Just To Breathe
~Fujin's Story~
Chapter Thirteen Blown Away "Looking out my window, staring, at the things that I can't see. If I listen closely, I can hear, I can hear, I can hear a dying dream. I'm wrapped up in the warmth of an unforgiving mind, I'm on vacation in another time." --Vast, "Land of Shame"
~*~*~*~
The hum of a ceiling fan buzzed in my ears, the only noise battling a deafening quiet. Resting my burning forehead against the cool metal frame of the door, I reserved a moment to collect my thoughts. Though nothing was coming to mind, I raised my hand regardless. The knock split through the silence like a Thundara spell. "Go away," came the harsh response from within.
For the first time in my life, I disobeyed an order from Seifer. The lights in the room were out, yet it was still hot and sticky. He was seated on a chair facing the corner, like a little boy banished from his toys. "I thought I told you to go away," he huffed when I seated myself on the floor next to him.
Every nerve was shaking as I reached a hand up to rest on his knee. "Friends," I reminded him, my voice unusually calm.
He dragged his eyes over to my face. "I don't get you sometimes, Fuu." I didn't comment, allowing him to continue, "You still believe in me, even though I'm nothing but a failure. Why?"
"Failure, not," I asserted firmly. I bit my tongue for a moment, forcing myself to search for words and phrases. "You're too independent to be a SeeD."
He sighed deeply, "It's always been my dream, to be someone important, like a knight or…a SeeD. I wanted to be a hero. A respectable fighter."
"You don't need to be a SeeD to be a hero," I told him gently.
There was silence for a moment as he considered my words, and then he smiled softly. "You're right," he stood up, offering me a hand. He spoke confidently as he pulled me up, "I don't need SeeD. I'm better than that. I can still help Rinoa."
"Affirmative," I nodded with a smile.
"Speaking of Rinoa," he went on, "She's probably still at the banquet. I should go introduce her to Cid."
I patted his back reassuringly. "Go be her hero."
~*~*~*~
I hadn't heard the sounds of happiness for a long time, and it was foreign to me as I stepped into the quad. I watched as Seifer moved towards Rinoa, at the punch bowl, and stood as casually as I could by the wall, searching for Raijin. Just as I was about to give up, a strong hand grasped my arm to pull me aside. "Fujin, I gotta talk to you, ya know?"
I sighed deeply, "Yes?"
He looked around the room nervously before pulling me out into the hallway. "It's Rinoa," he groaned.
"Okay?" I asked, thinking of her resistance faction. Though she had defeated most of my hopes about Seifer, I had grown to appreciate her over the past year.
"Yeah, she's fine," Raijin grew quiet. "I came up to check and see if she had actually come, ya know? I was gonna let her know that Seifer probably wouldn't be coming, ya know?" He scratched his head, nervously.
"And?" I prompted.
"I saw her dancing with Squall."
At first I thought I'd heard wrong, but my stomach hit the floor, regardless. "Leonhart?" Raijin nodded solemnly. I stood emotionlessly for a moment, and then everything raced through me. How could she do this? How could she hurt Seifer after so long? "RAGE!" The furious cry burst out of my chest like a firework. A student that had escaped the party and was halfway down the hall turned back to stare at me, before running off in fear. Acting quickly, Raijin reached out and pulled my numb body towards him, nearly crushing me with his strong arms.
"I don't think we should tell Seifer, ya know?" He used his chin to tuck my head under his. "He doesn't need anymore disappointments today."
It was amazing that Raijin could be so calm and intelligent in a situation like this. I was shaking with rage, even as he held me still, but I nodded, not trusting myself to handle any words.
For a long moment, we stood together: wind silenced by thunder. I found that I was fighting tears as I took comfort in Raijin. Gently, he stroked my hair, and with the other hand rubbed my back, soothing me until my heart rate slowed and I felt calm once again. "What should we do?" I sighed, stepping away from my brotherly friend.
"I don't think we should do anything, ya know?" he shrugged. "At least for now."
I nodded my head as Quistis stepped out of the Quad. She smiled weakly at us, her eyes filled with tears, and then I remembered: Seifer had handed over The List to a member of the Garden Faculty in a fit of anger when he'd found out about his failure to pass the field exam. I opened my mouth to say something, and Raijin reached out to comfort her, but she simply turned away from us and walked away so briskly that I almost felt my hair ruffle in the breeze.
~*~*~*~
"What?!" Seifer's voice bellowed through the room like an explosion. From my position by the door even I could see the pained look on Cid Kramer's face. "They might end up fighting the entire Galbadian force!" Seifer continued. We had come to the headmaster's office in order to get permission to help the Rinoa and Timber Owls. "And they only dispatch three rookie SeeD members!?"
It wasn't that Seifer doubted SeeD's ability to help Rinoa any more than he, Raijin and I could, it was the three whom had been chosen for the mission: Squall Leonhart, Selphie Tilmitt, and Zell Dincht. On one side of the room Quistis shifted uncomfortably, and exchanged a worried look with secretary, Xu. "Dammit!" Seifer pounded a fist on the corner of Cid's desk, shaking the structure and causing a small jar of pencils to topple off of the side. He growled, "I'm going to Timber."
"You can't do that!" Quistis suddenly spoke up. "By now they have already arrived in Timber and are probably planning exactly how to go about the mission. You can't interfere with them!"
I thought I could hear the former instructor's heart rate jump as Seifer stalked over to her, stopping just short enough for their noses not to touch. "Watch me." The two blondes stared each other down.
Xu pulled Quistis back with little effort, but it took both Raijin and I to wrench Seifer away. "You'll see, Trepe!" he shouted as we hauled him out of the room. "I'll show you all!"
~*~*~*~
Seifer had stormed out of Garden swinging Hyperion around his shoulders and over his head. He hadn't even waited for Raijin or myself. I'd never seen him so enraged. At first I was angry… but later on in the evening, that burning pit of embers that steamed in my stomach transformed into a pool of worry. What if something went wrong? What if he was killed?
When Headmaster Kramer summoned Raijin and I to his office the next day, I feared the worst. "He's probably dispatching us to help Seifer, ya know?" Raijin squeezed my shoulder, comfortingly. I wasn't soothed.
As we stood before his desk, rigid with nerves and curiosity, Cid Kramer addressed us as SeeDs. "I have a mission of utmost importance for the two of you as a pair. It is a very important mission, and it is of utmost importance that it be complete in a timely fashion." He gave a suspenseful pause, so Raijin and I both nodded, silently egging him on with his orders. From the top drawer of his desk, the headmaster pulled out a sealed, white envelope; it was evident that his hands were shaking. "I have, here, a message of utmost importance." I wondered how many times he would use the words 'utmost' and 'importance.' He continued, "It is your duty to deliver this message to a group of SeeDs located in Timber. Should you run in to any difficulty at all," he swallowed. He wiped his sweaty brow with a handkerchief, and I could tell that there was something else on his mind, "Just remember Garden Code Article 8:7. Is everything clear?" We nodded solidly. "Good," he smiled weakly, standing, and crossing to me with the envelope. "Fujin, you will be the Squad Leader," I took the white, paper sheath and secured it in my back pocket. "Raijin," he turned to my friend, "Support Fujin to your fullest. I wish the best of luck to the both of you." We saluted him, but as we turned our backs, he called out. "Remember, this mission is of utmost importance."
I rolled my eyes as I yanked open the office door, and continued out. "I told you we were going to help Seifer, ya know?" Raijin beamed as the elevator descended to the first floor.
I hoped he was right.
~*~*~*~
I had guessed there was a reason that Kramer had brought up the Garden Code. We found out almost immediately when why almost immediately, when we arrived at the Balamb train station: All trains to Timber were down. Still, we boarded the train in order to get to the Garden closest to Timber: Galbadia. We were able to find a rather lengthy train route to the Far East Train Station, which was only a brief journey through dry terrain away from Galbadia Garden, itself.
Upon our arrival, we had to bully a student into directing us to their Headmaster, Martine. "Who are you, anyway?" he complained when we asked for his assistance.
"None of your business, ya know?" Raijin crossed his arms over his chest.
"SEEDs," I snapped.
He frowned, his annoyingly bushy brow furrowing. "Gosh, you sure don't look like SeeDs."
I took two large steps towards him, my nose nearly touching his. "MARTINE!" I barked, "WHERE?!" My patience was running out, and fast.
"Yeah!" Raijin reinforced, inching closer, "Tell us where he is, ya know!"
The smaller boy stepped away, sticking his nose snootily into the air. "I don't have to tell you anything, if I don't want to." It was the only button he needed to push in order for Raijin and I to both bare our weapons. "Okay, okay," he gave in, eyeing the large staff that Raijin boasted. "Sheesh, all you had to do was ask nicely."
By the time we'd reached Martine, I wasn't in a very good mood. He opened the letter, even though Raijin had told him that it was to be given to the SeeD party from Balamb. "I understand your instructions," he waved a hand dismissively as he read the message. "You can go back to your Garden, now." I couldn't believe my ears.
"WHAT?!"
"Don't they need our assistance, ya know? I thought that was why Headmaster Cid sent us…"
Martine eyed us with a look of boredom on his face. "I don't believe you'll be of much use to any of them." If Raijin hadn't been quick to grab my shoulder, I would have pounced on the haughty bastard with Shuriken, or even just my nails and teeth.
I was shaking as we exited the office. Raijin took long strides in front of me. "We gotta find Seifer, ya know?" The thought of our friend was the only thing that calmed my nerves. I was rubbing my temples when I heard Raijin call out, "Yo! Squall!" I looked up to see him standing over the balcony. He retreated and quickly grabbed my hand. "Squall's down there, ya know?"
"What are you doing here?" Squally actually seemed curious when we approached him.
Raijin put his hands on his hips, almost proudly. "What am I doin'? I'm a messenger, ya know?" he looked to me, and I nodded, allowing him to speak for me. My nerves weren't quite ready, just then. "Brought you a new order from Headmaster Cid, ya know?" We nodded again.
"What kind of order?" Squall wondered aloud. Already the jaded expression was beginning to creep back into his eyes.
Raijin waved his hand as he leaned towards the younger cadet. "I dunno. Gave it to the head honcho here. Just did what Headmaster Cid wanted, ya know?" He looked to me for guidance, and I nodded.
"EXPLAIN."
"We were suppose'ta go to Timber," he continued, "But the trains have stopped, so we had no other choice but to come here. Kinda relieved to see you guys here." I nodded with him, sharing the opinion.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. Where was the rest of Squall's party? "SEIFER?"
"Oh yeah!" Raijin jumped in, "Wasn't Seifer with you?"
The vacant expression on Squall's face was what killed me. "I believe Seifer may be dead…" My heart rate exploded in my chest, and I had to put my hand across it to keep it from bursting through flesh and bone. He continued, "I heard he was tried in Galbadia and then executed…"
Something about his story made me blink with question, and then it donned on me. "LIES!" I swiped my hand violently as if it could shout, as well.
"Bwahahahahaha!" Raijin's hearty laughter had a tweak of nervousness in it, although he knew our friend just as well as I did. "That's gotta be a lie, ya know?!" He waved his hand, and I turned to him for an explanation. "There's no way he'd put up with a trial, ya know? Or an execution for that matter! It's just so not Seifer, ya know?"
I was suddenly determined, "FIND!"
"O'what…!" Raijin looked curiously, and my expression told him what needed to be done. "We're gonna meet up with Seifer?" he interpreted for Squall "Well, see ya Squall. We're gonna head off to Galbadia to look for Seifer." I was amazed how well my friend could read my expressions.
~*~*~*~
It had seemed only logical that Seifer would be in Deling City, but then, we hadn't known that Rinoa would still be with the other SeeD party. After some convincing, we managed to get into the Caraway residence, but the General had no answers for us. "Rinoa informed me that she was going to Balamb for that banquet a few days ago, and that she had 'something to take care of.' I haven't seen her since," he sighed with frustration. "Or Seifer, for that matter." It was disappointing news. Finding Seifer now would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.
As we left the mansion, a small, yet brightly colored, banner caught my eye. When I picked it up, Raijin asked curiously, "What's that, ya know?"
I shrugged, handing the banner over to him. It wasn't all that interesting. "Looks like they're having a parade, ya know?" he commented. "Hey, Fujin, we might as well stay and watch it. Make the most of our time away from Garden, ya know?" With a sigh, I agreed. I was still a little worked up about our missing friend.
But that night, during the parade, my questions were put to rest. As soon as the ambassador's float pulled out of the Presidential Palace, I knew where our leader had gone. "Look, it's Seifer, ya know!" Raijin was pleased to see our leader perched atop the float, Hyperion held above his head like a trophy.
I, however, did not feel the same. Why hadn't he come back for us? Why was he on his own? 'It's always been my dream, to be someone important,' Seifer's voice echoed in my mind. Is this what you've always wanted Seifer? What about your friends?
Raijin was cheering gleefully, trying to get Seifer's attention, but he hardly looked our way. Something was off, I could tell by the cold, cynical look in his eyes. Reaching my pale hand out, I tugged on Raijin's vest. He peered curiously at me. "HOME," I called out, and he looked miffed. "Let's…go home."
For a moment we simply shared a gaze, and Raijin's puppy eyes searched mine for some explanation, but I could offer him none. Offering me a sympathetic smile, he took my hand and squeezed it just enough to get my blood moving again. "He'll come back, Fujin, don't worry." The warm smile that my greatest friend offered me was more than enough to keep me going. With my hand still in his, I allowed him to lead me away from the crowd as Seifer's float rounded a corner.
~*~*~*~
That night, as Raijin slept in the bottom bunk of the SeeD cabin, I paced nervously around the car. An uneasy feeling had settled in my stomach; something wasn't right. Stepping out onto the platform, I watched as the world slipped by as a blur.
Where are you Seifer? What mischief are you causing? Why did you choose to go on without us? A fiery burn in my chest told me that he needed us, in some way shape or form. Our posse was broken. We needed to stick together: we needed each other to survive.
The click of a door behind me signaled that Raijin had woken up. "Whatcha doin' out here, Fujin?"
I sighed, my eye following the yellow, harvest moon. "Thinking."
He came to stand beside me, resting his elbows on the railing as I was. "Don't worry, Fuu, he's okay. When the time comes for us to go to him, we will go. He needs to figure out what's going on, himself, first, so that he can tell us what to do."
Sometimes, I thought, I didn't give Raijin enough credit. With a small smile, I pressed my cheek against his upper arm (his shoulder was much too high), and moved closer when he put his arm around my waist.
We stood silently, this way, as the moon journeyed through the sky and kisses of pink appeared on the horizon. By then, Balamb was on the horizon, and I didn't notice until then that neither of us had slept. When the train halted in the station, Raijin flashed a playful smile that was my only warning before he swept me up onto his shoulders. He laughed as he bounded through Balamb and back to Garden, with my complaints ringing in his ears. "RAIJIN! RAIJIN, STOP!"
I, myself, couldn't keep from smiling.
[End Chapter Thirteen]
End Notes:
Well, what did you think? Saifuu versus Raifuu, what IS it?! It's Fujin's life! Tee hee!
Sorry it took me so long to update! I was away for a full week, and I've been slammed with work lately (friggin' K mart!). Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I had a lot of info to work with, but I tried to throw in some of my original style, as well. I'm trying!
Props to Team Senshi for sending me the Final Fantasy VIII script to aid me as I write!
And as usual: Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers. Shout out to those who reviewed the last chapter: Chaotic Angel, Ametenshi, Lhiannan-Sidhe, Verdannii de la Rosa, Volk Zyta, Fujin, Amanda, Sorceress Fujin, Miyamashi, Vick330, DarkAngel, Vasquaz, and ribbetfrog! Your comments mean everything for me!
And to anyone else who plans on reviewing: leave your e-mail so I can get in touch with you.
Many millions of thanks, always. ~Shino Kouen, "Authoress"~
