note: This takes place before the events in FMA. At least the main parts that aren't flashbacks.

"Cat! Dog!"

"... I've already done those, Gluttony."

"But they're cute and furry and tasty!"

"..." Envy was not amused.

"Just humor him a bit?"

Envy wondered why the hell Lust was so friendly with Gluttony. He was just a naive blob of lard.

"Fine." Envy transformed into kitten.

"Yay!" Lesson: If it was really cute, Gluttony wouldn't eat it. At least not right away.

"Next!"

And it continued. With Lust and Gluttony telling him things to turn into. This was a game that had started when Envy made the boast about being able to turn completely into anything. Ever since then, Lust had tried to find something he couldn't turn into. Of course, Gluttony had joined in thinking it great fun. Envy was sure the time he was told to turn into a pizza had ulterior motives. But they had yet to find something he couldn't completely transform into.

"A lightbulb!"

"...eh?"

"Lightbulb! Shiny!"

"..." Sure, why not?

"Not bad..." Lust picked him up to look him over. "You do look like a lightbulb. But do you work?"

"What!"

"The bet states that you have to transform completely. You don't work in a light socket, you lose."

Shit. But there was no way in hell that he'd lose. Not considering what the loser had to do... "Fine."

Lust promptly screwed him in and flipped the switch.

The next 15 minutes involved a cursing, fried palmtree and a pair rolling on the floor laughing at the sight.

"I'm gonna fucking KILL YOU!"

"You lost the bet."

"Eh?"

"I'm pretty sure lightbulbs aren't supposed to burn out like that." Lust smirked. "So pay up."

"No... NO FUCKIN' WAY!"

"I wonder what that person will think of this...?"

Envy was going to kill her. And that pet of hers too. But he couldn't do anything about it. He'd get into even worse trouble if Dante found out about the bet. Especially considering what the loser's prize was.

"I'm SOOOO gonna kill you."

Lust had a smug look. Damnit, only he was supposed to have that look. Sighing, he left to set about the loser's end of the bet. God, he hoped Dante got a new body soon, because massaging her bunions was just gross.

Epilogue: Envy's hair never recovered. The mere mention of the word 'palmtree' would send him into a bloody rage. Which Lust had way too much fun doing.