Just to Breathe
~Fujin's Story~

Chapter Eight
One Eye Open

"I live with my hatred, I live with my jealousy.  I live with the notion that I don't need anyone but me.  Don't drink the water, there's blood in the water." –DMB; "Don't Drink the Water."

Days and nights blurred together, and I stopped notching my tree.  Seifer and Raijin visited me daily.  We stuck together; we were a posse.  We fished, we swam, and we ate Friday lunches in Balamb.  They taught me fighting skills and ways to mask my fear.  Raijin brought me Triple Triad cards and taught me the names of different monsters.  We played a game or two, and I always won; Seifer never played.  I watched the two of them spar, and observed their tactics.  Raijin told me jokes ("Why did the chicken cross the road, ya know?"), and Seifer picked on me.  I tried to prove myself to them every day, and they began to mold me into a new person.

Only one day, a Tuesday, did I venture to Balamb alone to visit Ma Dincht. "You look different," she told me.

"How?" I asked, in my soft-spoken, one-word usual.

Smiling, her features softened as she reached up to touch my cheek.  It took every ounce of strength into me not to instinctively flinch.  "You're more confident.  You look more sure of yourself."

I smiled, full of glee and pride, and she laughed as she continued, "You're still skinny as a rail, and filthy!"  Slightly embarrassed, I ducked my face, but she only chuckled again as she started away.  "Come, I'll draw you a warm bath, and while you wash, I will fix you something for lunch."

It was the last visit I ever made to the Dincht house that I can see clearly.  The colors, the scents…the cheer.  She braided my hair as I gulped down her specialty stew.  I thought carefully and asked about her son.

"He's a bit rambunctious," she informed me.  "Tall, blonde, spunky.  Just recently got into skating."  She tied off the braid with an elastic band, and then moved to refill my bowl.  "He puts his heart into everything," she continued, "And he's fiercely loyal.  He'll defend anything he believes in.  Got himself into quite a few fights defending himself," she sighed as she sat down across from me.  "Always getting into trouble, but that's my boy."

I wanted to meet him, I decided.  They mythical Zell Dincht…would I be able to guess if it was him I saw walking down the road towards Balamb?

I lost two games of Triple Triad before I wisely decided to quit.  "Your game has improved," she told me with a wink, "You're quick with numbers."  I was mostly pleased because I hadn't studied in such a long time.  She sent me on my way out of Balamb two cards poorer than I had come in with, but it didn't bother me at all.  Clean, my hair braided, I felt pretty enough to smile at Seifer.  I hoped he would notice me. 

Then, my ambition to gain acceptance was driven mainly due to my rejection by Mother.  I would do anything and everything to have someone love me.  It filled a hole that lurked in my past, especially when it came to Seifer.  I suppose it was his attitude, his way of putting me down when he meant to pick me up, that reminded me of Mother, and made his acceptance all the more beautiful.  I desired it, craved it.   I thought of him when I woke up in the morning, and before I fell asleep at night…but still, the nightmares plagued me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

         Mother came to me in my sleep that night.  I could feel her hot, whisky breath on my neck, and I cringed.  Girl, she demanded, get your ass up and WORK.  Nothing's getting done around here!  You're so lazy!  There is nothing but punishment for LAZY people!  Do you hear me?  Are you LISTENING?!

         She was on me with her fists and nails, beating and scratching me.  I screamed, unable to fight back.  I began to run, but couldn't.  She held me still; she held me down.  Taking the front of my hair in her hands, she ripped her fist downwards.  My face came off, and hung limply, dangling from her grasp. 

You are an ugly girl!  Do you hear me?!  UGLY!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

         Seifer came to visit me alone on the day after my trip to Balamb.  "Hey," he sauntered up to the forest, gunblade resting on his shoulder as usual.  "You got your hair done."

         "Thanks," I grinned, taking his acknowledgement as a compliment.  "Raijin?"

         "The big oaf got himself sick," Seifer relayed, "So he's takin' the day off.  He asked me to come visit you."  I nodded, only partially disheartened that he hadn't come on his own.   "Anyway," he continued, "Cafeteria workers don't like me so much, so do you wanna go to Balamb for breakfast?  My treat, and I know you wouldn't refuse my hospitality," he added before I could protest. 

         The walk went pretty quickly traveling off of the roads, and Seifer took out nearly every creature we encountered with one blow of his gunblade.  I couldn't figure out if he was showing off, or if he just enjoyed doing the deed himself.  We found a nice little café near the town entrance and made our way inside. 

         "We'll both have the breakfast special, eggs scrambled, toast rye," he ordered for me.  I didn't mind, only because I loved hearing his voice. 

         While we waited for our food, Seifer talked.  He liked hearing his own voice, I decided, and took advantage of the fact.  "Tell me…" I began, concentrating on the words, "about your past."  He simply shrugged, and began his life's story. 

         "Not much to tell, really.  Grew up in an orphanage in Centra.  I was the strongest kid there, so everyone respected me.  I was adopted when I was six, and moved to Timber.  Family didn't like me much, so they put me in another orphanage.  Got passed around a lot after that.  When I was ten I got dropped off at Balamb Garden and met up with Raijin.  Been there ever since.  Balamb's a nice Garden, I guess.  The students are decent enough fighters, but they're no match for me.  Not even Squall."

         The waitress brought our food then, but I was hardly interested in eating.  I leaned towards Seifer, my crimson eyes wide with fascination.  "Squall?"

         "Squall Leonhart," he popped a slice of bacon into his mouth.  "One of Balamb's more promising students.  Stuck up bastard, though.  Thinks he's all that and a bag of chips," chucking, he spread butter on his toast.  "No match for me, though, no sir-ee.  Won't even spar with me.  You know why?"  I shook my head, solemnly.  "'Cause he's afraid of me.  Eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

         "Yes, Ma," I retorted, because it had sounded like something like Ma Dincht would say.  Seifer chuckled as I took a timid bite of my eggs.  "What about," I continued, following the thought.  "Zell Dincht?  Good?"

         "Good?" he laughed more heartily, gulping down the rest of his breakfast.  "Zell's a yellow bellied chicken.  Wusses out of every offer to spar he gets.  Annoying, too.  Really loud and never shuts up.  Admires Squall, though, God only knows why.  Pretty lame if you ask me." 

         Back then I believed that everything Seifer said must be true.  Disappointing as it was, I swallowed the news with the rest of my breakfast. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

         By the time Seifer left I was in a particularly giddy mood.  It was strange how I was so willing to accept his views of the world, without protesting.  I bounced around the forest, Shuriken in hand, trying to come up with ways to impress both him and Raijin.  Carelessly I spun around, laughing.  I felt as if nothing could ever go wrong. 

Then I heard the noise.

The forest leaves seemed to be crunching by themselves.  It made a violent shucking sound that forced me to cringe.  I looked around desperately for something to blame it on.  I got my answer soon enough.

         It towered over me like a pillar.  Beady eyes looked frantically around and then focused on me.  I could almost see what it was thinking.  "Attack!"  I scanned my mind, panic-stricken, for the image of a card that I had stored in my mind. 

         It was a T-Rexaur.  One of the beasts Raijin had warned me about.  Run, he had said.  I tightened my grip on Shuriken and glared up at it.  If I could just take him down, Seifer would be so impressed…

         The moment it snapped at me with it's enormous, powerful jaw, I knew I was in trouble.  I just barely managed to dodge out of the way.  I began to summon Pandemona, though I knew there wouldn't be enough time with the rate at which the T-Rexaur was swiping at me.  I kept dodging his swings and assails, but I was no match for him.  Finally giving in, I turned to run. 

         At first I thought that perhaps I was running in place…but then I felt the pain.  The monster had caught my braid in his teeth!  I pulled hard, flailing my arms as if it might help.  He yanked back and I stumbled.  I heard a rip.  Opening my eyes I began to scream hysterically.   Looming above me was a T-Rexaur with an open jaw, coming straight for my face.

         It was the last thing I saw before my world pitched into blackness. 

[End Chapter Eight]