Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of Pokemon, its characters, locations, or names. All of them, with the exception of original characters, ideas, and places, belong to Nintendo.

Credits: Vanika, Silvanus, Gwen, Carina, and all locations involving Nara belong to me.

AN: Chapter Twenty! Only the epilogue after this. -tear- Actually, I don't care much for how this chapter ends, seems too short, but I didn't want to prolong that scene either. x.x Meh. I might go back later if I get more inspiration and do some work on it. For now though, I'll shut up for once, and start the chapter. :D

It'll probably be a few days before I can upload the epilogue, since I haven't started writing it yet, though I do have an idea of what I want to do in it. Cha.

Warning: None.

- Chapter Twenty: Ash's Desperation -

"Come in!" Misty cautiously opened the door, peering in before entering, Brock following her. Delia appeared at the top of the stairs freshly dressed and looking ready for another day. They had walked throughout the day and night, taking stops only when it was of utmost urgency to do so, and then only for a few minutes at a time; they hadn't even stopped to eat, instead fixing sandwiches and chewing on them while they moved through the forested areas. "Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you!"

After being giving hugs from the woman, they sat together in the living room, awkwardly looking around. "Well...um...where is..." Misty started, and Delia shook her head.

"I don't know. When I got up I went to check on him, and he'd already gotten up and ran off. I wish he'd stop doing that, it worries me." Brock and Misty exchanged uneasy looks, then glanced at Delia. She forced a strained smile. "Are you two hungry? I can make breakfast while we talk."

Putting her hands up to refuse, the redhead shot the dark man a sharp look; she fell into peels of laughter with them when his stomach growled, and they drifted off to the kitchen for the discussion they needed to have. "So what exactly happened?" Brock asked, propping his head up on his hands, watching Delia rush around to prepare a decent brunch for the new arrivals.

"I wasn't there, to be honest." she admitted, cracking eggs over the skillet, and then turning to look at him. Misty sat down across the table from him, and turned to face the older woman. "But from what Ash said, it involved an old friend of his. Carina, I believe."

Misty wrinkled her nose in thought. "I don't remember him ever mentioning a Carina before." Brock rose an eyebrow.

"I don't think he would." the chief said, flipping the eggs around, "He wasn't exactly all that thrilled with her when he left to become a Pokemon Trainer. Mainly that she was a little more...emotionally developed then he was, if you know what I mean."

They stared. "She had a crush on him?" Brock remarked dryly, "And I take it Ash didn't take to the thought so well?"

"Oh, he didn't take to it at all. When she wanted a little too much attention from him, Ash ended up telling her that once he was a Master that he'd marry her..the poor thing didn't even know what that was. What with how his father was always at the lab with Sam, or off in the fields, or at work, neither of us considered that we should talk to him about it...we never thought it'd be brought up at such a young age." Delia frowned. "I just found out about that too. I knew he wasn't happy with her, but not exactly why. I never could figure out what happened between them until he told me the other day."

"Wait, when has everything happened that happened recently?" It was Misty that posed the question, and Delia put the spatula down that she was using to stir the pancake batter.

"Well, let's see...it was probably 4 or so days ago this thing with Carina started again, that night I talked to Ash, then he ended up staying out all night. That morning May went out looking for him and I guess they stayed together all day because it was nighttime again by the time they got back." Delia had to think hard to keep everything straight in her head. "Then the that next day May went to the lab to help her grandfather – Sam, of course – and then Ash left a few minutes later to go talk to Carina I think. It was a good few hours later when he came back home, terribly upset, seemed to have a problem trying to stay calm long enough to explain what happened."

"Which was?" both gym leaders asked, and Delia shrugged.

"He said he had gone to talk to her, and it went well enough except for the obvious issue of her being a...uh...well, he used a few choice words I rather not repeat." Her face fell. "Said she wouldn't take no for an answer. Then he said she had the nerve to kiss him, and come to find out May had been right there within sight of all of it when that happened."

"Aw, shit..." the male leader said, as Misty pursed her lips. Delia continued her story, pouring the batter onto another skillet.

"I ended up keeping him home an hour or two, making sure he was alright and everything, then he went out looking again. Came back around 10, 11 at night, but was going to go back out until I made him go to bed. He'd already lost a night's sleep and I didn't want him losing another one so soon after the first. So that's when I called you. I ended up repeating the process with Ash again yesterday, then...well, you can see what happened. I'm surprised you got here so quick. I expected it to take three or four days for you to arrive...I'm happy you made it."

"We travel fast," Misty replied vaguely, then waved a hand, "Where's he looked?"

"Where hasn't Ash looked? He's been asking anyone and everyone if they know anything, combing over the town, the fields, the forest...even by the ocean!" the brunette said, frowning as she piled the food onto plates, and put them on the table. She went about getting silverware. "If he keeps this up, he's going to get sick. Yesterday I had to get Pikachu to bring him back so he'd have lunch, then the same for dinner and to go to bed."

"He didn't do that in Nara when she was taken by that one woman," Misty commented, picking at her food quietly. Brock shook his head, thanking Delia for the wonderful meal as he drenched his pancakes in syrup.

"Ash also knew right where she was and who she was with, even if he didn't like it and knew it wasn't the safest place for her." the breeder pointed out, "This time he has no clue what's happened, where she ran off to, or if she's alright. That's probably what is killing him inside the most."

"I was hoping that if you two were here, that...that he'd be a bit calmer about this. It scares me knowing that Ash is off running around alone while...while he's..." Delia seemed to be struggling for the right words, as she chewed on her tongue thoughtfully. She winced. "While he's so...unstable."

"We can imagine," Misty murmured. She remembered just how emotionally torn the teenager easily became; she had woken up more times then she wished to on their journey from Wicker City to Nara Pass, either because of hearing Ash crying or yelling in his sleep. Sighing, they glanced at each other sadly. "How can we if he keeps running around and staying away from here? Should we go look for him?"

"No, Pikachu should be threatening a Thunderbolt if he doesn't come back here to eat soon." Delia smiled wanly. "I just wish it wasn't like this."

"So do I. And if Ash had listened-" Brock cut her off before she could start, giving her a look that spoke volumes.

"Misty! Do you honestly think he needs a 'I told you so!' right about now?" he snapped, and Misty leaned back, her eyebrows raising in surprise. "We came to help, not to make things worse." Delia stared between them in confusion.

"If he had listened, this never would have happened!"

"He also wouldn't have found out what it was like knowing exactly who he wanted to marry, either!" Misty and Delia stared him, their faces showing their shock. Brock frowned. "What?"

"My little boy...Ash...he wants to get married?" the older woman asked.

"To May?" Misty added in amazement. Brock nodded slowly, his frown deepening.

"He never told you two?" They shook their heads, and he blanched. "Damn. I thought he would have for sure. He was so excited when he mentioned it to me, like he'd just been given the greatest gift anyone could ever give."

"All this time, while I was trying to pull him back to keep him safe...Ash was..." Misty started, a small smile forming on her face, and Brock finished the statement.

"Doing what he has always done since we met each other." he said, mirroring her expression, "Followed the orders of his own heart and mind."

- - -

"Pikapi..." Pikachu's ears bent back sadly, as he sat back on his hunches. He knew his master wasn't happy; he could see it and feel it down to his very bones. "Ka Pikachu?"

Ash stared silently ahead, his hand on the door, and sighed loudly. "No, I can't. I can't..." Pushing it open, he trudged into the house, his steps heavy as he entered and slammed the door shut behind him after Pikachu had bounded past him.

"Oh, you're back!" Delia said, and Ash looked at her dully, "Any luck this time?"

He scowled, giving her the answer without having to say a word. The anger vanished when he saw his two friends sitting on the couch, and he looked away. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked quietly, plopping down into a chair, his legs hanging over the arm of it.

"We got a call saying you might need some help doing a Search and Find...or some cheerleaders, I wasn't quite sure because Misty was the one that explained it to me," Brock said, getting an elbow in the side from the redhead as she snarled, and Ash smiled weakly at them. "Really, we just heeded the call for our presence."

"Pika!" The small yellow pokemon jumped onto the breeder's lab, getting his ears scratched for doing so. Misty looked at Ash thoughtfully as he watched them back. "Chuuuu..."

"How're you holding up so far?" she asked gently, and Ash shrugged nonchalantly, "Mrs. Ketchum told us what happened. Is there anything we can do?"

"No." The blunt, cold answer caught the attention of both Gym Leaders, and they looked at him in confusion. "There isn't anything you can do I haven't tried already. I've looked everywhere. I can't contact May, I can't get a hold of Vanika and Silvanus...I even tried her birth mother, and she said she didn't know anything either."

Frustration showing on his face, Ash stood and started pacing, mumbling under his breath, then slammed a fist into the wall. "Dammit, if she hadn't taken Surskit with her, I could have used him!" he growled.

"Surskit?" the redheaded girl echoed. He nodded, pressing his forehead against the wall, and sighed.

"I gave her a Surskit." He heard Delia make a disapproving sound, and turned his head to look at her apologetically. "Sorry, Mom."

"Ash, I...don't think May has her pokemon with her," she said, and he pushed himself away from the wall, regarding her critically. Delia put her hands in front of her, clasped together. "When she went to the lab, he wasn't following her, and I didn't see that the poke ball was with her either."

"Have you seen it anywhere?" Brock asked, and Ash frowned, looking towards the staircase, and shook his head. "Let's try finding her Surskit. That might be a bit easier then trying anything else."

- - -

"I found it!" Holding the small orb in her hands, Misty looked it over. She knew it had to be the elusive pokemon; Ash had his pokemon with him, and all of the empty poke balls were in his bag, which had been tossed into a corner to be forgotten. When he peeked his head into the smaller bedroom, she let the spider out, and yelped when it jumped over her to get to Ash.

"Yes! Surskit!" The water and bug type crept onto his head, long legs hanging down either side of his face, and he smiled. "Think you could find May?"

"Skitsu?" The pokemon bounced once. "Skit!" Laughing happily – Misty had a feeling that was probably foreign sounding considering how little he did of it – Ash raced out, taking to the staircase, two or three steps at a time.

"Ash, wait!" Brock yelled, and was met by the sound of the front door slamming. "Should we go after him?"

Misty met him at the stairs as Delia peered up at them. "No." she said, "I think it'd be best if we left this to him. If he's going to find May,it's going to be now, and us being there is just going to make things harder for them."

- - -

"Surskit! Come on, be serious here!" Ash sighed. The spider had led him in circles; first it went to the lab – which had been awkward to explain to Professor Oak, without causing any more alarm then there was already – then to the southern edge of town, back around to the lab, then finally into the small housing district that... "Wait, what're we doing over here? May's mom's house is over here."

"Skeeeeet!" Ash saw another form scramble toward the tall house, and he slowly started in their direction as the pokemon ran that way. "Shit, not her again. Surskit, let's take a different-"

"Ash..." Carina turned away from the door, her hand still up at the bell, and frowned as he neared. "Is everything alright? You look pale."

"Oh, just peachy." he said sarcastically, and he could see that she was preparing herself for the rest of the reply, "I've only been trying to find my girlfriend who went missing on me because a certain someone got her upset by forcing a certain issue. Why, Carina, I'm just grand!"

She eyed Pikachu as electricity crackled at the red cheeks, and then glanced at Surskit as he clung to Ash's ankle. "I...take it you haven't found her yet?" she asked politely, and the aggravated Pokemon Master slapped a hand against his forehead.

"No shit. You think I'd be here if I had?" Seeing that no one was answering the door, Ash quickly rapped his knuckles on it impatiently. "What's it to you anyway?"

"I was just wondering." Carina wrung her hands together as he sat down on the step, propping his head up in his cupped hand and staring at the street sadly. Surskit hid between his feet as she sat next to him. "Why do you love her?"

"Why do you love me?" Ash retorted, silencing her for a moment. Carina looked away quickly, knowing it wasn't going to be as easy as Gary made it sound to get him to open up.

"I don't know. I just do."

"You have my answer." Pikachu snickered.

"Well..." Carina sniffed, forcing her own misery back. "What's so special about that girl?" Ash looked at her sideways, as she glanced at him; he laughed quietly, harshly.

"A lot of things," he said, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket, and frowned. "A lot of things..." Petting Surskit, Ash shook his head.

"Like what?" she asked. She knew it was breaking her heart to listen to him talk about another girl, but she felt something else behind it; she just wasn't sure what it was yet. Ash shrugged, staring off into the sky as he tinged pink.

"I don't know...a lot of things. Like how if she wants to play or go somewhere, she'll get my attention then run off, then keep repeating the same thing until I get the hint and follow her." Blinking away the offending tears, Ash sighed, his eyes narrowing. Carina had gone quiet, watching him as guilt started building up inside of her.

"I don't think Miss Donna is home..." Carina tentatively took hold of his hand and squeezed it, getting a scowl from him. "You'll find her."

Seeing the top of the lab building, Ash looked at her quickly. "Who put you up to it?" he asked suddenly, and Carina blinked in confusion, "Who told you about my rank in Nara?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, and Ash rolled his eyes; even Surskit seemed unimpressed with her ignorance.

"I mean," Ash said, his voice saying that he was not happy with her act, "who talked you into bringing that damn promise up now? I know you weren't this stubborn before." Carina looked away, closing her eyes.

"A friend of mine was telling me about it is all. I'd been looking forward to it for years." It was the truth, after all, even if it wasn't the full story. Carina chewed on her lip when she heard him stand up. She had to suppress the yelp she nearly let out when he pulled her up by her sleeve.

"Carina," he said slowly, "I need to know who told you. It's important." She stared at him, seemingly trying to figure out whether it was safe to or not, then nodded.

"The guy we used to go to school with. Gary." Ash felt anger at his old rival, realizing he had been right to assume that he had been behind the whole thing. "He told me about it, and suggested that I go talk to you. When I said I would, he mentioned about needing to make sure his sister was around. I hadn't even known he had one until then."

"Well, he does, and he hates her more then you can believe." Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ash sighed loudly. "Carina, no offense, but you're an idiot. Do you even realize he's been using you this whole time?"

She ran a hand through her hair to get it out of her face. "I don't know," Carina admitted as Pikachu jumped onto Ash's shoulder, and Surskit took off toward the edge of town. She watched it go as he turned to follow.

"Well, whatever you do, stop listening to him. He's one spiteful son of a bitch, and I'd rather not have to actually end up hating you for pulling crap like you've been doing recently." Going into a fast sprint, Ash followed the searching pokemon.

Carina smiled sadly. "Thank you, Ash...Good luck."

- - -

Surskit skid to a stop at the forest edge, surveying the area. "Piiikachu?" the electric type asked, hunching down when the spider leaped forward into the trees.

"Wait, hold on! You move faster then I do!" Ash ran past his starter – who had to go into a quick trot to keep up – and into the underbrush, keeping an arm up to protect his face from any branches that hung in front of him. Surskit leaped and ran ahead, taking sharp turns and changing directions. "Dammit, I won't be able to follow him much longer if he keeps that up."

"Hang on a minute! SURSKIT!" he yelled when the creature disappeared, leaving him alone in the forest. "That little bastard. He's supposed to be helping, not making life harder on me. Yeesh."

"Chu!" Pikachu rolled his eyed, and pointed in the direction they had been following for almost twenty minutes. "Pika, pi, pikachu!"

"Yeah, we have been going this way for awhile, haven't we?" Ash said quietly, "I guess we just keep going then, and see if we find anything. It's kinda like looking for a wild pokemon, isn't it?"

"Pi." Ash shoved his hands in his pockets, looking around as he picked his way through the tangle of roots and bushes. "Pikapika! Pikapika!"

There was a rustling, and Ash spun around to see something silver flash past, disappearing into a clump of trees. "Silvanus," he whispered, and took after him at a trot, shouting after him, "Silvanus, wait! Waaait!"

Realizing that he had once again lost his only chance of finding May, he growled. "Dammit." Stomping his foot angrily, Ash glared at his companion, who was laughing quite loudly at his apparent frustration and aimed a kick at the pokemon. Pikachu dodged out of the way, cheeks sparking, and sent a jolt of electricity through his master.

"Pikachu! Pikapi, pika, chuuuuuuuu!" The mouse's ears went back, eyes flashing, and he advanced on the bemused human. It was then that Ash's eyes widened, and he waved his hands in front of him in surrender, turning from his friend.

"Wait, wait, wait! That's it!" Looking around the silent forest, hugging himself when he started feeling nervousness creeping up, Ash took a breath, hoping that the hunch he had would prove correct. "May! I know you are around here somewhere, even if I somehow can't seem to find you! I know you're upset, and I know you're probably angry at me, but please, just hear me out!"

Pikachu tilted his head questioningly, wondering what Ash knew that he didn't. "Even if you don't want to come out, just...just listen! I was trying to fix everything, I really was! Even if...even if it didn't look like it. What you saw...I swear that I wasn't asking for that to happen. I hadn't even expected her to attempt something like that!" He swallowed. "May, your brother was behind the whole thing. I don't know why, and I have a feeling I don't want to know, but he was the one that told Carina about me. He was why she got us into this whole mess!"

"I'm sorry, May! I'm sorry..." Getting choked up, Ash sank to his knees, blinking to stop the tears that were painfully starting to fall, and failing. "None of this should have happened! I should have taken care of all this crap before you'd gotten involved and gotten hurt, I shouldn't have given either of them the chance to do this to us..."

Pikachu patted the sobbing teenager on the leg with his paw. "Pikapika, chuuuu..."

- - -

May curled into a ball, her arms around her legs, and she squeezed her eyes shut. The shouts sounded like they were close by, and she shook her head. "Suuur?" her pokemon asked.

He had managed to find her amongst the greenery, and had happily taken to sprawling out next to her quietly. Vanika's eyes rose up, softening when May started crying. Go, she urged her, prodding her with a claw, you need each other.

Silvanus snorted, rolling his eyes; he didn't remark, however, not when he knew he had no right to with how he had purposely drawn Ash's attention in the right direction. May felt her face warm up. "I don't know..." she said quietly. Vanika swung her head to look in the direction that she knew the Master was at. Has there ever been a reason to doubt him before? she asked, and May shook her head, Then why would there be now?

"What about Carina?" May pointed out, and Vanika shrugged. What of her? She doesn't matter now. What matters is that you have to do what you have to do.

Leaning her head back against the tree behind her, May let out a breath, and nodded. Ugh. We'll be right there. Silvanus said as she rose, and him and Vanika vanished into the undergrowth. May looked at Surskit, wiping her eyes, before fighting her way through the brambles and trees, her mouth set in a thin line as she tried to get a control on herself.

"...Chuuuu..." May slid back behind a tree, her back pressed against it, and waited in silence, torn between running in the opposite direction or comforting her sniffling lover; she could hear Ash gasping as he tried to stem the flow of tears, and it alone bad her want to crawl back to her hiding spot and wail painfully. "Chu, pi..."

Mentally slapping herself, she stepped out from around the giant plant, carefully and silently walking toward the huddled form, her own emotions powerfully pressing on her, causing her eyes to sting and water to spill out again. "Ash..." she said meekly, crouching down and hugging him from behind, her cheek pressing against his shoulder blades. "I'm sorry."

Ash visibly relaxed, falling backwards and farther into her embrace. "May," he said wearily, closing his eyes in relief, "Thank the gods." He twisted to pull her in front of him, holding onto her tightly.

"I'm sorry," May repeated, nuzzling him. The familiar scent of his cologne and sweat brought about a small amount of comfort to her.

"No." He wiped her tears away with his thumb. "You didn't...you'd didn't do anything wrong." May shook her head.

"I hurt you again!" She looked at him.

"No, you didn't." Fumbling to hold her hands in his, he frowned. "If anything, I'm the one that did the hurting. I said I'd protect you, but then it's because of me all of this hell started."

Shaking his head, Ash glanced at her, determination flashing in his dark eyes. "What do you want to do?" he asked, and May blinked, confusion showing on her face, "Name it."

Wondering if Vanika and Silvanus were prowling around, May eased over onto the waiting man's lap, letting him put his arms around her protectively and warmly. "I want to go home," she replied quietly.

Knowing exactly were home was, he gently kissed her on the lips. "I think that can be arranged," Ash said, smiling contently.