-1A New Enemy chapter 3: The night we missed
By SoulfulZen
Disclaimer: Don't own shit.
Summary: After getting separated from Katara, Toft and Sokka, Aang finds Zuko, and they both gain a new mortal enemy: ginger schnapps. Really half-assed. Aang/Zuko drunken fluffiness! Oneshot. I have not a clue what the currency in Avatar is, so I'm just saying gold. I guess one gold would be about two bucks. I'll leave what the actual currency is to people who like this show more than I do. This is NOT something that happened after chapter 2. This and chapter two would be chronologically switched. This out-of-order state is for an artistic purpose. The morning after just isn't as funny if you actually know what went on.
The two fugitive benders were completely blasted. Zuko was in his chair, leaning against the wall, slightly dazed. Aang was dancing like a complete and utter dumbass on the table. "Angatary-thing! Shuddup 'n get down from there, or my bitch sister'll come in here'n kick yer liddle ass!"
"My ass ain't so little 'n schtuff. (singing) Mah milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, 'cuz they're like, it's better than yours, Damn right! It's better than yours! I can teach ya, but I have to charge." the piss-drunk air bender retorted as he danced on the table, waving his ass while trying not to fall on it. He promptly crashed onto the floor, shouting about how he was okay. He sat on his chair, his head slightly clearer. "I'm fuckin' sick of all these people wanting me to save them from that Ozai fucker!"
"Being the avatar must be a bitch," Zuko said.
"You don't even know the half of it! Everyone always thinks you can help them with every little fucking problem as soon as they find out what you are! And your daddy's posters sayin' I'm an enemy of the fire nation ain't helpin' me out! People either try to kill me or beg me to bring their cows back to life or some shit like that! I'm not god, I'm just 13, or 113! I'm too old for this! Or too young! Whatever!"
"Fuck! You think that sucks? I'm just trying to get my dad to call me 'son' or tell me 'good job' or something, fucking bending over backwards, and all he says is 'Your sister would have done better!', so he sends me into the middle of bum-fuck nowhere looking for someone who's supposed to have been dead for a century, and he's some pre-teen little kid who drags me all over the fucking world, then when I try to save him from some psychotic sadist, TWICE, the only person who ever loved me gets exiled, along with me! Then, the oh-so-perfect sister goes and fucking kills him! Augh!" Zuko ranted. They were both getting riled up. Aang took another shot of the ginger liqueur. Zuko quickly followed suit.
"And the girl I like is too old for me, and I'm getting chased everywhere in the fucking world trying not to die with my only comfort being that the number one person I have to avoid has some honor, unlike everyone else trying to get me! Then he saves me from a psychopath and gets more karma than he could earn in thirty years dropped on him in a few weeks! And now, I'm chased by a psycho-bitch!"
"Wait, am I the number-one person you had to avoid?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I'm kinda honored that you don't think I'm a psycho." Zuko said. "You and me 'r a lot alike!"
"Holy crap, you're right! We're like the same damn person, just cut in two!" Aang's alcohol-dampened mind reeled at the revelation. The barmaid came along and warned them that the bar was closing, they had run through the booze-paying part of their fee, and they should go to their room.
Up in their room, somehow, the drunken idiots had decided they could fuse into an almighty being that could restore balance to the world and fix their fucked-up lives. Aang was sitting on the bed. Zuko had decided to jump into his head. He leaped as high as he could, heating the air in his clothing so that he could get up to the ceiling. He hooked his clothes on the rafters and fell out of them, right on top of the avatar. His clothing fluttered down onto the side table. Aang decided to try, as maybe he could succeed because he was smaller. Roughly the same thing happened.
"Hey, maybe if we run headfirst into each other we'll fuse or sumthin'." Aang grinned. They tried this, crashing off each other. Aang landed with the bedpost shoved up his butt. He lifted himself off, and they tried again. This time, they crashed so hard into each other that they were knocked out, nude, in bed. And that's what happened.
