Shortest Short Stories Ever Series: Lee Jordan Speaks Out!

By Spectra16 (Seeking an Atticus Finch in her love life.)

A/N: I'm surprised I didn't get flamed to hell for that. Thanks everyone! WILL TAKE IDEAS AND EAT THEM IN MY HEAD!

Disclaimer: I don't own Lee Jordan or anything character I may chose to associate with-(GASP!) Sirius Black? What are you doing here?

Sirius: I'm bored. I'm tired of being in self-insertions and Mary Sue fics. I need a vacation. I should probably put Viggo Mortenson or Dustin Hoffman in my place.

Disclaimer: I also do not own Phantom of the Opera.

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Chapter Two: Lee Watches Phantom of the Opera

For lack of better things to do, Lee Jordan, commentator extraordinaire was watching the Phantom of the Opera (2004) and hating it. His little sister, Addy, was completely obsessed with the Phantom of the Opera. Lee sighed dramatically. The Phantom (I like how in Phantom fandom, the locals call it Phandom) walked down the stairs during the mascarade ball to Christine, and there was a long pause where Christine and Erik starred at each other, breathing heavily.

"Awk-ward," Lee chimed. Addy ignored him, like usual.

Later in the movie, Raoul rides in on a white steed to save Christine from the O.G. Lee, who had been drinking Kool-aid, spit it out and laughed so hard, he started choking. After his fit of oxygen loss, he regained the composure to rant about how much of a chick flick this movie was.

"HONEST-ly! Who the hell finds a random white horse and rides it in to save his childhood crush, and then takes a sword out to fight the Phantom, who we've never even seen hold a sword, much less fight with one! AND THEN, they're all like, 'We're so manly! ARGH! ME ANGRY! ME SNAP YOUR NECK!' My FRIGGIN' GAWD! And then they sing! THEY SING ABOUT STUPID SHIT!"

"MO O O O O OM! Lee said a bad word!" Addy shouted up the stairs. Lee ruffled his own hair.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! ARGH! Can't we watch Saving Ryan's Privates or something cool? Maybe Dr. Who? Even Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen would be better than this crap!" Lee stood up and was completely ranting. Addy grimaced.

"Are you serious? You want to watch Lindsey Lohan?" She asked, willing. Lee blanched.

"No. I was just kidding."