Just to Breathe
~Fujin's Story~

Chapter Nine
Wake From A Dream

"The quest is to be liberated from the negative, which is really our own will to nothingness.  And once having said yes to the instant, the affirmation is contagious.  It burns into a chain of affirmations that knows no limit.  To say yes to one instant is to say yes to all of existence."  -Waking Life

            She smiled an ivory smile in my direction, the woman in white.  Pale and gentle in appearance, she had the look of a goddess about her.  When I reached out to touch her porcelain skin, she took my hand in both of her own.  A peaceful coolness swept over me.  Here was the place I had been dreaming of my whole life, and I smiled with a happy tear in my eye. 

            She turned me towards a French door, through which I could only see white.  I glanced over my shoulder with confusion on my face to look back at her when she let go of my hand.  "You must go back," she whispered, her voice a musical symphony. 

            "I want to stay," I reached for her again.

            "Someday," touching my cheek, she smiled beautifully.  "But first you must live."

            Shimmering like a sun striking water, she glittered so brightly that I was force to close my eyes.  Warmth started to leave me as I fell away in pieces, back to reality.  White shattered away into black.  I was once again, alone, cold, and frightened.  Around me, there was nothing but emptiness.

            Up until that point, it had been the happiest dream of my life. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            I couldn't open my eyes; they were heavy and felt as if they had been glued shut.  I moved my hands towards my face, but they were restrained.  There was something in my arm.  Panic stricken, I started to thrash. 

            "She's awake," an attendant's voice reached my ears, but I didn't recognize it.  Footsteps, and she was beside me.  "It's okay, don't struggle, I'm not going to hurt you."  I pulled away from the direction she seemed to be coming from, "I'm just going to take the bandage off of your eyes, hold still."

            Heart racing, I obeyed, convinced that somehow, being able to see would calm my nerves.  Her hands were cool and smelt of ammonia.  She spoke as she removed the dressing, "From what I gather, you got into a bad scrape with something out there.  Fortunately for you, someone managed to get you away from it before it mangled you any further."  I heard her wince before I was able to see her face, my vision unclear and blurry.  "We cured you all that we could," she sighed, "But sometimes magic just doesn't work on mortal wounds." 

            It suddenly dawned on me that I would never see out of my left eye again. 

            I looked around the room; desperate at the same time I was terrified to know what my face looked like.  "I'm Dr. Kadowaki," the woman announced when my single eye returned to her face.  She appeared to be aged, yet in a gentle way.  "I'm the head of the medical staff, here at Garden."

            Garden?  I was at Garden?  It was like hearing angels sing and car wheels screech at the same time.  I didn't know whether I should be happy or afraid.

            "Can you tell me your name?" she asked, softly. 

            My mind began to race frantically through my memories, and my voice was timid when I spoke, "Fuu…Fujin."

            "Fujin?" she raised an eyebrow, with interest.  "Well, Fujin," she continued.  "I'm afraid that we weren't able to save your eye, and I'm sorry, but there are a few other conditions I am worried about."  I looked hopelessly up at her, daring her to stare me in the eye.  She glanced down at her medical chart.  "Are you aware of your skin condition?"

            I looked down at my reddened hands, curiously.  I had never thought anything about my skin except that it was ugly.  It was, after all, what Mother had told me.  "Ugly," I responded, slightly hurt that she was reiterating this fact to me.  I wondered if all women thought the way Mother had.

            "No, no, it's not ugly," the doctor reassured me, and I raised my eyebrow.  "You have a skin condition known as Albinism.  Where you aware of that?" 

            I shook my head no, curious now.   She looked slightly surprised, but once again consulted her clipboard.  "Albinism is a condition in which the skin contains little to no pigmentation, or color.  It also makes your skin more sensitive to sunlight, which explains why your skin is sunburned, and probably sore.  You'll have to wear a specific sunscreen in the future, in order to protect yourself from that."

            It seemed to make sense now.  Mother had always forbidden me from the outdoors, and I had assumed it as punishment.  Maybe, in her own sick and twisted way, she really was protecting me. 

            Anxious footsteps echoed through the hall, and I glanced towards the doorway.  "Fujin?" a voice drifted in.  The doctor moved to the entrance, speaking in hushed tones with the man.  I waited nervously in my bed, feeling helpless and ashamed.  Dr. Kadowaki turned to face me again; "Your friend has been waiting here most of the night, and would like to see you, if that's alright."  I nodded weakly.  "I'll be in my office, send him out if you need me." 

            I ducked my head so that he wouldn't see my eye first, saddened that there was little to no hair to curtain my face.  Footsteps, and Seifer came around the corner.  "Hey there," his tone was soft and relaxed, but it was the site of him out of the corner of my eye that shook me. His normally pale coat was stained with dark, dried blood.  He looked pale and exhausted.  "How're you feelin'?" I didn't answer, but he pressed.  "Let me see," and I turned my head away.  "It's okay, Fujin, I just want to see that you're okay."  It struck a chord within me to know that he was somewhat concerned.  I slowly lifted my face, forcing myself not to turn away when first shock, pain, and then worry danced over his features.  "I…uh…" he glanced nervously around the room, as if focusing on my face for too long would kill him.  "I heard you scream when I was almost back, so I…ran back and it… the T-Rexaur…"

            "Okay," I spoke up, saving the pair of us from reliving the moment. 

            "Shit, Fuu…" he took a few steps closer.  "I'm real sorry."

            "Understand," averting my vision, I focused on my pale, sunburned hands. 

            For a while he stood there in silence, and I could feel his sympathetic eyes examining my injuries.  It was the sort of quiet involved in a mutual healing, and I sighed deeply, admitting my discouragement.  "Ugly?"

            He shook his head, but didn't answer.  I think in that in that moment, he convinced himself that he needed to be my protectorate. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            I received visits from Seifer and Raijin all week.  Raijin would tell me jokes, bring me ice cream ("I wanted to get you a kitten, ya know?"), and on the few occasions that he sat down for a serious talk, encouraged me.  Seifer mostly sat aloof in the corner, sporting a new, gray trench coat that he had purchased in Balamb, featuring red crosses on the sleeves. 

            At the end of my first week in the Balamb Garden infirmary, both Dr. Kadowaki and the mythical headmaster paid me a visit.  "You'll be strong enough to leave the infirmary for certain by tomorrow," the older woman spoke softly.  I nodded, but didn't respond, my hopes secretly falling, for the infirmary had become my safe haven. 

Headmaster Cid Kramer, who had introduced himself to me only a few minutes earlier, smiled down at me with a grandfather's sanguinity.  "My wife and I have had long discussions over the past week concerning what we should do about this situation."  My hands fisted the sheets, certain that I was about to be shipped back to Mother's angry claws, even as a one-eyed, pale-skinned, ugly girl.  "I've spoken to both Seifer and Raijin, and both are under the assumption that you are an orphan."  My heart skipped a beat, silently praising Raijin for his lie.  "Assuming that this is the case," he continued, "My wife and I have decided that it would be in your best interest to remain here, at Garden, as a student in our program."  He looked pointedly at me, "You just need to tell me the truth.  Do you have a father?"

"Dead," I answered, recalling those few fresh breaths of air at his funeral, "Cancer."

"And a mother?"

I swallowed hard, "Dead."

He looked at me intensely, meeting the stare of my single crimson eye.  "It's settled, then," he smiled gently, and I could've sworn in that moment that he knew of my lie.  "Tomorrow you will be moved from the infirmary to one of the dormitory doubles," I almost smiled as I breathed a sigh of relief.

"There's only one condition," Dr. Kadowaki cut in, and I caught my breath.  "I've been observing your speech patterns over the last week, and its puzzled me.  You have a tendency to use short, one or two word phrases when speaking, and on the occasion that you speak without concentrating to an extreme, your sentences become scrambled and illogical."

I hung my head, having been praying that my condition wouldn't surpass my unpigmented skin and lack of a left eye.  She continued, "There's an area of the brain's frontal lobe known as the Broca's area, which affects speech, but not reading and hearing.  Obviously, you can hear just fine.  Can you read?"  I nodded, gingerly.  "I don't want to make any premature diagnosis, so I'd like you to see a speech therapist, twice a week, for observation.  If you agree to do so, you may continue to reside in Garden's halls.  Understood?"

"I…understand," I nodded, wanting so badly to simply speak fluently. 

Headmaster Cid smiled and offered me his hand, "Well then, Fujin, it's a pleasure to welcome you to Balamb Garden." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            My last visitors of the evening were the only others I had ever received: Raijin and Seifer.  Raijin bounced in, a big smile on his face and a package in his hand.  I looked passed him to Seifer, who held a small bouquet of yellow and blue flowers.  "We heard the good news, ya know?" Raijin beamed, "So we got you some get well and homecoming gifts!" 

            Seifer simply offered me a quiet smile, offering the bouquet, which I took and smelled greedily.  Raijin dropped the box in my lap, "Open it, ya know!" he commanded. 

            Tentatively, I untied the ribbons and folded away the shiny paper.  Inside the tiny box was a black eye patch.  I looked curiously up at my friend.  "I wanted to get you a glass eye, ya know, but I couldn't find one anywhere, ya know?  'Sides, this is much cooler, and it will make you look intimidating.  Our posse has a reputation, ya know?  We gotta look tough." He crossed his arms over his largely muscled chest, grinning proudly.  When he put it that way, I couldn't help but grin.  Tying the cord around my head, I slipped the patch over the indentation where my eye had once been.  "You look ten times more confident all ready, ya know?"

            Turning my head I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window.  I was not at all pretty, but I did indeed appear to be menacing.  I looked to Seifer for approval, and he smirked.  "You look like a pirate," when I made no response, he concluded, "It's a good look for you." 

            I smiled, beginning my emotional recovery, knowing that for certain I had the two best friends in the world. 

[End Chapter Nine]

Authoress's Note:  I originally intended for this chapter to go on much longer, but I decided to cut into two different chapters, making this a short one.  Regardless, I hope you enjoyed.  I wanted to let everyone know that I did research both Albinism and Broca's Aphasia, which I used in this section of the story.  Was I too technical?  Please let me know your thoughts.   Happy reading!