DISCLAIMER: See first chapter.
Harry Potter and What Really Goes Down
Chapter 2 – A Surprise For The Potters and Friends
Voldemort laughed. Evilly. That's just how EVIL overlords work. "So everyone understands the plan right?"
"Not especially," Bellatrix said, scratching at her head in confusion.
"No one understands me. I'm so misunderstood. And surrounded by idiots. But that's not the point. Anyway, the plan is that we find a dog. We make it poop. We put the poop in the bag. Someone takes the bag up to the doorstep and sets it on fire. Then Potter will answer. He will step on the bag to put the fire out and unknowingly get dog poop all over his shoe."
"Did you know that you just said 'poop?'"
"Yes. And?"
"Dark Lords and the word 'poop?'"
"Nobody asked your opinion Malfoy. Silence! Now we need a conveniently placed dog for this plan to work."
"There's a conveniently placed dog!" someone shouted and pointed across the street.
--Five minutes later.--
"Do you honestly expect me to do this?" Snape asked, annoyed at the whole idea.
"Well, who else is going to do it?" Voldemort asked. "Besides that, I thought you didn't even like Potter."
"I don't," Snape agreed. "That's why I want to KILL him, not annoy him."
"It's the same general idea. Just do it."
"No. Make Wormtail do it. Potter doesn't know he's a traitor and would just think it's a prank."
Voldemort sat silently and appeared to be deep in thought before shrieking with delight and thusly Lucius to shriek.. with terror. Everyone ignored Lucius.
"What now, My Lord?" Snape asked.
"I've just had the most BRILLIANT idea. It's almost as if someone had just whispered it in my ear."
"And that would be..?"
"I shall make Wormtail go. Potter doesn't know he's a traitor and would just think it's a prank. I am a genius."
"Didn't Snape say - "
"Crucio. Now go, Wormtail."
"But.. but.."
"Don't make me Crucio your ass, too."
Peter shrieked a small squeaky sound and darted up towards the front door.. slowly.
"Come on, Wormtail!" a few of the Death Eaters hissed. For they were hidden behind some of the various shrubbery around the Potters house and if the cops had decided to drive by, they were screwed. Grown-ups hiding behind small bushes that did NOT hide them and wearing costumes.. Now how would you begin to explain that?
Peter set the bag on the doorstep and quickly lit it on fire before ringing the door-bell and running like hell to get back behind the not-able-to-hide-anyone shrubbery.
--Inside the house and two minutes ago--
We are to find the The Potters, just Lily and James mind you, and Sirius and Remus and Lakyn (Lily's best friend, of course.) playing The Couples Game. (Well, Lakyn was the announcer/score keeper/question asker for the game.)
"Okay, Sirius name Remus' favourite.. sexual position to get five points and win The Couples Game."
"Nice. I can't wait to hear this one," James commented, grinning.
"You have to answer that one for Lily next, James," Lakyn said grinning as well.
"Okay, Moony's favourite sexual position isss - "
The door-bell rang.
"Damn," James cursed. "Well, I'll go get that."
James opened the door and was greeted by the sight of a burning.. thing.
James uttered a spell and water shot out of his wand and proceeded to put the fire out.
"Who was it, dear?" Lily called from the living room.
"Someone tried the 'ol Crap-In-A-Bag-On-Fire trick."
"Oh, hey!" Sirius called out. "Didn't we do that in - "
"Hush, Padfoot!.. Hey! Who's that hiding very badly in the bushes in the front yard!"
Voldemort stood up and shook his fist. "I am Voldemort. Fear me. Feeeeear me!"
The Death Eaters popped up, shouted, "Huzzah!" and then they all Apperated back to the non-existent Evil (Yes, with a capital E.) head quarters.
--Behind the bushes right after James put the fire out with magic--
"Damn. Maybe we should keep magic in mind next time we try Muggle tricks."
