Note: A Forest Sprite is a spirit that protects forests. At least, that's my impression of them. If its wrong, I'm sorry!

This is dedicated to AnAncientSpirit, who wanted a fic where the Atlantis team got turned into animals in Forget-Me-Not Valley.

STARRING : Joe Flanigan, Torri Higginson, Rachel Luttrell, David Hewlett, Paul McGillion, David Nykl

))STARGATE((
A T L A N T I S

'The Farm', written by Cadao

One minute John Sheppard was in the Control Room, the next he was in a barn. Blinking in confusion, he looked up into the face of a young woman- who told him he would be a good little sheepy.

"Damn!" he tried to shout, but only ended up saying, "Baaaaa!"

The farmer-lady patted his head. No other sheep in the universe had ever glared so fiercely.

Could've been worse, he reasoned later. He could've been turned into a German Shepherd.

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He will never, ever, complain about the food on Atlantis again. Once you tasted fodder nothing else seemed quite so bad. Unfortunately, his taste buds didn't agree with him, and he ate about four trough-fulls of fodder before he realised what it was.

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"You did this to me!" a rooster snarled at Sheppard, when Sheppard had tried to explain to the Farmer that he was Colonel Sheppard of the Atlantis Expedition.

"Did what to you?" Sheppard asked, confused. The rooster's dark, and supposedly sinister reply sent Sheppard into laughter. It was coming from a rooster, after all.

"I'm a Wraith."

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That cow was getting annoying. No, he wasn't referring to the farmer. He meant an actual cow by the name of Koko. She was sarcastic and she had decided she liked Sheppard.

This wasn't a good thing.

Koko had a counter-act for everything he did, and the counter-acts were usually sarcastic, biting, with a hint of humor. However, when Wraith decided to pick on the sheep, Koko decided she needed soccer practice.

So Koko taking a liking to Sheppard wasn't a bad thing after all.

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"It's true!" Sheppard bellowed. Koko shook her head.

"Oh yes, you're a Lt. Colonel, used to live on a moon and now you're a sheep," she replied, eyebrow raised. Who knew cows could raise their eyebrows?

"Atlantis is not a moon!" Sheppard corrected sulkily. "It's a city on a planet!"

"Right. Lt. Colonel Sheep-ard."

"So not funny."

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He was naked. That evil farmer had sheered off all his wool, and now he felt embarrassingly nude. Koko offered little kindness, as she was laughing so hard she had to lay down.

Thank you, Koko. Exactly what he needed.

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Another sheep arrived. At first Sheppard ignored him, then heard an unmistakable, "This is a waste of my talents! I am the leading astrophysicist of Atlantis, not some - some - sheep!"

Rodney McKay, welcome to (bom bom bom) The Farm.

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"I'm not eating this stuff," McKay complained about the fodder. "It might have lemon in it!"

Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "They don't feed sheep lemons."

McKay looked at him suspiciously then nibbled the fodder. Two seconds later - faster then Sheppard thought possible - all the food was gone and McKay was fatter. Happy and fatter.

"I don't think," Sheppard added. McKay's eyes went wide.

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"You know, I could get use to this . . . " McKay commented. He was using the fodder as a bed, laying on his back with his front hoofs behind his head. Sheppard glanced at him. "I mean, no Wraith attacks. No worrying about the world ending. No-"

"Durronamo!" Wraith shouted, and suddenly both sheep were drenched in sticky, wet, chicken feed.

"I. Hate. Wraith," Sheppard declared through gritted teeth.

"My wool!" McKay laminated.

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They were getting out of the hellish barn. After some scheming, McKay and Sheppard finally figured out a plan. They would jump over the fence, and then run like their little tails were lit on fire. Nothing heroic or fancy about it, but they knew they couldn't just walk out of the barn.

Koko was, of course, laughing at them. When McKay told her all the reasons why it would work (and what do you know you're a cow, anyway!) Koko just laughed harder.

McKay was first, and last. He took a running start, leaped - and landed on his stomach, on the fence. McKay groaned.

"Owwwww," he whined.

"I guess that's a 'no go'," Sheppard sighed. "Hey, McKay, you all right?"

"I think my intestines just ruptured," McKay moaned.

"You're a computer program, you don't have intestines," Sheppard pointed out.

"I hurt!" McKay wiggled off the fence, landing hard on his butt. His lower lip trembled.

Koko came over and offered him some of her fodder. At least she wasn't laughing.

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To heck with jumping fence. They were going to climb!

"Ug . . . ow! If I could just . . . climb . . . over!" McKay grunted. His front legs were not cooperating. "I feel fat! And heavy!"

"You are fat and heavy, McKat," Sheppard insisted.

"I'm a sheep, you bozo! Go herd your sheep!"

"You're the only other sheep." Sheppard took a running start, slamming into McKay and sending the other sheep over the fence.

"Aggggg!" McKay howled, landing in the crops. "I said herd your sheep, not hurt your sheep."

Sheppard tried to follow, but simply got stuck on the fence in much the same position McKay had been in when McKay had tried to jump it. "Damn. I mean, baaaaaaaaa!"

Koko back-kicked Sheppard's rear-end. He fell with a plop, his nose twisting out of shape.

His cussing and swearing was dutifully ignored by Koko. Though she did have the grace to say, "You're out, what more could you want?"

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A way out! Woo-hoo! YEAH!

"Okay, McKay, let me see if I got this right. We climb the mountain -"

"And then we're out!"

"So, what do we do once we are at the top?"

"Haven't a clue. But we'll be outta here!"

"Good point. Forward!"

A few minutes later...

"Damn!"

"McKay! You said nothing about the road leading right back here!"

"There was no information on this type of dilemma in the Atlantian Vacation Guidebook!"

"Excuses."

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"Is that a person?" Sheppard asked, coming up to a shape.

"You dim-witted Neanderthal. That's a scare-crow," McKay snapped.

Sheppard looked up at it. "Well, look at it! It looks like a person!"

"Right." McKay rolled his eyes, deciding not to point out that scarecrows are suppose to look like people.

"Well it does!" Sheppard insisted.

They wandered around the Neighbor's farm for a bit. Then Sheppard stated, "Person!"

"We just talked about that. Its the scare-crow." McKay was losing all his patience. They hadn't found a way out of this weird-land yet, he was hungry, and he was sure he needed about twenty gallons of coffee. (Can you imagine a sheep high on caffeine?)

"Would you look at that!" Sheppard pulled out some of the scarecrow's straw with his mouth. "Yum! Edible scare-crow!" He grinned.

McKay rolled his eyes. Why did Sheppard have to be so light-hearted about everything?

"HEY! Get out of the garden!" someone shouted. The sheep looked at each other in alarm and ran off for The Farm, hoping that they could 'jump fence' or that the gate was open.

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It was a strange sight that greeted them one morning. A chicken having a sparring match with one of the Forest Sprites. McKay offered to jump the fence and talk to her, but Sheppard pointed out they had tried numerous times to 'jump fence' and each time ended in bitter defeat.

When the chicken won she hurried over. "Doctor McKay! Colonel Sheppard!"

Teyla the Chicken. Somehow that just didn't sit right.

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Teyla pecked the ground, glanced up at Koko, then went back to pecking. When she scored on a worm, she yanked it out and ran over to Wraith, dropping it in his feed. Being sulky, Wraith didn't realise the worm was there. Until he gagged.

"TEYLA!" Wraith bellowed. Teyla ran to McKay, the nearest sheep, laughing her head off.

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"Squid believes in me!" Wraith was singing at the top of his lungs one morning. Teyla had her ears covered, McKay was munching, and Sheppard was actually dancing to the tune.

"I've been having fun with monkeys, and squid! Squid! Squid! It was my best friend! I had a squid, and I don't think it liked me. Cause it always inked me! And I was always black! Even when from the laundry I came back! Buuuuuuuuuut! Squid believes in me! Yeah, yeah, Squid believes in me!"

Both Wraith and Sheppard sang the verse thrice before McKay finally bellowed, "SHUT UP!"

Teyla nodded in agreement. Wraith and Sheppard looked at each other. Then broke into song again, this time using 'McKay' instead of 'Squid', and singing 'McKay hates me, oh he hates me!' instead of 'Squid believes in me!' It knocked the tune off a bit, but both singers seemed to be enjoying themselves far too much to care.

McKay growled.

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"I'm here to drop off those ducks you wanted!" A voice yelled. McKay looked over. There was Vesta, their neighbor, coming into the farm with a cage of two ducks. One of them had strange markings around its eyes. McKay squinted. Looked like glasses - except they were made of feathers.

Vesta shrugged, and let the ducks loose. The one with glasses hurried away, heading for the pond. The other glared up at Vesta.

"Are you the one that has been kidnapping my team! What have you done to them?"

McKay grinned (some grass fell from his mouth) and shouted, "Elizabeth! Doctor Weir!"

The duck twirled around. "Rodney!"

It was her. Which meant . . . "Is the other duck -"

"Yes, I am Redek Zelenka." The Glasses Duck called from his spot in the pond. "Should try this, Doctor Weir. Refreshing."

Weir groaned, "Great."

"Hey! I have been asking for pool for long time!" Zelenka insisted. "I am enjoying. Will get us out later!"

McKay simply shrugged and went back to what he did best in his current position - he nibbled grass.

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Koko was using Wraith as a soccer ball again, sending the little rooster into the pond. Weir and Zelenka panicked, paddling away as fast as possible, shouting, "Wraith! Wraith!"

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"Wraith?" McKay questioned one afternoon. Teyla and Wraith looked up from their pecking. (Actually, they were pulling out grass. McKay didn't want to know what they were going to do with it.) Since neither spoke up, McKay continued, "I want out. You hate me for being such a genius and getting in the way of your galaxy domination -"

Wraith snickered in that 'excuse me?' way. Teyla simply raised her eyebrow. McKay bristled, but decided to ignore the implied statements, choosing to instead tell his plan,

"I give you permission to try to kill me. Or eat me. Or something. Can you still eat us?" McKay suddenly realised that the rooster had never tried to suck the energy out of anyone.

Wraith's eyes were glinting. "Well, if you insist, Doctor!"

McKay's eyes widened. "NO! I mean, you can kill me if it's quick, painless, and not slow torture!"

Teyla rolled her eyes and went back to harvesting grass. Wraith pouted for a few seconds before nodding.

"Okay, then!" He ran off. McKay watched the place Wraith had run too, dread filling him as he realised what he had done.

'Oh poopy do,' he silently muttered.

Wraith came back with the Farmer's sickle, and before anyone could do anything, took a swipe at McKay's head. The sickle bounced off of the sheep's noggin, and the rooster went flying into the pond.

"WRAITH! WRAITH!" Zelenka's and Weir's shouts mingled with Wraith's cussing and Sheppard's laughing.

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They all found out what Teyla and Wraith were doing with the grass. The lot of them woke up one morning, came outside, and found three messages for anyone flying overhead to see. One was in Wraith, one was in Athosian, and one was very clearly 'SUFTF!'

"Suftf?" McKay read. "I get the other messages, but what is Suftf?"

"Save Us From The Farm," Wraith and Teyla intoned.

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The Farmer came riding into the fenced-area, pulling her horse to a stop. She slid off, patted the horse on the nose, then went on her business. The horse didn't even glance at the three animals that were near him, as he was too busy glaring gloomily into his water-trough.

"So, we are thinking," Zelenka began, speaking to Weir. McKay picked up the discussion, "We should -"

"Redek? Rodney?" the horse interrupted. Weir, McKay, and Zelenka looked to the horse.

"Carson!" Weir grinned.

"Aye," Beckett stated cautiously.

"Oh good. If the Farmer comes after us with a hack-saw and a market-deal, we have a doctor on call," McKay observed wryly.

"We are on farm!" Zelenka butt in helpfully.

"Aye, but why am I a horse, lad?" Beckett wondered, ears twitching.

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Zelenka toed a rock. He measured the distance from the rock to his target. Then with one graceful movement (Well, okay. Not graceful. And who knew Sheppard was behind him, anyway?) he swung his club (So its just a tree branch, use your imagination!) and grinned as the rock went sailing.

A few minutes later one little duck was running as fast as he could from one pissed off horse.

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"All right, people! We are going to swim!" Weir announced. Everyone looked at her as if she were nuts. "We can't go up. We cannot wait for help. We will swim out, to the ocean! Beckett can open the gate for us, and -"

"With respect," Zelenka broke in. "Have you, hm . . . " He looked to McKay.

"Are you insane?" McKay supplied. "Swimming? You're a duck, Elizabeth. Sheppard and I are sheep. Teyla is a chicken. Wraith . . . can die, but the point is, where do you purpose we go once we get out to sea? Given we don't drown first."

Weir looked from McKay to a sickle, then back to McKay. Everyone went for a swim that night, and they all somehow managed to end up back in the barn.

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"I give up," McKay declared one morning. "I am here. I am a sheep. A brilliant sheep, but a sheep. I am going to nibble fodder, chew grass, and produce wool for the farmer. But if she comes at me with anything that doesn't include getting my wool, I bite her good and hard."

"So will I," Sheppard agreed. "You're my astrophysicist."

McKay blinked at him. "I am? I mean . . . I am?"

"Clueless," Wraith told Teyla. She nodded.

"I give up as soon as I am in pool!" Zelenka called from the pond. "Find your own way out!"

"But I am not a bloody horse!" Beckett snarled.

"Bah bah black sheep . . . " Sheppard started to sing.

Wraith settled down beside Beckett and started a conversation on bugs. Beckett did not look impressed.

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"How do we get out of this Valley?" Weir wondered. The animals that were once the Atlantis Expedition piled around the Barn. Wraith was there as well, intent on leaving, even if he had to go with the Atlantians. So far they had tried leaving via the path the led out of the valley, swimming out to the ocean, even killing each other. Nothing worked.

And then a voice, booming everywhere: END GAME! ALL PLAYERS, BACK TO ORIGINAL UNIVERSE.

The Atlantis Gateroom was suddenly crowded with animals, who then promptly turned back to their human/wraith selves. They all looked at each other in amazement and relief, and everyone let loose a bunch of cheers. Another round of cheers issued when they realised they were not naked.

Wraith coughed then decided, "You don't tell anyone what I was and I won't say anything about Atlantis." He paused. "Doctor McKay, I am sorry for dumping chicken feed on you."

"Hey!" Sheppard protested.

"And you, Colonel Sheppard."

"No problem." McKay held out his hand, and he and Wraith shook hands.

Only after everyone said goodbye to Wraith and he left did it occur to them they could of put him in a cell. Or kept him as a team mate . . . didn't seem so bad . . . until someone pointed out he'd eat them once he realised he no longer could do with solid foods.

CREDITS

Joe Flanigan - Major John Sheppard / Torri Higginson - Doctor Elizabeth Weir / Rachel Luttrell - Warrior Teyla Emmagan / David Hewlett - Doctor Rodney McKay / Paul McGillion - Doctor Carson Beckett / David Nykl - Redek Zelenka

Stargate Atlantis and all related ideas copyright MGM / Harvest Moon and all related ideas copyright Natsume / 'The Squid Song' copyright Adam Gladue / Koko the Sarcastic Cow copyright AnAncientSpirit and Cadao

This story was created as a free form of entertainment for SGA : Stargate Atlantis fans everywhere in the world. No money has been made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

End Note: All Atlantis personnel (and Wraith) were returned to their rightful place, and no permanent damage was done. They will be ready for another adventure come the next episode.