Just to Breathe
~Fujin's Story~
Chapter Six
The Colors of the Wind
I began notching the days that passed onto a large oak with one of Shuriken's blades. Every morning Raijin would bring me a hot do, a food I came to love. Once, I inquired how he got so many hot dogs out of the school, and he laughed, "I'm friends with one of the cafeteria workers, ya know?"
Just as well, he always had something to teach me about fighting, or what became known to me as Balamb Garden. "After you've finished all of your training, you can take the SeeD exam." I took all of this in as I ate. "First you have to take a written test, which is rumored to be really, really hard. If you pass, you take the field exam. It's usually a highly supervised mission. They send real SeeDs along, in case any of the nominees mess up. Seifer and I can't wait to take the test, ya know?" He always tacked that phrase on when he became excited. "We'll pass it with flying colors, ya know? I just know we will!"
I nodded, a small smile touching my lips. I knew he'd pass the exam, I was certain of it, but a small part of me wished that I could be there, passing right along with him. I shrugged the thought away, and gulped down the last of my hot dog. "Ready?" I asked him, and he always was. From there we'd wander the plains of between Balamb and the Garden, training against monsters in the time he had before classes.
While Raijin was in school, I would sit alone under the shade of the trees. From time to time, I'd meet up with what Raijin taught me were Bite Bugs, or Geezards, but if I came across anything else, as he'd instructed me to, I ran. "You're not ready yet, ya know? Someday you will be, probably soon, but not yet, ya know?"
Most of the time I'd polish my Shuriken with my blanket until it gleamed like the sun itself. Other times I would work on my speech, though no matter how perfect the words were in my mind, they never left my mouth that way.
In the evenings, Raijin would bring me another meal, usually another hot dog. He was never able to stay very long because of a curfew, but commonly stretched out the visit as long as he could. He hated leaving me in the forest alone over night, and every day he begged me to return to the Garden with him. Everyday, though, I had to refuse his offer. I just couldn't go…sometimes I'd stay awake all night, waiting for something to sneak upon me. Other times I would try to keep one eye open until the very second I fell into sleep.
Once, in the woods, I dreamed that an infinitely large monster attacked me. I tried and tried to get away from it, but it was some how holding onto me. I attempted to fight, but it ripped my face off. Just as the world began to become a red mess, I woke up. I didn't scream because Mother had taught me not to, and I could have sworn I had that nightmare before, except it had been mother that had ripped off my face…but I didn't understand why!
I sat up all night, until the first breath of dawn lighted over the clouds. If Mother was reaching out to me in my dreams, I was determined not to give in…no matter what form she took on.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
On the day of the fifteenth notch, Raijin didn't come as usual in the morning. My first instinct was that he had been delayed, and I sat waiting for him, blanket draped over me for shelter, my eyes peeled on the road. A sufficient amount of time came and went, but still he did not come. He would be mid-way through his classes, and still I was sitting alone. My stomach groaned, reminding me of my days in the basement with little to no food. I looked longingly towards Balamb…could I make the journey on my own?
When the sun was mid-way over the sky, I had just about given up on Raijin. Stretching my legs, I made a decision… I would go to Balamb, by myself. The walk was much longer without Raijin's babbling company. The city loomed before me. The colors were everything I had ever dreamed of.
Passing the weapons shop where I had gotten my shuriken, I noticed a father teaching his son how to ride a tricycle. Seeing this sent a pang through me, and I turned away, though one eye remained on them. Further down the road, a young, pregnant woman at the city's hotel was bringing in the mail to her husband. She failed to notice me as I crept by, watching as he first hugged her before she could hold the mail hostage, persuading him to kiss her. My heart stung.
I let the salt on the breeze lead me to the dock, and seated myself where I could stare out at Dollet. From a distance the scene appeared to be nothing more than browns and grays…natural colors. I wondered of the rainbow that the distance of the ocean hid from me; of the squealing, happy children in reds, and the worried, yet warm parents in yellows. How I missed the colors of my life…
I sat gazing at Dollet for quite awhile, forgetting momentarily of the hunger that was clawing at my stomach. I wondered if there were any mothers there that were like mine had been. I wondered if their children had names, or maybe numbers. Where they just 'boy' or 'girl,' like I had been?
"Are you waiting for someone?" A voice behind me interrupted my inner monologue, causing me to startle, and jump. My muscles tensed, and I was afraid to turn around. Who's eyes would I gaze into? Surely they could not be the evil eyes of Mother…
"Miss?" The voice spoke again, "Is everything all right?"
"Yes," I snapped, a little more harshly than I had meant. I took a moment to calm myself, and then spoke again, softer. "I'm…fine."
The tapping sound of footsteps warned me that the woman was coming closer. "It's a beautiful view, isn't it?"
Curious, I glanced up at her, as she stood beside me, looking out over the water. She was a heavy-set woman with a long, brown mop of hair tied at the nape of her neck. To me she was beautiful. Mother had never appeared so simply…motherly. When I didn't answer, she glanced down at me. "Is there anything you need?" As if on cue, my stomach chose that moment to growl furiously, and the woman laughed from deep in her belly. "Why don't you come with me, and I'll get you something to eat?"
I started to refuse her, instinctively afraid that she would send me back, but something in her eyes made me stop. They were a warm, soft brown, and there was nothing jagged or unkind about them. My stomach lurched again, and I finally gave in. "Okay," my voice was hardly more than a whisper.
The woman offered me her hand, but I stood shakily on my own. "My name's Maureen," she told me. "Maureen Dincht, but everyone just calls me Ma. What's your name?"
"Fujin," I spoke softly, still untrusting my own abilities to speak more than one word at a time.
"Fujin," she repeated. "That's a pretty name."
I thought so too, but I did not tell her this. I followed her back up the hill, passed the hotel, and down the stairs, into her house. "This is my home," Maureen told me. "It's not much, but home is were the heart is, and this is were my heart belongs." She beamed at me as she stepped into the kitchen. "I haven't cooked many big meals since my son left for school, but he visits from time to times on the weekends. Just yesterday he came home, and we had a big feast. Do you like turkey?" I nodded, not even sure what turkey was, but willing to try it. "It's lonely sometimes, with Clayton always off at work, and my son away at school, but I find that as long as I keep them in my heart, I am never alone."
"Your son?" I liked hearing her talk, and I wanted to hear more.
"Zell," she told me. "He's probably just about your age. He lives at Balamb Garden, and he's training to be a SeeD special militia someday. It's his dream to be a great protector of Balamb city."
"Garden," I repeated, recognizing the term. "My friend…goes there."
"Really? What's his name? Perhaps he's a friend of Zell's." She never once took her eyes away from her cooking.
"Raijin," I told her, though I didn't know if there was any name that accompanied it.
Mrs. Dincht raised her eyebrows at the mention of Raijin's name. "Raijin, eh?" she chuckled to herself. "I've heard a lot about him and that pal of his…Seifer Almasy."
I wanted to ask her what she had heard; I wanted to know if Zell was a friend of Raijin's, but Mrs. Dincht had handed me a plate of food that smelled just wonderful. "Eat up, deary," she smiled softly. "You're thin as a rail." And so I ate every morsel. I've never since tasted anything quite as wonderful.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Do you need anything else?"
I had finished eating and was exploring the Dincht family room with great eagerness. Shaking my head in answer, I continued to examine the black box that was a television, much larger than the one my own mother had slaved in front of. When Mrs. Dincht laid a hand on my shoulder, I practically jumped out of my skin, but she tightened her hold. "Fujin," I remained silent and tense under her grip. "If you need anything, anything at all: clothes, food, a place to stay…"
I shook my head vigorously, afraid to accept the offer, even though her tone indicated that she meant me no harm.
She sighed, "You know where you can find me if you change your mind." She gave my shoulder one last squeeze before letting go. I reached up to rub at it, being that my skin had been rather tender recently. "Now then," her voice was cheery again, much like Raijin's was. "Do you like cards?"
"Cards?" I carefully sounded out the word, committing it to my memory. Mrs. Dincht nodded, producing a pack of small, picture-looking rectangles. I took them gingerly, and examined the first card I saw… It was a geezard! I glanced back up at Mrs. Dincht, interested.
"You've never played Triple Triad?" she asked, and I shook my head no. A smile spread across her face. "Well, then," she sat down, motioning for me to sit across from her. "We'll just have to do something about that."
That day I received my very first set of Triple Triad cards. By the time I left the Dincht house, my hair had been washed and braided, a full stomach, and I had been thoroughly beaten ten times in the game. Because Mrs. Dincht had a good heart, she let me keep the cards I should have lost to her, which amounted to pretty much all of my set.
When I stepped outside, the sun was on its way down. Raijin would be at the forest if he were to be coming for an evening visit. I held the cards safely against my chest as I ran down the road, out of Balamb. Rain began to fall.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
By the time I reached the forest, I was soaked through to the bone. Raijin pulled me into an intense bear hug when he found me, and I felt my skin bruising underneath his bulging arms. "I was so worried, ya know? I meant to come by in the morning…where did you go?"
I smiled weakly up him, suddenly very tired from my journey. "Where did you go?" he repeats, just then noticing the long braid that ran down my back. He toyed with it curiously.
"Balamb," I whisper, barely able to keep my eyes open.
"It's raining," Raijin tells me, softly, and I nod.
"I know."
He sighs, gently. "Will you come back?" I do not answer him, but he understands my silence. He draws me into another hug, gentler this time, attempting to shield me from the rain. "I worry about you, ya know?" I nod against the huge bulk of his muscled chest. Timidly, I wrap my arms around him, taking comfort in his warmth. "I'll stay with you tonight," Raijin informs me. "I'll get in trouble with Garden, but that's okay, ya know? I can't leave you out here in the rain by yourself."
I start to tell him I'll be fine, but he clamps his hand over my mouth and cuts me off. Finding the blanket under the bush that served as its protector, Raijin laid it out on the grass under the storm clouds. "Not exactly safe, really, but we can't be under the trees, ya know?"
We lay on the blanket together, our shoulders touching only because he takes up so much space, and watch the pink lightning on the horizon. The sky above us is a vast empty blackness, crying raindrops that kiss our faces. For along time I lay away, even as Raijin succumbs to snoring. Eventually the sound pulls me down with it, into a warm, fluffy blackness… and I sleep peacefully for the first time since my escape.
[End Chapter Six]
