She walked down the Inn's front porch steps. Sadness filled inside of her as she thought about what she was about to do.

She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to give it up. But he wasn't all in and she was. He needed time to think. To figure out what he wanted. She needed time to think. Is this what he really wanted? He said he needed time. Time to get to know his daughter. She thought by now he'd know her better and be ready to commit. But he wasn't and she knew that.

He said he loved her. And she knew he did. But she couldn't live with the kind of love he was giving her. The kind of love that wasn't at it's fullest. She wanted love she couldn't live without. And she felt that. She felt that for him. But he didn't feel the same.

She'd always love him. More than he knew. But she couldn't be in this until he knew what he wanted. She drove home, and walked up to her room. The room they had expanded for them. She walked into their bathroom and looked into the mirror. She saw the reflection of a blotchy, tear stained face with red eyes. She hadn't even realised she'd been crying.

She buried her face in her hands and sat crying for a minute. Then she grabbed some things and walked back into the room. She pulled out an over night bag. She walked over to her dresser drawer and pulled out some clothes. She stuffed them into the bag.

She walked out of the room and out of the house. She got into her car and tossed the bag in the back. She drove her way to the diner and walked inside. Luke heard the tinkle of the bell and looked up to see Lorelai walking toward him. He was shocked when he saw the state of her. Her face was red and blotchy and he could tell she had been crying. He watched her walk up to the counter.

"Are you ok?" he asked worried.

"We need to talk." she said.

"Ok.." he said and led her upstairs.

She walked in. Her arms crossed and looking down at the ground. More tears falling from her eyes. She looked up at him and into his eyes.

He saw it. He saw in the two deep blue eyes of hers the pain and sadness. The once bright blue eyes that had been filled with happiness and laughter, had turned a deep shade of blue filled with hurt. He had seen pain in her eyes before. But today, right here, right now, it showed more than anything.

"What's wrong Lorelai?" he asked in a worried voice.

"Luke.." she said, her voice shaky. "I.. I can't do this."

"What? What can't you do?"

She looked back down to the floor. The tears coming faster and more frequently, rolling down her face and bluring her vision. The hurt in her voice was evident.

"This." she said, gesturing between them.

His face changed from confusion to shock. Was she serious? Why was she doing this? What had happened?

"Lorelai, what's wrong? Why are you changing your mind all of the sudden?"

"I'm ready Luke." she said, crying. "I'm in, all in. But.. you aren't. I think.. I think we need time."

She had barely gotten those words out. She was choking on tears. Her head was hazy and she couldn't exactly think straight. She felt lightheaded, as if she were about to just lose all concious and fall to the ground. It was like having a bad head cold. This was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

Luke stood there. He was struck with horror. What made her think he wasn't all in?

"No," he said shaking his head. "I am in. I told you I'm all in."

She smiled at him sympathetically. The pain on her face was more than he could take. He wished he could take her in his arms and take it all away. But he couldn't. He was the reason she felt this way.

"No you aren't." she said sadly. "You need time to get to know April, but I don't know how much time. But what I do know, is that I can't be in an engagement and live with the thought that it might not ever turn into something more."

"Lorelai I love you. You know that." he said finally realizing why she was doing this.

"There are two kinds of love Luke. The kind you can live with and the kind you can't live without. And it kills me to give up believing, but I can't live with myself if I stay. I don't want the kind of love I can live with. I want the kind I can live without."

He stood there, looking at her. Not exactly knowing what she meant. He watched as she took the engagement ring off. She held it for a minute, sadness overtaking her completely now. She looked down at it, remembering the night he gave it to her. Back when everything was perfect between them. She had been happy that night after he had given her that ring, very happy. And then she walked up to him, placed it in his palm, and closed his hand around it.

"Until you figure things out..." she said softly, crying harder now. She walked over to the door, opened it, and then disappeared behind it.

He watched her go, not believing what just happened. Had she really called off the engagement? She said just until he figured things out. But what things?

He sat on the bed and looked at the ring he had given her. And that's when he realized it.

He looked back at the past four months, and it hit him. He hadn't treated her the way she deserved. He had practically ignored her. He had been so wrapped up in April, that he had been so blind to see that he was slowly losing her. And he remembered that pain he saw in her eyes earlier. That pain had been there all along. And he didn't even see it. He then remembered that she had been sleeping fitfully for the past four months. She used to sleep soundly, his arm always around her, and her face always peaceful and calm. But now it was impossible to keep his arm around her because she would always toss and turn. And she wore a frown on her face everynight.

How could he not have see this? How could he just have let it pass him? And then, something hit him that made him feel horrible, more horrible than he already felt.

Today was June third. The day of their original wedding date.

oOoOo

She walked out of the diner, many stares following her. She climbed into the drivers seat and started the car. She pressed her foot on the gas and drove off. She had no idea where she was going, she just knew that she couldn't be here.

Her vision was blurred and it was hard to make out the roads. She took a hand off the steering wheel and wiped away her tears. Why did this have to happen? Where had things gone so wrong? It had been a year ago that they were happy, nothing to worry about. Except for battle between Lorelai and Rory. But other than that, things had been great.

The hardest part was she loved him. More than he knew. She had never loved another person as much as she loved Luke. She wished he knew that. But she didn't think he did.

And now here she was, driving away from her problem. Wanting to leave it behind. She needed time to herself. Time to think about what it was she was going to do. Should she move on? Or should she wait until he figured things out? Would he figure things out? She didn't know. And the last thing she wanted was to move on. She knew if she did, she'd never truly be happy again.

She turned on the radio. Apparently today was the day of depressing music. Every single station seemed to be playing sad songs. She cried harder, but tried to contain herself. She didn't want to get in a wreck.

Hours she drove. She just kept driving around. She knew by looking at a couple of signs that she was somewhere in the depths of Maine. She saw a hotel and pulled into the parking lot. She got out, grabbed her overnight bag, and walked in.

After she got herself a room, she took a nice, hot shower. She put on her pajamas and crawled into the bed, pulling the covers around her. She hadn't eaten a thing all day, but she didn't care. She lay her head down on the pillow after turning her cell phone off and fell asleep, tears rolling down her cheeks.