Hey thanks for reviews. I know it's really dark and such but I guess I am just writing my fantasies... or whatever... I'm really sorry about not being able to devide it into sections... I had astericks in word but when it's uploaded it doesn't seem to work... I'm kinda a bit dumb but you get that. Enjoy.

Danny had suffered from depression since he was a teenager and he spent many of his younger years plagued by the darkness that wouldn't leave him. Some would classify it as a simple case of teen angst but this diagnosis just aggravated Danny further – it was an answer doctors gave for a problem they didn't want to deal with. He knew what he was feeling, he just didn't know why.

He winced as he remembered forgotten words he had written in journals - much like that of Ella's.

I look around me and I see it, I smell it, I feel it… the pain that has saturated this life of mine, until every last drop has been absorbed by the depths of my soul.

It is constantly pressing in on me, grasping at my neck, pulling at my hair and whispering curses into my ears with words that devour. The torment is grading on my sanity - twisting and manipulating me into a person I hardly recognise anymore, a person I don't want to be associated with.

Outward: silence while my insides scream – the hurt etched not only upon my heart but my body too – skin scarred, red gashes bleeding: temporary relief.

As he remembered he envisioned a younger him dealing with emotions far beyond his years.

Danny had always felt so intensely, overwhelmed by the self-hate, doubt, fear, sadness and death that seemed to be pumping through his veins. It didn't stop at adolescence either, the same emotions continued to travel with him into adulthood. Some times were better than others, hell some weeks and months he felt genuinely happy, amazed at the beauty of life but the fact was at some stage he would again plummet.

As Danny lay helpless in the car seat, his friends around him, he knew that he had reached a lower depth than ever before and he wasn't sure he could pull himself out.

"Jesus Christ!" Jack swore aloud, flicking his watch face. He didn't think the ambo's could possibly take any longer than they had already. They had been waiting by the car for half an hour, each of them looking up every few minutes in hope to see flashing lights coming toward them. He turned his attention to Danny, the bleeding was under control but Jack was concerned that some of the wounds were getting infected and it was obvious that many needed stitches. He let his mind wander from Danny's physical condition to that of his mental…

"Did you do this because of what happened yesterday with Ella?" he didn't quite know how to pose the question but made sure he probed Danny gently.

"Not really," came the reply.

"What's going on Danny?" Sam urged. "It didn't have to be like this – we are here for you. You mean so much to me Danny," tears ran unashamedly down her otherwise flawless skin.

He flashed a look at her, face expressionless and eyes blank, as if his body was empty.

"You care too much Sam, you all care too much."

He remembered the first time he got blind drunk, using the alcohol to drown out his thoughts and feelings - unfortunately, it was only effective for a while… until he woke the next morning in more emotional turmoil than he had been in the day before. At the time though it seemed worth it, a few hours of his cold existence warmed by the amber liquid and for a few years he lived by that premise until the consequences became all too real…

Danny's childhood friend had attempted suicide and succeeded all because he was too pissed to save him... The memory sparked his need for punishment and Danny reached for the razor, only to find Jack occupying the seat where his 'cure' once lay. He turned away and stared through the windscreen, unable to stop his mind wandering into dangerous territory once again…

The image of Tommy hanging from the ceiling had never left him and the guilt had added to the pain Danny had to deal with. He should have been with Tommy, enjoying an afternoon in front of the footy but he had been slumped over a bar…. If he had been home only hours earlier… if he had only spoken to him… been there to talk him through whatever emotions he was feeling… If only he had been a better friend…