Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN CRAYOLA OR HARRY POTTER! THIS IS BASED ON A WEIRD DREAM! DO NOT BECOME OFFENDED BY IT IN ANY WAY! If you're gonna criticize say it nicely. Don't be rude! This is my first Harry Potter Dream I bothered to put on Tell me if it was funny or stupid or just plain creepy please! Now on with the story!
...............ZOMBIES!............
It was summer and Harry was at The Order of The Phoenix's headquarters. His sixth year in Hogwarts would start in a week. Ron was upstairs playing Exploding Snap with the twins. Harry was still groggy from staying all night torturing the portrait of Sirius' mother. It actually was a bit fun.
Harry was in the kitchen eating some dry toast that Hermione had made for him. She at the moment was making eggs. Hermione had an odd past time. Cooking.
Remus walked in, he had stayed up all night helping him torture Sirius' mother and was obviously sleepy too.
"Ug?" Harry asked.
"Ug," Remus replied.
Hermione raised an eyebrow at this.
"Ug… mmmmmmmnnnnnnn," Harry moaned.
Remus nodded. "Mnnnnn."
Hermione just stared worriedly at both of them.
A nasty disgusting smell entered the room…
Remus suddenly became wide awake, "What the hell is that smell?!"
Apparently it had the same affect on Harry, "I don't know."
"Eww! Was that you Remus?!" Hermione said waving her hand in front of her nose.
The kitchen door slowly creaked opened… and in popped a… ZOMBIE!
"OH MY GOD A ZOMBIE!" Remus yelled as he grabbed his coat.
Amazingly enough that ZOMBIE was SIRIUS! O.o!
Harry yelled, "IT'S SIRIUS THE ZOMBIE!"
"OH GOD!" screamed Hermione. "YOU CAN'T FIGHT ZOMBIES WITH MAGIC!"
"You fight ZOMBIES with CRAYONS!" Remus began laughing insanely as he pulled out a box of crayons out of his coat.
Sirius the ZOMBIE yelled, "OH NO! CRAYONS! I mean uh… arggggggggggggggggg!!"
"OH NO! IT'S AN EDUCATED ZOMBIE!" Harry yelled and began crying.
"Why are you crying?" Hermione asked as she gave her friend a hug.
"Because that means I can't try to kill it with the crayon," Harry wailed as the crayon in his hand broke.
"SIRIUS!" Remus yelled as he tackled his friend. "You realize you smell like a decaying dead thingy, right?"
"Uh… I'm a ZOMBIE, what did you expect?" Sirius the ZOMBIE said. "Aren't you gonna attack me with crayons?"
"Nooooooooooooooo," Remus said with a very evil looking smile.
"Professor Lupin, it's illegal to rape ZOMBIES!" Hermione announced.
Remus frowned, "I didn't say I was gonna rape the ZOMBIE. Why would I do that?"
"You're not?" Sirius the ZOMBIE looked very sad.
"No, I'm not gonna rape you, I'm gonna have sex with you!" Remus had a stupid smile on his face.
"But that's just about the same thing!" Harry yelled. "I WANT TO KILL THE ZOMBIE WITH CRAYONS!"
That comment made Sirius the ZOMBIE look unhappier. "It's bad enough that I'm a dead thingy and I smell like a rotting thingy but now Harry doesn't love me!" He started crying.
"You'll have to forgive Harry," Hermione said. "He's been on something since Cho broke up with him."
"I RESENT THAT!" Harry yelled.
Sirius the ZOMBIE kept on crying, "I don't wanna get attacked by my godson with CRAYONS!"
Remus hugged him, "It'll be okay. I won't let him get you with crayons."
"Hold me," Sirius the ZOMBIE said clinging onto Remus like a four year old.
"NO GAY SEX IN THE KITCHEN!" Hermione roared.
Sirius the ZOMBIE and Remus stared at her like she was insane.
"What? That's been a rule since Dumbledore stuck us all here," Hermione said. She pointed at a sign.
The sign read:
Kitchen Rules:
ABSOLUTELY NO SEX OF ANY KIND!
NO PAPERCLIPS!
NO KITTENS!
DON'T PEE IN THE POOL!
NO TOILETS!
ALL POTATOES MUST BE NON-MAGICAL!
NO LIVE UTENSILS!
NO STRIPING!
NO MUSIC!!!!!!!
NO DANCING SOCKS!
AND ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION!!!!!!!!
"I never noticed that," Remus said.
"Me too," Sirius the ZOMBIE said. "And to think I used to live here."
"Used to?" asked Remus.
"Well… technically since I am adead thingyI don't have to live here. I actually live on Pluto!" Sirius the ZOMBIE smiled proudly.
"Can I go visit you? I've always wanted to go to PLUTO!" Hermione said.
"No little boys allowed," Sirius the ZOMBIE said.
"I'm a girl!" Hermione yelled.
"Are you sure?" Harry asked.
Hermione looked down her pants, "Yup!"
"Okay," Sirius the ZOMBIE said. "But you have to be a ZOMBIE!"
"But I'm not a ZOMBIE!" Hermione looked sad.
"I guess that means I can't go either," Harry said looking sad.
"Well… I could eat your brains and turn you into ZOMBIES," Sirius the ZOMBIE said with a smile. He smugly said, "Braaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnns!"
"No thank you," Hermione said. "It just so happens that I like my brain!"
"I like my brain too," Harry said pointing to his head.
"I don't!" Remus said waving his hand around. "PICK ME!"
"But you're a werewolf, you can't be a ZOMBIE werewolf, it wouldn't make any sense," Sirius the ZOMBIE said.
Remus started crying.
Harry and Hermione stared.
"I WANNA BE A ZOMBIE!" Remus screamed. It echoed throughout the house.
All the sudden Snape leaped in holding a CRAYON RAY GUN!
"DID I HEAR ZOMBIE?!" He looked around and gasped as he saw Sirius the ZOMBIE! "GO TO PLUTO ZOMBIE!" Snape screamed as he zapped Sirius the ZOMBIE with his CRAYON RAY GUN.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remus and Sirius the ZOMBIE yelled.
In a big Crayola Colorful Cloud of smoke Sirius the ZOMBIE went POOF and disappeared back to Pluto.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remus continued yelling.
Snape slapped Remus, "SHUT UP! I need to make my victory speech!"
Remus glared, "HE WASN'T AN EVIL UNEDUCATED ZOMBIE! HE WAS SIRIUS THE ZOMBIE!" he yelled.
"Oops," Snape said.
Remus let out a low growl.
"I think you should start running now Professor," Harry whispered.
Snape ran out the door followed by a very pissed werewolf. Snape wasn't seen again until months later. He was found babbling about Crayons.
………….ZOMBIES………….
I know it was insane and stupid. I have weird dreams. I figured I'd stick it here just for the fun of it. BE WARNED THIS WAS WRITTEN AT 11:00 AT NIGHT! O.o! I AM SO ZONED OUT RIGHT NOW!
Sirius the ZOMBIE: SHE IS ACTING LIKE A ZOMBIE!
Silent Eyes: (frowning) I am not a ZOMBIE.
Sirius the ZOMBIE: Yes you are.
Snape: ZOMBIES!!!! (Zaps both with CRAYON RAY GUN)
Silent Eyes and Sirius the ZOMBIE disappear in big Crayola Colorful Cloud of smoke.
AT PLUTO…
Silent Eyes: Uhh… I guess that means I am a ZOMBIE.
Sirius the ZOMBIE: I TOLD YOU SO!
Silent Eyes: O.o Whatever.
