he said, smiling and walking into the room. He aimed to lighten the obvious tension, but his entrance into the room seemed to only increase the awkwardness of the situation.
"Hey, Warrick," Sara said with forced enthusiasm. There was a beat. "I'll talk to you later." It was clear this was directed solely at him, and not Nick. She hurried out of the room.
Nick watched her leave and shook his head. He slumped down in his chair, absentmindedly playing with a piece of paper. It sounded like he was mumbling under his breath, but Warrick couldn't pick up any of it.
After Sara was out of hearing range, Warrick let out a low whistle. "Is it chilly in here, or is it just me?"
Nick shot him an annoyed look. "Let it go, 'Rick."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Nope."
"You gonna fix it?"
Nick didn't look up, let alone answer.
Warrick shook his head in disbelief. I'll take that as a no. "You don't wanna talk?"
Nick shook his head.
"Okay." Something he'd learned over the past few months: when Nick didn't want to talk, Nick didn't talk. No point in trying to force it. Warrick crossed the room and sat in the seat opposite his friend.
Nick handed him the paper he'd been toying with, an assignment slip. "It's you and me tonight."
Warrick frowned. "I thought you were working with – "
"I was."
"Then what – "
Nick rose abruptly. "Not now, 'Rick. Let's go."
Warrick sighed, frustrated. Not only hadn't Nick talked to him about the fight, now it seemed he was avoiding talking to him at all. "Nick," he started.
"We've got a scene," was the monotonous response.
Warrick felt something building inside of him, something that had been growing slowly for months now. It was something hot and fiery and angry. He was angry. Angry with Nick for being unbelievably stubborn and thinking of himself as so self-sufficient that he didn't talk to Warrick anymore. Angry with Grissom for not acting like the man he was; for no longer being the man Nick felt he could turn to. It was obvious Nick didn't think of Grissom in the same way anymore.
But more than anything Warrick was angry with himself for not taking the initiative months ago, when it could have really made a difference. He was forced to wonder now if it was too late, if Nick had retreated far enough into himself that his friends would no longer be able to get through.
He wasn't going to let that happen. He wasn't going to let Nick let this go. "Nick, man, just tell me what – "
"He took me off the case, okay?" Nick said angrily. "And I don't want to talk about it."
The hostile tone was as a good a slap, and Warrick felt the sting. "Okay," he said softly.
Nick marched heavily out of the room, leaving Warrick to follow him. It was in that moment it became painfully apparent to Warrick that their friendship wasn't the same it used to be.
To be continued...
