'I'd settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need'
'I don't sleep, I dream' - REM
He breathes in the sour air smell of metal and sweat, tries to tell his overworked brain that there's no need to panic, the dizziness is psychosomatic and he's absolutely not running out of air because he's only been in here a few minutes. The metal around him thumps suddenly – as though the bully leaning against it has suddenly changed his mind, gotten distracted, found something better to do than play at torture-the-geek-with-locker-prison-asphyxiation. Another sound, like Jay's laughter followed by footsteps and a rush of light and air through the locker vents. Toby breathes a sigh of relief; freedom, almost, as soon as he dares to chance at his escape.
More footsteps – the approach of someone? Yes, and another metallic clink, like someone touching the outside of the locker door, and a voice whispering "Toby?" Rick's voice, of course, and Toby smiles reflexively on hearing it. "Yeah," he says, "In here."
The locker door swings open and at the sight of Toby, Rick grins. "I was just waiting for Jay to leave," he explains, almost nervously. "I shouldn't have run, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Toby says, automatically. He steps out of the locker, and stumbles – one of his feet must have fallen asleep during the confinement – and he closes his eyes, braces himself for the inevitable impact. And so he's surprised when Rick steps forward and catches him, saves him from the fall. It takes him a moment to regain his equilibrium; his arms go around the other boy clinging for a second and only when he's back solid on his feet does he open his eyes and remember to let go. "Thanks," he breathes, like a sigh.
Rick is blushing, slightly. "I wouldn't let you fall," he says, and then, "I'm sorry. About earlier, about Jay, about running."
"Don't worry about it," says Toby, softly. "Picking on geeks is what people like Jay do. It's not your fault."
"One…if I hadn't run off, I would have been the one shoved into the locker, not you, and two…you can't possibly expect me to believe they treated you like this before you and I…" he trails off, swallows nervously, like he's gathering courage. "Let me make it up to you, please? I can buy you a coffee; it's the least I can do."
Toby only spends a fraction of a moment thinking about it. "Yeah, okay," he replies. "Just not at the Dot."
"Agreed," says Rick, and he smiles that sort of smile that lights up his whole face. When he smiles like that, Toby can only think about why Terri must have been compelled to offer up second, third, fourth chances and maybe Rick deserved them.
They walk together to the local coffee-and-doughnut shop, sit at a corner table with their café mochas and talk about trivia and homework, about comic books and videogames, about girls and parents and about everything else. Their laughter comes simultaneously and sometimes Toby thinks about how wonderful a best friend JT was (yes, already in the past tense) and yet no one in his whole life has ever understood him like this.
Rick stands up, offers a hand down to help Toby to his feet, and then – because chivalry is far from dead in Rick Murray's world – asks "Can I walk you home?" Toby just nods, and together they move into the twilit dusk. Perhaps they've already used up their quota of words, because a long silence falls between them, until Toby indicates a shortcut and they move off of the sidewalk, down the green lawn of a small park.
The dice rattle when Toby shifts his backpack to his other shoulder, and Rick smiles. "I suspected you'd win, you know," he informs Toby. "I don't know why I expected any other outcome."
Toby shrugs his unencumbered shoulder. "I only win because they think I'm safe." He's trying to summarize it in his head into some kind of algebraic equation: let x stand for his attraction to girls and it always comes out less than or equal to the sum of the part of him that might like boys and the invisible unassuming geeky exterior.
"Safe," echoes Rick. Toby nods with a quirk of his eyebrows and then – so quickly it might have only been a figment of anyone's imagination – he tilts his head in, closing the distance between them with a kiss, rapid and nervous, followed in the next breath by an apology, "I'm sorry," whispered, "So sorry," and Toby's just blinking up at him in the growing darkness.
Then they both move at once, a collision of glass and metal and plastic of their glasses and they laugh again. "All we need is courage," says Rick and moves in closer for a proper kiss. Toby's fingers twine in the older boy's hair; Rick gathers him close and for an instant everything is perfect. And Rick pulls away, smiling that smile, and says "I forgot, I was walking you home."
"Yeah," says Toby, looking slightly shell-shocked; he falls into step at Rick's side, through the rest of the park, down a sidewalk.
They pause outside Toby's house, and Rick says, "I do still like Emma, but you know? I really like you too."
"Yeah," Toby whispers, "Yeah."
Author's Notes:
Don't worry, I'll be back to work on 'Around the Sun' soon, I just got distracted (as I do every time I watch 'Islands in the Stream'!) I'm probably the only one who likes this pairing; it's just the perfect combination of fluff and angst. The two of them had so much potential together, and then it all fell to pieces. The soundtrack to this piece is the REM album 'Monster', especially 'I don't sleep I dream' and 'Strange Currencies'. If you have this album, read the story with 'I don't sleep…' on repeat, and you'll feel like I did when writing it. Such an awesome song. Anyway, thanks for reading. (:
