-1Dying
2. I'm sorry I can't smile
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The Saturday morning. The morning of freedom and relief. There's no work and nothing to be worry about. However, it doesn't ensure that everything is alright. Some people are happy about that relief but some people must fight hard because of their life. And always you can't win.
It's the voice of sorrow and fear in Heatherfield; the voice of ambulance. Something horrible have happened and some people lives have been taken. And some people are still fighting for life and death.
Hay Lin was sailing in her dreams. She hoped she was going to wake up but the despair weakened her powers all the time. She tried to believe in herself but the sorrow and pain counterbalanced it. But she believed in her friends, her family and her love, Eric.
"MORE BLOOD! She runs dry!" the one of the surgeons yelled and the blood was in Hay Lin as fast as possible. It just looked like she was bleeding everywhere. Respirators were beeping and they were telling about Hay Lin's life. Will she die or will she live?
"The brains are okay!" the one doctors shouted. "But there is no blood enough! 2 liter of blood is gone! It's impossible to have so much blood type O!" she continued. "Anyway, the heart is stopping beating!" that was a information that didn't make doctors glad. Doctors and surgeons tried their best to have Hay's life back.
"Relax! We will have it! She won't die! Oh no!" but now the leader of operation noticed that there weren't choices anymore. Hay's brains were okay but her bones and heart had experienced hardships.
"Uuh!" suddenly one of the doctors felt some weakness. But she was alright very soon but something had changed. "May I try?"
"TRY! It's about death and life! You must guard the respirators!" leader yelled. "Anyway, we can help her." she said. The doctor look at Hay Lin. "Shan. I know how you feel but if we can't do anything so can't you, too."
The doctor couldn't stop staring at Hay Lin and she said in her mind:
"I'm sure someone can help her. And if you can't I can."
"Lynda. Her parents and friends came."
---
Hay Lin felt how she was hanging in the air. She was naked and the place was empty. Though she felt herself so comfortable she knew the place already. It was so peaceful and silent. Hay Lin knew only the one place what could be like this. And somehow see saw the white and high castle on the clouds. Kandrakar.
"Hay Lin", she heard the soft voice of man. He was Oracle. Hay Lin opened her eyes and she saw the white clothes on her. The white rope.
"Oracle! What is this! What happened!" frightened Hay Lin asked Oracle who smiled.
"There was a serious accident that would have killed you if you weren't part of Kandrakar and of course the guardian. But I can't decide about your fate. Only you can decide it", Oracle said. Hay Lin didn't understand what he was saying.
"What! I don't understand! Am I dead? Of course I want to live!" she said loudly to him. He winked.
"Just follow me. I'll show you a one thing", he said and walked to the room where they were when they went to the Arkhanta. "Look in the mirror. You will see", and then Hay saw the operating room where she was laying on the operating table. She was surrounded by surgeons and doctors. "Look, one of them is your grandmother, Yan Lin. She's fighting for your life and waits the order from me. If you want to live now, you won't have a life in here, Kandrakar. And that's the others fate. But if you'll die, you will come here now. So decide, live and die forever, or die and live here", Oracle's conditions didn't make Hay feel any better. But she already had decided. "I hope you to think -",
"I already know. I want to live. My friends and family want me to live and I have promised something that I have to keep. And I'm not able to keep it if I die now", Hay Lin said and she was ready.
"Are you really sure?"
"Yes! I'm more sure than ever", she said and Oracle looked at her for a moment and then nodded.
"Alright then. We will miss you, too", Oracle said and then Hay Lin started to disappear. She was floating trough the light and the air. Towards the life. Her own life.
---
"Oh! She wakes! Oh, go outside of the room so we'll surprise her!" Hay Lin heard a familiar voice. Someone stepped to the outside of the room. Hay knew that someone was sitting on her bed. She became happy when she heard her friends speaking. In the end she opened her eyes and the first person she saw was her Mum.
"Hay Lin! Oh, Darling!" she screamed and embraced her too tightly. It hurt Hay Lin's broken hand.
"Ah! Carefully! It hurts!" she screamed in pain. Mum took off her frightened.
"Sorry! But we were so worry about you", Mum said crying.
"I'm okay. What happened to the others?"
"You remember what happened? Well, six were killed plus the taxi- driver and twenty-two are slightly hurt. You had a very good luck you survived because they thought your legs should have been amputated. The others had worse luck…", Mom said. Hearing her words Hay Lin nearly split. This all was only her fault, Hay thought. If she hadn't left noting would have been happened.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to kill anyone! I just wanted to say goodbye to Eric! I didn't want this to happen!" she said choking back tears and hit her hands on her face.
"What do you mean? Kill?" Will asked her and was looking at her strangely as the others did.
"Of course you know what I mean. If I hadn't let nothing would have happened. No one wouldn't have been killed or hurt", Hay said sadly.
"Stop it, Hay Lin! The drunk is the guilty of the accident, not you! Someone should have realized he's a little tipsy", Irma tried to make her happy but Hay was still against their words.
"Don't you understand? I'm sure there were many happy families and couples going to have a little vocation on abroad but… but I spoiled it! I spoiled the happiness of them… I'm awful!" now Hay Lin couldn't understand why she didn't choose death instead of life. Her thoughts weren't happy at all. Eric left and now she blamed herself about killing 6 people. Will, Irma, Taranee, Cornelia, Orube, Mum and Dad were around here thinking what to say. Something what could cheer her up.
"No, you're not. That drunkard was awful, not you! You are lovely!" Irma yelled and hugged Hay Lin. It hurt but Hay Lin didn't care. Now the tears came without any warning.
"Irma… Sorry", she hugged back with her other hand. The other girls hugged her, too. "Irma, Will, Taranee, Cornelia and Rebecca. I love you all! I don't know how you stand me when I'm like this. It's just so sad. Too sad…", she cried and hugged them all together. The girls whispered something what Hay didn't hear.
"Hay Lin, we have a little surprise to you", they said and took off her. They looked towards the door that opened. The boy stepped in the room. Hay Lin was speechless when see saw who it was! The boy was…
"Eric?" she couldn't say anything else. What was he doing in Heatherfield anymore! Didn't he leave! Or was this a dream?
"Hay Lin. I missed you", he said and Hay Lin tried to do anything to wake herself from that dream. But it wasn't a dream. He really was there! Right there next to her. He walked to her and sat down on the bed.
"Eric!" and not caring about the pain she hugged him as tight as she could. Eric embraced her carefully. "Aaaaah!" the pain was unbearable in her hand.
"Hay Lin? Sorry!"
"It's okay. But…",
"Ahem! Let's go to have a cup of coffee and tea and let them alone", Irma said and even Hay's parents were okay with that. And after their leaving they start talking.
"So… what are you doing here? Why didn't you leave though you should?" Hay asked Eric. He smiled but she saw the worry in his eyes.
"Well, the flight was canceled and the next flight would have left after five hours. So we went to coffee shop. There was a TV and there was told about the accident. And I saw you under taxi. I was so afraid because of you! I was afraid of you were killed and when Mum noticed the news she said ---",
"You can go, Eric. She's really important for you, we know. And if she's alive she needs you", Mrs. Lyndon had said to Eric.
"What? But…",
"Don't say anything. She needs you more than we do. We'll send your things when we're back home", she had said smiling and understanding. Eric couldn't ever have been so thankful as then.
"She really… did she really say that?" Hay Lin blushed for hearing that. Eric tried to smile but again he didn't tell everything.
"Yes, she did. You don't know what a relief it is to see you alive. I really was… scared. I was so worried! I couldn't leave because of you", now his look was worrier than ever. He really had been scared and worried and it made Hay Lin love him more and more. Of course she was sorry about worrying him so much.
"Sorry I made you worry. I'm really happy about your coming. I'm happier than ever", she said and hugged him as tightly as possible and kissed him. She didn't care about the pain. Only one she cared about was Eric.
"I love you, Hay Lin. Very much!" Eric said after the kiss and embraced her. Hay Lin felt the awful pain everywhere. But if the boy really came back because of her and scaring his love dies, it wouldn't be fair if he couldn't even touch her! But the pain hurt so much she couldn't help getting off him. "Are you alright?" he asked.
"Yes, it just hurts", the pain wasn't only in hand. There was a deep wound in her heart and it needed help immediately. She tried to fight against the crying but it was really hard to do that. Her heart was broken and Eric couldn't help seeing the tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry I'm crying all the time. I'm sorry I can't smile. Somehow it feels like… everything is bad!" she cried quietly.
"It's okay. I promise that everything will change for good", Eric said smiling and comforting her by stroking her back. Hay Lin smiled and trusted him.
The door opened. The doctor came in. She smiled and come to them with injection.
"Hello, you're awaken. That's great. I just came to take a little blood test, okay?" she said and vaccinated Hay's hand. Then she smiled on more before she left.
---
The next night wasn't lovely. Hay Lin couldn't sleep at all because she had headache and she was all sweaty. She has a fever.
When she finally closed her eyes she heard her own screaming in the middle of the darkness. She heard some words but didn't understand them first. But when she heard them well… she had to run to the toilet. She nearly barfed because of the horrible voices she heard in her dreams. She returned to her bed and then she heard them:
"NO! ERIC! Why… why did you let go! WHY! PLEASE! Believe, hope and love! I love you! DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEE!" and the same words came again and again and Hay Lin couldn't help it. She opened her eyes and she was breathing deeply just like she would had ran the marathon. She ran back to the toilet and barfed. She cried for the pain and fear. She was missing Eric more than ever. Hay Lin would like to make sure that dream wasn't real. She just didn't understand why she was screaming those words. Did it mean that Eric would leave her? Or Hay Lin was going to be killed? Or Eric would die? Hay Lin didn't want to think that anymore and tried to walk to the bed without hearing those awful voices. And walking wasn't so easy. Her steps were weak and walking was really difficult. She felt so dizzy and the light in her eyes was going out. She couldn't control her legs and suddenly she lose her balance. She fell and hit her head into the table. Hay Lin would have screamed but only voices she heard were those desperate words in the darkness.
---
"Hey! Are you Eric Lyndon, aren't you? Hay Lin's boyfriend?" Hay Lin's doctor asked from Eric. He had came to hospital just a minute ago and was going towards the room of Hay Lin. He stopped walking and smiled friendly to doctor.
"Yes, I am. Why are you asking?" he went to her and looked at her questioningly. She sighed and looked at him very sadly.
"There was a little accident in her room last night. She fell into the table", she said sadly.
"What!"
"And that's not the worst thing. Something worse have happened",
"What have happened? Where is she now?"
"In her own room. She sleeps restlessly. Come", the doctor said and so they went on to the Hay's room. Like the doctor said, Hay Lin was sleeping but very restlessly and she was making some voices that made sure she wasn't alright.
"Hay Lin! What's wrong with her!" Eric ran to her and tried to wake her up. He shook her and it took few seconds to wake her up. "Hay Lin! Wake up, Hay Lin! Wake up!" and she woke up. She breathed very deeply again and her eyes were really large.
"Eric…", Hay Lin murmured and looked at her boyfriend. She was so glad about his coming! "Eric!" she was going to kiss him but the doctor stopped her.
"NO! Don't kiss!" she yelled and Hay and Eric looked her strangely.
"What are you talking about? Why not!" Hay wondered but she got really shocking answer. The doctor looked at both of them really sadly.
"There is a good reason for that. Very good reason. We inspected your blood… and we found out something very horrible. We couldn't believe it was even possible but… now I have to ask a one question. Have you had sex with anyone?" she asked. Hay Lin couldn't understand why the doctor asked questions like that from her!
"Of course I have not! Why are you asking? I don't understand!" she asked the doctor who sighed and looked at them sadly.
"No one really understood how it had moved on so quickly. You… have a HIV infection."
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Well, the end was little shocking but… let's see what happens next. Next chapter is the longest and saddest chapter. So if you don't like sad writings… don't read.
