Another lame excuse for a chapter... sorry guys. Don't know whether this is the end or not.
'Shit,' he swore with a vulgarity that was directed toward himself. What an idiot he was!
Danny cradled his head in his hands, digging fingernails into his scalp. What had he done! What the hell had he done! He knew things would never be the same again, he could never be the same person around Viv or Jack…
'What was I thinking?' he mumbled removing his hands from his head and running the tips of his fingers along the bandages on his left arm. He felt the puckered skin and the hard stitches beneath the dressings… it wasn't right. It was unnatural how the foreign objects held his skin together – he wanted to feel human, he wanted to feel normal, he wanted to feel alive. In this room, lying in this bed, his body constrained by thick bandages and his whole existence monitored by machines… this wasn't what it meant to be alive, to be real. He felt like a man in a bubble – a stark white bubble that refused to pop and let him breathe the outside air…
Danny's breathing increased, and miniscule droplets of perspiration began to form on his pale skin. Panic was setting in. His mind drifted back and forwards… from thinking about the stitches in his body, to the conversation he had just had with his boss and co-worker… He didn't know what to do, he felt like the room was spinning, and images flashed through his mind.
Arm bloody, rivers red gushing down.
Vivian holding his hand, her brown eyes looking into his…
Dirty metal in his body, holding back the purity of his lifeblood…
The quiet but supportive Jack telling him that he was there for him…
The letdowns…
The betrayals…
Inadequacy…
The need for release…
Raphie black and blue…
Punishment…
Killing his mother in that car…
Crimson rivers…
Tommy's lifeless body hanging from the ceiling…
Release
Ella kissing him goodbye… killing herself
Slash
Slash
Slash
The look on Martins face when he found him
Let down
The Nurse walked in to the hospital room to find her patient shaking profusely. The sheet was discarded at the bottom of the bed, his knees were to his chest and the bandages on his left arm had been ripped off – blood dripped from the patients arm, staining the sheets and pooling on the floor. She walked up to Mr Taylor and put her hand on his shoulder – he didn't seem to be aware of what he was doing, instead it appeared that his mind was in another place – some horrid place. In order to bring him back, back to reality, back to now, she began rubbing his back in slow circles.
'Danny, Danny it's ok, I'm here Danny. Can you squeeze my hand for me please? That's it.'
He looked at her still dazed, squeezing her hand with his right. Things began to come into focus around him, and he noticed a terrible pain in his left arm.
'Good Danny, welcome back, I'm just going to get the doctor to stitch up this arm for you ok,' the nurse spoke soothingly.
He looked to his arm and winced….
'I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.'
'Danny!' Sam exclaimed walking into the room with a bunch of flowers which she dropped at the sight of her friend….
'Why don't we talk outside?' the nurse took Sam's arm and guided her back through the doorway briskly.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
Sam dialled Jack, she didn't know whether Danny would want her to, but she knew something had gone on when he and Viv had visited earlier. They had returned to the office quiet as mice and spent the rest of the morning shooting each other knowing glances.
'Malone.'
'Jack, it's me, Sam.'
'What's going on?'
'It's Danny... the nurse said he's gone into some kind of shock and has reopened his stitches… he's a mess Jack… What happened when you came earlier?' she questioned.
'I hoped this wouldn't happen,' Jack began, 'He… just told us some things Sam… I can't disclose anything but… just be with him Sam, he needs a friendly face right now.'
'There's no way I'm leaving his side anytime soon,' Sam spoke – her voice laced with fear and concern. 'I'll, I'll uh talk to you later Jack.'
'If anything happens…' he began.
'I'll call you.'
She clicked her phone off and walked back into Danny's room, pulling the visitors chair closer to his bedside and taking his quivering hand between hers.
'Hey,' she smiled, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.
He looked up at her and smiled a small smile.
'I… I'm a bit messed up Sam,' he squeezed her hand.
'Yeah I know Danny, but you are going to be ok,' Sam reassured as she leant over and kissed him on the cheek.
He closed his eyes and smiled. He was going to be ok – it might take a while… but he would get there.
'Thanks Sam.'
'What for?' she asked.
'Thanks for giving me hope – you all do, you, Martin, Jack… Viv… I wouldn't be here without you…' he trailed off.
