The Janitor of Hogwarts

Chapter Seven

Teava and Severus sat side by side across from the strange, and yet perfect, girl that had landed on their ever mysterious transportation, which bustled on its merry way towards Hogwarts. The air of the compartment was tense, mostly coming from the potions master who couldn't help but stare at the blonde warily. Even Teava was able to notice his discomfort, and it unnerved her to some degree.

"A Mary-Sue is a horrible thing," he whispered to her. She blinked at his disclosure.

"She doesn't seem that bad." Tea titled her head to the side, staring at the one who had declared herself 'Caz' moments before. The recipient of the stare smiled cheerfully, sitting eerily still. "Kinda... perfect, that's all."

"Exactly."

"I still don't get it."

Severus let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. "Then just understand that this Caz girl is trouble, and you are not to trust her." He turned to face his companion, trying to emphasize the importance of what he was about to say. "If she asks to meet anyone by the names of Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Draco Ma-"

He was interrupted by a, "RIBBIT," that had errupted from the Mary-Sue's side of the mysterious... thing, reverberating around the room and causing the Hogwarts teacher to fall silent. They both turned their attention towards her, noting how she seemed unbothered by the out-of-place noise.

"Wow, maybe she's some kind of evil frog in disguise, trying to steal my secret recipe for..." She scrambled a moment to think of what she was even capable of cooking, before exclaiming," RAMEN NOODLES!" Severus shook his head at the inane outburst, staring intently at the ever-smiling Caz.

Taking a moment to summon the balls, Snape asked, "Did you... hear that?"

"Hear what?" she replied. Smile smile.

Severus' brow furrowed, his gaze still fixed on Caz whose head was now tilted to the side as well, mirroring Teava's action.

Teava blinked rapidly at this.

"Woah," she started. "She copied me! Maybe she's my clone!" This statement almost made Severus fall out of his seat, again, but this time he would be giggling hysterically. Instead, he still giggled hysterically while clutching to the sides of the bench they were situated on desperately to save his butt any more bruises. Teava got the feeling it was a mocking laugh that came from him, and kicked him in the leg. "That was mean."

"I know," he snorted, trying to regain his composure.

"You're so dreamy, Sevvie-kins," Caz sighed, fluttering her eyelashes at him. The potions master had the sudden urge to rip each and every one of those godamn lashes out. He might even pluck the eyes out too while he was at it.

Before he could reply, or do anything considerably violent, there was another, "RIBBIT," which appeared to come from the hello kitty backpack the Mary-Sue had arrived with, and was sitting on the floor a little ways from her. Everyone, excluding Caz, so it wasn't really a whole lot of people, turned their eyes on the bag. Waiting.

It ribbited again, and even gave a little jump.

Teava let out an awed, "Ooooooooooh."

Crouching down, she walked on her knees over to the back and put her face up close to it. "God, is that you?" She poked it with a finger.

"OW. Stop that!" it cried indignately in a thick British accent, which isn't too odd considering that everyone in Potter-verse has one, but the narrator had just stupidly forgotten to mention that Teava lacked one.

"I think it IS God this time!"

"I think it's a frog." Severus crawled over too, giving the bag a poke himself.

The "I am NOT a frog. I'm a toad, imbecile, now stop poking me."

Meanwhile, Voldemort and Mervin were having a pleasant discussion in the Library of the Death Eater's HQ, sipping tea and all that other shit. Like biscuits or something. Or maybe little sandwhiches. That's be cute. In the shape of bunnies, even! I think Voldemort likes bunnies.

"How'd you find that weird muggle anyway?" Mervin asked, rudely interrupting the narrator's ramblings. He prodded at his cup helplessly with a sharp, spidery leg.

Voldemort shrugged. "Lucius came upon it and sent it to me, probably hoping to kill me off or something. She is rather... well..."

"I don't think there are words, Master."

"You open it."

"Nuh uh! I don't want to open it. You do it."

"I don't want to either. I have more to live for; you open it."

"But Sevvvviieeeeee-"

"I'll give you a cookie." Feeble attempt.

"OOOOOOH! What kind?"

"Uhm." Hesitation. "Chocolate?"

"Ewwww. You open it."

"Gah, PEANUT BUTTER?"

"YAY!" Good call, Severus! "Shut up!" Severus said, glaring into empty space. This earned him a weird look from the girl beside him, but she didn't question the outburst.

Teava reached for the zipper on the top of the bright pink backpack, right above the plushie head of hello kitty herself. She tugged up on the zipper. Nothing happened. She gave it another tug.

"I think it's broken," she said, looking defeated. Severus slapped a hand to his forehead, though by now he shouldn't have been surprised by her.. indescribible behavior, and pushed Tea's hand out of the way.

"No, you're just stupid." Pulling the top open, he withdrew quickly behind the janitor-to-be, peering his head over her shoulder at the intimidating bag that only smiled back cheerfully in the form of fabric flowers and sparkle-ridden plastic. "Now look inside already."

Teava did. It was very dark, she concluded.

"Helloooo?" she said into the bag, swearing she could hear her voice echoing in it's expansive depths. Nothing happened. No reply, no evil claw reaching out to suck her into some alternate hello kitty dimension. Nothing.

"Try sticking your hand down it," Severus suggested.

Teava nodded. She glanced cautiously at Caz first, and when she noted the girl was staring straight ahead, still smiling perfectly, she stuck a finger down the bag. And then her hand. And soon her entire arm became completely submerged, still with no sign of the bottom, or the frogtoadthing that had insulted them earlier.

"Well?"

"I think I feel a slight breeze."

Severus opened his mouth to reply when Teava suddenly screamed out, "SOMETHING BIT ME!" The girl scooted back, right into Snape's lap, waving her bag-covered hand around frantically. "GET IT OOOOOOFF!"

Sighing, Snape pushed the girl off of him and grabbed the backpack. With a swift motion he had yanked it off, revealing Teava's arm, apparently unharmed. The thing sitting on it, however, looked very dead, Jim.

"That must be the toad," he offered, wrinkling his nose. "Way to go."

"Oooh. Can I poke it now?"

"Go for it."

Using her free hand, Teava got her pointer finger ready to jostle the poor creature when it promptly opened its large, strangely placed eyes, causing her to jump in alarm.

The toad then... pouted, if that's at all possible for them to do.

Getting to its feet, still perched on Teava's arm, it ribbited loudly to show its indignation. Conjuring from out of nowhere a rolled up newspaper, it used its tongue to repeatedly thwap the muggle girl upside the head with it.

"Owwwwieeee."

Severus snicked.

"Don't make me hit you too, young man," the toad threatened, brandishing the bloodied newspaper his direction. Severus rolled his eyes and was promptly received with a face full of the funnies.

A few minutes later...

"So you're a talking, magical frog-"

"- toad-"

"- whatever. A talking, magicaly toad, who used to be human."

"I was an extremely powerful mage, actually."

"Right. And you were in the Mary-Sue's bag why...?"

"I'm apparently her 'pet'."

Caz interrupted their little exchange with a, "He's a very bad one too."

"If you don't want him, I'll take him!" Teava said excitedly. She waved her arms around in emphasis of her excitedness, which just sent the poor toad for another ride. Caz shrugged.

"He's too ugly for me anyway. I wanted a unicorn."

Tea squealed and grabbed the now dazed toad off her arm, squeezing her new pet to her chest. He's so sooooft, she thought. I'm going to call him Squishy!

"You can't call me Squishy. My name is Robin."

Teava sobered instantly and pulled the toad away from her, holding him at arms length. They looked at each other, long and hard, clockwork turning doubletime on Teava's part.

"Did you... just..."

"I think I did."

"YOU READ MY THOUGHTS! ALIEN! ALIEEEEEN!" She began to shake the toad violently, eyes wide in shock, and fear of probes. Ew.

Severus sighed, and rescued Robin from the distraught girl who, with the lack of something to shake, was now clutching the sides of her head trying to block the evil alien waves she thought the toad was sending at her from entering her head. Caz was giggling.

"Wow, glad I gave him away before he could suck out my very large brain," she said cheerily, not at all conceited as you can see.

Teava took time away from her freaking out to say, "But it would have made your head not so oddly shaped." Caz's eyes went wide, and she grabbed her backpack, pulling out a large hand mirror. Within seconds she was observing each plane of her head carefully, assuring herself everything was still perfect.

Severus coughed, drawing Tea back to the matter at hand. He sat Robin on the head of the seat beside him, so they were eye level, and said matter-of-factly, "So, you guys are obviously psychically linked."

"How cliched," Robin drawled.

"No kidding. Anyway, let's make sure this wasn't just coincidenc, like it probably isn't. Teava, I know it's hard for you, but I'm going to ask that you try and think about something in particular." The girl nodded. "Robin, you say whatever it is she thought, and if she confirms it..."

"If she confirms it," the toad picked up, looking sullen. "I might be committing suicide in the near future."

"Right. Start, girl."

Uhm. Uhm. I don't know what to think about. Uhmmmm, Teava thought, searching frantically for something that might be considered 'particular'.

"You think the most stupid things."

Suddenly (yay!), there was a unearthly scream, and a body fell through the roof right where Mary-Sue had herself not too much time ago, and on to the middle of the floor. It groaned, and lifted itself to its feet, looking around with wide eyes, the same dark brown as Teava's.

"Uh oh," Teava herself sighed, trying to sink into the chair. She scooted closer to Severus, hoping he'd provide some protection against the scariest thing in existence, beside the Boogey man and Barney.

This monsterous thing, which seemed to be human and male, dusted himself off, and said in a no-shit tone of voice, "I'm here to take Teava home."

Severus glanced over to the cowering Teava, hoping she would give a clue to why this guy knew who she was. All he was met with was a watery expression that made him want to her punch her face in. Instead, remembering his mission, he stood and said, "I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

Who is he? Robin thought to Teava, causing her to scream at the reminder that someone else was in her brain with her. Not that there wasn't room.

"OH MY GOD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"Who are you?" Severus voiced Robin's thoughts. Well, Caz's too, really. And his own. Godamnit, I'll shut up.

"I'm her brother."