The Sacred Grove
As Ellisime left us at the Sacred Grove, I thought I detected a bit of sadness upon her face that I could not, at first, understand. I asked Aerie and Imoen to get comfortable, as I wanted to think for a while. The results of those thoughts will now be documented. I had, to date, thought both my innocence and ignorance of self had been shattered by recent events in my life. However, as I thought of these events of the past year that has been so many things all stuffed into such a short space of time, it is no wonder I might have thought that I knew myself well enough to see no fault within myself. Oh, I am not writing about the Bhaalspawn part of myself - it was my human side in which I had continued ignorance. I've noted my hypocrisy in my previous Bhaalspawn Chronicles entry. What I now have come to understand is that was but the tip of the 'iceberg'. Pride, perhaps, has literally gone before my fall. The logic I thought I had a handle on, has sadly been lacking within - both human and Bhaalspawn sides. The truth of the matter seems to be that logic, as well as critical thinking, has been lacking or even absent in my life. How is it that I can even think I love Aerie, when I continue to murder? Ok, I am a bit unique as a child of Bhaal, the dead God of Murder. However, did I not have a choice in the matter? Could I not have, over a thousand times, simply stopped trying to kill? The human in me has had this opportunity many, many hundreds of times. How can love exist, if murder is present in my heart, as well? What 'stays' my hand from Imoen or Aerie? Or the merchant on the street? Or the politician in the Government district? Or Ellisime, Queen of the Elves? I have to congratulate Ellisime; I wanted to teach the Elves? I am not fit to be on the same world! She has shown much restraint; I think I understand now, why she was sad as she left me: she was sad for ME! I could not add 2 plus 2 to arrive at the correct answer of 4. My vaunted intelligence and wisdom has not, until now, allowed me to see that I have a choice: I can be a part of Love or a part of Murder; to do both is to negate the first and merely justify the second. Love promotes life; murder ends it. What could be more simple? It is an epiphany that is most welcome, although creates a sadness that I have not seen it prior to this moment. All the good I thought to do is as ashes, should I continue in my lack of logic. I now actually learn to be wise; or at least, it seems, get a good start! I thought I had seen the chasm of evil at my feet named Irenicus. Then I thought I might be almost like him. Now I know he has been a puddle of water to my own ocean! I had 'complained' of the speck in the eye of Irenicus, and failed to notice the FOREST in mine!
So, then: how do I continue in my life's journey? I will now continue as long as I can in life, but I will not murder again. I don't know how Aerie and Imoen will deal with this, but I will now charge them with a most important task: if I ever turn into the slayer, they must keep in reserve the magic required to kill me for my own sake and peace of mind. Yes, I embrace love totally, and deny murder any hold upon me. Take that, Bhaal! It seems that I grow stranger than ever amongst my Bhaalspawn 'Kin'! Well, one thing I will have to do is give Aerie my ring that gives me a power of regeneration. It would not be any help to them if I do invoke or otherwise become the slayer for me to have such a power while they fulfill what would be the last wish of a dying man. I believe, together, they have the power to kill the slayer. What an ironic concept, yes? Perhaps Aerie, alone, actually has the power to kill the slayer herself, should Imoen be incapacitated. With a bit more experience, Imoen will then, also, have a like power to do it herself, should the need arise.
Bhaalspawn Chronicles Entry 6
Bhaalspawn Hunter
I gave Imoen my Staff of the Magi, to give her a bit more power, in case she had to fulfill my last wish by herself. I have replaced that staff with the Staff of Air for myself, which is a lot less powerful. I then gave my regeneration ring to Aerie. I asked them to do as I have noted in my 5th entry; they reluctantly accepted my charge. They both remain adamant in seeking to help me, and I told them that I consider myself greatly blessed by their continued presence in my life. I then told them there is still hope; it may not come to such a sad end. We then searched for the standing stones Ellisime told us about, in the form of faces. When we found one, we placed ourselves humbly before it, and waited for some words from the Seldarine. In a short while, the Seldarine did speak about a prophecy that actually mentioned me - Gorian's ward. We did not have much time to ponder those words; Aerie got my attention, signaling that we were being surrounded. I then got the attention of Imoen, and told them both to take a defensive stand and let me deal with them. A Bhaalspawn hunter, who was also Bhaalspawn herself, had tracked me to the Sacred Grove. Evidentially, they had picked up my trail somewhere between Athkatla, the City of Coins, and Suldanessalar, but could not approach me while I was in the Elven City. She had killed a lot of other Bhaalspawn, and was now head hunting for me. I told her of her two choices: withdraw from hunting me further, or be magically imprisoned within the ground; I told her she will not kill me, but neither will I kill her. She must have thought she was strong enough to not have to take my words seriously. She now has quite a bit of time to analyze her mistake.
When she had disappeared as I said, her companions did not enjoy such a sight; they left rather quickly. I had my own problem to deal with. I had not only battled the Bhaalspawn who used to hunt other Bhaalspawn to kill them, I then, once again, battled my own 'self'. This time, I did not fight it from the standpoint of battling its struggle to manifest itself as the slayer. I attempted to mentally contain it, while also not allowing it access to the prime material plane. It either worked, or it simply submitted to me. I told it to take us to my Father Bhaal's abysmal realm, and we, once more, traveled to the pocket plane of Bhaal. It then disappeared from my consciousness. The pocket plane had changed, but before we could then take a look around, a Solar, who are servants and messengers of the Gods, appeared and spoke with me.
The Solar told me that I am central to the Prophesy of Alondo, of which the Seldarine had just spoken. Perhaps it is for my own good? However, I could wish for a few simple statements vice a prophecy. I had worked out the truth of the Koa-Toan prophecy; perhaps I will be successful on this one, too. Aside from greeting me and advising that she would be back, from time to time, to aid in my education, she obliquely referred to the power I was not ready to handle. There was no respite from this, as when the Solar left, the shade of Serovok appeared before us.
Imoen vehemently objected to his presence, and I was initially of like-mind; I did not see how his presence was in any way enlightening. Then it came to me to at least hear him out. He had been the Bhaalspawn who sought in his life to become the next God of Murder. It occurred to me that his knowledge may actually be useful; not in aiding such a return, but more with an eye towards the elimination of such a dark power, which might free me, at least in part, from the darkness within. He presented himself to me and proposed a deal to me. He would give of his knowledge that would be of use to me. In return, he wanted the smallest of fractions of my life force that he said would be enough to return him to life. I looked a question to Imoen and Aerie; they both looked displeased, but did not voice an objection. I then agreed to the deal. With a small flutter in my heart rate, it seemed that I then restored Serovok back to life. He was overjoyed with the exception that his armor, which had channeled the Bhaalspawn essence within him, had not returned. No matter, he said: the essence was no longer within him. He would do without the armor, as he once did. What he had gathered from the appearance of my pocket plane was that the portal would take me where I had to be, rather than where I would want to go. This was due to the prophecy he had obtained from an uncooperative sect of Cyric. It is in the Tyririan City of Saradush that I first had to go, according to the prophecy. Serovok then told me he could help me with my first challenge; I would have to surmount this challenge before leaving for Saradush. Feeling a bit light-headed, I staggered to the left and caught myself; I then saw the mystic force guarding a chamber dissolve. The chamber was directly to the left of the portal, as you face that portal.
I then tried to dismiss Serovok, but he then petitioned me to take him with me. I asked him why I should trust him. He said my blood held sway in my Father's realm. I could require an oath from him; such an oath would be as a geas - with such an oath, Serovok could not betray me. Unknown to him, I had seen the results of a geas on Yoshimo, whom I had counted a friend. I simply could not require a geas of anyone; I would have to trust Serovok. I told him there would be no such requirement; he could join me if it was his wish to come along with me. His bafflement was apparent. I was, after all, no longer the person I had even recently been. It would be up to Serovok what he did with his new life; he was free to make the same mistakes he made in his previous life. As for me, it was a bit of a test giving Serovok another chance to redeem himself. However, I had, after all, chosen the path of Love; even Serovok deserved a second chance. I think that I have been given one of those, myself! My own new life might even provide a good example for Serovok. That is as I hope it to be.
I dug into the provisions the Elves had prepared for us, spreading out quite a nice little meal that seemed to be enjoyed by all. Something was bothering me. After the meal, I asked Imoen and Aerie to rummage within the Bag of Holding to get some gear together for Serovok. I walked around the inner circle of the pocket plane, and met an imp named Cespenar. Cespenar, being quite lonely since Bhaal left the plane, told me I am his new master, further evidence of my being 'central' to the Prophecy of Alondo. Cespenar can 'make you shiny ones', which means that he can forge items of power for me, should I have the required ingredients. Having gone full circle, I told my friends I was going to get some rest, although I noted to them that I was restless and not to mind the Imp.
Bhaalspawn Chronicles Entry 7
Mission Impossible
Something was nagging me, similar to right before I magically found that Bodhi was near within her maze, waiting on me. It is on the edge of your perception: you cannot 'see' it, but you know what ever it is, it is there, almost like a live thing, actually taunting you to discover it, while doing the best it can to elude you. This is what I have come upon.
I can describe it as the First Level: a road you are traveling upon. What you can see of that road is limited to a very short distance ahead of your boots, since your focus is straight down upon the ground beneath those boots as they move, one after the other. This trek is the basic instinct of life: Survival and Creation of the Next Generation. This is experienced by all of life, I think.
Second Level: There is a subset of life which includes some part of nature and also that which is sentient. In this group, there is a higher brain or mind functioning within. This group has the whole of First Level along with Second Level: To this group, it is given the ability to rise high in the air above that road where they can perceive the road is actually a very large circle – the 'Circle of Life' – The young cling to and even love their parents and vice versa, and can even appreciate or love a group of their own species. This is the level where I believe that I, and a lot or all of sentient life on Faerun, operate.
Third Level (and final level, I think!): There is an even smaller subset of life which includes only sentient beings. In this group, there is an advanced brain functioning within. This group has all the capacity of the First and Second Levels, along with the Third Level. To this group, it is given the ability to actually lift the head up to scan the horizon, and actually see an infinite number of paths off the main road. What I mean to say here is: it is possible for this group to love all of creation.
The thing that has been nagging me is: I have taken a first step towards this 'Third Level'. However, the world is still operating at the second level. How will I be able to even start to operate at this third level, when life continues at the second level? I will, undoubtedly, meet beings that will seek to kill me. My dilemma becomes: To not kill means to be killed, or to suffer the same result for one or more of my 'group'. I would naturally wish to protect myself and my group from harm, going back into the second level – thereby not operating to my full potential. The bottom line here is that I will have to modify my newly found philosophy, and go back to the second level, at least for a while. Somehow, having seen this third level, my perception is that some things may still be worth fighting for prior to regaining and holding onto this third level.
So, I am back to the second level, hoping that I may soon return to the third level. Or, in other words, I find that I must embrace this regression after having gotten a taste of what may be the ultimate truth of reality: this possibility of an Eternal Love of All Creation.
I weep.
Bhaalspawn Chronicles Entry 8
Know Thyself
When we were finished with mundane considerations after our rest, I told my friends that I would like to hear of their lives, each in turn, specifically where that life intersected with my own. I asked them to hold nothing back, except that which they did not wish to discuss. I explained to them that I would like to know myself better; that their possibly diverse perceptions of me may give me a better insight than my perception, alone, may allow. Should I have given it any thought at all, I should have known that Serovok's perception would be, and was, the hardest to bear. After they had individually and privately had their turn, we gathered together, once more. I thanked them for their comments, then asked Serovok to separate the excess gear from the bag of holding, and put special items into one bin, Armor/helms and such into the second bin, and weapons and ammo into the third bin that were set out in a lopsided pyramid pattern within the inner circle of the pocket plane. I gave Aerie my Journal and Bhaalspawn Chronicles, asking her to read them. I asked her, if she wished, to retain the entries that were personal to her and I, then give the rest of them to Serovok, so that he could read them, too. I asked Imoen to join me, and together, we sought out Cespenar. Aerie and I had obtained a very powerful dagger within Watcher's Keep. Since I had collected 5 star sapphire gems, we had the requirements for Cespenar to make the dagger even more powerful. After Cespenar had forged the gems into the dagger and it had cooled off, I presented the dagger to Imoen. The improvement will not be discussed here, but Imoen was, as they say, all smiles; which gave me one, too!
