CHAPTER 4--The party to end all parties...and the world
TEAM DISNEY, NEXT MORNING "Nyuuuuuuu, I don't wanna go to school, mommy...I wanna stay home and make cookies with youuuuuu..." Sora moaned in his sleep. He was stretched across the floor in the lobby of Stitch's Great Escape, rolling around. Kairi was outside trying to fry eggs on her head in the now way too hot weather, and Marluxia was beating up Push the trash can.
"TRASH CANS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK! AND PIGEONS NEITHER! THEY SPEAK SPANISH NOW! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!" Push had now been successfully beaten to a heap of scrap metal. Marluxia happily walked away and beat up a palm tree instead. Kairi pulled the eggs off her head and plopped them on the ground. They were fried. Going inside, she kicked Sora, who woke up and screamed.
"WHAT? NO, OF COURSE I DIDN'T KILL THE CLASS HAMSTER! I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE HE GOT IN THE PAPER SHREDDER, HONEST...wha? Oh, Kairi...hullo...um, pay no attention to anything I just said, it doesn't matter anymore." "Anymore...?" she said with fear. Sora ignored her, ran outside, and saw the eggs. Scarfing them down, he smiled up at her.
"These are good! Did you buy them somewhere"
"No. I fried them myself"
"Cool"
"Yep. On my head"
"NOT COOL!" Sora hurried to a trash can and spit out everything that was left in his mouth. "THAT'S DISGUSTING"
"Sora, that's a shock, hearing this from the kid who eats gum off the sidewalks in New York"
"Hey, I just wanted some local flavor! And all those restaurants cost money"
"Good point!" Shi shouted, jumping out from behind a sign. Kairi screamed at the top of her lungs, Sora fell over and choked on a scrap of egg, and Marluxia tripped over Push's remains.
"Oh sorry, I seem to do that a lot"
"No, really?" Kairi snapped, whacking Sora on the back. He stopped choking.
"I...hate you." he gasped.
"Well, anyway...I'm having a party. Because I feel sorry for you guys"
-cricket cricket cricket-
"You're kidding"
"No"
"Liar! Liar liar cans perspire"
"It's pants on fire." Marluxia corrected. Sora threw his shoe at him.
"I'm not kidding. I'm having a biiiiiiiig party, tonight, at Epcot, and this tribe, Riku's tribe, and other people are invited. So come, unless you wanna starve." She left.
"That's nice of her. Threatens us with starvation." Sora said sarcastically. Kairi shrugged.
"Oh well, we don't have anything to lose, so why stay here"
"I have something to lose, and it's all I have left"
"And what's that"
"My dignity. Now gimme my shoe back." Marluxia looked at the shoe and shook his head.
"Nah, I think I'll sell it on Ebay"
"DON'T YOU DARE! SOME CRAZY FANGIRLS STOLE MY FAVORITE HAT AND SOLD IT FOR 200 BUCKS, AND THE NATIONAL MONEY PEOPLE CAME AFTER ME, THINKING IT WAS SOME KIND OF SCAM"
"Someone bought it?" Kairi looked at him with disgust. "National money people?" Marluixia pondered. Sora smiled.
"Of course they did. I may be worth only 20 bucks, but not to them!" Kairi smacked him and stuffed him in a trash can.
"Your ego is too big. I hate that. Fix it"
TEAM YENSID "Huhhhhhhhh AUGH WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Riku screamed, noticing Shi right in front of him. Leon woke up from sleeping on top of the table, and Roxas stopped cowering in a corner long enough to walk over.
"Me? Nothing. Spreading cheer and good will"
"In an alternate reality, sure. You're here to ruin our lives, aren't you?" Roxas said sleepily.
"Sadly, no, I don't have that scheduled in until 3...so for now, I'm inviting you to a par-taaaaaaaaaay"
"I don't do parties." Leon said, leaving.
"Oh well, his loss. Riku, Roxas, you should come. There's food and stuff. And sugar. So come." Shi left, slamming the big doors behind her and leaving them in the dark. Riku tripped just as Roxas was turning a light back on. He was face to face with a manikan of some dead person. He screamed, kicked it across the room, and ran out the door. Roxas followed him. They were all outside the Haunted Mansion's gates, standing on the edge of the shore leading to the pond. Roxas put his finger in the water and pulled it back.
"It's colllllllld." he moaned. "That's not faiiiiiiiiir"
"Life isn't fair." Leon snapped.
"It should be." Riku went on complaining for ten more minutes, with Roxas adding comments.
"...and then when I was 12, this kid framed me, and said I set a tree on fire, when I had clearly been putting out the fire, not starting it. I got detention for two months. And that kid got an award from the government for 'weeding out arsonists in a school community'. What a load of baloney"
"I like baloney. And popsicles. Especially red ones." Roxas said. "AND THAT'S SO UNFAIR THAT CHEAP JERK"
"YEAH I KNOW ISN'T THAT AWFUL! SO NOT FAIR!" By now, Leon had had enough.
"You know what else is unfair?" he asked them.
"What?" they said at the same time.
"This." He grabbed both of them by their shirt collars and hurled them into the pond. They landed about 10 yards off and splooshed into the freezing water. Roxas came up first, then Riku.
"YOU STUPID ALIEN YOU! I'LL FRY YOU WITH A MEGA BLASTER YOU WORTHLESS PUNK"
"And where are you going to get a mega blaster?" Leon asked, smirking.
"EBAY! WHERE ELSE"
"Ebay?" Riku asked.
"Sure. Got 99 cents? I hear they're selling paintball guns for about that much"
"Here, take two bucks. What's this world coming to, selling guns at an affordable price on a betting website? Sick, I tell you. Sick"
Several hours later.
"I wonder if anyone's coming..." Shi said sadly. It was 3 pm, exactly when she had planned for her party to start. And no one was there.
3:01 pm "HEY you came!" Sora walked through the front gates, followed by Kairi, Marluxia, and several girls in red and gold outfits. "Who's they"
"Ah ah ah, improper grammar." Marluxia said, shaking his finger. Sora shook his head. He was dressed the same, but wearing a visor, shades, and a skateboard company sweatshirt.
"Ignore Professor Fossil over there. I'm here, so the party can start." The girls giggled and cheered. Kairi pouted and mumbled to herself, clearly unhappy.
"Again, who's they"
"They? Oh, them. They're my fanclub, the Sora Fangirl Society. Did you know that it includes almost a third of the world's girl population"
"No clue." Kairi grumbled.
"What a surprise." Marluxia added with sarcasm.
"Anyway, let's go PARTYYYYYYY!" He gave up the popular act and rushed at the snack table, grabbing a bowl of sugar and chugging it. The fangirls watched with awe and dispersed, joking with each other and laughing about nothing, and trying to catch his visor and sweatshirt as he tossed them aside. He kept the shades.
"Cliques, the lot of them." Kairi said, standing next to Shi. Both had their arms crossed and were watching with disgust.
"Red and gold"
"Sora's theme colors, apparently. It's uniform for them--mostly reinforced by military force"
"Nice." Riku came through the gate with Roxas and Leon, who were followed by several random people, and another clique of girls, wearing black and blue. Shi sighed.
"Hello Riku. Hello Roxas. Hello Leon. Hello random people. Hello Riku Fangirl Society." The girls gasped in unison.
"How do you know who we are?" The girl at the front of the pack said. She was obviously the leader, because she was wearing a pink zip-up sweatshirt with "RFS Leader" monogrammed on the back, and RFS monogrammed on the sleeve, much smaller. Shi sighed again.
"Lucky guess? Oh well, go have fun." The lead girl snapped her fingers and the rest of them ran off, forming a mob at one end of the area and glaring at the SFS. The SFS glared back. The RFS leader turned to Shi.
"I'm Kirei. Nice to meet you." She shook her hand. Shi pulled back.
"I'm not joining, I hope you know that"
"Yes, that's okay. Just as long as you're not already in the SFS. Then I'd have to kill you." She left.
"Lovely"
Thus the party raged onward.
And raged into chaos. Quiet quickly, actually. If there was ever a world record for fastest time before a party went down the drain because of Sora, we won. Hands down.
"HELLO CLASS OF 1985!" Sora was standing on the stage, swaying back and forth. He was on sugar/soda overload. Riku stood next to him, swaying also. Roxas was prancing around behind them, and Marluxia was standing in the crowd with Shi, Kairi, Leon, and both fangirl societies, watching with disappointment. "Sora, you're not even that old...are you? Wait, 2006 minus 1985 is...is..." Shi shouted, counting on her fingers. Music was blaring in the background--the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack. Right now it was on Under the Sea, the instrumental version without the words.
Kairi sighed. "Who cares! He's only a freshman anyway. Riku's a sophmore"
"DON'T TELL SORA HE'S WRONG!" The SFS chanted.
"OH, OH, I KNOW NOW! The answer is 58364!" Everyone stopped for a second and stared. Shi shrugged. "What"
"You're not very bright, are you?" Leon asked.
"Nope! I can pass with a kindergarten education, at best!" She smiled.
"Really...that high..." Marluxia said with mock amazement. Sora adjusted his crooked shades and kept screaming into the mike.
"TODAY, WE SAY, GOODBYE, TO OUR SCHOOL, AND HELLO, TO OUR FUTURES! MAKING FRENCH FRIES!" He laughed so hard he fell over onto his back, the shades falling off into the crowd. A random fangirl grabbed it and was promptly attacked and offered money for it. Riku took the mike from Sora's hand and leaned against the empty mike stand.
"I'd like to thank my family and friends for this award"
"What award!" Kairi shouted. "Get off the stage and go to bed, you overhyper freak"
"DON'T CALL RIKU NAMES!" The RFS yelled, chucking Sora's collection of empty soda cans at her. The SFA caught most of them and shoved them in a sterile bag for souvenirs.
Roxas started singing. "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EEEVERYBODY'S NERVES!" Riku joined in. "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES,
AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES DUN DUN DUN..." Sora stole the mike and screamed into it.
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES..." Kairi finally decided to leave.
"I'm going to get his shoes...which are over there...and his visor he paid 12 bucks for, and that stupid sweatshirt he took from Roxas. Call me on my cell when he passes out, okay?" She gave Shi a slip of paper with her number on it. "And don't you join in too and lose it, or else I'll be forced to make you wear pink." Shi screamed, hugging her red sweatshirt and every-color-but-
stuff-that's-too-bright wardrobe. Kairi started walking away when Marluxia said something that would change our lives--and insurance policies--forever.
"Aw, what a dedicated girlfriend, picking up after..." The SFS spun around.
"What!" The head SFS fangirl, named Kari (short for Hikari) snapped. "She's Sora's..." "GIRLFRIEND!" Kairi shrieked. "Look Mr. Fossil, I'm not"
"SORA'S GIRLFRIEND!" The entire SFS screamed. The random people, who have not been mentioned lately, gasped. Kari clenched her fists and advanced.
"N-no, you guys got it all wrong." Kairi pleaded. "I'm n-not his girlfriend, hon-honest"
Kari tensed. "Get 'er"
Twelve minutes and 14.4947o9479373yorhfg9579587 seconds later.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kairi was running for her life, literally, with a million or so fangirls behind her.
And the saddest thing is, no one noticed.
Riku: OKAY...WELL, I HAVE SOME INSIGHTS INTO KH2 THAT I WOULD LIKE VERY MUCH TO SHARE WITH YOU.
Squaresoft Police: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Roxas: YES, LIKE MY ESSENTIAL ROLE IS...-talks about role-
World: We never would have guessed.
Leon: I'm going home. -LFS follows him-
Then Shi tried to get everyone to calm down by playing a game of charades. It was Sora's turn. He looked at his card and started cracking up. He fell over and started rolling around, hugging his sides.
"Um, um..." Marluixa was trying to guess. "FISH OUT OF WATER!" Sora laughed harder, tears coming to his eyes.
"A sugar-high phscyomaniac?" Shi said sarcastically. Sora pounded his feet on the ground.
"Toaster oven." Roxas said seriously. Sora stopped laughing.
"HE GOT IT HE GOT IT HE GOT IT!" He pointed at Roxas. Shi clapped, sighing.
"Good for you...have a popsicle." She gave him a green one.
"It's not red"
"Oh well. Sue me"
"FINE I WILL!" -lawyers swarm in- "SUE 'ER"
Shi ran for her life and hid in the one place a lawyer would never look, a dumpster.
And when she came out, things were worse. Plus she smelled like trash.
RFS: Next item is one of Riku's shoelaces! We'll start the bid at 73628 dollars...-snatches a shoelace while Riku isn't looking-
The night went like that for a few hours.
Until it finally went completely downhill. At exactly 1:23 in the morning. Shi was sitting around picking up rubble and helping Roxas find a red popsicle. Which they found. Roxas happily scampered over to the stage and sat down on the edge, ignoring the RFS (his fan society) and their chanting.
Riku was signing a song from the KH2 soundtrack...which he had not given the name to...yet...when he got to the second verse.
"A...ah...ahhhhhhh..." he swayed heavily and plopped onto the stage. The RFS swarmed, picking him up and putting him on a bench so the ground wouldn't 'poison his essential Riku-ness.
The crowd mobbed the stage, stealing Shi's shoe in the frenzy. Then they mobbed all over the place. Sora stood up.
"BONFIRE!" The SFS clapped and started gathering Riku merchandise. The RFS grabbed Sora merchandise, and soon there was a pile taller than the big golf ball. Sora poked the pile with the Keyblade. "LET THERE BE"
"NOOOOOO!" Shi cried, coming to her senses. "You smell like a dumpster." A random fangirl pointed out.
"Thanks, I know that already. SORA, DON'T YOU'LL MAKE FIRE"
"NOOO, LIGHT!" He ignited the pile, which turned to ash and spread all over the golf ball. The fire department kindly came.
"Are you kids all right?" Random firefighter #1 asked. Shi sighed.
"Oh sure, the place is in ruins, the SFA chased Kairi off the premises, Sora and Roxas can't stand, Riku fainted hours ago, and I lost my right shoe, but everything's still fine. -pause- "HOW CAN YOU ASK IF EVERYTHING'S FINE! OF COURSE IT'S NOT FINE!" -eats sugar- The firefighter took away the sugar.
"Well, we're going to have to clean this up. So all of you go home"
"I HAVE NO REAL HOME!" Sora said, his words slurring.
"You don't? Does that mean you're an orpha"
"NO OF COURSE NOT he's a bit delusional please excuse his behavior...he's my...um...cousin!" Shi shouted. World: GASP!
SFS: WHAT!
"Yeah, my cousin...cousin Sora, yep! So, uh, I'll take him back to my aunt and uncle's house...and Riku too...yep yep thaaaaat's right...Roxas, c'mon...OKAY BYE NOW SEE YA LATER GOOD LUCK CLEANING UP DON'T CALL US WE WERE NEVER HERE LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GLOW STICK -bright flash- THERE YOUR MEMORY'S ERASED BUH BYE!"
