Authoress's Note:  My apologies for the lack of detail in the last chapter.  Not so good with fight scenes.  Also, my many apologies for the typo's.  The format's all out of line, too.  It seems that when I upload to the site, it gets all out of whack…. It wasn't my favorite chapter…  And from here on out, I will be following the game, more or less.

Just to Breathe

~Fujin's Story~

Chapter Twelve Calm Before The Storm "I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand.  When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." –Goo Goo Dolls; "Iris"

~*~*~

            "Do you have everything?  The tickets, where are the tickets, ya know?"

            "Raijin, calm down, I got them right here."  Seifer fanned three train tickets out in front of his buddy.  After two years of trying, he had just about given up on becoming a SeeD, and Raijin and I had finally saved up enough money for the three of us to take the trip we'd talked about so long ago. 

            Raijin was pacing around the station like a maniac.  "The train should have been here by now, ya know?"

            "CALM," I barked, kicking him in the shin.  It was habit, and the sight of him jumping up and down clutching his leg made me feel powerful, especially when I caught Seifer's nod of approval.

            Over the past two years, my interest in Seifer had intensified to such an extent that I was willing to do anything for him.  There were no more incidences where he pulled me aside to compliment me, and no little signs of affection, but that didn't mean I wasn't dreaming about them, or that I wasn't determined for them to happen one day. 

            The train was like a bullet, and it mused my short hair as it sped by, screeching to a halt just in time to have not passed us.  We loaded quietly, though I think all of us were bursting inside with anticipation.  It would be our first big "vacation," and an inspiration to take many more trips.  Seifer had arranged for us to stay three nights in a hotel in Deling City.  "It's the city with the most night life," he had explained. 

            After a long train ride, and a small amount of trouble finding our hotel, we were finally set to relax.  "These beds aren't big enough, ya know?" Raijin had thrown his body down onto a mattress; he never fit in hotel beds.

Seifer gazed out the window at the firefly-like lights of the city, "So what do you two want to do?"  I simply watched him, his broad shoulders moving with each gentle breath, his expression placid and bored. 

Raijin suggested, "Let's get something to eat, ya know?"

"Sounds like a plan," Seifer didn't notice my nod.  We followed our leader down the hotel stairs to a restaurant.  It was an elegant place, with round booths that were cushioned with red velvet.  Raijin bounced up and down while Seifer and I sat aloof.  A vacant piano stood in the front of the room, haunted by its lack of pianist.

As we filled our stomachs with pasta, Seifer turned to Raijin and I with a jaded look on his face.  "This is dull," he commented, "Let's go out for drinks after this.  What do you say, Fuu?"

Nodding, I was tickled not only because he asked for my opinion, but also because he had used his nickname for me.  Seifer left the tip up to Raijin, and charmingly questioned the waitress where a nightclub could be found. 

~*~*~

I wondered at the definition of courage as I stood at the bar, sandwiched between my two best friends, pondering exactly what I could say to Seifer.  I wanted to say something, anything witty that would catch his ear, make him turn and cock his head with that soft, knowing smirk of his.  I wanted him to lean in, whisper something tickling in my ear, wrap his strong arms around my thin waist and sweep me out to the dance floor…

It would never happen.

Turning my head, I caught sight of a pale girl with raven hair as she circled the room, easily swapping smiles with strangers, exchanging a few words here and there when necessary.  It baffled me that social flirtations came so easily to here, when I was struggling to find one word that I could shout to the one I cared most about. 

She took a seat on a bar stole, swinging her long legs around gracefully.  I winced when Seifer noticed her lavender skirt climb seductively up her thigh.  My heart began to beat rapidly. 

"Hey, Fuj… I'm gonna go to the bathroom, ya know?  I'll be right back"

I hardly heard Raijin as he slipped away; my eyes were glued on Seifer.  She turned and smiled at him, that same, innocently sweet look she had given to every other man in the room.  "Hey there," she cocked her head to one side, her eyes squinting as she grinned.

Seifer nodded at her, "How's it going?"

"You're cute," she giggled, "Wanna dance with me?"

My heart was beating so hysterically that I thought it would crack my rib cage.  He cocked his head at her, smiled; the same motions that I had been dreaming about just moments before. 

I didn't watch them dance, and I didn't even notice that Raijin had returned.  I stood motionless at the bar, my eyes drowning in Jack Daniels.  Around me people moved like ghosts, brushing against my shoulder or bumping into me.  It was dumb luck that I turned my head in time to see it happen.

She smiled up at him, her rich, creamy skin glowing in the low lights of the bar.  He bent his head so that their foreheads were less than an in apart.  I could see their shoulders moving as they breathed.  The seconds ticked so slowly as he leaned towards her.  When their lips met, the overworked organ in my chest stuttered and stopped. 

I don't remember how long the kiss lasted, or when the girl walked away, or when Seifer made his way over to me.  The only thing I remembered after that instant was Raijin waving his hand in front of my face mere seconds before I passed out. 

~*~*~

            "That's it Fujin, get it all out of your system," Raijin coaxed me as he held my hair away from my face.  It was one o'clock in the morning and I was throwing up in the hotel's bathroom. 

            "Okay," I sobbed weakly, and then waved a hand.  He offered me a towel, which I buried my face in. 

            "Come on, ya know," he hoisted me up by my shoulders, steadying my frail body against him.  I couldn't remember the last time I felt so weak and drained.  With my arm around his waist, Raijin led me out of the bathroom and positioned me so that I was seated upright in a chair. 

            "Is she going to be alright?  She looks so pale," the voice swam in my cloudy realm of consciousness, too high pitched, too sweet. 

            "Don't worry about Fujin, she's a fighter.  She just had too much to drink." My blurry eyes focused on the form that was Seifer, and the thin body sitting next to him on his bed. 

            She stood up and moved to crouch in front of me.  Her brown eyes were wide and curious.  "Your sure gave us all a fright back there, Fujin.  I'm sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances."  I groaned, deep in my throat.  This couldn't be happening.

            Closing my eyes, I rested my head on my knees.  I heard the girl get up and move back to Seifer, her footsteps like a ballerina dancing across the floor.  "Come on, Rinoa, I'll walk you home," Seifer's voice wafted somewhere outside of me.

            As the door clicked closed, Raijin once again lifted my body, guiding me tenderly to my bed.  "I'm leaving the window open so you can get some air, ya know?  You're gonna have a hangover tomorrow, ya know?"

            I didn't have the heart to tell him that none of my reactions were due to the alcohol.

~*~*~

            Seifer officially started dating Rinoa Heartilly on the third day of our visit to Deling City.  I kept a stone exterior plastered on my face at all times, but inside I was sobbing and broken.  Sometimes I thought that he might have been desperately in love with Rinoa, but then there were times that I hoped that he might just be toying with her.  She prompted several visits to Deling City and Timber, a smaller Galbadian village under Galbadian rule.  Rinoa was a member of an anti-Galbadian-Army group known as the Forrest Owls, and was forever pestering Seifer, Raijin, and I to join. 

It was this period of time that my relationship with Raijin became increasingly important.  We were like synchronized swimmers.  Sometimes the only communication we required was a look, or a nod.  I still kicked him, if only to get attention from Seifer. 

My "stone-wall" front became stronger at Garden, fueled by the evil eyes of students who feared or hated me.  My one-worded barking sentences intimidated, my eye patch and shuriken instilled fear, and my shin-kicking tendencies sent younger students running.  Our posse gained a new reputation, for wreaking havoc and causing problems.  Cid Kramer sent Raijin and I on less and less SeeD missions, afraid that our resentment for authority would get out of hand and interfere with the mission.  Still, evidence of our loyalty to each other was ever present, and it was rare that one of us could be caught roaming the halls without the other two.

There was a particular incidence involving Zell Dincht that took place in the cafeteria, that nearly got the entire posse suspended from Garden.  It started out normally enough.  Zell came running in late, out of breath and begging for a hot dog.  Seifer snickered and teased him, waving his own lunch in Zell's face.  Dincht was obviously angry, and he gritted his teeth before springing into action.  In a moment he had snatched Seifer's hot dog, thrown it to the ground and stepped on it.  If anyone besides Raijin or myself had caught the baffled look on Seifer's face, they might have been puzzled.  The confusion lasted lest than a second before he raised his pompous chin with fury. 

It was me that snapped.  "RAGE!" I leapt from my seat and punched Zell so hard that my fist stung.  He reeled backwards, his hand clutching his left cheek where my knuckles had connected with it.  For a minute he was stunned before he leapt back onto his feet and swung at me.  I just barely dodged the blow, ducking in the nick of time.  With his staff raised menacingly, Raijin stepped in front of me when Zell rose again, and Seifer drew his gunblade. 

We were just about to bear down on him when Quistis Trepe, whose instructor's license was barely a week old, stepped in and asserted her newly gained power.  "All right, that's enough!"  She glared at each of us in turn, saving the longest and most vicious one for me.  On lookers marveled at one of the first appearances of Instructor Trepe, suddenly noticing her beauty and influence.  She reveled in the glory of the moment. 

As we sat in Headmaster Cid's office, it was made very clear to the three of us that suspension was in the near future if we didn't find way to redirect our energy. 

It was Rinoa that came up with the idea for a Disciplinary Committee.  "That way you'll have a positive way to get in touch with the students," she had explained to Raijin and I, "By enforcing the rules of Garden.  And you won't get in trouble for it."  Of course Seifer had neglected to tell her that we had been looking for trouble in the first place, but he liked her idea, and it seemed like a legitimate way to not only get away with picking on students, but to gain a little of power and recognition.  For some strange reason, Kramer bought the idea, and Balamb Garden's Disciplinary Committee was born.

~*~*~

            "Morning Fujin!" Raijin beamed his pearly white smile at me as his dorm door swung open wide.  I entered the room without returning the salutation, plopping down at the desk and propping my feet on its surface. 

            "SEIFER?"

            Raijin sat on our leader's bed, having chosen a long time ago to continue rooming with his friend, as opposed to claiming his single dorm as a SeeD.  "He went out early to train, ya know?  I think he's a little worked up about the field exam today." 

            He wasn't the only one, I thought.  I hadn't slept at all the night before; my stomach had been full of nervous butterflies, darting around in all directions.  Rinoa had been the one who'd convinced Seifer to go for a third try at the test.  I had faith in his abilities, but his attitude would be a problem.

            Footsteps in the hallway alerted us of our leader's approach, though they sounded drunken and uneven.  He staggered into the room with as little grace as possible, and a wicked smirk shined through the blood that was smeared over his face.  "SEIFER!" I gasped, leaping up in shock.  "HAPPENED?"

            "That bastard, Leonhart," he growled.  "Doesn't know when to quit."  I immediately sprung into action, racing to the bathroom for tissues or washcloths.  "Don't worry, I got him good," Seifer continued as I emerged from the bathroom with my limited medical supplies.  "That wuss passed out in the Training Center right after his little spazz attack on me."

            Raijin and I exchanged a glance that instructed him to go check on our fallen foe, for safety's sake.  Seifer would get in serious trouble if Squall was attacked while he was knocked out.  "I'm gonna go make sure Squall gets to the infirmary, ya know?" Raijin chirped as he bounded out.

            "CURE?" I wondered aloud, whipping the blood away from Seifer's face. 

            "Nah," he took a washcloth from my hands and pressured it against his forehead.  "I want it to scar."  I raised an eyebrow, then froze when he reached to flip my eye patch up.  "Now we've both been scarred in battle."  Jaw locked, I said nothing when Seifer traced a finger idly down the scar that ran from my left eyebrow to the bone of my cheek.  As he drew his hand away, I noticed that my skin burned where he had touched.  I timidly raised my good eye to look at his, but the intensity of the stare he was offering was too much to bear.

I stood quickly, adjusting the patch so that the scar couldn't be seen.  Fortunately, Raijin saved me as he poked his head back into the room.  "Squall's at the infirmary, everything's cool, ya know?  Let's go to breakfast."

            Seifer stood, whipping the last of the blood away from his face and raising his head high.  "That, my friend, is the best idea I've heard all day."

~*~*~

            "Rinoa's coming to Garden tonight for the SeeD banquet," Seifer mumbled to himself as he shoveled eggs into his mouth.  Raijin lifted his head just long enough to ask why.  "She's asking Kramer for SeeD support in liberating Timber.  I've gotta pass that exam today, I promised Rin that I'd make it so I can help her." 

            Using my fork, I scooted the watery eggs around my plate, mixing them with bits of sausage.  "SEIFER, FINE.  EXAM, PASS.  RULES, FOLLOW." 

            He snorted a quiet laughter before speaking solemnly, "I'll do whatever it takes, Fujin.  Rinoa needs a hero."  As a unit we stood to return our trays to the Cafeteria unit, and as we made our way out of the room I paused at a drink machine. 

            "SEIFER, DRINK?" I asked politely, but he seemed to be lost in thought. 

            Raijin looked lustfully at the vending machine, "…Can I drink somethin'?  I'd like some water, ya know?"

            As he spoke I noticed Squall Leonhart sulking in, his forehead sporting a scar very similar to Seifer's.  "…IGNORE," came my delayed response to Raijin's plea.  After all, he wasn't taking the field exam today; he didn't need me to treat him to a drink. 

            The silent Leonhart ambled up to Seifer and just stared.  "Squall, can't you see the Disciplinary Committee's busy?  Don't bother us." Seifer snapped, then returned to his state of deep thought.

            When Squall turned to me it took every ounce of strength I had not to pounce on him with Shuriken.  "WHAT?" I snapped.

            "Yo, it's Squall." Raijin babbled, "Oh yeah, Fujin's gonna treat, ya know?  Want something?"  I couldn't understand why Raijin was being nice to the bastard.

            "RAGE!" My voice cracked as I shouted.  Raijin looked in my direction with a puzzled expression as he saw me coming, but wasn't quick enough to foresee the steel toe of my boot connecting to his shin. 

            Clutching his leg, he hopped around in pain, moaning.  Then, to my astonishment, he turned to Squall and whispered, "Fujin's kinda harsh at times, so you betta watch it too, ya know?"

            "WHAT?!" I placed my hands defiantly on my hips, enraged that Raijin was conversing with the lion.

            The third member of our posse wisely backed down.  "O-Oh!  I-It's nothin'!"

            Just then, Zell Dincht zoomed into the Cafeteria, panting and heaving with his rush.  "D-Do you have any…hot dogs left?" he huffed to the woman behind the counter.

            She smiled sympathetically at the blonde, "You're a bit late, I'm afraid.  We're all sold out!"

            Turning away, Zell pouted aloud.  "Damn!  Not again…!  It's hopeless if you don't get here early… Alright, I'll try again next time…"

            The woman tried to reassure the boy, "I'll try to order more, but there's no guarantee."

            Confidence regained, Zell ran back out of the cafeteria at top speed, bursting right through the posse and Squall.  We all exchanged a puzzled look, and I could see that even Squall was a little miffed by the episode that we had just witnessed.  It was Seifer that broke the uncomfortable silence.

            "…Speeding.  Let's go arrest that student for violation of academy regulations!"

            It was good to hear him full of zest once again, so I confirmed his order.  "AFFIRMATIVE!"

            "Rodger, ya know!" Raijin gave a mock salute, and then the three of us raced out after our next victim, leaving Squall to stare after us in confusion.

~*~*~

            Our verbal assault on Zell Dincht greatly lifted Seifer's spirits.  "Do you understand?" he snapped, and Zell rolled his eyes.  That was my cue to kick him in the shin as Raijin held him still.  The short, sharp cry of pain tickled me pink.  Seifer repeated, "Understand?"

            "Yes, I understand," Zell grumbled, and Raijin let him go.  As he trotted off to his dorm in order to change for the exam, the posse shared a good laugh. 

We made our way to the entrance of Garden and sat on the steps, where we fell into a relaxed conversation.  "Your ready for the exam, ya know?" Raijin brought back the tension.

Seifer waved a hand, "It'll be a since.  Third times a charm, right?"

"UNIFORM?" I questioned of his clothes.

"Why bother?" he smirked.  "They're optional, and I think they look crappy, anyway."  An uncomfortable silence settled over us as the wind teased our hair.  "Well, I think it's time to head back in."

As we made our way to the lobby, we heard Quistis's voice airily asking for our leader.  "Seifer, are you here?"

"Oh god, not those loons," Seifer groaned, noticing that the other two members waiting in front of Quistis were none other than Squall and Zell.  He squared his shoulders, and the three of us made our presence known. 

Quistis went on, "You're the squad leader.  Good luck to you."

"Instructor," I almost groaned at the cockiness of his voice.  "I hate it when people wish me luck." Raijin and I exchanged a nod as he spoke, "Save those words for a bad student that needs them, eh?"  Raijin and I exchanged another nod, that seemed to say 'Oh no…'

"Okay then," Quistis smirked at her student, "Good luck, Seifer."

I could see the anger boiling in his head and the smoke steaming out of his ears, and swinging his arm back angrily to motion to me, he growled, "Add Instructor Trepe to the list."  I gulped, though not visibly, because "the list" was one of the Disciplinary Committee's secret weapons… It was a list of "problem-causing" people that was turned into the headmaster himself. 

"Well then," Quistis, who knew nothing about the list, continued as if Seifer had not said anything at all.  "You're all assigned to squad B.  I'll be the instructor in charge.  Teamwork is of utmost importance!"

"Listen up!" Seifer broke in, "Teamwork means staying out of my way.  It's a Squad B rule.  Don't you forget it!"  I noticed Zell roll his eyes, and I felt my face flush with embarrassment for Seifer. 

As Cid Kramer made an appearance, I stopped listening as worries began to plague my mind.  Seifer felt the need to be a hero, and that would be his biggest downfall.  He was so set on impressing Rinoa that he was going to try and shift all of the glory to himself.  I had a gut feeling that he was going to act out of line. 

Again. 

~*~*~

            "Do you think they're almost back yet?" I had tamed my voice as I sat nervously with Raijin in a small café in Balamb.  

            "I don't know, ya know," he sighed, taking a big sip of his cappuccino.  Some of the foam stuck to his upper lip like a mustache.  "They haven't been gone that long, ya know, we just got our drinks.  Try not to worry about them, Fuu, ya know?"

            I sighed deeply.  I wanted nothing more than for Seifer to pass the exam.  Not because I wanted him to be Rinoa's hero, and not so that the three of us could take the mission to liberate Timber, but because I thought that he deserved the honor. 

            "Are you gonna drink that?" I looked up to my friend, and then slid my mug across the table.  He gulped it down greedily before he patted my hand reassuringly.  "I think he'll do fine, don't worry about it, ya know?"

            We walked back towards the port, and arrived just as the ships were pulling up to the dock.  As Seifer climbed out, Raijin and I ran towards the group.  "SEIFER!" I exclaimed. 

            "How'd it go?" Raijin asked.

            "Man…all they did was get in my way," Seifer grinned, "Being a leader ain't easy."

            "SAFE?" I wondered aloud.  Seifer shrugged and offered me his trademark grin.  Raijin granted me an 'I told you so," look as the three of us strolled back to the Garden car.

            Seifer told us the grand tale of the exam with much flourish, but I could tell that he was nervous.  Squall and Zell, he claimed, were so difficult that he was forced to take drastic measures.  I didn't believe the tale, but it was nice to have someone to put the blame on. 

Refusing to wait for results with us, he instead went to the training center to calm his nerves.  As Raijin and I waited in the 2nd floor hallway, we noticed a few of the other candidates nervously standing around.  Zell was pacing back and forth, head down and biting his lips.  The Trabia transfer student that Seifer had told us about was positioned with her back against the wall, tapping the toes of her boots in a schizophrenic rhythm.  Four or five others also waited, each in their own world of tension. 

Squall Leonhart strolled in silently, and looked to his left where I was located.   "RAGE!" I turned away from him, placing one hand anxiously on my hip.  Raijin chirped up from Squall's other side.

"Fujin was sayin' that it'd be all your fault if Seifer doesn't become a SeeD.  She can be pretty scary, ya know!"  It was lucky for him that one of the Garden Faculty members arrived just then, before I could kick his shin to splinters.

"Selphie Tilmitt, please step forward," his deep, quiet voice emerged from the figure.

The brown haired girl leapt up and cheered, "Booyaka!"

"Nida.  Nida from squad A."  A boy I hadn't noticed stepped out of a back corner and made his way towards the elevator.

"Dincht…Zell Dincht." 

"OH YEAH!" the fighter exclaimed, "See ya!"

My stomach fluttered as the man paused.  The suspense was killing me.  "Squall, from Squad B.  Please step forward."  As Leonhart stepped forward, my heart stopped.  "That is all," the Faculty member concluded, "Dismissed." 

Disappointed students exited the hall when they felt that they were ready, but Raijin and I stood motionless, almost in awe that our leader had not passed. 

Seifer had finished in the training center, and rode the elevator up to meet the rest of his posse in the hallway.  "Did I miss results?" he asked, almost timidly.

Raijin scratched his head nervously, and Seifer turned to me.  The look on my face told him all he needed to know. 

[End Chapter Twelve]

End note:  Aww, poor Seifer!!  I changed the SeeD announcement to include Selphie and Nida, I hope no one minds.  Did anyone notice the short reference to Julia when the posse was in Deling City?  Anyway, My apologies if the next chapter is a little slower coming out, as I will be playing the game along side writing it, so that I don't miss anything.  =D  Happy Reading, y'all!

Again, thank you to everyone who reviewed, especially those who reviewed the last chapter:  Platinum Angel, Lhiannan-Sidhe, Verdannii de la Rosa, Al Kristopher, Hiko-Sama, Ametenshi, Vasquaz, Vick330 and Team-Senshi.  You guys highlight my day and press me to get the chapters done faster and better (hopefully!)