CHAPTER 3--Drowning in insanity
TWO DAYS LATER--TEAM YENSID, DAY 4 (OR IS IT 3? OH NOOOOO I LOST COOOUNT)
"Awww, we have to leave?" Roxas whined, hugging the Mickey plushie. Tidus was staring at Leon, who was watching random paint dry. Riku was looking for his other shoe.
"Yes, you have to leave...but it's already time for another challenge! There won't be another one for a while, and we need a chance for you to have a tribal council, as mean as that sounds"
Riku's lip trembled.
"Y-You h-haaaaaate us!" He started bawling. Shi rolled her eyes and slapped him upside the head.
"Pull yourself togther, you're fifteen for Pete's sake!" Roxas jumped.
"WHO'S PETE! LEON'S ALIEN ACCOMPLICE I mean...a friend of yours"
"It's a saying." Leon droned.
"HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS"
"I have a brain"
"AH HAH! I KNEW IT! YOU HAVE ADVANTAGES THAT NO HUMAN THE LIKES OF ME COULD EVER HAVE"
"You got that right..." Shi mumbled.
"YOU'RE IN ON THIS TOO? YOU'RE ALL PROBABLY ON HIS SIDE! ALIENS, THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU ARE ALIENS!" He ran down the street towards the main road that led back to the Magic Kingdom.
"We better follow him and make sure he doesn't get hit by a car or something..." Tidus said, walking in the direction Roxas had bolted. "...that would just complicate things"
"That's so mean..." Riku said with shock.
"No. It's not. Because if a car came anywhere close to hitting him, he'd cause such a scene the driver would leave and he wouldn't even know. And probably call the cops"
-cricket cricket cricket-
"Okaaaaay..." Shi said. They all started down the main road, keeping their distance from Tidus.
TEAM DISNEY, DAY 4/3 "Can't go on...much...longer..." Sora groaned, watching a single piece of popcorn and waiting for it to pop. He was roasting it over a tiny fire no taller than a pencil. Kairi was next to him, trying to toast a bread crust, and Marluxia was eating his flower petals. Kairi stared.
"Won't you get sick from eating all those"
"Who knows...they taste like cherry Starburst." He munched on a handful and offered some to Sora, who shook his head.
"No...it's not worth it...I'm only worth 20 bucks..." "Sora! Don't talk like that! You're worth a lot more than 20 bucks!" Marluxia coughed.
"Yeah, maybe 29.99--when the game isn't on discount"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sora sobbed, falling on the cement and bursting into tears. While he threw a fit, his popcorn popped. Marluxia snatched it and swallowed it whole.
"YOU ATE HIS POPCORN"
"HE ATE MY POPCORN"
"Hello friends!" Shi called from nearby.
"HE ATE MY POPCOOOOOORN!" Sora whined, crying hysterically. Shi watched him throw his tantrum, get up, and kick Marluxia--all the time apalled.
"WHY, FATHER TIME, WHY"
"THAT'S WHY! YOU WON'T STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Suddenly, in one moment, Marluxia turned pale. "B-Bathroom..." He ran off.
"What's with hi"
"Flower petals aren't edible." Was all Kairi and Sora said.
SECOND CHALLENGE "This challenge takes place in Typhoon Lagoon! Aren't you excited!" Shi cheered, looking for some happiness. No one moved. "Please, contain your enthusiasm"
-silence-
"Well. It's here. And right now, we're all standing near this big pool, riiight"
-nod nod-
"Good, you understand! Yay! Anyway, the point is that I've thrown gold coins into the pool somewhere. This pool is huuuge--so it's going to be hard, and it's going to take a long time. If anyone thinks they will not be able to withstand this terrible task, please speak now"
-silence-
"Or forever hold your peace"
-silenter silence-
"Fine then, be that way. You have to take each coin and put it in this machine." She pointed to an ATM shaped like Mickey Mouse. "If you hear the Kingdom Hearts theme start playing, you got the right coin and you win. The team who gets the coin will get the immunity." She snatched the plushie away from Roxas, who screamed like a girl and passed out. Riku kicked him and he slowly got up. "Okay ready 1-2-3 EVERYBODY IN!" She blew a whistle really loud and everybody got so scared they fell in. After a moment, they all resurfaced and went off to look for the coins.
Except Sora.
He splished and splashed in one spot, screaming and yelling. No one noticed, and no one cared. Every few minutes he got closer to sinking. Just as Kairi put in the right coin, he sank. Everyone was getting out of the pool when Shi noticed Sora was missing.
"Oh man, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this..." she blew a red whistle and a lifeguard team appeared. "It costs ten dollars every time." They hurled Sora onto the pavement, coughing and sputtering.
"They charge you to call for help?" Kairi gasped.
"It costs money to save lives!" Riku said.
"This world just gets cheaper by the second..." Roxas said with annoyance. I looked at Sora with more annoyance.
So much annoyance.
"Sora, how come you didn't say something before"
"I dunno"
"Well, who else was supposed to know you can't swim"
"I can too swim"
"Sora, you sank like a rock"
"Well whatever! So what if I can't swim"
"You live on an island SURROUNDED by water, I expected you to know how to swim, like everyone else." "I guess you're just too stupid..." Marluxia mumbled.
"I'M NOT STUPID!" Sora screamed, throwing his towel at him.
"You can't spell stupid without u, Sora." Riku said. "SO I CAN'T SWIM! WHATEVER! I BLAME THE ECONOMY!" Sora started yelling and stormed off to his camp.
"The economy...?" Kairi said, confused. "What kind of excuse is that"
-thoughtful silence-
"A mystery." Riku concluded. Everyone agreed.
"Well, in any case, Kairi found the coin. Yensid, tribal council for you tonight"
"THIS WAS RIGGED!" Tidus screeched. Him and Roxas started chanting about it being rigged, and Leon just stood and watched. Riku threatened to sue. "Miiiickey I will avenge you!" Roxas sobbed. Shi left.
"Why can't they do anything without causing a scene? Why"
"Blame the economy." Leon snapped, leaving his teammates to make picket signs out of the sidewalk--which wasn't working, seeing as the sidewalk was cemented to the ground.
TEAM DISNEY "W00T GO USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Sora screeched.
"W00t?" Kairi asked. "Sora, you look like a n00b"
"i d0 n0t"
"YES, YOU DO!" she arugued. Marluxia walked in from somewhere.
"i d0 n0t 100k 1ik3 n00b! i d0 n0t! im in s0m3 s0rt 0f bd m00d 2dy, thts 11!" Marluxia gasped.
"YOU'RE A N00B"
"So, what's it to ya?" Sora asked, leaving n00b-ness.
"Well, you know--when you've just graduated high school and you need a job, you just go into the first thing you can"
"Fast-food service"
"No, that's second. You see, back when I graduated high school"
Sora coughed. "In the 1700s"
"As I was SAYING, back when I graduated, the most popular job around was n00b hunters"
-cricket cricket cricket-
"T-that's so s-scary..." Kairi whimpered.
"Yeah...meep..." Sora added, shivering.
"What? It's no different from working at Burger King or something...you take some dead meat and you grill it." Sora realized the metaphor in that and passed out.
"YOU KILLED PEOPLE!" Kairi screamed.
"Well, no, but I can't be held responsible for certain injuries...and maybe the occasional coma..." Kairi fainted, and Marluxia looked around. "Huh? What! Was it something I said"
"Si." said a random Spanish-speaking pigeon.
"I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR INPUT, YOU DUMB BIRD"
"ESPANOL, EL GATO AND EL AEROPLANO,
POR FAVOR, SOME CHINESE FOOD CAN I HAVE SOME MORE?
MUUUUUUUUUCHOS GRACIAS!
THANK YOU, MUCHOS GRACIAS!" The bird sang, and then it ran away. Marluxia stood in shock.
YENSID--TRIBAL COUNCIL "Okee dokey then, it's that time of voting-ness." Shi said somberly. Everyone blinked.
"Soooo"
"BECAUSE SO, THAT'S WHAT'S SO"
"That made no sense." Tidus mumbled.
"I know, but I don't care in the slightest"
"You don't care about much, do you"
"No...breathing, video games, anime, sleeping, and eating. Not in that order"
"Uh huh..." Roxas said, staring at her with fright.
"Well anyway, it's almost time to vote. You write your ballot on a piece of super-uber-spiffy Kyo stationary! Skeeeeeee"
"Fine." Leon groaned, standing up. "I'll go first"
"No, wait, you have to have Friendly Comment Time!" Shi said quickly, dragging Leon back to the risers. "Riku, you first"
It was then that Friendly Comment Time became Unfriendly Insult Seminar.
"Okay, well first, Tidus is the most moronic spiky-haired overobsessive freakazoid I have ever had the misfortune to know." Tidus yelled. "Next off, Roxas is completely insane--I suggest you invest in some feety pajamas and a straightjacket, buddy." Roxas started crying. "And Leon--you should never again show your face in public. You scare people to the brink of madness." Leon smacked him. "Ow...well, I'm done. Hey spiky-haired overobsessive freakazoid, you go next!" Tidus stopped screaming long enough to have his say.
"Riku is the biggest loser in the whole universe, and his very existence is a waste of space and oxygen"
"That's not very nice..." Shi said, trying to end the fighting. It didn't help any.
"And Roxas, although I hate Riku more than I hate anything else on Earth, he's right--you're mentally unstable." Roxas cried harder. "Leon, I'm getting a hint that you're having some self-esteem problems. Fix that. It'll do you some good. Crybaby, you're up." Roxas started whimpering.
"TIDUS YOU'RE SO MEAN! RIKU, YOU HAVE FLEAS, SO STOP TELLING ME I'M INSANE"
"I have fleas"
"AND LEON, YOU ARE TOO AN ALIEN! IT'S ABNORMAL THE WAY YOUR BRAIN FUNCTIONS"
"Leon--please, say something smart that will end all this..." Shi pleaded.
"You're all losers, and the minute I get home I'm calling the cops on all of you, moving to another country, and changing my name"
"You mean besides having your name be Squall?" Leon stiffened.
The following information, friends, is a perfect example of what may/will happen when the world ends. (Ohhhh, that kinda rhymed...spliiiiiiiffy)
"What did you just say?" Leon growled.
"That your name is Squall. But then it's Leon. So what is it now, Squeon?" Tidus laughed. Roxas stopped crying. Riku doubled over and went into hysterics.
"SQUEON, SQUEON, SQUEON!" They chanted. Shi bit her lip, trying not to join in.
Leon, meanwhile, had turned brick red. Suddenly, the sky split open, revealing a giant fire ball. Don't ask why, that's just how it happened. Anyway, the fireball came down from the sky and completely decimated the entire world in about half a second. Before that half a second was over, the sky went out, everything was black and white, sound went away, and time ran backwards. And then everything just stopped.
Ten minutes later...everything was fixed. But look, when you have a budget that's fictional, it's possible to fix even the apocalypse. Imagination, people! Creativity, not science! Anywho.
"Okay then--now we all know to never make fun of Squeon's I MEAN LEON'S, yes, Leon's...name." Shi said, her voice shaking. Riku was white as a ghost, Tidus looked like he was about to cry, and Roxas was crying. Leon was dusting debris of the world off his jacket. "I offically think this is the longest tribal council ever. Enough with the comments, just go and place your votes...on the completely un-super-uber-spiffy non-Kyo stationary because Leon destroyed my super-uber-spiffy Kyo stationary!" Shi started crying. Riku, Tidus, and Roxas all ran up at the same time and voted for the same person (guess who). Leon went last. Shi ended her mourning long enough to read the votes.
"There's only two...the first one says 'agreed upon vote for Leon', and the second one says Tidus. I guess Leon's off the"
"Do you want me to end the world again"
"Hey, th-threats aren't considered very nice in everyday conversation...gambling, maybe, but"
"Well, do you want me to"
-silence-
"TIDUS!" Shi, Riku, and Roxas screamed at once. Shi ran over and stole Tidus's shirt. "Okaynicehavingyouinthegameseeyoulaterhaveasafeflighttowhereverbyeeeeeeeeeeeeenow!" Tidus was promptly carried off by security guards. None of which contained Goofy, if you remember the last council. "Well then, see ya, I'm off to deal with my mental scarring bye!" Shi hurried away,
screaming. Riku and Roxas ran back to their camp. Leon laughed maniacally and merrily walked back to camp.
